Frog Noises 4eva

Still always amazed at how uncomfortable they all look.  Peter Hook tries to ham it up, but the poor bastard has no idea what to do.  The rest of 'em look ill.  Fucking classic.  And this live-in-the-studio take of the song is really the best version.

Swoon Enough

DHS Gets Boehnered Right In The Pooper

On the one hand, fuck DHS. It's a creepy fascist concept and fuck it.  But on the other hand, the Repubs are supposed to be the tough-guy security hawks, and it's fucking hilarious that they can't even stroke themselves off properly.  This is squarely a John's Boehner fuckup, and let's hope a couple of Dems give up the decaf long enough to smack the speaker in the head with their wieners. 

Is Trump A Sad Object Of Pity Or A Wonderfully Hilarious Wingnut Asshole?

The more Trump talks, the more you have to vote 'mental defective' or 'creeping senility'.  But he's such a foaming fucknozzle that all gods-fearing good Americans can't help but laugh at Donald Trump.

Koch Sucker Tee Vee

"Lying Pantsuit Lady."  LPL.  That's good.  And that actress is indeed an American institution, but I've always seen those ads as so slimy and so fucking stupid that I never really took her all that seriously.  The Frakking nonsense is so fucking dumb, and those ads really don't help their frakking cause unless you are a complete fucking ignorant dipshit.  Oh...

She's a looker for a woman of her age, though.  Gotta agree with that shit.  Not a fan of the shoes she wears with the lying pantsuit, either.

Even Vulcans Don't Live Forever

Nimoy had a good run--those uber shitty Abrams Trek movies an incredibly unfortunate misstep, but now only Kirk is still kicking.  How the fuck did Shatner manage to live this long?  Is his rug some sort of life-sustaining technology? 

New The The? Really? Brilliant

This is unexpected and super fucking fab.  Since I have no idea where he'll go with this, I have no expectations to exceed or not.  That doesn't mean I'm not psyched to hear Matt Johnson is going to bring The The back.

Political Song for The Onion to Sing

Is This The Best You Can Do, Onion AV Club?

Really?  I kinda detest synth-pop under most circumstances, but the article does a decent job at a quick & dirty overview right before the essentials list fucks up by leaving off the new romantic side of things, the side which brought both the pop and the fun.  I don't get it.  Did two different people work on the thing without any communication at all?  Jesus.

Mosul Is In Iraq & The USA Destroyed Iraq

Those pathetic ISIS fuckers may have broken the artifacts, but it was the USA that broke all of Iraq and made this latest destruction possible. 

Breathe Control

Archer Was Pretty Fuckin' Good Tonight

The hot tub, the Bulllitt Mustang, Slater being a dick, pretty fucking good.  I wonder how long they can keep it up, but so far Archer has been consistently surprisingly entertaining.

10 Hours Of Narwhals Makes More Sense Than CPAC

Little Fascist Bastards, Local Chicago Radio Edition

When you wonder how the most banal of evils got away with it so easily, remember all the little fascist bastards out there digging their own graves because they're too stupid to do anything else.

CPAC: The Most Fucktarderyest Time Of The Year

Like those swallows returning to swallow even more batshit insanity, CPAC is back.  The best idea would be to round up all the attendees and speakers and drop them from a great altitude onto ISIS or North Korea or Alabama.  That would be the greatest thing in American history.

At Least This Happened: Eric Cantor Lost Big To A Risible Teabagging Moron

Now he's a loser, well-paid but still a loser, who has to suck up to the winners.  That's a tiny joy, but it is a joy to remember nonetheless.  Cantor was one of the big boys of the Republican hegemony but he got skull-fucked by his own peasants. 

Sleep E

The Priests Of The Temple Of Ceres

Cool shit.  These are great days for space exploration; the data about our solar system are flying in all the time now.  Seeing Ceres up close is amazing!

And, no, I'm not the biggest Rush fan in the world, and I think Neil Peart is a clumsy lyricist and a comically misguided and ridiculously pointless drummer, but jesus fracking christ it should have Ceres not Syrinx.  Yes, I know who Syrinx is and what a syrinx is, but Ceres is the mystery planet hiding out between Mars and Jupiter.  I'd pray to that temple way before fucking Syrinx. 

Can We Hope For A Rogue CIA Op Or Asteroid Strike When Netanyahu Comes To Town

We need something good to happen, and I think not-quite-official CIA assassination or miraculous asteroid impact right on target would be just the sort of good thing every American needs right now. 

At This Point, Bill O'Reilly Is Self-Fisking More Furiously Than He Masturbated In That Shower With That Falafel

Billo is a sick fuck.  He's more than a disgusting sexual harasser and impotent cuckold, he's an addle-headed lying piece of shit!  It does suck that he won't lose his job or be run out of town on a rail over this shit, but we still have the wonderful entertainment of O'Reilly being outed as one of the biggest losers in American history.

Run Away Runoff Rahm! Far Away!!

Runoff Rahm. Sounds kinda nice.  Emanuel got fucked by the voters because he's been the shittiest mayor anyone could have ever imagined.  He made enemies, and I pray to the gods that he made enough of those enemies to lose him his fucking office!

Rude Pundit Has A Threeway With Ben Carson And Phyllis Schlafly

Lee Papa gets up close and personal while Ben Carson eats out Phyllis Schlafly to bring us all the beauty and the passion.  Carson and Schlafly are a teabagger fucktard dream couple; he's black and hates blacks, and she's a womans and hates womens.  Nothing the conservative dipshits love more than minority traitors to their own interests. 

BREAKING!!! Ron Paul Is A Nasty Racist Asshole

Who knew?  I think more than being a vile racist teabagging creep for his whole fucking life, poor old Ron Paul is feeling more than a little jealous of the mainstream cred RAND Paul is getting from the Republican and rock-ribbed mainstream conservative media establishment(s).  Ron never got so much love, but all of the sudden the idiot spawn is player, and the mean old guy can't handle it.

That, and the fact that Ron Paul has been a horrible racist cretin for nearly 80 fucking years, so he can't even try to hide it since the creeping senility set in about 60 of those years ago.

Political Song for Robert Christgau to Sing

B/B+ Sententious Rock Spiel From Bob Christgau

Sounds kinda fun regardless.  Christgau is 70-something now, and after five decades he's the ultimate hanger-on.  I never got how he was some genius or sublime writer--he was always closer to Dennis Miller (or Miller's writers) than James Joyce--but he was rightly touted for thinking about pop and rock music more than most critics.  That said, he very often didn't understand even some acts he claimed to like a bunch like The Mekons.  And that softball treatment of garbage pop music because cute girl reasons was always risible.  The book might be worth it, though, and I'm gonna enjoy lots of it, I think.

Chicago's Very Own Torture Prison

Awww, that's cute. Look what Chicago has!  The same way we violated all known laws and human decency to torture overseas, we now know that we violate our constitution and basic human decency to torture right here at home!  So many of military thugs and criminals come back to become cops and bring their torture and criminal behavior to our cities.  This is a great fucking idea! 

Why exactly is this story being covered in the UK but not in our own wonderful establishment media?

O'Reilly Is Doing The Gods' Work Bringing Us Such Heartwarming Funfetti

Never gonna feel sorry for such a vile fuckknob, but O'Reilly is really looking more hilariously pathetic with each passing hour.  He's giving us so much high-calorie entertainment.  The gods must love us long time.

Rock & Roll Will Never Die

MSNBC Will Be The 24 Hour Joe Scarborough Dead Intern And Prison Porn Network Very Soon

Ditching Sharpton, who is an absolutely bonkers and entertaining tee vee guy in addition the man most hated by the nasty teabagging racist Republican cocksuckers, is another step for MSNBC on the path to insipid conservative propaganda outlet, something they desperately want since like all of the media ownership and management they are rock-ribbed and mush-headed movement conservatives.  This is American decaying while you watch.

Keith Olbermann Defends America Against The Disgusting Pennsyltucky Vatican!

Preach on, Brother Keith!  Unlike the rest of the establishment media, Olbermann has not forgotten the vile crimes committed by and enabled by the entirety of the Pennsyltucky Vatican and their patron saints and child rapists Joe Pa and Jerry Sandusky.  Olbermann didn't take any shit from the Penn State students, and for his basic human decency, he got punished.  That's your America, motherfuckers.

Fox "News" Is America's Premier Uncle Tom Fabrication Facility

Fox "News" makes more Uncle Toms than any other American cable tee vee enterprise.  They love fucking with those poor dumb bastards.

Jolly Dylan Byers Fisking

Byers was askin' for it, fluffing O'Reilly's warty, dessicated wiener by the keystroke over at the risible Politico.  O'Reilly's getting more action from the fluffers on Ailes' payroll than he ever got from Andrea Mackris.

Cute Bit Of Wishful Thinking From Exeter, But No

No fucking way is Phillips Exeter Academy is the best school in America, though it is unique and really great for certain students--and way better than Andover, which is a douchebag hot house.  Exeter is too big, as is Andover, more like small colleges than proper high schools.  For some perspective, let's be honest up front that all those private Manhattan day schools are fucking garbage whose purportedly astounding college acceptance ratings are all about legacies and parting clueless rich New York assholes from their money.  The best and brightest students at all those schools run like hell from those day schools and go to a real boarding school each and every time.  I went to one of the big five prep schools, Andover, Choate, Exeter, Hotchkiss, and St. Paul's.  These are the only peer schools, no Lawrenceville, no Northfield Mount Hermon, no Deerfield, no Taft, with the acknowledgement of Groton's existence but not inclusion due to the micro size of the Groton student body--seriously, every of those little bastards at Groton is like 9-10 inches tall.  The only school that can make a claim of inclusion with those premier five in 2015 is Deerfield, which has taken the last 25 years of coeducation to renovate its drab and threadbare campus and buy a renewed reputation with tainted Koch money.  Today, perhaps those big five should really be the big six, but do we really trust Deerfield or the vile Koch brothers that much?

Of the big five, neither Andover nor Exeter is the best.  Exeter is the better of the two, with an academic rigor and facilities which can't be matched by the somewhat worn and stale Andover.  Choate is not the best, either.  Choate has a long-standing endowment problem, and when they made the move to make the school smaller a generation ago, shrinking from Andover and Exeter size, and increase endowment, they neither got small enough nor increased the endowment enough to matter.  Choate also has way too many day students, something like 25% of the student body--that's higher than the percentage at The Gunnery, and nobody considers The Gunnery one of the best of the best--which is an atrocity considering Choate is in nowheresville, so the quality of those ubiquitous day students must suck balls.  Choate should have reduced its student body to around 600 with no more than 10-12% day students.  Too many day students is a sign of weakness.  So Choate's out.

For what it's worth, Northfield Mount Hermon was a thousand kids back when Choate was, with a fucked up and awful two campus system, but they cut way down to around 650, with a smaller day student percentage than Choate.  NMH is the kind of school I would definitely let my kid go to if I didn't have a legacy thing going on; I always kinda dug that school, and the smaller, single-campus version is the best ever.  The great Edward Said went there.  Unfortunately, so did the disgusting Dore Gold.

That leaves St. Paul's and Hotchkiss.  Since the general move to coeducation by so many boarding schools in the early 70's--note that fucking Deerfield was a generation late to that shit--St. Paul's was always considered the best and most exclusive of the big five.  All boarding, great campus, sky-high endowment.  Hotchkiss is, was, and always has been the sleeper.  Hotchkiss has a fantastic campus and monstrous endowment.  What holds it back, maayyybbbbeeeee, is the palpable excess of NY city over-articulated preppy inanity among some of the kids, but that's a stretch even today.  The analogy would be comparing Harvard, Princeton, and Yale to Williams and Amherst.  Is Harvard the best undergraduate education in America?  Not a fucking chance.  Williams and Amherst are a billion times better, but if you wear a Harvard shirt, everyone knows what that means, but if you wear a Williams shirt, you get a "what's that?" type question.  Andover and Exeter are not the best high schools, but they are the only two elite boarding schools recognized by the wider civilian population. 

The best high school in America is St. Paul's or Hotchkiss, with Groton right there if you like a really small school and can live with the lack of opportunity such a small school represents.  And really, an acceptance to any of the big five, even Andover, Choate, and Exeter, or Groton, and possibly Deerfield in the 21st century, is the best thing that can happen to any 13 year old kid and represents a life-changing opportunity. 

Even A Tawdry Cracker Abuser Can't Make NASCAR Interesting To Non-Racists

Only web-toed teabagger racist assholes give a fuck about car racing like NASCAR.  NASCAR ain't a sport, and most decent gods-fearing Americans whose parents were not in fact brother and sister would believe a Kurt Busch capable of any violence or atrocity.  But so what?  It's fucking pointless and boring.  America, Fuck Yeah!

Guess That's Why You're Called The NME

Not so much anymore, I guess.  15,000?  Jesus, that's nothing.  Something else ruined by the internet.  Thanks, Al Gore!

Congrats Rudy! Your Greasy Anus Face And Lisp Have Won A Full Scholarship To Anal Roberts University

The place for assholes!  Giuliani was always a risible tee vee whore, but it has taken this long for most establishment dillholes to notice.  Now, as a lying racist scumbag and serial adulterer, the real Rudy is finally ready to be pissed on by the entire population of the USA.  Gonna be fuckin' fun!

Poor Lil Pervy Cuckold Bill O'Reilly Had A Hard Time On The Tee Vee

Even Howard Kurtz, well-known simpering boot licker, couldn't help O'Reilly sort out his lies.  Now CBS is joining in on the attack, so maybe just maybe we will see the establishment news media decide to take O'Reilly down or at least kick him when he is already down.

And Heracles Smiled

D-cide

Digby Fisks Bill O'Reilly With The Heavy, Steel-Toed Boots

Bill O'Reilly: sex pervert, cuckold, liar, coward, keister falafel superfan.  Digby is sure he's gonna get away with war story lies, and so am I.  O'Reilly has Murdoch and Ailes protecting him.

O'Reilly's Friday show had poor lil Bill complaining not at all about Andrea Mackris  while bitching heartily about David Corn.  Whenever O'Reilly starts crying like this, you can be sure that even a dullard like O'Reilly can tell he's been destroyed in public.

Cat A Pult

Political Song for MSNBC to Sing

MSNBC Can't Wipe Its Own Ass

Satchel Allen sucks cheesy ballsack, but Joy Reid is very good.  Ditching Chris Hayes is gonna be a real bad move as well, because even though Hayes is weak sauce too often, his show is sometimes almost approaching intelligent and useful.  At this point, all these people who get fired off the Joe Scarborough's Dead Intern Conservative News Network should beg their way onto Al Jazeera and devote their lives to fucking with that prison porn shit network MSNBC.

Well, That Was The Best Fisking Of Rudy Giuliani In The History Of The Universe

Jesus, that was beautiful.  Slamming Rudy is not exactly difficult, but when done with such cutting elan, well, it is glorious.  Smoke 'em if you got 'em, I guess.

Now that Rudy's finally lost the Daily News, let's hope he finds a really deep hole filled with starving rabid dogs and swan dives right in.

And The Best Thing About Jon Stewart Has Always Been That The Teabagger Type Morons Hate Him

Stewart was never a liberal, never that smart, and never more funny than anyone else, but the fucking conservative assholes and racist cocksuckers and fucktard teabaggers hate that motherfucker with a passion and that makes him an important American.  Arousing their hatred, exposing their risible ignorance, those are important tasks, and Stewart does it well.  Stewart did way too much supporting of nasty scuzzbags like Bill O'Reilly, but the lesser conservative dipshits hate him hate him hate him.

Al Sharpton: The Racist Assholes Hate Him So Much

Al Sharpton: Great American!  Any problems with Sharpton have been wiped clean by the boiling hatred the Fox "News" racists and other festering assholes have for him.  Sharpton is the best of us.  Thank jesus for brother Sharpton.

Oh, Gods, Please, Let Us Hope Some Of These Assholes Get Exactly What They Deserve

From the level of discourse on that retard parade of a forum, I will say that, one, I bet none of those fuckin' dickwads have ever even held a gun--except for the decent, honest, seemingly clear-headed fella who was an actual military veteran--and, two, if they have firearms, they are gonna be hilarious stories on the news soon enough.  I say bring it on, guntards.

Exquisite Seth Davis Fisking

Seth Davis has a shitty life.  His father is Lanny Davis who is one of the most nauseating Democratic establishment cocksuckers in America, and his mother is some batshit crazy quack medicine loon.  That's gotta suck.  Poor little Seth is apparently as big an asshole as his parents since he's pushing mom's evil bullshit himself. 

Who Does The Makeup And Wardrobe Styling On 'Garfunkel And Oates'?

Riki Lindhome looks consistently fucking amazing on that show.  On that stupid show she is one of the most beautifully stunning actresses in America, and in everything else she is an anodyne good looking blonde on that tee vee or in that flick.

Cute, And Unsurprising, Bill O'Reilly Fisking

Spoiler alert: Bill O'Reilly is so much more than a sex pervert and serial harasser. He's also a huge liar and huger coward.  I mean, you're not shocked, I'm not shocked, any moldy potato chip out in a dumpster in Reno is not surprised to learn that Bill O'Reilly is a way bigger piece of shit than even Brian Williams.

Am I A Bad Person Because I Didn't Like 'Touch The Wall'

I thought it was boring and not insightful at all.  Missy Franklin is a great swimmer, but the flick could have been about 25 minutes long because we all knew that already.  I guess Touch the Wall served a purpose because lots of the girls really liked it, but I was bored shitless.

The Thing About The Alarm

If you had created that band out of whole cloth, whether in 1983 or 2014, it would have seemed like the cruelest humor, greased pig chasing, dwarf tossing, and shit.  Yet, yet, today, and probably then as well, compared to Ufucking2, The Alarm is almost quaint in their clumsy earnestness, embarrassing sincerity.  Apparently they didn't know how silly that hair was--and maybe they wouldn't have cared, anyway--but at least the guitar player wasn't an insane bald twat wearing a knit cap to his wedding.  At least Mike Peters wasn't Bono for christ's sake. 

Absolute Reality Based Community Circa 1985

Unless GSA Is The General Services Administration, GSA Is High-Concept Trolling

This is a bit.  I have a hard time buying this shit; it's trolling, and it is pretty funny but total bullshit.  I guess it's funny in a sick, sad world way, and it's weird enough to make people uncomfortable.  No way it's for realz, tho.

Alex Rodriguez And Lance Armstrong Should Open A B&B Together In Southern Chile

I'm sure the Zona Sur would be just about perfect for this asshole A-Rod and his best friend Lance.  What should be the best year of Rodriguez's life, the Yanks without Jeter, was ruined a long time ago because A-Rod is such a stupendous dickwad and made everybody hate him.  Frakking genius.

No, Ben Carson Is Not A Brilliant Guy

I'm not sure if it is a fundamental misunderstanding of what medical education and medical practice entail or what, but Ben Carson is a fucking moron.  Reasonably intelligent people don't say the dumb fucking things Carson says or believe the rancid fucktardery which he has fully embraced.  Remember, Carson was an affirmative action admit to Yale but then went to a lesser medical school; I'm sure affirmative action helped him get his appointments at Hopkins as well.  Also remember that there were more intelligent candidates at every level who didn't get the spot because this dickhead moron Carson got it.  America is a wonderful fuckin' shithole.

Maddow Just Did A Really Decent North Dakota Oil Fisking

MSNBC might not be perfect--and might suck mighty moose cock much of the time--but the fisking Rachel Maddow just did on North Dakota's exploding oil was more useful (in every sense other than bugfuck crazy racist entertainment) than the last 19 years of everything ever broadcast on Fox "News" put together. 

Deleted Scenes From Stargate SG-1

Lesser-known gods my ass; these people were just looking at some super box set deleted scenes from Stargate SG-1.

Titanic: Something Else Ruined By James Cameron

And his dreadful flick.  The Titanic stuff was always pretty cool before James Cameron.  The entire story was filled with neat little mysteries and human dramas before James Cameron made it stupid and pointless.  Thanks, James Cameron.  Fucker.

Song Of Da South

Way Mild Low Budget Fred MacMurray Fisking

Reagan, senile old cocksucker, braindead houseplant, was the actor you were forced to hire if Fred MacMurray turned you down.  America was already hopeless when Reagan skullfucked it with his festering scabrous dick.

Poly Liz

Rand Paul: Republican Asswhipe Of The Week

Rand Paul is a pathetic fool.  If he had any shame whatsoever, he'd find the deepest whole in town and jump in it, but Paul's shown over and over he's beyond shame, decency, logic, and reason.

Some Village Idiot Wannabees Have No Shame: TPM Edition

This fucking garbage is the top story on one of the "big" "liberal" "news" sites.  What a fucking waste of electrons.  Entry-level village idiots are the actual human garbage.

Alabama Is An Embarrassment To Humanity

And yet somehow Roy Moore manages to be an embarrassment to Alabama.  It's like some Bermuda Triangle of teabagging fucktardery. 

Issues

And...Hotchkiss Doesn't Have A Crew Team

Hotchkiss is another one of those legitimately elite schools, and in fact Hotchkiss may be the best high school in the USA, maybe just maybe outdoing Exeter, St. Paul's, and Groton.  It has a great campus and stunning facilities, but my kid wants to do crew, continuing the death march of sports which don't lead to high-profile recognition, cycling, swimming, cross country, crew.  Jesus.  Sailing isn't the same--and quite possibly too uber douchey, even for an elite boarding school.  Too bad Deerfield, rising star of the prep school world over the last generation, has that nasty Koch brothers problem.

Blues For Allan Snow?

Blue Snow? Fine, Just Fine

Um, no problem. It's all good.  No problem at all.  Snow is blue.  Blue is good.  Snow is always blue.  Always has been blue.

The Dumbest Fucking Reason To Buy A Phone In The History Of The Galaxy

BECAUSE YOU RESPECT BILL GATES!!  Holy fuck, that motherfucker is an asshole of titanic dimensions--and so is Bill Gates.  Bill Gates.  Bill.  Gates.  Respect.  Bill Gates.  Jesus, that's disgusting.  Bill Gates is a cancer munching on the colon of our society, and anyone who respects him and what he has done with his wealth is a sick, sad son of a bitch.

Namin' Names

Would 'Helix' Be Better With A Plot?

Not sure, really, since most of the big ideas of the show are pretty dumb as presented; at its best, the show is a stream of almost unrelated scenes and themes which are at times bonkers and/or entertaining--at its worst the show is just boring and pointless.  But if they had a big, arcing story with decent ideas and fun, would it be better?  With the crew running the show, I'm not so sure, but we don't have to worry about that right now since nobody on the show has any fucking idea what they're on about.

Yes, 'Danger Man' And 'The Prisoner'

Good shit.  And Danger Man and its sequel The Prisoner are really fun tee vee.

Decent Fundie Fisking, American Style

Good. More, please.  All the pussies and senile Fox "News" viewers are continuously and continually losing their shit over a few thousand essentially harmless (to us, especially) ISIS dickhead fundamentalists with our guns, but those same assholes never see the real enemy already here, the christian barbarians in the USA.  These are the worst people who ever lived, and they are all our problem in our country.

Oregon? No No No, Not News.

Jeeeesssuus, who cares?  Sure the Oregon governor is a clown, but it's fucking Oregon, so nobody gives a shit.  The new lady governor might upset the teabaggers a bit, so that could be entertaining.

Charlie Daniels Is The Biggest Moron On The Planet, Today

Charlie Daniels is a fucking dipshit.  He was a grade D musician, but he's a top flight A+ wingnut asshole teabagger.

Dave Zirin Goes Off

Dave Zirin is not happy about Jackie Robinson West being stripped of their title.  The shit was pretty ugly; the coach of a suburban team who got destroyed by them blew the whistle.  Assholes.

Debbie Schlussel Seems Nice

She's a class act, that Schlussel broad.  Now poor Kayla Mueller is getting the Rachel Corrie treatment, and it's vile scum-gurgling whores like Schlussel leading the way.  Schlussel is an actual walking shitstain.

Brian Williams May Be A Dickhead, But He's Not Actual News

He's a douchebag, an empty-headed scumbag who got hired to read news on the tee vee.  Brian Williams is an asshole, but that's not news.

Lee Papa Fluffs Jon Stewart On The Beeb

Which is kinda sorta okay I guess, because the Rude One is marginally connected to those people and on the fringe of that scene so it's personal or somethin'.  Doesn't make Stewart any better than he really was, and ain't really news except to the biggest mush-brained media asswhipes.

Holy Shit, The Koch Brothers Are Running Risible Wal-Mart Style Commercials

"I'm proud to work at Koch."  I'm proud to be a Koch-sucking moron is more like it.  Jesus, that's fucking absurd.  The thing is, Wal-Mart has been running these sorts of really stupid spots for years.  Didn't any Koch assholes ever see them and see how bad they were?  Fucking ass clowns.

Rachel Corrie Was Also Killed By Evil Terrorists While Trying To Help People

Odd that Kayla Mueller is called a hero in the USA after Rachel Corrie's murder was ignored.  Fucking odd!  Why would that be?  I have no idea why!  It's some kind of fucking mystery.  Kayla Mueller killed by bad guys and is a hero.  Rachel Corrie killed by really fucking bad guys but somehow that's okay.  Can't figger that one out...

Here's A Top Tip: Don't Listen To Idiots Talk About Music

If you were older than say five years old and still expected the TMBG show to sound like your tapes, you are an asshole.  And truly entertaining live music, say, The Mekons, doesn't usually sound at all like your "tapes" but it sounds really fucking neat and is fun as fuck.  And if you are "bored to death" by a band with which you are 100% familiar, you probably don't like music much at all and should shut the fuck up.  Dipshits don't get it, atmo, and never will.  Seeing shows is fun if you have the time, the money and the ability to listen.  But whatevs.  Fucking morons are morons.  And boring.

Jon Stewart: Boring

Will there be a replacement?  Will anyone care?  Stewart can go off and be a mushy middler without anyone picking on him now.  Or maybe he will do something useful.  Probably not given the precedent.

Brian Williams, Buh-Bye

Nobody who matters is gonna miss that mush-headed news reading bimbo.  Williams was never anything resembling a journalist and in reality is no worse than any of the other idiots on the tee vee "news", but he's no better, so who fucking cares where he is or what he does for six months or six billion years?

The Mouse Rescues Spider-Man And Sony

Fucking Disney and Marvel must be feeling very generous--or were high as fuck when they made this deal--to redeem Spider-Man for their flicks and potentially make Sony a shitload of cash in the process.  Having shitty Spiderman movies, and shitty Superman movies and shitty X-Men movies and shitty FF movies, made Marvel's flicks look sooo much better.  Reviving the character of Spiderman is gonna be as big a help to Sony as it is to the Mouse.  Could be really fucking cool, though.

But The Stupid Prayer Breakfast Is Way Dumber Than The Grammys

No matter how hard the teabaggers and Republican asswhipes work to make the national prayer breakfast entertaining, the whole exercise is a more disgusting display of unctuous futility than the Grammy award show.  Too bad Obama didn't have the balls to tell those prayer breakfast motherfuckers a bit o' truth about their horrid insanity.

Obama's Guns For Ukraine, That's A Great Idea

More reactionary scumbags and fascists with more guns in Ukraine. Brilliant!  Making sure we have more guns over there will make it way more fun for everybody, especially the Russians.  And Russians love fun!  And they have thousands of nuclear warheads!  Genius!

Could This Speech Nonsense Really Fuck Up Netanyahu?

Please, jesus?  That would fuckin' rock.  Netanyahu is a nasty little fucker, and Obama is right to want to mess with him.  I would love to see Netanyahu get ruined by this sordid shit show.

Elizabeth Warren Still Isn't Running For President

Wishful thinking is not particularly helpful.  Warren ain't gonna play.

Pat Robertson's Gay Magazines

Gay magazine?  What the fuck is a gay magazine?  I think any magazine Pat Robertson likes might be a really gay magazine, but I'm not sure.

Is There A Single Thing In The Frakking Universe Less Interesting Than The Grammys?

With Obama, without Obama, whatever happens is mostly shitty music and boring talentless assholes embarrassing themselves.  All awards shows suck, but on Grammy night, the Grammys are the dumbest fucking in the known universe.

Christopher Booker Is One Stupid Motherfucker

In case you were wondering.  Booker is a high-profile fucktard dipshit polluting our civilization with his rancid inanity.

Getting Gay With Alabama

Alabama is stumbling and bumbling into the 20th century! Whether they want to or not!  Alabama is getting gayer and getting gay married.  Good for them.  If a rock-headed dullard like Clarence "Uncle" Thomas hates it, then you sure as shit gotta fucking love it.  Rock on, Alabama gay marrieds. 

'Better Call Saul' Was Decent

Low expectations given the way that Breaking Bad stumbled to its end, but Better Call Saul was pretty good, better than it should have been. 

'Kingsman' Looks Like Colin Firth Having Fun Chewing The Scenery

With a balance of totally annoying shit.  Firth is always watchable, but the ads for Kingsman look brutal.

Harper Lee's To Kill A Mockingjay, Or Whatever It's Gonna Be

Count me as not convinced.  Perhaps it's totally legit, but the timing feels wrong, and the questions regarding the people caring for/controlling Harper Lee's affairs are more than problematic.  The biggest red flag is the fact that a new Harper Lee book is gonna make a fuckload of cash for people who are not Harper Lee, so what is the motivation to beyond said fuckload of cash?  And why now, when Lee is purportedly helpless and old and blind?  It doesn't feel right.  But I guess we'll see at some point.

Obama Would Have Done Better To Fuck With These Idiots From The Start

Better for him, better for all of us, too.  Obama should have known enough to tackle the racists and the teabaggers and the guntards and the Republicans and the christians and the other assholes head on from day one.  They hated him because he was black, and yet he treated them mostly with respect and/or deference.  Now that his presidency is effectively over, Obama is apparently feeling more frisky, but it's way too late.  Too late for entertainment.  Too late to take the fucking assholes and racists and reactionary fuckers down.

Chipper Jones: All American Asshole

What a fucking reject.  If you're this fucking stupid, and you like to fuck whores, and you are a huge hophead, why the fuck wouldn't you keep your stupid mouth shut about shit like mass shootings of children at an elementary school?  Chipper Jones is one of our biggest dipshits.

Helix's Andy Griffith Riff Was Hilarious

Laugh out loud.  Helix knows they are total shit, so completely bonkers is their only option.

Why Does Choate Have So Many Frakking Students

850 is a shit ton of kids, especially considering their endowment, when compared with St. Paul's, Hotchkiss, and Deerfield.  Choate should have gone down in enrollment even more, Northfield-Mount Hermon style, to make the school more exclusive.  Choate does have a pool and a team, but the pool is not nearly as nice as the Hotchkiss pool.  Fuckers.

Seventh Son Sucked? Shocked, I Say

Three years?  They were sitting on this fucker for three years?  Holy shit!  That's a shitty film if they putzed around with it for that long before deciding to just get it over with.

Frolicsome Chuckles Todd Fisking

Chuck Todd is an uberdouche, so any fisking is going to be worth the time.  Todd's gonna fit right in sucking Tim Russert's dick in hell.

Is Teach For America Finally Going To Shit?

That would be fucking loverly.  Teach for America is one of those stupid fucking things which sound good to morons but in reality suck major ass.  Now the shit show may be on the outs.  Goody goody goody, I say.

Free Ranged Kids

This is pretty fun.  People go apeshit over this woman's schtick, but they're probably fucking nuts since kids really don't need to be micromanaged every gods damned second of every day.  The danger, the stranger, the rest of it, is probably more insanity than reality.  The real dangers to kids are all those car trips, people who don't stop around school buses, and road bike rides.  That's the shit I worry about.  Getting hit by a car is fucking awful at any age.  Atrios has been on this for a while, but I'm not sure if the real Duncan Black has kids or not, which is interesting.

On The One Hand, Tom Brokaw Is Finally Sorta Right About Something

And on the other, he's being a vile backstabbing weasel about the thing.  So, by Brokaw standards, this shit show is way less embarrassing than most things with which Brokaw has been associated over the past half century.  Is Williams an empty-headed douchenozzle?  Of course.  Is Brokaw a nasty, dimwitted asswhipe?  Yes, indeedy.

When We Fight A War In Yemen, At Least The Good Guys Will Have Some Guns And Shit

$400 million dollars of weapons for our next opponents.  That was very nice of us.  If we hadn't provided all those guns and shit, the Yemenis might have had nothing to shoot at us with while we were destroying their country.  They're gonna wish they'd stockpiled some nuclear warheads when they had the chance.

Tom Palermo Case Indictment

The sad story continues, with this thread on the Serotta Forum as an example.  Indictments are great, especially in such heinous cases, but they don't bring back people or help the survivors.  Justice is pretty much theoretical after you've lost someone, but at least in a case like this, the killer will be off the street and won't be able to run down any other innocent people.

Maddow Having Some Fun With Oregon

Tonight Rachel Maddow had some fun with the comically fucked up people in Oregon, the governor, the governor's crazy bitch girlfriend, some cross-dressing surgeon being attacked by an owl, and hairy gay dudes.  Oregon is a gods damned asylum.  Maddow didn't get into the psycho racist asshole gun nuts.

Fukin' Fukushima

When we're done fucking up vaccinations and health care and get used to the fact that our news readers are fucking idiots, we can always talk about Fukushima for grins.  This is the story we can't seem to talk about, but it will be waiting for us whenever we're ready for the next 10,000 years at least.

Now Can We All Admit Brian Williams Is An Idiot?

He was a soft-headed little dipshit from way back--you don't get the news reading job by being a vibrant original thinker and brilliant communicator--so this war bullshit should not come as a shock to anyone even remotely paying attention.  Williams is a clown, a clown who is a dependable fool for the establishment.  Nobody should need the proof, but now you have it.

Chomsky On American Sniper Ugliness

Chomsky checks in.  The American Sniper bullshit is symptom of just how degraded our society has become. 

Charlie Gasparino Is An Asshole

In case you forgot.  Gasparino is one of those catamites who slink around the bigger Fox "News" stars hoping for a treat.  He's a fucking bastard.

DiFi And John McCain: Shit

Utter fucking morons.  Feinstein and McCain are both immoral monsters.  Our government is a criminal enterprise. 

More American Sniper Stuff

American Sniper is a deeply ugly film, and it's great to see the fisking it is taking all over the place.  It's sad that teabagger fuckwits are spending their money on it, but at least a few good folks know the truth.

But No Jail Time, And No Mass Executions

No justice without real punishments.  I'd vote for mass incarceration and summary executions.  That would send the proper message for our Wall St. friends.

Alcee Hastings Is A Real American Hero

We need more great Americans to preach the truth about Texas!  Hastings is truly the best and bravest of us!  Preach on, Brother Hastings!  Texas sucks donkey dick.

Political Song for ISIS to Sing

ISIS Sings The Hits: Burning For You

ISIS brings the fun for the tee vee age!  This is the sort of shit Fox "News" and the fucktards in the hinterland will suck up greedily with a spoon.  The fire is fun, but I can't really get too too upset that they didn't use a drone or a sniper or other U.S.-approved method to off the pilot.

Decent Helix Justification

Not an easy task, as Helix apparently hates the viewers in some fashion.  For sure the people nominally in charge of the show have no fucking idea what they story is supposed to be, but they seem to be content to have some fucked up shit each week as a distraction.  Billy Campbell is fucking awesome in this show, too, and that is some kinda fucking miracle.

Vaccinate Your Children, You Fucking Morons

Pretty much the only position which makes any sense.  If you have Christie or Rand Fucking Paul spouting horseshit and you listen to them, you are a menace to human civilization and should be dropped off the edge of the fucking world.  Get the fucking kids the fucking shots, assholes.

How Long Have Those Awful Seventh Son Trailers Been In The Theater

At least two years.  I'm pretty sure that we saw one in the summer of 2013 when Pacific Rim was in theaters, and the flick looked like stewed shit then.  It can't go back to The Avengers, can it?  That would be impossible.

Even Yet Still More Alabama Shame

Alabama lets us down again.  It's too bad that Patricia Todd didn't have the stones to follow through and do some good for America.  But that's the lesson: decent Americans can never depend on Alabama for anything.

Kitten Bowl 49

The fucking Seahawks should be burned to the ground just like the Packers.  A terrible day for football, for jesus, for America, and for the world.