Sebadoh Fan Fic

Another Sad And Disgusting Clinton Time Machine Thing

The Clinton world is a sick, sad world filled with the most awful people doing the most awful things.  For all the fools who believe only Hillary Fucking Clinton can save us from Trump or whatever, Hillary will deliver only the nastiest people into power once again.

When You're Donald Trump And You've Lost Howard Stern

Your fucked.  [sic, dude] I guess exceptional America should not be shocked that this election year is so fucking demented that even Howard Stern gets in on it.  Fantastic.

Hampsten, Lugged

Retro.  Spective.  Cool bikes.

Of Course Trump Won The Debate!

The American people have spoken!  And they're exceptional!  Only intellectuals-yet-idiots think Trump lost.  Not Newt Gingrich!  He's smart!  Exceptionally smart!!  Monica Crowley knows Trump won, too!!  And she's really fucking smart!  Just ask her!  She's not at all a medically-defined imbecile as well as a repulsive sociopath!  Not at all!!  Trump won! 

Draggin Azz

The Alt Right Is Just The Republican Party

And it always has been.  This Alt-Right moniker is fucking bullshit; the Republican Party has been the home of the racists and nativists and Nazis and Klan members and other violent, revanchist, reactionary morons ever since the Civil Rights Act, so to pretend that these bastards are somehow anything other than a big chunk of the normal GOP is ludicrous.  And it's letting the Republican Party off too easy, which is obviously the point.  If the establishment pretends that Trump and his people are something alien to normal Republican politics, they can pretend that they don't matter and pretend they will go away after Trump loses and never be heard from again.  All fucking horseshit, but the survival of the entire exceptional American political establishment depends on that horseshit somehow becoming manifest.

Colin Kaepernick Is A Great American

Too bad he wasn't a better quarterback.  But he's doing the gods' work viciously trolling exceptional America, and he seems to be enjoying it.  That's not nothing, and my respect for the man has grown exponentially this season.  Who fucking knew, but we need way more people like Colin Kaepernick right now!

If You Didn't Know Gary Johnson Was A Fucking Idiot

That's your own gods-damned fault.  Johnson has always been a Randian stooge and useless hophead, but it's only now that the a big chunk of America is noticing.  There's nothing smart or good or interesting about Gary Johnson, and anyone who votes for him is a complete asshole.

Of Course Chris Froome Is Clean

He went from pack-fill to domination through a positive attitude and clean living!  It's easy.  Everyone should do it.  It's easy to dope, until you get caught, and Team Sky are gonna get obliterated one of these days if they fuck up even one little bit. 

Fisk Fisking Shimon Peres

Excellent!  Peres was a fucking monster, and it's too bad that our political establishment is too fucking nasty to treat Israel the way it deserves.  Fisk is right on here regarding Peres, and we need more of this in our exceptional America.

It's A Shitty Time For America When The Sox Finish Ahead Of The Yanks

It doesn't really matter how awful the Yankees are, cuz they're fuckers mostly, as long as they finish ahead of Boston, the biggest bunch of loathsome cockbags this side of the Republican Party, but when the Red Sox finish the season ahead of the Yankees, you know it's sucking major ass out there in exceptional America. 

It'll be fun watching that loser David Price lead the Sox to an embarrassing loss in their first playoff series this year, though.

Howard Dean Is Having A Blast Being A Magnificent Bastard

And the poor, pathetic conservative whiny ass titty babies can't stand it.  Boo fucking hoo.  Jonathan Bernstein is a rock-headed fuckface, but he's not the only one of those reactionary shitheads throwing a hissy fit over Dean.  And that's the point.  Dean is having a blast fucking with Trump while showing the world once again that he was too good of an establishment Democrat for the establishment to understand.  He's being a mean fucker, and he loves it.  This is smart.  More Dems should be this bold, this funny, this intelligent.  All the pearl-clutching dickheads can go fuck themselves; almost all of them are absolutely voluntary establishment ass clowns and reactionary pissboys and pissgirls, so fuck them.  Dean's doing it right.  Dean might be the most anodyne center-right establishment Democrat, but he's being a Democratic Party leader and smart campaigner by example.  Again.

Anti-Vax Nimrod Gets Sick, Gets Better

This idiot is lucky her family got sick with something relatively harmless to teach her a basic lesson in modern science.  It's a happy ending because she finally got her kids caught up with the vaccinations but a very sad story because fucking anti-vax morons are all over the place in exceptional America.

Shimon Peres: Another Evil Motherfucker Who Died A Century Too Late

Fuck that evil piece of shit through the eye forever in hell.  Too bad hell isn't real.  But Peres was real, and he was a horrible monster and war criminal who never had to face justice for his crimes against the people of Palestine.  The United States is to blame for all of this carnage and atrocity in Palestine; we should have long ago put on leash on the mad dog Israelis and taken the side of freedom in Palestine.

Trump's A Piece Of Shit

Duh.  Everybody already knew that, but this is shit Hillary Fucking Clinton should be shouting from the gods-damned rooftops and in the face of all those sick, racist fucknuts supporting Trump.  Trump is a fucking scam artist.  He cheats people and then bets they'll be too scared or too poor or two stupid to make a legal case out of it.  Trump is every asshole bully pushing around the sickly kids everywhere.  And Hillary can't beat this fucker in her sleep.  Jesus.

Your Daily Reminder Of What A Nasty, Evil Creep Ronald Reagan Was

If only he could have died many decades earlier.  Reagan was the face of evil in the 20th century, and the entire world is still living with the insipid misery he helped endorse.  Of course the fools like that fat fuck Bill Clinton were more than happy to continue the insanity, but Reagan is the godfather and best-known paid spokesperson for exceptional American evil.

Pro-Life Democrats Are The Worst Democrats

And we should skull-fuck them with railroad spikes.  Also, The Federalist does not get credit for being the dumbest fucking conservative website in the universe.  It's easily as inane as National Review, The Weekly Standard, Daily Caller, Breitbart, Red State, but somehow never gets recognition as being chock full of the stupidest cocksuckers anywhere.

Political Song for Lester Holt to Sing

If The Debate Didn't Turn You Into A Jill Stein Supporter

Well, you're an asshole.  But, judging from the support Trump and Clinton have right now, statistically speaking, you were an asshole already.  But still.  If it's not Stein 2016, it's Killer Asteroid 2016.  Those two are the only hope.

Trump's Right That Nobody Likes Fat Chicks

Trump's our man cuz he knows that fat chicks suck.  When you score a hotty and then she gets all piggy and blows up like bag of puss, well, that sucks, man.  We can't let that happen to America.  We need to make America great again, and that means no fat chicks.  Only skeevy Eurotrash models with fake tits.  That's America!  Fuck yeah!

Trenchant Opinions From The Upper-Class Twits

Fucking dullards.  One of the major reasons our country is so fucked these days is because our comfortable bourgeoisie are the dumbest cohort to ever walk the earth.  They are so privileged and so ignorant and so dull that they can't even help themselves at this point.  Jesus.

Why The Fuck Hasn't Tom Brokaw Been Buried Under 50 Feet Of Hot Tar?

As if Lester Holt, Chuckles Toddler, Savannah Guthrie, Nicole Wallace, Andrea Mitchell, and David Plouffe aren't bad enough, we have that miserable cocksucker Tom Brokaw?  Jesus fucking christ.  Savannah Guthrie is a fucking useless airhead as well.

Even Worse, Trump's A Candy Ass

Jesus.  That was pathetic.  Clinton wasn't great, but Trump was so fucking ineffectual.  It's almost unbelievable.  The bar for Clinton was pretty fucking low, but she did better than I thought.  Trump was awful.

Trump's A Fucking Clown

He's getting killed.  Why wasn't he properly prepared for this shit?  Is he just that big of fucking jerkoff that he can't do anything right?  Probably.  Nice job Republicans.

Clinton just hauled off and gored him right through scrotum.

Trump's fucking useless.

Pretty Sure Trump Doesn't Know What NATO Is

He's fucking deranged.  Clinton is happy about this shit.  Trump does not have any idea what the fuck he's talking about.

Hillary Loves Bombing Harmless Idiots And Far Away Lands

Every problem we have would be solved if we just bombed more sand niggers over there.  Wherever that is.

Hillary And Sarah Palin See Putin

Putin's looking at them.

Hillary Smacked Trump Fairly Well Over Preparation

And now Trump's a sniffling buffoon over this birther nonsense.  It's almost like he was prepped to go all Blumenthal on her ass and shit and totally whiffed it.  Fucked up.  Lester Holt kept on it, fucking Trump and gave Clinton an opening to hit Trump as a racist fuck.  Oops.

The Proto Fascist Twit Was Offended By Super Predators?

Well, that's rich, disgustingly rich.  Unlike Trump.

Trump's Going Full On Fascist After Hillary Kicked Him In The Nuts

The American Nazis are hooting with delight out there now.  Trump's thrown out the dog whistle and is just outright screaming to the racists.  Fuck yeah!

Hillary's Going For Trump's Balls Right There On National Tee Vee

If she keeps this up, he might just fucking stomp off the stage.  She's prepared for this business bullshit and piling it on his head while everyone watches about stiffing the working guys.  Gotta give the campaign credit for being ready to do this.

Hillary's Skull Fucking Trump Over His Taxes

It's too bad that she sucks at this because Trump should be melted into a puddle of piss after that attack.  He sounds like he's going to cry now, though.  Nice.

Hillary Probably Shoulda Scarfed Some Of Trump's Blow

But jesus, Trump's fucking incoherent.  It's fucking sad Hillary was not prepared for the you're going to raise taxes and I'm going to cut taxes bullshit.

Was Trump Snorting Lines Back Stage Before The Start Of This Thing?

Why the fuck is he so sniffly?  What the fuck?  Very annoying.

The Debate Has Started Without The Glorious, Cleansing Impact Of A Beautiful Asteroid To Extinguish Our Suffering

Fuck.

The are no gods.

The Ugliest Truth About Hillary

She's gonna be the fucking President.  Of the fucking United States.  And a shitty one, cuz she's a shitty person and a shitty candidate and a shitty politician.  But she's going to win this, and then the whole fucking world will have to suffer through that fucking abortion.

Jesus Fucking Christ, Conservatives And Guntards Are Absolute Fucking Imbeciles

Another of the billion examples of reactionary, gun nut motherfuckers being too gods-damned stupid to be real.  Since all these assholes jerk off with their guns daily, would it be too much to ask that they all shoot themselves in the head by the end of this week?  Thanks.

Depressing Clinton Shitshow Time Machine

Jesus.  What a fucking abortion.  Why the fuck did the Dems want to own this horseshit all over again?  Fuckers.

Glenn Beck: Gloriously Stupid Exceptional American Asshole

Glenn Beck: the worst of us.  Beck is as nasty a fuckwit as America's ever shit out, and if he's feeling sad right now because Ted Cruz is no better than a syphilitic goat fucker/typical Republican, well, that's fucking brilliant.

'Nearly Lost You' Is Still A Great Pop Song

I guess it wasn't hardcore enough for the Screaming Trees guys or something, but what do they know?

Interesting, Intelligent Commentary From Andy Richter

Richter, who's made a career out of being a fifth-rate second banana and poor man's Nick Bakay, apparently had some smart things to say for Planned Parenthood.  Good for him.  Of course, the reject from The Federalist is a fucking lamebrain, but that's racing.

Fisking The MacArthur Awards

Cheap fun.  Like many things, the MacArthur grants have devolved into a circle jerk instead of something genuinely interesting.  That's to be expected as they caliber of recipient reinforces their own shortcomings.  Human nature.  And humans are fucking idiots.

Another New Low For The Obama Presidency

Fucking Obama.  Beyond being black, his entire tenure has been shit.  The fact the his wife would be hugging George W. Bush instead of watching with pride as he was prepared to spend the rest of his life in prison is absolutely fucking disgusting.  Bush is a loathsome war criminal and the Obamas are fucking worthless cowards.  So much for all the bullshit about the stark contrast between Democrats and Republicans every time a presidential election rolls around...

Gennifer Flowers Better Be At The Fuckin Debate

This is what exceptional America looks like!  So that no-talent ass clown better be there!  I wanna see Trump's favorite hookers there too--and the dudes Mike Pence blows when he's in Miami.  This is fucking America gods-dammit.

Lyin' Ted Eats Shit And Lives

What a fucking loser.  Ted Cruz might be the biggest asshole in America this year.  First Trump kicks the shit out of him for a year in the primaries, pummeling Cruz over his pyscho-assassin father and crazy, ugly wife, then Trump spends a couple of months taking giant greasy shits everywhere knowing he was going to make Cruz eat 'em up sooner or later.  Well, now Cruz is chowing down on Trump's fetid shit with a big ugly smile on his face.  Beautiful.

Thank Fuckin Jesus: Another Exceptional American Mass Shooting

Fuck Yeah!  America is on motherfucking point.  Exceptional American patriots using their gods-given constitutional right to kill some motherfuckers is 100% fucking American greatness!  Other gods-damned pussy countries don't have our mass shootings on a daily basis cuz they don't love jesus and guns enough to have a 2nd amendment to any fucking thing.  And we got a constitution!  Fuck yeah!  And guns.  Guns we can rub our exceptional American dicks on and jam up our exceptional American assholes while we blow our exceptional American nut-loads like a drunken Bill O'Reilly talking to an subordinate on the phone and jerking off with a falafel rammed up his butthole.  Fuck yeah!

Quite Possibly The Biggest Fucking Moron On The Planet, Today

And every other fucking day.  Jesus gods-damned christ, this women is a feckin' asswipe.  I'd say she's kidding, but she's not kidding--clearly that asshole has less intellectual capacity than a decaying rutabaga.  She is a true-believing, 100% motherfucking exceptional American fucktard. 

All Cops Really Are Evil Bastards

Men and women, white and black, it makes no difference.  The police are a force of violence and oppression.  If we need cops to keep us safe, then we must do a better job of keeping them from killing us--choose better cops, take away their guns, train them better.  If we need cops then those fuckers can't be murdering men and women and children because they're fucking cowards or racists or shitheads too stupid to do an easy job properly.  Fuck them.  We can do better.  Somehow, we must.

Mekons Nation

Congratulations Keith Lamont Scott! You're On Candid Murder Camera!

You're a winner! Black men love this game!  It's easy to play and so much fun--for the cowardly cops and their bed-wetting racist fluffers!  For the rest of humanity it is an infuriating and unnecessary display of our exceptionally violent America at work.  Get the fucking guns off the streets--from the cops and the racist guntard assholes alike.  No guns, no shooting, and if we weren't so fucking stupid and useless as a society, police violence would be such a rarity that we would actually be surprised when it happened. 

Conservatives Are Too Dumb To Live And We Should Abort Them All Retroactively

Exceptional American idiots.  Or American exceptional idiots.  Either way, we should round up the conservatives and abort 'em all.  Then find jesus and get that imaginary fucker, too.

Lovely Fisking Of Chris Hayes

Sano.  Of course the smarmy little know-it-all would sell out anything and everything once they get a taste of the big paycheck.  Of course the earnest prick would morph into the ginormous douchebag.  This is America and Hayes has had an exceptional opportunity to cash-in on being a respectable establishment pissboy.  He carries the piss of the big boys now.

Maybe The Presidential Debate Will Cause The Universe To Implode

Regardless of anything else, it will be the low point for human civilization.  Trump and Clinton have burst beyond murderous tedium, but the debate on Monday threatens to be something even more horrific.  There's only one reason we will endure this torture: Americans are exceptional awful people.

Fuckin' Seattle

Nothin good about Seattle, the Mariners, or any of those fucks.  It's not really their fault that their shitty backup catcher is a racist fuckbrain, but let's go ahead and blame 'em for it anyway.

Black Lives Still Not Mattering

Charlotte, Tulsa, the pool, the pond.  The swells will still hem and haw, while the guntards masturbate their little pistols, and the cops will kill and kill again, mostly black men, mostly with impunity, like it's the biggest sports league for bed-wetting, racist pussy cowards with badges in America.  (It is.)  Black lives don't matter and they ain't gonna matter so get used to it.

More Creepy, Shit-Headed Right-Wing Insanity

PJ this time.  Those fucking guys are pathetic.  America is filled to overflowing with exceptionally cowardly little men so afraid of every fucking thing in the fucking world.  This dipshit (and most assuredly screaming closet-case) Tyler O'Neil must be the quivering princeling of that bed-wetting kingdom.

When You Need To Find Some Truly Stupid Motherfuckers, Always Turn To The Federalist

Sean Davis, a truly dumb cocksucker.  I mean I know those fucktards fluff the guntards cuz there's a payday every week, but The Federalist routinely spits up some of the most addle-headed inanity in our exceptional America.  Sean Davis is a perfect example of someone too stupid to get just how ludicrous their thesis is, but knowing they are so stupid, it is impossible to even begin to think about schooling them on it.  So fuck it.  The guntards get a boner thinking about shooting some niggers or Ruskies or faggots or something, and the pathetic pissboys at The Federalist collect a check every coupla weeks.

Virag's Movie Reviews: Captain America: Civil War (2016)

Unlike The Avengers, which was better than I thought it would be, this flick is definitely not as good as everyone said.  The whole exercise required certain characters to do really dumb fucking things for no good reason, while the attempts at levity mostly fell incredibly flat.  Somehow pretending that the superheros are the problem when the police are chasing them through crowded tunnels and packed airports with speeding cars and helicopters and 50-caliber machine gun fire is idiotic in the extreme, but if anyone in this flick had a brain, then the movie would be 10 minutes long.  This thing needed a Joss Whedon, or better yet Quentin Tarantino, rewrite.  It's time for Marvel to admit that the Russo brothers can't make a good film; this as well as the previous Captain America movie were clunky and not very smart.  The Spider-Man stuff was okay, and Hawkeye is better when he's not in it much.  The way Iron Man was handled looked mostly like Disney taking some cheap shots at Downey because of all the money they were required to pay him to be in this garbage fire of a flick.  And the world they're building in all these movies is a pretty shitty place, with aliens attacking, constant government surveillance, Nazis planning 21st century mass murder, billion-dollar prisons where innocent people are locked up without charge or trial.  The message of these movies should be that the civilian casualties are not the biggest problem.  But then they'd need to be smarter than the Russo brothers are.

Peeling Mekons

10 February 1987.  Just yesterday...

How's That Dumb Motherfucker Al Giordano Doing Now That Hillary Is Fucking Everything Up So Wonderfully?

Must be tough to be a Hillary-fluffing idiot out there about now.  Giordano is probably a big enough buffoon that he thinks everything is fine, just fine.

Watching Hillary Fuck Everything Up Should Be More Fun

But somehow her colossal political ineptitude comes across as more nasty and creepy than funny and satisfying.  Being the only person on the planet unable to destroy Donald Trump head to head in any contest of any type any time or anywhere will make Hillary one of our most exceptional losers, but she sucks too hard to make it properly entertaining.

Colin Kaepernick's Afro Would Have An Easier Time Beating Trump Than Hillary Clinton

The Dems should consider switching Hillary for Colin Kaepernick's Afro.  That Fro has more idea of what's really going on in exceptional 2016 America than the entire fucking Clinton family combined.  Kaepernick has shown a fuck ton more sense so far this fall than I ever would have imagined, so the choice is clear.

Richard Sherman Is Fun

Motherfucking white people, especially old white people, must hate Richard Sherman.  Which is fucking fabulous.  Sherman seems like a shit ton of fun, and it's about time more people with a forum starting making white American very, very uncomfortable.

Saab Fanboys Hanging On For No Good Reason

Why?  What the fuck is the fucking point?  I don't get it, but I guess the fanboy sort is weird and hard to comprehend for normals.  Dickheads.

Political Song for Hillary to Sing

Deplorable Bushel Basket

Hillary sucks.  As a candidate.  As an American.  As a leader.  As a human being.  She can't even slam the racists and nativists and Nazis in the GOP properly and proudly.  What a fucking disaster her entire existence has been.

Empty-Headed Conservative Idiots Of The Day, Today

With bonus brain-dead Uncle Tom Jason Whitlock bitching about the gossip kids content.  MRC means it's yuckmouth Brent Bozell's world of inanity.

Oh Noes Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie

First Rhea Perlman and Danny DeVito and now this.

Somebody Ask Obama Why Leonard Peltier Is Still In Prison

Before that stupid fucker leaves office, somebody with at least one ball--and I don't mean these sorry motherfucking dillholes--should ask Obama in public why the fuck Leonard Peltier is still locked up.  We all know the reason, but at least make fucking Barack Hussein Obama, the first black president of America, answer the gods-damned question. 

Lucky For Us Our Mad Bombers Always Seem To Be Complete Idiots

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4 Reelz

Jeanine Pirro Is Such A Rancid Cunt That She Could Make You Support Hillary

Almost.  Pirro is so fucking slimy that having her attack Hillary is about the best thing for Clinton at this point.  Having Pirro pathetically attempt to smear you makes you look good, sane, decent, and that is exactly what Clinton needs right now.  Hillary is a total garbage person, but compared to Jeanine fucking Pirro, Clinton is a gods-damned FDR.

Burn The Pennsyltucky Vatican To The Ground

Joe Paterno was one of the most repulsive human beings ever born, and any fucking institution that would honor him should be burned to the ground and the site turned into a toilet for lepers and goat-fuckers.  Or a Trump golf course.  Trump and Paterno and Sandusky would have been best pals.

Seven Bikes Are Just The Worst

Nothing against this guy selling this bike--I'm sure he's very nice--but now that Serotta is gone, Sevens have to be the shittiest overpriced bikes out there.  There's something just not right about pretty much every one.  Awful.

Heh! The Gossip Kids Are Dipshits

Unfunny dipshits.  Exceptionally unfunny dipshit-Americans.

And Mother Jones Ain't What She Used To Be

At all.  Clara Jeffery got slammed yesterday for her brainless reactionary horseshit tweet in support of rock-ribbed conservative Hillary Clinton.  She claimed later it was a joke or some shit, but it is indicative of what the political and media establishment are really like at their core.  For what it's worth, Jeffery has been a privileged Washington insider her whole life, Sidwell Friends, Carleton, Northwestern; editing Barbara Ehrenreich doesn't change your heart or lessen your loyalty to your class, apparently.

The real Mother Jones would def not approve of Jeffery and her soft-headed support of a neoliberal, anti-labor piece of shit like Hillary Clinton.

Brutally Fisking Exceptional American Asshole Kevin Drum

Cancer's not really an excuse--was it cancer Drum had?--and Kevin Drum has been getting fucking brutalized over his risible column blaming Bernie Sanders for Hillary's majestic majesty of exceptional all-American reactionary political failure against idiot-savant fascist meathead Donald Trump.  Drum's been one of those entry-level establishment pissboys for fucking ever now, and Hillary Clinton has made him look like an even bigger idiot than before.  Good job!  Duncan Black is way too kind to Drum, but others have been doing the gods' work and flaying Drum alive over his fatuous insanity.

Yeah, it was cancer.  Which sucks for anybody.  Even an idiot like Kevin Drum.

Exceptional American Republican Of The Day

This asshole.  I'm sure Joe Scarborough would love to hang out with this fine fellow and talk shop.  Probably a nice seat for him on the morning jackoff show.

Josh Marshall Is Not Independent Media

He's an establishment media village idiot wannabe who would joyously slam David Brooks' slimy peen past his teeth every day for a 1% shot at a gilded sinecure deep in the bowels of our beknighted media gentry.  Fuck him and his money grubbing shitty scam.

Thank The Gods Fox "News" Has Told America About Hillary's Body Double

Exceptional America is on the case!  Fox "News" is the vanguard of this important truth about Hillary's evil twin body double.  Genius!

America Needs To Understand What A Deplorable Reactionary Idiot Bastard Tony La Russa Is

For our own edification.  La Russa is another one of those nasty conservative fuckbags who were standing right out there in the open for years without anyone delivery the appropriate and necessary opprobrium on a daily fucking basis.  Now he's old and worn out, but he's still a fucking loathsome piece of shit.

More Disgusting Teabagger Fucktardery From Brent Bozell's House Of Deplorable Cocksuckers

Barbara Hollingsworth this time.  This poor stupid woman should be squatting in a puddle fishing for a tasty worm snack instead of trying to guzzle the scuzz of the Koch brothers.  She's too dumb even for that, but somehow Brent Bozell manages to snarf the gizz like the professional knob-gobbler he is.

Understanding The Real Threat Of Black Lives Matter

The threat to the economic status quo.  That's why BLM is so hated.  Black America represents a tremendous economic power, and if the African-American community were ever to wield that power in their own interests, they would have the ability to disrupt exceptional American society.  So they must be stopped.  By any means necessary.

Stupidest Conservative Cocksucker Of The Day, Today: Eric Metaxas

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Yer Idiot Media Ain't Ever Gettin' Any Smarter

Samatha Bee is a comedian. See? It's funny.  Not stupid, funny.  Fun.  E.  Or something.  But there's not way the idiot establishment media, from the gutter where Samatha Bee scuttles around aimlessly to the highest heights of gold-encrusted shit in D.C. and New York, are ever going to get any smarter so quit holdin' your breath.

And Another Nagasawa

The setup on this one is fucking heinous tho.  That seatpost, the saddle position, the fucking stem, the angle on those fucking handlebars.  Jesus.  An abortion.  But it's still a Nagasawa even if the owner is a fucking weeny.

Nice Nagasawa

As seen on the Serotta Forum.  Not sure I'd sell it.

Oh Sweet Jesus Fuck What Were Those Serotta Twits Talking About

Jesus.  Those fucking idiots are not up to it.  They should stick to upper-middle-class and upper-class circle jerking, the stuff they actually understand.

Sean Hannity: Biggest Douche In The Universe (It's A Tie)

What a useless fuckstick Hannity is.  Of course, those blithering simpletons Jonah Goldberg, Bill Kristol, and Glenn Beck are no better, but there's something especially hilariously douchey about Sean Hannity.

Dogbowl Love

Paula Dwyer Or Elizabeth Warren

Which one do you think is more likely to be a complete fucking imbecile?  If you guessed Paula Dwyer, you were right on the motherfucking money!  Congrats, she's an idiot.  When some asswipe who writes for Bloomberg View says you have bad ideas, well, then, that pretty much guarantees that your ideas are pretty fucking solid.  Elizabeth Warren eats shitbags like Paula Dwyer as snacks.  There's a reason why Elizabeth Warren is respected for her ideas and her record and why Paula Dwyer is some moron bleating pathetically on the interweb tubes.

Hillary Clinton Is A Deplorable Fucking Coward

She should never have apologized for telling the truth about the fucking scum who are Trump's most rabid supporters.  They are beyond deplorable.  Trump supporters are loathsome, wretched, worthless motherfuckers who have no place in any decent society.  Hillary's frighteningly inept political skills killed her on this; she needed to stand up for herself and her country.  She should have told those deplorable racists, misogynists, nativists, homophobes, bigots, jesus freaks, guntards, reactionaries, and other assorted Nazi fucks that she didn't want their vote.  She should have told them straight out that they were not welcome in her campaign or in her nation and that until they were able to become better people, they should consider moving right the fuck out of her fucking America.  But since she was too awful to do that, fuck deplorable Hillary and fuck Trump and his deplorable supporters.  Jill Stein's your candidate.

The American Right Wing Gets Dumber Every Day

Forty-five years of intense propaganda from think tanks and media, hundreds of millions or billions of dollars spent, and the concerted effort of the conservative movement did nothing much more than make conservatives dumber than they were in the early 70s.  That certainly is a remarkable achievement in that conservatives have always been utter fucking morons, but I'm pretty sure this was not the result they had in mind.

Happy Exceptional American Stupidity Day!

11 September, the day America got dumber, and less free, and more exceptionally shitty than it had been before.  The day we celebrate our inability to stop some unarmed idiots from hijacking planes.  The day we celebrate our endless war against helpless mostly Muslim people who never did anything to us.  The day we celebrate destroying our freedom because we are gods-damned candy-asses!  Exceptional!  Huzzah!

Virag's Movie Reviews: Chappie (2015)

Pretty much nobody (else) thought a flick that was a comedic mashup of Robocop and Real Steel was a good idea.  And it wasn't.  Even worse, there was way too much unintentional comedy, most of coming from Hugh Jackman and a surprisingly small amount from the Die Antwoord folks.  Discrete parts of the movie were okay, but the sum of the parts was mostly dumb and annoying.  It's really apparent now that Neill Blomkamp is pretty much a talentless dipshit.  Can't wait for his Alien movie...

Donald Trump Is Older Than Hillary Clinton

But they're both too old and feeble so vote Jill Stein!  Clinton was a fool to not release the pneumonia info before this inanity.  She's a wicked shitty politician and the only person on the face of the Earth who couldn't beat Donald Trump by 99% in an election.  Nice going Dems.

Ninth Doctor Legacy

Never heard that the entire 50th special was written with Eccleston in mind--kinda have a hard time believing that.  Written meaning what?  Not anything resembling the shooting script, surely.  Anyway, he was the best on the reboot doctors and certainly the second best overall after Tom Baker.

Hard To Believe Gaulzettis Were Five Years Ago

Time flies and nothing fades quicker than a faddish overpriced niche product.  Jesus, what a joke.  Seemed cool enough at the time, though.  You gotta be good--and lucky--and dedicated to make that gig work, and obviously Sr. Jerk was no Sacha White or Richard Fucking Sachs.

Luv Bomb

Fox "News" Funfetti Featuring Leatherface And Geraldo!

So, they kicked Leatherface into the ditch once her buddy Ailes was gone.  Heh.  And even world-renowned mutton-head Geraldo Rivera is in on the action, realizing after 50+ fucking years that Roger Ailes is a complete fucking scumbag.  Who knew?

Now Fox "News" is even more fucked as Trump aligns himself for a Trump TV branding after his risible historic loss election is stolen from him, taking every single Fox "News" viewers and adding all the nativist, Nazi assholes previously too stupid to figure out how to work cable tee vee. 

Charlie Pierce Is A Very Good Company Man

He's a yes sir yes maam sorta fellow, who may laugh and joke with the boys but is very much a loyal follower.  He's a company man, and his company is the Democratic Party, a wholly-owned subsidiary of the establishment. 

Virag's Movie Reviews: Keanu (2016)

Key and Peele are the latest lesson for America that what's mildly humorous for three minutes is most likely going to be utterly tedious and futile when stretched out into a feature film. 

Louie Gohmert: Rocket Surgeon

Gohmert is a walking personification of everything Texas!  He's nasty, ugly, and dumb as fuck.  Why exactly did we fight Mexico to keep these Texas cocksuckers in the USA?

Free Ryan Lochte

Drunk and stupid is no way to go through life.  Or is it?  Lochte got banned for being a fucking idiot--and for not doing better in the Olympics--when we really shoulda been putting him charge of the Trump presidential campaign.

Piece Dividend

As Usual, Stupid Assholes Rule The Roost On The Serotta Forum

A dumb motherfucker who wants to buy an XS full-suspension mountain bike for a girl who is four fucking feet three inches tall!  What an asshole.  At least one guy tries to talk some sense into him, but the rest of the twits are out in full force stroking their limp dicks in a big ole circle.  Jesus.  I did pretty much the same thing--with very similar bikes, but different model years apparently, because the Tika and the Orbea were the best fucking small bikes available in 2014/2015 in much the same way that the Scott Contessa Jr. 24 was the best bike for the money when I got the 24"-wheeled mountain bike--but I didn't buy a fucking 26"-wheeled mountain bike until the rider could handle it.  Stupid stupid stupid.  I put a kid on a 24"-wheeled bike because I'm not a total moron.  Those idiots didn't listen to the one guy(?) who was 100% right and instead just kept their heads jammed all the way up their asses.  The 24"-wheeled mountain bikes are perfect till most kids are around 5' tall.  Smaller wheels are easier to handle and keep the gearing a little lower, shorter cranks reduce the chance of injuring growing legs, and the relative simplicity of v-type brakes is on point.

And anyone stupid enough to buy a full-squishy sled for a gods-damned child should be taken out and strangled with their own viscera for our amusement.  A fucking kid can't make the gods-damned suspension work properly cuz they're too fucking light!  It's a waste of time and money, but you can be sure the overprivileged douchenozzles on the Serotta forum will lining up for the opportunity to waste money and look like fucking assholes.

Next that dumb cocksucker will be buying his tiny kid a fucking 70s P bass so she can learn to play on it.  Fucking thing will weigh more than she does.  Jesus.

Some Good News For Once: Annemiek van Vleuten

Nice.  Way to bounce back with a prologue win.  That's some good news after all the fucking horrible Phyllis Schlafly (that was actually good news if you're happy the bitch is finally worm chow, but Phyllis Schlafly was a whole shitload of bad news her entire fucking miserable life), Mother Teresa, and Hillary Clinton stuff we've had to endure lately.

Some Shoulda Cannonized That Cunt Mother Teresa Long Ago

With the biggest fucking cannon they could find!  It's a sad day for sanity when about a billion mewling simps believe that vile bitch is more holy than any random pile of bear shit, but at least that horrible Mother Teresa is something Christopher Hitchesn could be right about back before he lost his shit.  I only wish hell was real place so Mother Teresa could suffer the torments of only the worst people to have ever walked the planet.

Phyllis Schlafly Beastly Dead

92 fucking years too late!  It's too often the truly disgusting, evil people who live long lives like this cunt Schlafly.  The United States, and the world, was a worse place because she lived in it for so long.  Without Phyllis Schlafly fucking things up, everything about America probably would have been just a tiny bit better than it is today.  We can take comfort and be happy she is dead now, but we should all feel badly that she lived so long and did so much harm.

Black Lives Mattering

In America, there's never any good reason to be hopeful about our society changing much for the better, but Black Lives Matter is making a bit of difference now, and perhaps something measurably good will come of it.  After hundreds of years of self-deception and outright violence against blacks and other racial minorities, the reality of American life and American history is starting to seep into the popular culture.  This is good shit, and Black Lives Matter has played an important part in it.  Exceptional America will do everything to shut down the conversation, as it has with attempting to label BLM as anti-Semetic, but maybe there are enough reasonable, intelligent people out there willing to rub a coupla working brain cells together and acknowledge the truth about the society and at then at least stop actively trying to protect the worst elements inculcating the racism and violence pervading our present as well as our past.  Maybe.

Fuck Glenn Beck Sideways Just For Fun

That impotent, tiny peckerhead has done enough harm to the exceptionally mentally infirm Americans out there.  It's up to all the rest of us now, the sane, the decent, the reasonably intelligent, to all get in a Conga line to fuck Glenn Beck dry till we can't stand the fun any longer.  Ole!

Ted Rall Gets The Clinton Foundation, Atmo

Not too fucking complicated, but the herd of Hillary fluffers out there pretending that nothing is out of the ordinary or so fucking bad about the unseemly corruption of the entire Clinton empire are really incredibly fucking stupid.  There's nothing wrong that admitting that Hillary and Bill and Chelsea and the rest of their catamites are corrupt and immoral bastards.  Hey!  That's racing!

The Biggest Failure Of Trump's Mexican Adventure Was Allowing Him Back In The United States

We the people of the United States should have regifted that motherfucker to the fine people of Mexico.  It would have been what all of us deserved, the US, Mexico, and Trump.  Trump would make an excellent President-for-Life of Mexico!

Classic Steel Lobster Cross

Fantastic.  Nicely done cross frameset, kinda what I would like.  Wonder why that crown is going away...

The Pledge Of Allegiance Is The Dumbest Fucking Thing In The World

And creepy, too.  Loyalty oaths are bad for business, and it is way past time that everyone started resisting this nonsense.  No pledges to any fucking flags.  Freedom isn't flags or guns or armies or police or pledges.  Jesus.

Paul Finebaum: Exceptional American Asshole--And ESPN Is Fucking Horrible All-Around

Paul Finebaum is a great American who will be a treasured public intellectual in the Trump administration.  And ESPN is a fucking wretched hellhole.  They have more racist shitheads per pound than Fox "News".

Idiots Should Stop Playing With Rockets

Let's bring back more legitimate rocket scientists and stop wasting all this money.  It's gonna get someone killed, too--and not the hero killed of an actual astronaut or test pilot, but the asshole killed of an exceptional American jerkoff moron.  NASA should be funded, and the USA should stop sucking up the excess expenses and other externalities of these shitheads like Elon Musk playing rocketeer.  The benefits and dangers of this space nonsense can be most efficiently handled by nations and not by private companies who need the US government or Russian government and soon to be Chinese government holding their hands and wiping their asses.  Jesus.

Florida Sucks Ass, And Debbie Wasserman Schultz Sucks Harder Than Most

Florida and the Democratic Party are fucking shit.  Of all the scumbags in Congress, Wasserman Schultz was one of the worst, so naturally we can't get rid of her at all.  Nice.  It's going to be a fucking disaster once Clinton and her band of merry cocksuckers and war criminals get settled in January.