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The Best News Ever

I'm sure jesus will lift him up, but until then we can just enjoy.

Maybe The Collapse In Oil Prices Will Save Us From Frakking

For a little while.  Fracking is another one in the long line of oil company schemes to extract, profit, and leave, leaving all the shit and poison behind but taking all the money with 'em.  Since we've seen this dog and pony show before, maybe we should have learned somethin'...

I guess if prices stay low enough for long enough...

And...The Giants Lose

Brilliant.  That makes two (2) for the Jags so far this year.

Let's Watch The Racist Teabaggers Make Darren Wilson A Millionaire

Those nasty fuckers are gonna keep that murdering scum more than comfortable for the rest of his life.  I guess we'll just have to wait to see how everything else plays out...

Probably More Entertaining Than The Real Flick Is Gonna Be

And mercifully shorter. 

Start The Countdown Until Darren Wilson Becomes A Paid Fox "News" Talking Head

Or possibly the "Head of Security" for the Heartland Institute or some other form of welfare for vile wingnut criminals, see D'Souza, Dinesh and West, Allen.  I'm sure there's a spot for Wilson at Mark Fuhrman's favorite white supremacist compound if he needs to chill out for a while.

Teabagger Idiot And Mother Megan Fox Is Way Dumber Than Yo Mama

Among other things, she doesn't know what muddled means.  Jesus fucking christ, she's a fucktards's fucktard.  Yep, she's dumb as a post, but sad to say, she's probably approximately in the 50th percentile of all Americans for intelligence if you include the former Confederacy.  Besides being a fucking moron, she's also comically ignorant of even elementary school-level science, but the poor thing probably had a shitty education, and when that was added to her utter lack of innate intelligence and curiosity, she was left a helpless teabagging dipshit.  And apparently she home-schools her kids, so she's busy creating the next generations of hopelessly ignorant teabagger assholes.  Here's your rock-ribbed Republican voter, America.  Merry fucking christmas.

USC Notre Dame Is A Classic 'Why Can't They Both Lose?' Scenario

But it's hard not to giggle watching vile Notre Dame get brutalized by an old-timey rival on the national tee vee. 

The Confessed Criminal Dinesh D'Souza Is As Big An Asshole As Megyn Kelly

Kelly has not yet confessed to any crimes, but her Fox "News" shit show is certainly a crime against decency and sanity.  Kelly loves to parade these cheese dick assholes like D'Souza to spout their rancid bullshit completely unchallenged.  She's the horse face of Fox "News" unseemliness.

Dem Obama Kids Need Class

Thank the gods that we have good white women to set them straight.  The Obama's kids suffer because their blah parents aren't good gods-fearin' white folks like Mitt Romney or Rick "Santorum" Santorum or Elizabeth Lauten.  Lauten deserves praise from jesus for doing her best to school up them blah girls so they won't be makin' fools of themselves no more.  Praise jesus!

Sweet Jesus, The JJ Abrams Star Wars Is Gonna Suck Hard

Yeah, the fan kids are jizzing themselves now, but Abrams is such a fucking awful filmmaker that I get the bad bad feeling that new Star Wars is going to be the worst Star Wars ever.  Lucas cashed the check, and Disney is free to shred that property at will.  It'll make a billion dollars, so everybody will be happy except the purchasers of the tickets.

This Means War

Happy Thanksgiving Roger Goodell

Let's hope that piece of shit Rice has a shitload of shameless people who like publicity.  Watching Goodell get roasted like a chestnut will probably be more entertaining than most of the remaining games on the NFL schedule. 

MSNBC Is Showing Prison Porn All Weekend

Al Jazeera is doing the news.  MSNBC is not.  That's some exceptional American cable tee vee right there.

Joyful Thanksgiving Story

LOFuckingL.  This heartwarming holiday story has it all and ends on just the right note.  Florida is such a nice place. I hope Rick Scott becomes president so all of American can be as great as Florida.

Drink Up, Pilgrim

Please Jesus, All Good Americans Would Be Very Thankful For A Cowboys Loss

Even with Mark Sanchez, help us good white christians, jesus, by making the vile Cowboys lose.  Thank you jesus frakking christ who I love so much.  America is thankful.

Marketed Basket

Clarity And Reason Have No Place When Discussing Ferguson

Shame, shame on Kevin Gosztola.  Ferguson is all about hating on the blahs and fluffing the police state and voter fraud and shit.  If America starts blaming the police murderers, jesus will cry, so stop it.  Stop it right now!

Guntard Natural Selection

The only way to stop a bad toddler with a gun...  If only there had been a white christian toddler with a gun to blow the bad guy away, then that woman would be alive today.  Fuck feeding the children--Arm The Children!  I guess nature tells us that if the children were to not survive the death of the mother for whatever reason, though that would be bad for the individual children, then natural selection has worked, but if by some miracle either of this idiot woman's children survive long enough to breed, the species has lost. 

Or maybe we get a win if those now motherless children grow up in an environment of sanity and reason and never touch a gun again, living a long, intelligent life.  That would be kinda great, if somewhat unlikely.

Darren Wilson: Exceptional American Coward

In his own words, Darren Wilson was way too huge of a pussy to be a cop.  This fucking scumbag Wilson was practically shitting his pants because Michael Brown was black, and Wilson admitted he killed Brown because he was scared of him.  No matter how much Wilson tried to lie his way out of it later, the facts were simple: Brown was unarmed and wounded and no threat to Wilson, who fired round after round in a pants-pissing panic spray-and-pray until Brown was dead.  If Wilson was truly in fear of Brown, he's the biggest coward who ever lived.

Just Another Exceptional American Night Living Under Exceptional American Justice

At some point, the only answer left is to burn it down.  Burn it all down and start over.  American society, even in Ferguson, hasn't reach that point yet, but it will, eventually, as the self-destructive process was initiated long ago with little to mitigate progress.  If somehow anyone out there with more than a brace of functioning neurons was surprised by the failure to indict the murderer Darren Wilson for his crimes, then those same sorry bastards were probably also surprised by the reaction.  The United States is already the most violent society in the developed world, and the violence is perpetrated every single day, but when an especially egregious and widely-publicized act of violence against an unarmed teenager goes unpunished, some buffoons pretend to be outraged at the uprising after they were less than outraged by anything which came before.  America is an exceptional country.  Exceptionally racist.  Exceptionally violent.  Exceptionally unjust.  Vile shitheads like Robert McCulloch and Jay Nixon did everything they possibly could to make the situation on the ground in Ferguson as bad as it could possibly be in order to further their own political careers.  McCulloch never had any intention of holding Wilson accountable for his crimes at a trial; he acted in the defense of Wilson and the police in general and staged his performance art announcement to maximize his own coverage in prime time and insure that all the protests would get as much media coverage as possible.  At least Nixon will never be considered for VP after this shit show.

In A Land Filled To The Brim With Racist Assholes, We Gotta Lot Of Racist Assholes

Typical vile racist asshole, an EXCEPTIONAL AMERICAN RACIST ASSHOLE!  This is your America.  Enjoy.

Nifty Michael Smerconish Fisking

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Later, Chuckles

Chuck Hagel, Republican, moron, is out as SecDef.  Nobody's gonna miss him; he was more than useless, much as he has been forever.  What will be loads of fun will be watching Obama attempt to appoint another Republican or other worthless shitbird to head up the Pentagon.  Do you think the next Republican president will go out of his way to appoint a Dem to head the DoD?  Of course they will...

ESPN: Idiot's Delight

Those dumb fuckers at ESPN still employ Curt Schilling, but they get all bent because Keith Law is at least as smart as most third graders--unlike Schilling who's a fucking nimrod. 

Ya Know, A Hillel Slovak/Jack Irons-Era Red Hot Chilli Peppers Type Band Fronted By Two Young Women Was Probably Not The Genius Idea It Seemed That One Time

Fox "News": Feeding Immigrant Or Poor Children Only Encourages Them To Live To Eat Some More

You know, I don't really mind, but it's pretty obvious that Fox "News" and Fucker Karlson and the rest of those dickbaits are just ripping off my Republican Man Of The Year-winning speech from a coupla years ago: "Feeding Those Hungry Poor Children Only Encourages Them To Stay Alive And Good White People Know Fucking Jesus Doesn't Want That".  I'd let 'em have it; I just wish they'd give me a shout-out once in a while.

Political Song for Putin to Sing

Is Bill Cosby The Ultimate Uncle Tom For The Fox Generation?

The conservative nutcases and teabagging racists are all broken up over Bill Cosby's troubles with multiple women accusing him of vile crimes; is it possible that Cosby, that sanctimonious dimwit, is really the ne plus ultra of that most vile of creatures, the Uncle Tom for the Fox generation?  Is Cosby a bigger enemy to African Americans than Charles Payne or Allen West?  Sure sounds like it; now we know why Bill O'Reilly always spoke so highly of Cosby.  They have similar constitutions. 

Al Jazeera Showed A Film About The USS Liberty Last Night

Is there any doubt left that Al Jazeera is America's finest news network?  While MSNBC is broadcasting disgusting police state prison porn and Fox "News" is showing Sean Hannity smearing his own shit all over his face, Al Jazeera is running a film about an important historical and current news event about which most Americans probably know absolutely nothing.  Gods damn, what an embarrassment for our useless establishment media.

A Normal Looking Bike With A Funny Name: Crema Goodness

The Hampsten hegemony looks back at their Crema, a bike that out-Rivendelled Rivendell with a classic silhouette and a super clean straight steel fork to go along with fender clearance and a club racing versatility.  Thanks, Crema.

SEK Signal Boosts Some Reality To Make Guntards Cry

Kudos to Sr. Kaufman for doing his best to shine a light onto harsh reality about guns and crime.  The "more guns less crime" trope is pretty fucking foolish on its face if you ever deal in the reality of crime and violence in the USA instead of just listening to the sort of blathering inanity you hear attending any random NRA circle jerk.  The rest of the civilized world has shown over and over again how to reduce violence, reduce crime, and reduce gun deaths, but the United States is too fucking backward to do the right thing.  Of course, plenty of other folks around the world have figured out how to deliver health care, reduce poverty, educate children as well.

Are Bigfoot Whackjobs Better Or Worse Than UFO Whackjobs?

Too many of the Bigfoot idiots look and sound like inbred hillbillies, while the UFO fools are geeks and dweebs.  Some of the nerds can feign a modicum of education at least, even though they're as unhinged and idiotic as any of the other fuckwits out there.  Those Bigfoot guys, though, you feel bad laughing at their mental infirmity.  Seems cruel.  Like dwarf tossing.  Or George W. Bush trying to talk.  I get the feeling that the Bigfoot clowns are probably huge teabaggers and addle-headed Koch-sucking Republicans in their spare time.  Maybe I'm wrong, but I'm getting the redneck and crazy teabagger vibe each and every time from those Sasquatch fluffers.

1987 Was A Hell Of A Year For Music

If you were born in 1978 or something, it was a great time to be young and free.  Quibble over the order, groan at the vapid, cliche-ridden analysis and music criticism, and laugh sadly over the inclusion of the execrable G'NR, but damn.  The soulless idiot robots who program "modern rock" and "alternative" commercial radio should be exploiting this list to offset the oozing shit like the undead Dave Matthew's Band, Banks, Big Data, and Fitz and the Tantrums.

Rachel Maddow Did Good Work On The Senate's Loretta Lynch Failure

She was pretty righteously and rightfully pissed on her show earlier in the week.  Usually Maddow's show is nothing special because she is a might bit too comfortable and convivial with the political media establishment, but when she was going off on the Senate Democrats for failing to confirm Loretta Lynch when they had the chance, she was pretty fucking effective.  Does anyone with half a brain think that the Republicans in that position would have missed a chance to get a guaranteed AG confirmed for a Bush or that dumb fucker Reagan?  The Dems are just shit too often, and it was nice to see a card-carrying establishment villager almost come right out and say it on the cable tee vee.

Megyn Kelly Is A Dumb Fucking Whore

She's a smarmy dipshit, pretending Obama is somehow the worst thing in the fucking world, and doing something breathlessly unprecedented over immigration with a witless smirk on her boiling crapfest of a tee vee show, when she was busily sucking dick 24/7 to fluff up the Bush/Cheney junta without a hint of awareness or regret.  Or irony.  I guess that's why Ailes hired her; she's the perfect female version of a completely brainless O'Reilly/Hannity hybrid.

Jeff Sessions.  Jesus frakking crist.  That guy's mom and dad musta been web-fingered brother and sister.

Effervescent Interstellar Fisking

Nicely done.  The Nolan brothers are getting savaged because their flick is really fucking dumb at its center.  This is good stuff, and the shit about silent film is fucking hilarious.  Our popular movies are especially awful these days in general with overrated hack fuckwads like the Nolans, JJ Abrams, and Bryan Singer dumping rancid sewage into the theatres like fucking clockwork.  The decent, fun big movies don't stand a change against that shit tsunami. 

Gosh, Golly, Bill Cosby Is A Disgusting Human Being

Who knew?  Well, lotsa folks besides me, but holy moley, Cosby is such a rancid fucking bastard even if by some miracle he's not a sickening serial rapist.  The rapes of which he's been accused are awful, inexcusable, criminal, but the other parts of Cosby are pretty fucking awful too.  Hannibal Buress should probably get some sort of fabulous prize for unleashing this most recent shitstorm funfetti onto Cosby's greasy head.

Ben Carson Is Fucking Crazy

Bugfuck, frothy, batshit crazy.  Those fingers he's feeling must be Jesus practicing his holy proctology. 

Baby, It's Hot Outside Funfetti

This should be fun.  The Heartland Institute and Americans For Prosperity will be busy spewing out the bullshit in order to offset a little bit of science.  Who do you believe, some fat-cat climate scientists or honest-broker oil company-funded Koch-sucking advocacy groups?

Obama Is Fucking With The Teabaggers And Koch-Suckers With This Immigration Thing

Bout goddamn time.  Watching these Republicans dipshits froth and spew over this immigration nonsense, you have to wonder why Obama didn't start this shit during his first inaugural.  The Republicans are incapable of governing an ice cream truck, and that hate that blah bastard in the White House, regardless of what he does or doesn't do.  So why the fuck didn't Obama see this shit day one and do himself and the rest of us the favor at least entertaining us if he was unwilling to do anything else?

Most Useless Democratic Party News This Week

Is not Obama; it's Jim Webb.  If Webb really want to run hard as populist in order to fucking derail the teabaggers and the Koch suckers and light a fire under whoever the Dem nominee will be, fine, just fine, but he was such a candyass in the Senate.  He also worked for that brain-dead asshole Reagan, so that tells you something shitty about his integrity.

Chuckles Schumer: An Eternal Piece Of Shit

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Lee Papa Properly Fisks Bill Cosby

Rude Pundit, easy peasy.  The thing is, I always thought Cosby was a skeevy fucker, so nothing anyone says about him is all that shocking to me. 

The Alien Takeover Agenda

Not Obama's illegal alien takeover, but the real one, the anal-probing space alien one.  This is the totally for real, not at all completely bugfuck crazy number one threat to American freedom, the glory of free market capitalism and our vital personal fluids.  This is the amusing side of unhinged tebagger inanity, way funnier than Ted Cruz.

Tasty Bill O'Reilly Fisking By Keith Olbermann

Olbermann looks positively giddy to be back at the Bill O'Reilly brutalizing game for a moment.  O'Reilly might redefine thin-skinned pussy for the 21st century.  And yet, O'Reilly's delusional bullshit rakes in the cash from the senile and otherwise mentally infirm.  America, fuck...

So, It Turns Out Being A Speedo Team Is Not Such A Great Deal

So far, at least.  Now that the children and the team are getting just a bit more results and recognition, the brand new shiny first-season head coach lobbied hard to have the team sign on the dotted line with Speedo.  Now we're in it for four years, but as this first year is going full-on now, the kids hate the suits compared with the previous brand's plain, sleek, slippery, much-less-expensive racing suits, the bags are not as nice as the old ones for actual swim meets and swimming paraphernalia, and the warm ups and accessories are nothin' special.  The fit of the suits is an especially bad sign--boys are easy; a jammer's a jammer at this level--the girls have mostly hated it, and we are long past the point when they were supposed to have become accustomed to the new fit.  They were very expensive as well, and look cheap.  Brilliant.

Teen Titans

Pretty Decent Science Versus Shirt Piece

I think the people who went from reasonable to indignant to screechy over some clown's shirt hurt their cause, since the shirt was certainly recognizable as a purposely somewhat tacky callback to a certainly tacky classic pulp pinup style, and the critics should have acknowledged that.  On the other hand, where was the media fixer who probably should have handed this guy a uni sweatshirt to wear on the tee vee?  That would have saved a boatload of nonsense on a day when the ESA was celebrating their comet mission.

Sorry to say, girls and boys, but in the big bad world of creativity--of which science is certainly a part--you are going to have to deal with much more problematic personalities than this Limey asshole and his fetish model shirt, so the next time some dipshit does something mildly questionable and wears a shirt you don't like the day something pretty major happens, for the love of christ keep your sense of proportion, keep your focus on the biggest picture, and don't go completely fucking apeshit over the fucking shirt at the expense of everything else.  Pick your battles, interwebs feminist girls and boys, and win your war.  There are plenty of assholes who deserve to be destroyed over their vile actions and beliefs, but this idiot isn't one of 'em.  Thank you.

Festive Jonathan Hoenig Fisking, With Bonus Wayne Rogers Fisking

The festive fisking really gets rocking in the comments, along with a brutalizing of Wayne Rogers, aka the dumbest tee vee actor of all time.  Hoenig is one of Fox "News"'s most repulsive ghouls, so it is loverly to see him fisked in the spirit of the season.

Virag's Movie Reviews: Starship Troopers 3 (2008)

The three-disc set of Starship Troopers flicks makes a great gift, especially for five bucks at your local discount megalowmart, kinda like flowers from a gas station, and I am truly thankful for it.  The first film is a shit ton of fun and worthy of repeated viewings; the others, not so much.  ST3: Marauder is every bit the garbage that the second one was; Ed Neumeier is nothing without Paul Verhoeven, and here he is the incompetent director as well as addle-headed screenwriter.  Yes, the budget was tiny, so the flick looks like a bad tee vee episode, but you don't need money to write a coherent story.  The entire Johnny Rico thing was wedged into the already asinine story--it feels like Casper Van Dien waited till the last minute to see if the check bounced, so he is really not in the movie or part of the main plot--and without big money the Heinlein jaegers are embarrassingly comical.  Really, a Casper-Van-Dien-does-Michael-Ironside Johnny Rico story would have been the best bet, with fuckloads of goofy, goo-filled cartoon bugs, non-stop action and gunfire, heaps of violence and gore, and wall-to-wall gratuitous nudity; Neumeier solo is not up to trenchant satire of fascist religious zealotry in an all-encompassing military state, and his attempt is beyond inept.  Plus, it's sad to see Amanda Donohoe and Stephen Hogan wasted here in service of that inane story.  Anybody who says this flick is miles better than numero dos is an asshole.

Is It Time For At Best Willfully Obtuse Welfare Academia Fucktardery Again?

Yah, I guess so...For what it's worth, Lemieux is more like Kirk Cameron and Kurt Warner and Curt Schilling every day in the sense that the more he says, the more sure you are he is a fucking retard, although I was always mostly convinced the Lemieux and his cohorts were more desperate enablers of the (Democratic party) establishment, entry-entry-level-division, than complete fucking imbeciles, but...

If Arkansas, an ignorant fucking hell-hole, elected some troglodyte assholes in place of the mildly less disgusting fellers they had up in there before, that means that any obvious, documented, and purposeful weaknesses and/or issues and/or deficiencies with Obamacare don't exist?  Maybe I'm judging Lemieux too harshly because I have no use for expensive non-selective private colleges and the foolish people taking up space with them, but maybe not.  Fluffers gotta fluff and grifters gotta grift. 

Bill Cosby Ain't The Dad Of My America

Cosby was always a creepy fucker, and that smarmy patronizing pompous pedantic persona he affected was sublimely unappealing.  Only now are we learning what a sick fuck he was all along.

Joyous Kirk Cameron Fisking Just In Time For The Holy Daze

Kirk Cameron is a flaming asshole and loon, every bit as simpleminded and rotten as Kurt Warner or Curt Schilling or the Duggars or any other teabagging cocksucker, but there's something deliciously creepy about Cameron, so fisk away on that bastard.

The Funniest Part Of This Story Is That A Tory MP Was The Murderer

A Labour MP would have been gross. No, wait...  Jesus, the whole story sounds like some idiot's bad tee vee script, but it's not.  Jesus.

(via)

Wholly Schnit, Wisconsin Is Crushing Nebraska Today

Kinda sucks because Wisconsin deserves failure and suffering on every level, but maybe we can't blame the football entertainers.  Melvin Gordon had a hell of day, and it's only 3/4 of a day so far.

Even Yet Still More Exceptional American Guntardery

And yet another dead kid.  Florida this time.  Fuck Yeah!

Virag's Movie Reviews: Starship Troopers 2 (2004)

They key to a Starship Troopers flick is not Ed Neumeier--or Heinlein--unfortunately.  Paul Verhoeven's joyous asshole persona, along with a bit of money, is the key, and Starship Troopers 2:Hero of the Federation proves it.  Without Verhoeven--and no money--all you get is what is essentially a rejected episode of Babylon 5--though if you are lucky to have the luminous Sandrine Holt in your movie, not making your flick all about Sandrine Holt doing something, anything, for 90 minutes means you are the biggest asshole who ever lived.

Pretty Entertaining Curt Schilling (Self) Fisking

Schilling has always been a risible fuckhead, but the more he talks, the stupider he sounds.  Schilling should probably just keep quiet before someone decides that he is too stupid to take up space on their tee vee network.  Basic science is not something Schilling can handle.

So, Some Eurotrash Found A Comet

They spent 10 years chasing the thing down, and slammed into it today.  If the anchor points didn't work properly, there's a chance the lander will lose contact with the surface due to the microgravity of the comet.  Pretty amazing success so far, though, really, and a big chance for the ESA to rub NASA's nose in it.

Being A Fucking Teabagging Moron Is Not A Disease, Glenn Beck

Sublime stupidity is not the disease Beck is talking about, apparently.  But that's what's wrong with Beck; he's a fucking dipshit.

Bruce Springsteen Finally Does Something We Can All Appreciate

Making teabagging fuckwads crazier!  Springsteen's music may suck balls, but if the wingnuts hate him, well, that's fucking dandy. 

Hey, Dummy, Remember That Ebola Stuff That Made You Piss Yourself Daily?

Done. Over. Good bye.  Stupid fuckers.

Bill O'Reilly Is Pissed That Some Jerkoff Moron Who Wasn't Bill O'Reilly Wrote A Dumb Book About Fictional Jesus H. Christ

O'Reilly is bent because some other assclown wrote a dumb jesus book, making up shit about a made-up asshole from Palestine. 

Michael Snyder Is The Stupidest Man Who Ever Lived (Today, Tied With Like A Few Billion Others)

This might beat anything Sean Hannity or Bill O'Reilly or Dick Cheney or Herman Cain or Ben Carson or anyone else ever said on the scale of complete bugfuck crazy fucktardery.  Indeed, most of the reasons given by Snyder are repeating the same three things over and over, but the thing is, this fucking retard is wrong about each of the three.  Everything he contends about biology and chemistry and geology is wrong.  Transitional fossils?  Sure.  Biochemical evolution?  Easy.  Fossils in the right rocks?  Yep.  Snyder is not even trying.  Either that or he's a fucking moron of biblical proportions. 

James Inhofe Is Gonna Be Completely Bonkers Fun

Inhofe is a complete fucking loon, and dumb as a post to go with it, but I have hope that he is going to be fun for the next two years until he's back in the minority.  Inhofe has been a real hit with the fucktard teabagger set, and now he's poised to go wide in prime time.  He can't really make shit worse in the Senate, but he can entertain us with his pathetic and hilarious ignorance.  This is proof that many of the gods love you okay.

Imperial Follies

The only way to honor a war veteran is make sure we never make another war veteran.  That's not happening any time soon in our glorious empire, so all the talk about veterans today and every other day is 100% grade A horseshit.  Standing armies are evil.  Police forces are evil.  Our military has nothing to do with protecting the United States, or "democracy" or "freedom" or any of that nonsense; anyone who doesn't understand that is an irredeemable fuckhead.  And our heavily armed and murderous police forces have nothing to do with keeping the peace or enforcing the law; same deal: irredeemable fuckheads are too stupid to understand that basic truth.

Why Be Optimistic Regarding Obamacare And The Supreme Court

Sure it sounds dire, but this dick is often wrong, so if he's super worried, we should see a reason to hold onto hope.  Or someone.  Hope.  Chastity.  Prudence.  Charity.  Anywho, Lemieux is all fucking bent, but he's not our best or brightest...

That said, Obamacare is a huge fucking target of opportunity because of the real and imaginary failures...

Holy Shit, Shepard Smith Was Just Sucking Peter Douchey's Dick On Fox "News"

Smith is often called the one "decent" or "smart" or "sane" "person" on Fox "News", but jesus frakking christ, he was just sucking Peter "Luke Russert's Retarded Clone" Doocy dick over the pathetic non-story of the clown who says he shot Bin Laden.  Since it's on Fox, I don't believe a word of it, and I would not at all be surprised to find out later that this guy is some sort of nutcase.  Smith was fucking pathetic himself today, fluffing up the dumb kid Doocy and his dumb story.  Sad.  Don't ever mistake Shepard Smith for any sort of decent fellow ever again.

Even Yet Still More 'Interstellar' Fisking

Heh indeedy.  Those idiot Nolan brothers can almost make a whole good film, 75, maybe 80 percent, but then the rest is just shit.  I guess The Dark Knight was the closest they've come while anyone was actually paying attention, but even there it was not nearly as good as the hype.  Interstellar gets more comically awful the more you hear about it; I'm sure as shit not paying.  I will wait till I can see it for free.

Fwiw, Annalee Newitz pretty much gets everything about the ending of 2001 wrong; the ending has nothing to do with any unexplained spiritual phenomena or other such unscientific bullshit.  The ending is not straightforward narrative, but it is a representation of interstellar travel and as well as a sort of evolutionary development under the influence of the technology in the monolith.  The geeks and dweebs often get shit wrong, but for gods' sakes, don't get it wrong when you are fisking someone like Nolan.

Jon Walker Just Won't Fluff

He's not gonna get that high-paying welfare job at the Obama Presidential Library the way Kos and Josh Marshall will.  Machete don't text, and Jon Walker don't fluff.  The successes of Obama have been successes for the few, and the failures have been legion.  Add Obama's rock-ribbed establishment conservatism to corn-fed, all-American racism, and you get shitty fucking country getting shittier by the second.  The Dems, at all levels, needed to run on--and stand up for--the issues that matter, but they didn't.  The Dems ran as sad-sack Republican knock-offs, as they usually do, and that is fucking worthless.

Doctor Who Pretty Much Wasted Capaldi This Season

Capaldi has been good, with moments of brilliance, but the series was pretty meh.  I don't know how long he'll stick around, but it would be a shame to have Capaldi miss the shot to bring something special the way Eccleston did.

Quick N Dirty Kurt Warner Fisking

Kurt Warner is still one of the dumbest motherfuckers running around loose out there.  I guess it's not his fault he's too stupid to understand basic concepts from 3rd-grade-level biology, but it is our fault he has this forum to spew his bugfuck crazy horseshit.

Corwood Industries Is The Best Of American Capitalism

Congrats! It's A Mass Shooting

In a school! Fuck Yeah!!  That's the Real American Exceptionalism for ya', motherfucker.

Jolly Bono Fisking

Just in time for the holy days!  Bono is always a worthy target, so bring on the opprobrium and calumny.

Sometimes Vile Racist Bastards Are Stupid AND Lazy

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Is This Story Of Blizzard Of Ozz At All True?

Blizzard of Ozz was apparently meant to be a band, not an Ozzy Osbourne album.  I know, internets and Wikipedia and whatnot, but if even a part of is true, what's considered a "classic" "metal" album and the foundation of the incoherent rawk monster that became Ozzy Osbourne, Inc was really the creation of Randy Rhoades and Bob Daisley.  Ozzy didn't write the lyrics or the music for much of the album, and the other guys who were not Sharon Arden's boyfriend thought that they were forming a band with Ozzy and not just acting as his backup/enablers.  Then two of them got fucked before the second album was even released, and Randy Rhoades pulled a Thurman Munson and that was that.  No Blizzard of Ozz combo, and Sharon turned Ozzy into a blithering commodity.  Not that the album was anything great or anything, but the tale is a remarkable one considering how much money Ozzy Osbourne has brought in since 1980.

Virag's Movie Reviews: Neighbors (2014)

96 minutes has been longer, never more tedious.  Uniformly unfunny and insultingly stupid, at least Neighbors was not in any way a waste of talent but solely a waste of time.  The only hope for this rather threadbare concept would have been a period piece: set the film in 1981-1982 at a fairly selective university with a dynamic Greek system, while the drinking age was still low and the huge, beer-truck parties still completely bonkers, and before the worst of the Reagan-era doucebaggery had coalesced and perhaps you could have made a case for something bordering on humor.  Not there though.  Not in 2014.  Not Neighbors.

Levity And Luncacy From Our Own Evil Fundie Boko Haram, The Duggars

Excellent execution for Mr. Mistermix. Huzzah!  The Duggars are vile pieces of rancid shit, and the more we can point and laugh at their sublime and comical evil, the better we all will be.  Mr. Tom Mix also links to a pretty wonderful Dan Savage obliteration of the Duggars and their astounding ignorance and hypocrisy.  Fun and smiles for the human race on Friday. 

Grant Trolling Trolls Trolling Grant?

Or somethin'. Whatever it is, it IS annoying.  Fwiw, I think Grant Petersen is fucking high on this one.  The too-much-fat-and-too-much-protein diet is as disgusting as eating a meatloaf sandwich out of a vending machine at a gas station or snarfing down an entire large pizza with sausage and extra mozz in 10 minutes followed by most of a 30-pack and a half a dozen ice cream sandwiches.

To really feel fit and BE FIT, I think you always have to be a tiny bit hungry, ready to work out and ready to snack.  Now...I don't always have the opportunity, time, or discipline to follow that, but a balanced diet with plenty of fruit and veggies and a minimum of nasty shit is best.  And not too much.  Stay hungry.

More Stupid Racist Shit To Corrode Your Hope For The Future

Screaminly ignorant racist cocksucker Jim Goad.  In case you feeling frisky on a Friday and were wondering what would bring you back to cold rational reality, I give you this.  Read the comments, too, for bonus racist fucktardery.  Your welcome (sic sic sick).

Ed Gillespie: Kindly Go Fuck Yourself

And don't come back.  Even in a world of greasy motherfuckers, Gillespie was noticeably rancid above and beyond.

Well, The Six Million Dollar Man Movie Is Gonna Hella Suck

6 billion Marky Marks spells shit.  Marky Mark is as sure a destiny of terrifying cinematic squalor as Paul Giamatti.

100 Best Sci-Fi Flicks?

Not a frakking chance, but the list is still pretty decent.  There are some good movies on here, though the order is way off after #1 and some of the choices are utter shit.

Lee Papa Gets It, Atmo

The Rude Pundit sees them trees in that there forest.  Without a viable, popular, national campaign on which to run, the Dems had absolutely no shot at counteracting the vibrant, racist hatred of that nigger president, and the Republicans were more than happy to exploit those dumb motherfucking racist teabaggers for votes.  It was too easy to gin up a big ole chunk of antagonism toward Obama because of his race, and the Repubs were not at all shy about playing that race card.  Who cares if those mostly-toothless rednecks and dumb-ass crackers would suffer under most Republican policies?  It's easy to get them to vote against Dems because they hate the blahs and messicans and shit, and it's super-easy to focus the hate when all those poor dumb fucks can see is that fucking nigger Democrat occupying that white man's White House.

Alan Grayson Is Now Officially An Institution

The teabaggers and other Koch-suckers spent a mint to try and oust him, but now he's back in and officially a congressional institution.  That'll piss off more than a few of the masters while the Koch-sucking plebes revel in their wins.

Holy Shit, West Virginia Is Fucking Done

WV was a skeevy place all along, but after last night, that fucker is surreal hellscape.  Watch for that greasy cocksucker Joe Manchin to bail out sometime in the next 20 minutes and become the gleeful teabagger he always felt he was on the inside.

If Mark Warner Keeping Ed Gillespie Out Of The Senate Counts As A Big Win

You know you're fucked.  Ed Gillespie is rocking that goat fucker persona pretty positively, so there's your win for the night.

Malloy In Connecticut Declares Victory

But he's kind of a douche, so it's sort of a Pyrrhic victory.  On the other hand, the other guy in Connecticut, Tom Foley, is a titanic asshole who went to Andover and Harvard and served in the occupation government in Iraq and was a Retardboy Bush appointee, so maybe just maybe Dan Malloy is fucking awesome.

And Hickenlooper

As Udall lost for the Senate, John Hickenlooper is probably toast in Colorado, which is yet another glorious victory for the national Democratic party establishment brain trust.

LePage Wins

It's Maine, so who cares, but LePage is a lunatic teabagger and creepy asshole, so the Dems should have had a viable plan to squish him like a bug, but obviously couldn't get it done.

How The Fuck Did The Dems Let Brownback Win?

Did they not run hard after they saw the polling this fall?  Jesus, with the teabaggers and Koch-suckers and other random retards running the Republican party and the Democrats failing so miserably this year, is it possible that the United States now has no functional major political parties? 

Peter Shumlin? Vermont? Single Payer?

Remember how Peter Shumlin in Vermont was moving forward with Single Payer after his election--and remember how the dickhead in Connecticut Malloy reneged?  Well, Shumlin didn't win with 50% + 1 in Vermont, but it looks like he'll be chosen by the state legislature next January because the Vermont constitution is all sorts of fucked up. 

The Dems Lose In Maryland

So, the Lieutenant Governor was a fucking zero, but the Dems didn't do enough to get him over the line in fucking Maryland!  Clown cars, cracking up.

Kansas and Maine And Connecticut Governors

Stupidest governor ever Sam Brownback was getting creamed in the polls, but the race is still not called, with Brownback leading.  And what the fuck is going on in Maine and Connecticut?  Maine's governor is a fucking teabagging asshole, and the incumbent in Connecticut is a sad-sack Democrat.  Why the fuck haven't these races been called yet with Dem wins?  Jesus.  The Dems have really blown this whole thing this year.  They needed to be working on this election night two years ago, but somehow didn't manage to get it done...

Jerry Brown May Always Be The Governor

Kay Hagan Loses

The Dems had NC as a firewall to keeping the Senate.  Kay Hagan was and is a fucking waste, and North Carolina has gone to hell in the last generation, becoming a disgusting, right-wing hell hole.

How'd Iowa Work Out For Sanity?

Joni Ernst is like a more retarded Sarah Palin, and she's taking her bugfuck insanity to the United States Senate.  The Dems should be proud.

That Guy In Kansas Turned Out To Be A Turd

Remember how Pat Roberts was gonna lose?  That's what the Dems thought, but somehow it didn't turn out right, somehow...

And Pat Quinn In Illinois

The Dems did a cracking job in Illinois--and Michigan--building up their guy Pat Quinn.  Oh, wait, no they didn't.  How exactly are the Democrats a national political party again?

Texas, It's Like A Whole Other Really Stupid Fucking Country

Remember Wendy Davis?  Remember the brain-damaged fucknut running against her for governor?  Well, Davis didn't even make it a race.  Texas is a comically rotten place.  And Davis turned out be a pretty lame candidate.  See what I did there?

So Much For Sam Nunn's Kid

Sam Nunn was such a nasty motherfucker, a reactionary, rock-ribbed, right-wing shitbird, and the scourge of genetics kills us again.  The daughter was a conservative loser just like daddy and lost bigtime.  Nice going.  Of course, it's Georgia, so even thinking any variety of Dem could get to the runoff was probably fucking stupid.

Friend Of Lance Is As Big A Piece Of Shit As Lance

Scott Walker in Wisconsin is another of those races where the Dems fucked up badly and failed to knock off a weak Republican because the Dem candidate sucked.  Mary Burke was fucking useless.  Friend of Lance indeed.

(For the love of the gods, don't buy a Trek bicycle.)

Florida Deserves All That It Gets

Rick Scott.  Florida reelected Rick Scott.  Florida is a state in your country.  Remember that the suicide booth is exact change only.

(Now is the time to load up a rocket and blast jesus charlie crist into the sun.)

Now They've Lost Colorado. Fucking Geniuses.

The Dems have lost it all.  Of course, they lost it two years ago when they didn't begin a concerted national campaign led by Barack Obama to erode the Republican stupidity, but with Udall out in Colorado, the Dems have proved once again why they are just the worst.  Too many big ones were fumbled this year, including some key gubernatorial races.  It doesn't really matter that the tables will turn on the Republicans in 2016 when they will lose a shitload of Senate seats in solid blue states; the Dems have shown this year that they are not capable of moving American politics beyond the stale pattern.

Tom Corbett Sucks The Big One

Yes, it is gratifying to see these this especially disgusting reactionary fucktard lose in such an embarrassing manner.  Corbett has been a pathetic Koch-sucking teabagger and he got a red hot poker jammed up his ass.

Alison Lundergan Grimes: Blame The Fucking Clintons

Inexcusable loss after an atrocious campaign put on by the pick of Hillary Clinton and her fat sack of shit husband, Tubby McWhoremonger.  McConnell was vulnerable--the Dems needed to remove him at all costs to demoralize the vile Republicans for the next two years--and a decent candidate would have had a chance to win.  Grimes was never that candidate; she was a Clinton flak, and the Clintons are toxic, reactionary fuckwads.  The only upside to this clowncar abortion would be if Hillary gets spooked about running for President after watching Grimes fail so ostentatiously. 

Scott Brown Is Such A Delicious Loser

Positively fucking Romneyesque!  What's really lovely is that Fox "News" is not calling the race yet, even though Brown has already lost.  Where's that sorry cocksucker gonna run in 2016?  Vermont?  Maine?  Connecticut?  If he can lose a US Senate race in each New England state, I think he gets a patch for his lunchbox.

Breaking: Bill O'Reilly Lost In The Minnesota Senate Race

Franken wins.  Not a big deal, but it will be funny to watch O'Reilly stew over it for a while.

Sam Wang Has It 49 Dems In The Senate Right Now

Was 48 yesterday, iirc.  Whatevs.  He's usually right on the nose, so barring a complete fucking surprise, there will be between 48 and 50 Dems/Is in the Senate next January.  I guess the best we can hope is that a few of dumbest fucking assholes like Ernst don't win.

Uplifting Economic Snapshot For Your Election Day Eve

This is why you're proud to be an American! Cuz at least we know we're fucked.  The economy has been changed, probably effectively permanently, for the much worse.  Any incremental change to reverse the damage will no longer be small and hard to notice, but because the country doesn't do positive change well, we are all in for some difficult times before the suffering of the 99% gets bad enough to force a rebalancing.

Fitz And The Tantrums Are Vying For Dave Matthews Astounding And Abhorrent Crown Of Suckitude

Fitz and the Tantrums may finally do the impossible: surpass The Dave Matthews Band for the thing that causes that most extreme form of nausea which spreads with inexorable terror into your testicles (or ovaries) each and every time you hear their supremely terrible music.

Arizona CAN Do Something Right

Beat Dallas!  That's gods' works.

And Minnesota!  Beating Washington is nice for America, too.

Surprisingly Decent Universal Basic Income Thing For The Low-Information Dweeb Cohort

Frak, yeah!  This was good, surprisingly good stuff for the comic geeks and random nerds and their enablers all about the concept of a guaranteed income for every citizen used to fight poverty, combat unemployment, and otherwise stimulate the economy.  This is the future but not our future soon enough as the USA is chock-full of teabagging fuckwits and Koch-suckers and Koch brothers and establishment lickspittles.  In the end, after much suffering and too much wasted opportunity, we'll get something less useful than anywhere else--think healthcare.

Virag's Movie Reviews: Transformers: Age Of Extinction (2014)

Sophia Myles was in this!  Yeah, Titus Welliver was too, but Sophia Myles!  She's lovely.  The rest of this fucker was a grim and joyless affair.  It is amazing that the each one of these flicks is remarkably worse than preceding one, but gods dammit, it's true.  Marky Mark is atrocious, and Caesar Flickerman looked genuinely embarrassed--and that guy's been in some shitty fucking movies in his long career.  Perhaps the only thing these futile Transformers did for the world was to prove against all probability that is possible to miss both Megan Fox and Shia LaBeouf in your movie!

The Master? Really?

Jesus.  If that's the best they can do, well...

Sweden Does The Right Thing And Recognizes Palestine

Very good.  It's true that the recognition will not make a huge difference for Palestinians right away, but it did really piss off the cowardly and evil Israelis, so that's pretty fucking great!  Sweden can't build cars properly anymore, but they can do this.  We take what we can get.

Space, Bitches!

Space is hard, and rockets are dangerous.  Arthur Fortune is a prick of titanic proportions, but most of the people working on the project probably understood the difficulties and the dangers.  This was a bad week for private industry dilettantes; maybe we should put NASA back in business so we as a species can be sure that we spend the money in the right way.  Too bad this shit didn't happen a coupla months ago in order to give the Dems something to run on in case any of them were interested in winning elections against Koch-sucking fucktards.  Or not.

Sharyl Attkisson Is An Ass Clown

Jesus frakking christ, how fucking stupid is she?  I mean, I get that she wants to be paid by the wingnut welfare gravy train like Palin and other vile fuckwits, but Attkisson's not even bright enough to lie well to Fox "News" dipshits.  That's sad.