But Ivanka Trump Kushner IS A Feckless Cunt, And So Is Samatha Bee

DON'T APOLOGIZE TO THOSE VILE MOTHERFUCKERS, YOU STUPID ASSHOLE!  Jesus frakking christ on a bun, Samantha Bee has been a reliably annoying and vacuous Hilary dolt, and when she finally does something worthwhile, she apologizes.  Gods damn, Bee and the rest of the media and Democratic Party establishment are too fucking useless to be believed.  Never back down to Republicans.  They're all vile racist shitstains.  Shame on Bee.  Fucking pathetic.

Deranged Racist Assholes Will Always Be Your Rock-Ribbed GOP Base

Demented racist fuckheads are the Republican Party.  Trump is their king, but every single one of them has been and always will be a racist shitstain--they never needed Trump for that.  Trump was simply stupid and nasty enough to say out loud what a Paul Ryan or a Ronald Reagan would only say in private.

Jeff Sessions Can't Get Much More Sick Of All That Winning

All the fucking winning will fucking kill that creepy little Cotton Hill racist garden gnome Sessions.  Trump is delivering winning to Jeff Sessions that no American has ever won before.  Sessions probably never thought he'd be so sick of so much fucking winning.

Teabaggers And Fox "News" Clowns Are The Biggest Beta Cuck Snowflakes Anywhere

Boo fucking hoo.  If assholes like Keith Olberamann want to call a petty fascist dunderhead like Trump a fat fucking Nazi, well, that's just fucking fine and not at all like calling a black person a monkey.  Fox "News" and the average racist Republican might not understand that, but anyone with an IQ over 6 certainly does.  Hot diggity fuck, it's fun watching the beta cuck teabaggers and weak, helpless conservative snowflakes get skull-fucked over this shit again and again.  Thanks, Trump!

Racing Bikes Are So Much Easier

Shout it out to the lord: Racing bikes are so much easier!  Who the fuck knows what happened or didn't happen with the stupid guy, the stupid builder, the stupid bike.  Not me.  But when you get into fender, light, special rack, and all the rest of that all wheel drive camper van bullshit, you are asking for trouble.  A bespoke racing bike from a builder who knows what a racing bike is all about is pretty simple.  Even if you don't race, a racing bike is gonna be as fast and simple and dependable as the builder knows how to make and you know how to ride it.  Hell, a dedicated downhill racing bike is as perfect for that shit as a road racing bike is for fast road riding and racing, even if the downhill bike has a fuck ton more moving parts.

Eric Greitens: So Much Motherfucking Winning!

Bye Felicia.  Another GOP rising star in the fucking toilet because he's corrupt and a fucking creep.  This shit is getting infectious.  I guess some folks really are getting sick of all the winning!

Holy Frakking Shite! Tom Arnold Was The Smart One!

Roseanne Barr: officially sick of all that fucking winning!  Roseanne Barr had never been known as a fucking sooper genius or anything, but she royally fucked all the rest of the cast and crew on her dumb show because she's a racist shithead.  Thanks, Trump!

Cadet Bone Spurs Fucks Up His Memorial Day Message As Expected

No friends for this particular draft dodger today; Donald 'Cadet Bone Spurs' Trump cannot help but shit all over everything in the country, so this should not be a surprise to anyone.

Jesus Fucking Crisp, Vacuous Corn Cob Bakari Sellers Is Today's Uncle Tom For The Fox Generation

Katie Halper flattens him with a vicious drive-by fisking, and then the poor dumb bastard cobs himself because he is apparently a fucking helpless moron.  His disgusting fealty to the Israelis is merely the worst of his sins.  This sick bastard Sellers will be guzzling the piss straight from the bucket on Fox "News" soon enough. 

Glenn Greenwald Has An Important Message On This Memorial Day

Remember the torture.  Remember the insanity.  The mass murder.  Chelsea Manning is as close to a military hero as most will ever see today, and the United States tortured her because she would not sit quietly while she witnessed war crimes.  Fucking great world we live in!

There's Nothing Making America Greater Again Than Rudy Giuliani Getting Booed At Yankee Stadium

Fuck yeah!  Nobody should hate that greasy, anus-faced cocksucker Rudy Giuliani more than folks in New York city.  Thanks, Trump!

Sunday, May 27, 2018

Planned Parenthood Cannot Learn Anything From A Fox "News" Jerkoff

Planned Parenthood will do just fine without the sort of shit that Fox "News" assholes routinely puke up to the dimwits, senile shut-in, and mental patients who make up their audience.  Planned Parenthood is an organization with which any decent American would be proud to be associated.  Fox "News" is disgusting turdballs like Rupert Murdoch, Roger Ailes, Bill O'Reilly, Eric Bolling, Greg Gutfeld, Jeanine Pirro, Lou Dobbs.

Chris Froome Is The Worst Thing To Happen To The Giro, The World's Greatest Stage Race

The Giro is all the racing without much of the bullshit, but a Chris Froome victory is bad fuckin' news.  Froome's doped to the gills, as are all of 'em, but Team Sky has taken over the sanctimonious hypocrite mantle from the Lance Armstrong crew.  The Giro is debased by this shit.  Too bad.  Andy Hampsten was a worthy English-speaking champion.  Froome's a dickhead.

I Actively Dislike Most Johnny Cougar Mellonhead

But this is the one I don't hate.  And I'm not sure why.  It's not a perfect song, but it's good.  The original video is a nice little movie, too.  Maybe that's it.


Amazon Does Something Useful?

Fuck.  Okay.  I guess this is like that loathsome cocksucker Carnegie and his fucking libraries and shit.  Bezos saves television.  Tee vee is like a library. 

The Fuckin' Micks Get It Right Again

Good job, Paddy!  The drunken fuckers are on the right side of history again. 

Olbermann And ESPN, Together Again

It would be fitting if Keith Olbermann went back to Bristol to turn off the lights when ESPN finally closes for good.  Nobody will have cable anymore, and Keith, who was often great on the air for those clowns, can shut the lights and close the doors.

Kim Jong-un, On The Other Hand, Is Not At All Sick Of Winning

Donald Trump is the best fucking thing that could have ever happened to that stupid fat shrimpy fuck in North Korea.  Kim Jong-un looks like a conquering hero and brilliant leader compared to the angsty incompetence of Donald Trump.  If North Korea needed someone to make 'em all look good, well the USA took care of that for free.  Thanks, Trump!

Never Forget That The Noted Plagiarist Ben Domench-McCain's Dumb Website Sucks Major Dog Dick

The Federalist is quite possibly the dumbest hate slash teabagging propaganda website in the galaxy.  Ben Domenech-McCain is known for two things: being a risible plagiarist and marrying that stupid daughter of John McCain.

Gods Damn You Boston Celtics, Get This Shit Done

Do if for freedom!  Do it for the children!  For the joyous and not-at-all-miserable-and-racist-as-fuck city of Boston!  Come on, ya useless bastards, win one more fuckin' game.

Michael Cohen Is Well And Truly Fucked

The Taxi King is just the next nail in his coffin.  Cohen's also such a miserable fuckwad that nobody is going to lift a finger to help him, not Trump especially.  Cohen so so fucked, and I wonder if that horrible dumb fucker even knows how fucked.  Thanks, Trump.

CinemaSins Does The Gods' Work On 'The Last Jedi'

CinemaSins leaves the snark behind and gets into the shit with the shit that is The Last Jedi.  J.J. Abrams may be a fucking talentless hack douche, but making a movie better than The Force Awakens should have been fucking obvious; clearly Rian Johnson is a screaming incompetent worthy of a low-level Trump employee.  How many people just don't give a shit about Star Wars anymore after that dumb flick?


Twits Versus Strength, The Movie

Not really, but hasn't Strong the man and Strong the bike company been at this carbon project for a while now?  Haven't I been getting the emails occasionally for quite some time?  We may never know the answers to these questions, but tune in next time for another exciting episode of Bullshit, or Not?  Seriously, Carl Strong has had more business plans than fucking Serotta--remember the stock size mountain and road bikes; the Ibis bikes built by Strong's production shop; the bike shop/factory; the lugged custom frames; the winter sale; what else?--yet he's still out there doing it.  I wonder why that is?  Zathras?

You Cannot Find A More Pathetic Grovelling Whore Than Doug Schoen

He earns his ducats, though.  Schoen is never afraid to guzzle any amount of rancid piss for his masters, so him calling moderate, centrist, popular Democrats far-left progressives in order to scare the geriatric shut-ins who watch Fox "News" is easy work.

George Nader Rapidly Becoming Sick Of All This Fucking Winning

Vile pedo creep George Nader is probably pretty fucking sick of all the winning about now.  Nader probably wishes he had stayed a billion miles from a toxic orange loser like Trump because now all the world will know that George Nader is a disgusting pedophile.  Thanks, Trump!

Some Of The Most Insipid Pop Culture Slash Star Wars Writing You Will Ever See

Brain-dead fanbois get shit on constantly, and vacuous tools like Drew Dietsch are a big reason why.  Even huge Star Wars geeks/fans should have big problems with both of the last two flicks, but the obeisant creeps like Dietsch are almost as awful as the movies!  Jesus frakking christ on wheels.  Grow up you fucking losers.

Speaking Of Crazy, Spitting Conservative Mongrels: Jeanine Pirro

That psycho bitch Jeanine Pirro loves her some Jeff Sessions.  Pirro might be an unhinged, right-wing asswipe, but she also apparently doesn't seem to understand that Jeff Sessions is part of Trump's administration.  I mean Trump always gets the best people.  All the best people.  Smart people.  The best.  And Pirro is doing her part to bring braying insanity to teabaggers everywhere.  Thanks, Trump.


Hey, Neoliberal Dipshit, Obama Had The Power To Prevent Gorsuch

That fucktard Karoli seems to have forgotten how Obama got utterly deboned by the GOP over Merrick Garland.  Obama certainly could have made a recess appointment of an actual leftist judge after threatening to as part of an effort to force the Republicans into voting in Garland.  But he didn't.  He sat there like a simp and preened for the camera while a fucking loser like Mitch McConnell fucked him in the ass and laughed about it.  Gorsuch sucks, but he's Obama's legacy.

Melanie Trump Is The Best Trump

Better than any other Trump in the whole wide world!  All the bad, bad people pointing out that Trump never misspells Ivanka's name are bad, bad people for implying that Trump wants to fuck his fugly plastic surgery victim daughter. 

Today's School Shooting In Trump's America

Today's school shooting is not tomorrow's school shooting. Or yesterday's.  And Trump's America is your America.  These disgusting racist guntard lunatics are always rock-ribbed GOP true-believers in your America.  They will never stop killing kids, never stop killing.  Thanks, Trump.  Your welcome.

Julia Ioffe, Corn Cob, Delete Your Account

Stop your cobbing.  That woman is a dolt.  If you stand up for a creepy racist teabagging asshole, please never be surprised when people accuse you of supporting a creepy racist teabagging asshole.  Julia Ioffe is exactly the sort of dunce who should be palling around with John Podhoretz and completing secret missions for Donald Trump.

Twit Versus Twit

Don't come between a twit and his Wiggle!  Or someone else's Wiggle on CraigsList.  Or something.  I don't know.  Tedious or funny?  Who fucking cares.

Nice To See The Bad Guys Are Fucking Scared--And When Racist Conservatives Start Screaming 'Socialism' You Know You're Good

Conflating totalitarian fascist governments to Democratic Socialism is sadly very effective in frightening a certain low-information fuckbrain racist cohort of teabagging cocksuckers, but seeing the assclowns on the right start shitting their pants is good gods-damn fun.  There are a shit ton of these "editorials" out this spring, so I take that as a very good sign for the future.

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

Says Who?

I was a fan through the October and into War period, but I always hated this song.  The only thing to celebrate is Dave Evans' hair.


The Dems Failure To Stop Gina Haspel Should Destroy Their Party Forever

Once again, the establishment Dems wish to remind you that there is absolutely no difference between the Dem establishment and the GOP establishment.  The only power the Dems have is to oppose Trump, and they may have been able to block his appointment of a disgusting war criminal to a top post, but they refuse to.  Chuck Schumer should have been leading the charge to stop Haspel and deny Trump his pick, much the same way Mitch McConnell denied Obama most of his appointments.  Why in the hell should anyone who opposes the petty fascist incompetence of Trump and the rest of the racist GOP support any Democrat?

2017 Lugged Raleigh Team, What A Weird Bike

We don't do much with Raleigh any more, especially road bikes, so this one completely escaped my notice.  And it musta been a dud, as they are still flogging them two years later, but the thing is really odd.  The spec is pretty fucking nuts with mostly silver mostly Campag, genuine Nitto bar, stem, and post, and a Turbo saddle, and it looks fucking great and even has horizontal drops, a threaded headset, and proper downtube shifter bosses, but the geometry is a fucking nightmare; why the hell didn't they just copy the geometry of an RB-1?  The interwebs rumors say this is a Japanese market model pinched by the USA company.  Oh, well.  Coulda been a fun bike if it had actually fit properly.


'Spider-Man 2' Is Still The Best Superhero Movie

It's not perfect, but it has an almost perfect structure, and the flick is filled with good performances.  The Marvel movies may have perfected the ATM technology, but as a movie, Spider-Man 2 is better than any of 'em.  Hell, even James Franco is more or less tolerable in the thing, so that's unusual. 

Bad News: That Evil Cocksucker Krazy Kripple Krauthammer Is Not Dead Yet

That miserable fucking bastard Charles Krauthammer is still alive, apparently.  I guess it's fitting that a fucking useless hateful shitbag like KKKrauthammer would be part of the offensively dumb Jerusalem thing that Trump and Netanyahu fucked up today.

Jeanine Pirro Is A Fucking Lunatic

Pirro is batshit fucking crazy and should not be running around loose.  People who believe in fairy tales are too fucking stupid to be trusted in polite society and should be eating soft foods in a padded cell somewhere with cheerful attendants and helpers making sure they stay clean and get their diapers changed.  Talking about insane biblical prophecies or space aliens or any of that shit should be enough to brand you a screaming fucktard forever.  Plus, we know Jeanine Pirro's a slut, too.  That's too fucking disgusting to contemplate. 

The Boston Celtics Are Fucking Evil

Sure, they blew out fucking Cleveland in game 1, but they will lose this series, and that will suck for everyone.  The world is shitty enough without the wretched Cavaliers winning anything.  Fuckers.

St. Paul's School Has A Target On Its Back Now

They're turning their school into a separate piece of shit from a public-relations standpoint.  The school fucked up the Owen Labrie/Chessy Prout case, and now they're going to be unable to stop anyone who wants to fuck with them, case or no case, for a good while.  It's fine to come clean, as St. Paul's and Choate and many others attempted to do, but that weakness is a call for everyone to piss on you, rightly or wrongly.  Luckily for all these schools, America will not run out of that very specific traditional cohort of the upper-class who are willing to pay the bills at these types of institutions. The only class of student who may suffer from all this shit is the 5% who make up the genuinely smart, motivated, financial aid kids.

Shit, 'The Expanse' Is Cancelled

SyFy sucks at this game.  They couldn't make BSG a good show for more than 10 or 12 episodes, they destroyed Farscape, and they couldn't even do middlin' shit like Killjoys and Dark Matter, so just as The Expanse was fixin' to turn into Stargate 2001, the network realized it cost a shitload of money and cancelled the whole fucking thing.  Time to bring back ghost huntin', Bigfoot trackin', and wrastlin'.  Morons.

A.J. Delgado, Vile GOP Teabagging Slut, Is Also A Destitute GOP Tebagging Whore

Holy fucking christ on a moped, this is loverly.  I think it's beyond hilarious that this wrinkly old washer woman slut A.J. Delgado gets knocked up by a married guy, foolishly shits out the wretched bastard spawn, gets canned from her Trumptard sinecure, has to crawl back to her mother with her fucking bastard in tow, and then has to beg for money because the married guy and his family are gonna brutalize her in court and get custody of said bastard.  By all the gods in all the hells, this is the kind of shit that makes me a little bit thankful the universe exists, and that we all get to be so wonderfully entertained by all the insane conservative stupidity out there.  Thanks, Trump!

Trek Trolls Twits With A Fake Bontrager

Trek thought it would be funny to make a fake Bontrager frame to troll the twits.  I guess it's not technically fake since Trek owns the Bontrager name, but apparently Keith Bontrager had nothing to do with this bike.


Holy Shit, Kimberly Guilfoyle Is A Yuge Slut!

Gods damn, Kimberly Guilfoyle is not just a Fox "News" whore, but a ginormous, skanky, cum-burping slut as well!  She will clearly fuck anything: First the Mooch and now Trump, Jr.  I'd imagine just the VD alone boiling away in that rancid roastie would be enough to kill a fucking rhino. 

Gina Haspel Is Obama's Fault

If Obama had had the courage to defy the neoliberal establishment and prosecute the war crimes which occurred under Cheney and Bush, Gina Haspel would be long dead or locked in a small, dark concrete cell 23 hours a day.  But he didn't.  Obama lacked courage.  And wisdom.  And everything else he needed to be a true leader, so now we have the torturers and other war criminals parading around free in every aspect of American government, never having been made to answer for their crimes, under the auspices of the helplessly stupid petty fascist retards surrounding Trump.  Thanks, Obama.

Conservative Fuckface Ed Rogers Is A Lying Cunt, Too

Pro tip: every conservative is a cunt.  Conservatives are always wrong about everything.  Ed Rogers is a fatuous Reagan-era fossil who probably actually believes that socialism for the majority is evil, but socialism for the sole benefit of the plutocrats, as in the USA in 2018, is just fucking fine and dandy.  Well, get your skull-fucking boots on, because before he gets the guillotine he so richly deserves, Ed Rogers, along with the rest of his nasty plutocrat friends, should get a festive skull-fucking.

Sally Pipes Is A Lying Cunt, Always And Forever, Amen--And She Gets Paid By The Health Insurance Industry To Lie

So please jesus, skull fuck her mercilessly for eternity. Amen.  Sally C. Pipes is that especially loathsome conservative who gets paid to lie because they're not good enough at sucking cock, or anything else, to get paid for that.  Dinesh D'Souza's another one of those.  Anywho, Pipes can always be counted on the spew up whatever bullshit her masters demand, but you can always count on the fact that 100% of what she says is a lie.  Health care in Canada works very much better for everyone than it does in the USA, and you could not find a genuine Canadian who would trade their system for the shit show in America.  It's nice work to be a lying conservative piece of human filth.  Just ask Sally Pipes.

Neoliberal Assholes Are The Democratic Party Establishment

And they are reactionary idiots.  Trump's screaming, teabagging retards are not the only mental-defectives undoing our society.  The rock-ribbed conservative Clinton crowd are every bit as vile.

Barbara Ehrenreich, National Treasure

Barbara Ehrenreich has a record anybody would be wicked proud of.  She's been a vibrant writer and intellectual for decades, decades during which the promise of American society has corroded beyond repair, and Ehrenreich has worked to give a voice to that tragedy. 

Go, Blankenship, Go!

Come on, you vile murderous cocksucker, win that fucking primary for the good of hilarity!  Let's all pray to jesus frakking christ on toast that Don Blankenship comes in first place tomorrow because West Virginia is stuffed with the dumbest fucking racist conservative assholes in the known universe, and that Blankenship takes his rightful place as a GOP leader!  Thanks, Trump.

Matt Walsh, Delete Your Account

This is the sort of comprehensive cobbing humans rarely witness.  Former hateful conservative airhead and nasty reactionary fuckwad Matt Walsh decided to end his time as a human and transmogrify himself into a corn cob right there on Twitter for our amusement.  Thanks, Trump

This Is What A Self-Hating, Impotent, Bed-Wetting Closet Case Looks Like

A real alpha man. Sure.  If this fucking racist pussy homo could just learn to love himself and his boiling, never-ending desire for sweet rock-hard man meat, all his problems would disappear.  But since he's a conservative fuckhead, he's gonna have to live a life of hilarious desperation while fondling his metal penis substitute. 

Rudy Giuliani: Super Genius

Giuliani: greasy, lispy, bald, anus-faced guinea or the gods' gift to comedy and joy?  Why not both?  Giuliani is spending 2018 making himself look even more idiotic than his previous seven decades of loathsome buffoonery have.  That's not easy!  Thanks Trump!

Fake Fake Fake Fake FAKE! THE EARTH IS FLAT! DEEP STATE OBAMA SATAN

Save us Trump!  We all know the Earth is flat, so please jesus and Trump, save us from the homosexual commie deep state ivory tower illuminati lamestream media fake news Satan science Obama jade helm new world order!

Even Headsets Confuse The Twits

Skull fuck them.  Maybe I'm being a tad harsh.  But headsets are easy: Chris King is a perfect product.  And they have a solution to fit almost any possible bike.  If you want a classic-looking threaded headset for a rider, then the Tange Levin alloy is the perfect product in that situation.  Otherwise, plenty of headsets work well and are well-made, including Cane Creek and Campagnolo, but the CKs are the best you can do, period.

Krugman Shuffles In With A Straightforward Drive-By Fisking Of Rudy Giuliani

That lispy, greasy anus-faced shitbag Giuliani never made a friend in the universe with an IQ above 7, which is undoubtedly why Trump and George W Bush loved the disgusting racist incompetent imothefucking cocksucker.  Giuliani did marry his cousin, though, so that gets him props from the inbred bigot KKK/hillbilly cohort.

Well, I Guess Giuliani Is A Worse Lawyer Than Michael Cohen Or Imani Gandy

Or at least just as bad.  Giuliani is bumbling around out there like a senile old whore looking for a dick to suck.  Good thing Trump always gets the best people.  Only the best people.  Thanks, Trump.

Routinely Awful GOP Cockbag Rick Wilson Has Some Funny

Not bad.  Wilson might hate Trump, but he's still a rock-ribbed conservative piece of shit.

Teabagging Trumptards Like Kurt Schlichter Are So Fucking Dumb, They Think They're Winning

Nobody explain to these bed-wetting mental-defectives like Kurt Schlichter what winning really means because I'm counting on a most entertaining mass suicide when their orange shitgibbon gets his due.  Plus, Trump's gargantuan failure is the only thing protecting the world from the GOP agenda for another nine months, so keep sucking that cock and guzzling down that winning piss, Schilchter.  That's a good boy.  Thanks, Trump.

How Much More Sick Of All That Winning Can Trumptard Dipshit Michael Cohen Get?

Wiretapped?  Fucking brilliant.  This is amazing shit that keeps getting funnier the more time goes on.  Thanks, Trump!

Cocaine Mitch Is Probably Wicked Fucking Sick Of All The Winning Right Now

Jesus, when you get dragged by a vile pig-fucking murderer like Don Blankenship and just stand there and take it like a bitch with that simpy turtle smirk on your misshapen turtle head, well, you're fucking sick to death of all the winning going on.  Nice job, McConnell.  You're quite a guy.  Thanks, Trump!

This Proud Beta Cuck Loser Boy Is The Proudest Proud Boy Who Ever Boyed

Watching a proud boy turn into a corn cob.  It was pretty fun, tho.  Especially the narration.  Nobody's ever gonna be proud of that boy again.


Watching Hillary Clinton Dead-Enders Cob Themselves Is What Passes For Fun These Days

Philippe Reines turns cobbing into an art. It's obviously his only skill.  The Clinton fucks hate Sanders so much because they know two things for sure: Hillary lost to the orange shitgibbon, and Bernie would have won easily. 

Watching Twits Try To Figure Stuff Out Is Beyond Tedious

Thanks guys. Great job. Good thinking.  Though one of those fellers has shown he's not a complete fucking zero, most of the twits are just fucking hopeless and always will be, so never, ever wonder how a clueless orange imbecile and least popular major party candidate in history managed to eke out an electoral victory against the second least popular candidate in modern American history.  Brilliant.

Thank The Gods Nobody Gives A Shit About Ironman Triathlons

Nobody cares.  Triathlons are very hard, especially at the longer distances.  But nobody cares.  Swimmers suck at triathlons because the swimming is so short.  Great bike racers can destroy the field as long as they can swim even a little bit, see Overend, Ned.  The running is mostly about monster fitness and not get injured.  Bike racing is cool.  Triathlons are shit, unless you get off on doing 'em.  Knock yourself out.  Thanks, Trump.