Ukraine. Jesus.

This State Department/CIA shit show is not getting nearly the coverage it deserves around here.  The fucking mess on the ground is not going to get better any time soon, apparently.  The human suffering is real and is the story we should be getting along with the geopolitical buttfucking we're giving the Russians.

Making Nazi Fucks Pay Up Is A Good Start

And kinda funny in a Top Gear versus Top Gear Germany way.  It sounds like a stunt at first by the new good guys in Greece, but it really makes sense, so I hope they go this way.  Clean up the shit and then talk about what's going to happen.  The Krauts can handle that.

(via)

Is Jeb Gonna Deliver The Entertainment?

We'll stipulate that he's a nasty reactionary fuckhead, but it's not clear whether Jeb Bush will produce the requisite clueless self-shaming and flaming teabagging inanity the way mush-mouth Mitt did.  Bush has a big fucking retard to live up to in his brother too, so let's hope he's a bigger cocksucking monster than we think if we wanna laugh till we cry in 2016.

Roald Dahl Knows You Don't Live Twice

Roald Dahl buries the anti-vaxxers and speaks from experience.  Measles was eradicated in the USA before these idiot fucks brought it back with their ignorance. 

St. Paul's And Groton Look So Good, But The Damned Pool And Swimming Situations Are Killing Me

They did it on purpose to piss me off.  The two best schools both decided long ago to not have proper competition swimming just because they hate me.  Groton built that fucking stupid four lane pool--four lanes!--which is a gods damned atrocity for any pool built after say 1949, and St. Paul's refuses to get a legit varsity program going so my daughter can swim there.  Settling for Exeter or Hotchkiss isn't really settling, but if those two fucking dumps St. Paul's and Groton had teams, she probably wouldn't even apply anywhere else.  Second form at Groton would be perfect except for that pool situation.

By the way, they are high schools, but Groton and St. Paul's are what actual elite educational institutions look like.

Jim Webb Wants To Wake Up White People!

He's the white kind of Democratic America needs!  It's lovely to have Dems who will appear to all Americans, and Jim Webb knows just the sort of Americans the Dems should be serving. 

Elite? That's Cute, But No, Not At All

When you say elite university, you don't mean Michigan.  Michigan is a good school, very good, but it's not U Chicago or Williams or MIT.  Michigan is a huge state school, with thousands and thousands of students who would never ever get a consideration at a truly elite university.  Certainly some of these kids who are having financial distress might have found a better fit with better financial aid at another school, but of course, the state college is supposed to be basically free to qualified students from that same state, and it is only our fucked up economic system preventing a return to that scenario.  It's cute that the Michigan kids want to pretend they're at an elite university--and it's not really hurting anything--but they're as deluded as the Virginia students and Cal students and the rest of the public Ivy clowns.

(via)

Godsdamned Useless Coward Mitt Romney

He's denying us our fun watching him soil himself again and again in public for another campaign.  We love the gods but they hate us.  If the gods were loving, nice fuzzy kitten gods, they would send Mitt out there again to lose in the most hilariously demeaning manner.

Highway Goddess

No Decent Sane Person Gives A Flying Fuck About Andrew Sullivan

Sullivan is a pathetically mush-headed Tory buffoon, and no one out there with at least two brain cells should give a fuck what he does.  Remember the racist bullshit, the health care lies and sucking of Bush's dick, and move the fuck on.

Wonderful Henry Kissinger Fisking

Yes.  Kissinger is one of history's greatest villains, easily as bad as Reagan, Bush, Cheney, Wolfowitz, Billy Ray Cyrus.  And Chris Hitchens was never better than when he was savaging Kissinger or the equally vile Mother Teresa.  Code Pink should get some kind of wonderful prize for protesting that disgusting fuck Kissinger.

Sharyl Attkisson Is An Idiot

From today's 'Fuckin' Duh!' file.  Still, she was on the tee vee, nominally doing "news" for a long fucking time.  How does that happen?

No Snowpologies

Demanding apologies from governors, mayors, or weather people is even dumber than most of public discourse in this terrible age we live in.  It's easy to bitch until you're the one who is trapped.  Or until it takes two or three days to get back to full capacity instead of less than one.  Until someone you know dies.  Miserable cocksucking Republicans can't get dumber, yet they do every fucking chance they get.

Solid Start For 'The Americans'

Nothing outa this world, but solid.  Good to see.  They should keep this show going up until the present day, with both sides continuing their inane futility. 

Impossible Literary List Thingy

Kinda sucks, but kinda has to, given the nature of the thing.  Yeah, you get Melville, which is key because it sets the perspective for the whole giant novel, but in addition to Portrait, you gotta have Ulysses and the Wake.  The three beginnings are are a coherent progression, and the Wake, which starts with what should be a cheap stunt, works so well given the nature of that thing.

You Can Say Shit On Top Gear Now

So far, they can say shit on BBC America.  That's progress.  The show that comes after, however, is actual shit. 

Does Helix Have A Coherent Plan?

Helix went off the rails last season, but this year it's a whole lot dumber.  They jettisoned some of the best of the Arctic people to go with some much cheaper stories involving very basic sets.  Is there a fucking plan?  Does everything Ronald D. Moore touches turn to shit?

Jesus, Another Travel Meet With That Shitty New Speedo Backpack

Giant, pox-ridden donkey balls.  Trials/Finals means you need two towels each day, but the new backpack is long and narrow, so two big team towels don't fit into the bag in any way you can access them easily, yet the old one is perfectly suited to such use.  Fuckers.

Inbetween Numbers

Sarah Palin, Singular American Idiot

And the fucktard baggers love her to death--we should be so fucking lucky.  They are pretty much as dumb as she is, so they eat up that turd sandwich and beg for more.

Tidal Waves Of Blood Crashing In The Streets Is So Gonna Be Worth It

It's gonna be an orgy, the good kind.  Sure, the aftermath will be rough, and we will lose much, but gods fucking dammit, it's will be fun like we never get.

Your Bigtime Newspaper, The Washington Post

Not at all liberal, not even sane.  But boy oh boy it gets the village idiots all wet and sticky.  Killing poors.  Fucking genius.  Where's the establishment media calling for the summary murder of a few thousand 0.1%ers every year?  Fuckin' odd.

Heads Up And Loose

Who's Gonna Be Dumb Enough To Buy A Chinese Volvo?

Nasty.  Who's gonna be a big enough fuckwad to pay a premium for a Volvo made in China?  Some of the chowderheads at SU seem to be likin' it, but they're morons.  The point of premium is premium.  If you want cheap and somewhat functional, there's always KIA.  If you want expensive and Chinese garbage, you're an asshole.  That Volvo looks like shit.  I can't really tell from the pictures how cheap it seems, but the overall styling is not good, and if it's giving off that cheapo vibe, it's a fucking trainwreck.

Glassed

Good For The Dropkick Murphys

Kick 'em when they suck!  The Dropkick Murphys would probably love a fight over this--as we all would--but even the Wisconsin types are probably just gonna stop using the music.  A fight would be more fun.

Go In Greek

Good stuff.  The Greek leftists will have a shitty time fixing their country, but there's no way in any of the nine hells that they can do any worse than the austerity conservative fuckheads.  And if they manage to pull it off, that might be a clue for the rest of the world that austerity never works and conservatives are fucking retards no matter what country or what century you live in.

Even Yet Still More American Psycho Sniper Fisking

Lee Papa smacks 'em around a bit.  This dumb flick is drawing a pretty comical distinction between the dimwits and us.

Footwoman?

Matt Taibbi Fisks 'American Sniper' And The Teabaggers Lose Their Shit

Heh, indeedy.  That was neat.  The fucking teabaggers did not like it.  That makes it so much better.  Taibbi's point that the movie was too dumb to criticize kinda also said that the folks who had raging boners over the flick are also really fucking dumb.  That's a no shit there, boyo.

Please Jeebus, Let's Have This Vile Dershowitz And Clinton Stuff Be True

How glorious would this be if the scandal and the disgusting crimes manage to destroy both the Clintons and Alan Dershowitz!  Dershowitz is clearly lying out his ass about this shit, and as bad as the allegations are, if Dershowitz gets fucked, it will be the best fucking day in the history of human civilization.  Destroying the Clinton family reputation will just be a huge bonus our way.

Post This

'Coach Carter' Is The Worst Ever, But 'Good Will Hunting' Is Close

Coach Carter is the worst and most offensively disgusting film ever made, but Good Will Hunting is an astoundingly wretched movie in an entirely different way.  It's a soft-headed Kevin Smith-style Southie sitcom.  Stellan Starsgard's scarf.  Ben Affleck method acting Ben Affleck.  It's wicked dumb too.  Bourne is too smart in this flick.  He's not some smart kid from Southie who had a tough life.  He's a fucking Christopher Marlowe polymath genius with apparently eidetic memory, so no matter what fucking orphanage he was terrorizing or how hurt he was inside, Will woulda been scooped up and trundled off to Exeter or Groton and gone to MIT or Harvard on his own.  Will woulda been that d-bag grad student pressing Erik Selvig's scarf.  For the movie to work as more than a sitcom, the smart guy shoulda been merely wicked smart, not a fucking genius prodigy, merely a physics professor in the making, not a gods-damned superhero--so much more interesting if the guy has to work hard for better-than-most-anyone-else-could outcomes, more interesting but way harder to pull off if you are basically a hopeless hacktacular writer or writers.  I'd much rather watch Good Will Hunting 2: Hunting Season.  That's easily the best idea Smith's had since 10 minutes into Clerks.

Dead Poets Society sucked huge moose cock, too.  Do I sense a pattern?

Netanyahu's Teabagger Vacation

During Bibi's sojourn among the American teabaggers, perhaps Obama could manage to introduce him to the Bridgeton, NJ police department.  That would be an Obama legacy the whole world could love.

Bryant Gumbel, Fuck Yeah!

I was never a Bryant Gumbel fan--he reacted very poorly to Letterman fucking with him during Letterman's NBC days--but holy shit, he's right fucking on with this one.  The NRA is a cancer, even if you have to belong because of your job or some shit, and it is great to fucking hate it.  Maybe Gumbel and not Sharpton will be the man to restore America by getting rid of the guns with the BLACK NRA!

Jesus Frakking Christ, Cancel The Superbowl Now

It's toast.  Ditch the bullshit and that fat slut Katy Perry, send the Patsies and the fucking Seahawks home, wheel in six kegs of something decent, and I will provide a reasonably entertaining pickup football game with lots of contact, excessive drinking, and so much adult language it will more than worth the price of cable tee vee. 

Train Ing

Bonus 'No Shit' Tonight

No shit.  No justice, no peace.

Your No Shit For The Evening: The FBI Spied On The Occupy Movement

Despite what the Obama fluffers hissed at the time.  No we know better.  Anyone who didn't get this before is either a brain dead Obama pissboy or a fucking retard.  The pool, the pond.  We knew this shit three years ago.  If the swells and establishment Dems didn't want to see the truth, that's their own fucking fault.

Idiot Democrats (Now A TV Jerkoff) Like Patrick Murphy

Holy shit, former Rep. Patrick Murphy is a fucking moron.  For once we can be glad that he's outa Congress and can only inflict his inanity on our tee vees and not in our government.  Jesus what an asshole he is.  Poor Robert Greenwald must have felt like he was trapped in some grade-Z Fox "News" shit show.

Belichick Brings The Funfetti

Bill Belichick is by all accounts a stupendous asshole, Andover, Wesleyan, Bob Kraft's vaudeville review, but he is by all accounts also the sort of guy who doesn't like to leave things to chance.  The Patsies have been a soulless robot under Belichick's control--the way the otherwise unremarkable Tom Brady stepped into his role while the machine continued apace--and Belichick has never been bashful about using and abusing any and all means to keep his robot functioning at the highest level.  Would Belichick cheat to win when someone else might balk?  Would Belichick also cheat just in case?

Everyone Doesn't Know This About Oregon?

Oregon is still a fucked up place.  Doesn't everybody know why?  Fluoride?  Gun nuts?  Dipshits?  Oregon is half liberal paradise, half racist libertarian teabagger paradise, and half stoned moron paradise.  If that seems like it would suck ass, it would, it would.

Next Year We Won't Have Justified On State Of The Union Night

Then what will prevent the suicides from watching those motherfucking ass clowns, the President, the Congress, the media, debasing our society and squandering our potential in masturbatory self-congratulation?  Without Justified, we have no hope at all.

Beyonce? Awful, But Better Than The Fucking Duggar Whores

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Chris Kyle Was A First-Class Villain And War Criminal

And a fucking psycho.  He lied about murdering innocent Americans in New Orleans.  He lied about killing a couple of carjackers.  He lied about Jessie Ventura.  He was a bad guy.  He may have been made worse by the military, but jesus, he was a nasty fucker to begin with.  He had to have been.  Michael Moore's recent tweet was criticized, but nobody was talking about the part about invaders being always wrong.  Kyle was one of the invaders.  Everything he did over there was wrong.  And criminal.

Obama's Real Legacy: Health Care

And that legacy isn't great.  The fluffers and optimists and other random fucks will crow about the major league big fucking deal that Obamacare was while the people who aren't upper class will see that the state of health care in the United States is still a fucking nightmare.

Robert E. Lee: A REAL American Hero

Unlike some people, Robert E. Lee was a true American hero--and today is a fine day to celebrate him.  Lee never did anything to disturb the peace of America like certain other people.  Lee never violated the trust of the good white people of the south.  Lee never caused trouble.  Lee was not a motherfucking commie.  Lee was the kind of guy jesus would like to have a beer with, unlike some other people you mighta heard about.

Martin Luther King Jr. Was A Communist

Every gods-damned good white christian knows MLK was a damn, dirty communist.  And he was black!  BLACK!!  Jesus hates that shit, communists, blacks.  Thank the gods we have good white christians to tell the truth!

Elizabeth Warren, Hero Of The Federation. Or Something.

So far, Warren is a decent Senator.  Considering the rest of the Senate, that's something.  But, but, but, the important thing is that she's absolutely hated by the teabaggers and other random Fox "News" nursing home inmates.  That's the beauty.

And They Lived

Jesus.  Rock you like a motherfrakking hurricane.  Says alot about the current state of safety designs that these two fuckheads lived.  The car, well, not much metal in that thing.  Melted down like a discount-bin 18-LP Ted Nugent box set.

Michael Moore? Good For Him!

Nice job pissing off the jingoists and fascist cocksuckers and teabaggers, Michael Moore!  That's what we need more of.  More people calling out our wars and our killers and and our insane bloodlust and our empire.  Chris Kyle was a psycho murderer.  He deserved our sympathy and some rigorous therapy and confinement, not our worship.  The USA made him a killer, but he got off on it.

Saab AB? What?

Saab AB was the future of Saab cars 35 years ago.  But today?  After GM?  After the fucking abortion that was NEVS?  Don't think so.  Saab AB wants nothing to do with that shit show.  If they'd been the company in 1980 and 1985 and 1995 and 2005, well maybe Saab would be one of the world's finest automobiles in 2015, but that didn't happen.  Nobody has the balls or the brains--or the cash--to make Saab cars now.  Toast.

Is 'Coach Carter' The Worst And Most Offensive Film Ever Made?

Yes.  Yes it is.  I can think of no movie dumber or more offensive than Coach Carter.

No Matter What, Time To Do Away With The Fucking Packers

As far as NFL franchises go, the Packers are the good one, cuz, ya know, Bob Kraft, Jim Irsay, Dan Snyder, Jerry Jones.  Regardless, the Packers played to lose against the Seahawks, and this tie at the end of regulation means the fucking Packers deserve to lose this stupid game.  Shut 'em down and have an expansion team owned by a Koch brother in some redneck racist suburb somewhere.

Update: fuckers.

Expect MUCH Less From Target Canada

Minnesota Nasty really fucked up their Canuck adventure.  How the hell did they let that happen?  Wal-Mart could do it, and Target is supposedly better than Wal-Mart because Minnesota is not as filled to the brim with inbred racist fucktards as Arkansas, but this shit has gotta make you wonder.  How are those lacrosse-playing fuckers gonna handle this?

Greg Anthony Is A Huge Republican, Has Family Values, Values His Family, And Prostitutes

Greg Anthony is another great family values Republican. I wonder if he shits in diapers with hookers like David Vitter?  Conservative Republicans love prostitutes and violating their vows.  Greg Anthony fits right in with his Republican brothers and sisters.

I REALLY Want Mitt Romney To Run For President Again

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Jesus The New Speedo Backpack Sucks Balls

The older Speedo backpack was decent, if a bit flimsy-feeling.  The new one though, the one the team is using as official equipment, is a fucking disaster.  It's smaller in practice, and every new feature which makes it a good general-use backpack makes it so much shittier for swimming team use.  There's a laptop sleeve, which is fucking inane.  And the mesh bottom for wet stuff has what seems like a 50% smaller opening.  The whole thing is taller and narrower.  We've had a few weekends of travel meets with this worthless fucker now, and I hate it.  The Speedo people should be ashamed. 

Is The Supreme Court Gonna Give The Dems A Gift They Won't Use?

If the court splits the difference and allows teabagger states to discriminate while allowing the civilized places to continue as usual, the Dems will get a huge campaign issue to use everywhere, even red states.  Of course, they won't do it.  They didn't fight hard last year despite having the winning side on every conceivable issue, but maybe we'll get a fucking divine intervention of some sort, and the Dems will decide to campaign to win; anything short of unequivocal finding of an absolute right to marriage will give a huge win to the Dems.

Chances Are You Weren't Charlie, Either

Most Americans are NEVER gonna get this shit.  Charlie Hebdo is extremely left wing, and in the USA, the left is barely visible anyway, so Americans have no experience.  Outrageous, in-your-face, leftist opinion, parody, and satire is more than a bridge too far for American society.  CH will say and print shitloads of things that will freak out most of the folks who don't get it, atmo.

Ben Carson Took Someone's Spot In Medical School

Somewhere there's someone who's not a completely dumb fucking teabagger like Ben Carson who didn't get to go to medical school at Michigan because Carson took their spot.  Imagine not being such a ridiculous fuckwad.  Imagine what a smarter human could have done with such an opportunity.  Instead we have this asshole.  I still want him to run for president, though.  He's hilarious and might help obliterate the Republicans for 2016.

Liam Neeson Makes Sense! Really!!

Too many guns. Preach on, brother.  Neeson abandons the drunken Mick routine and tells some ugly truth about the bad ol' USA.  The guntards and other random fuckwads ain't gonna like it, but even Neeson knows the score.

How Long Till The Whole World Proclaims Jeanine Pirro Is A Fucking Loon

Holy shit, she's a fucking idiot.  She's on your cable tee vee.  Some poor senile old fuckers watch that shit and believe whatever nonsense she pukes up.  She gets paid.  That's just grand.

Poverty In America, Or WTF Is The Matter With That Headine

A. Majority. Of American children. In Poverty.  Of course, the pubic school part is kinda key, because the super richy richest American wee tots don't attend public schools.  But fuck that, because how the fuck are a majority of the majority of our kids at or near poverty?  In America?  Where we have unlimited money for weapons and endless wars and gifts to Koch brothers.  Jesus fucking christ.

Keith Olbermann Adroitly Fisks Both The Pennsyltucky Vatican And The NCAA

Cool.  Olbermann has been strong on this point all along.  Football was god to those miserable fuckers at Penn State, and if children were brutalized, that simply wasn't important.  Burn that whole fucking place down, salt the Earth and tell the tale forever.  Penn State was run by the football program and Joe Paterno and Jerry Sandusky, and the Penn State football program was a machine to rape children.

Virag's Movie Reviews: The Equalizer (2014)

Denzel Washington is good even in crappy flicks, and this is a crappy flick.  It's not The Equalizer, though, and he's not Robert McCall.  Apparently Washington decided to give McCall OCD, but he should have given him a Jaguar, an English accent, NYC, a cool apartment full of expensive guns, Robert Lansing's Control, and Mickey Kostmayer.  (Having Washington do his normal accent as Bob, but then slipping into RP when Robert comes out would have been something that proved someone on the film knew what the fuck was supposed to be going on.)  Cousin Johnny playing a grade-D Russian thug and a low-rent McCall working at a rip-off Home Depot in Boston ain't cutting it.  The whole thing was way dumb.  Since Galen is the real Robert McCall's kid, maybe that woulda been a better play.  No way it woulda been worse.

Kurt Busch Is A Teabagger Dream Date

He's a lunatic as well as an asshole, a perfect teabagger.  The NASCAR-loving teabaggers are all about this bugfuck nutty shit, and they're welcome to it.

This Is A Matryoshka Doll Of Trolling

Genius. And 100% horseshit.  But, wow, it worked.  To start, the whole GSA thing is bullshit, cooked up by and for a shitty tee vee show.  Then the interviewer is either working the hoax or credulous enough to fall for it.  The story is beyond hilarious and filled with obvious clues that it is a complete joke.  Very quickly you kinda lose track of who is the troll and who is being trolled.  Maybe they all are both troll and trolled in some symbiosis of inanity?  Did New York magazine fall for it or were they doing the trolling?  Pretty funny and yucky regardless.  The only thing it is not is believable on any level.

Telegram From The End Of The World

Whittier isn't a space colony. It's the end of civilization.  This is what it will look like as people lose control of their planet and collapse into primitive subsistence.  As for now, though, Whittier is probably like a real life Northern Exposure without the tee vee writers.

Do You Remember Husker Du?

Fun thread on the Husker Du back catalog, crappy CDs, shitty SST production, and other good stuff.  The charm of the Huskers was that they weren't like difficult geniuses.  They weren't even Sonic Youth.  They were hardcore pop kids who wrote great songs and probably shoulda been way fuckin' huger than they were.

Petraeus Is No Whisteblower, He's A Piece Of Shit

An empty-headed blowhard moron, and he always was.  He didn't have the sense to keep that crazy star struck slut at arm's length, and he should certainly be prosecuted for that lack since he violated the law.  He's no hero.  He's a fool, and sometimes that is a crime.

Road Tubeless Fisking

If you like fucking with stuff, how about tubulars?  That's not what they were writing about, but still.  Anyway, Stan's-type tubeless with the spooge is a gods-damned nightmare on mountain bikes, and with the much higher pressures of road tires, any road tubeless set-up is likely to be perfect for catastrophic failure.  Maybe the big guys will make it work, but when tubulars are so rad, why would you give up the mundane clincher for anything else.

Dumb, Even For TPM

Amanda Marcotte really screws the pooch on this one, though maybe we should assume she didn't write the inexcusable headline.  Anywho, equating Cosby, apparently a vicious serial rapist, and Allen, obviously a weird little dude with atrocious choice in women, is a textbook definition of bad idea.  Marcotte must get paid by the keystroke or somethin'. 

Adventures In Police State Violence

In Uhmerrka we don't need no mooslims to shoot up our streets cuz our police and our guntard racist conservatives take care of that for us.  The USA is the most violent society in the history of the galaxy, but we seem to love it so.  It makes us feel good to think that some dusky minority or greasy immigrant will get offed in the street for our tee vee news amusement.  We love that our police are hyper-violent paramilitary thugs.  As usual, a few fucking pussies will complain, but the rest of this blighted land will thank jesus that some poor and dark and powerless people have it worse than gods' favorite white folks.

Political Song for Chris Kyle's Jock Sniffers to Sing

Chris Kyle Was An American Psycho

I guess that movie title was taken.  As much as the guy died as he lived, a guntard, and was probably the victim of a sub-standard education and fucked-up home life before he was exploited by the US military, he was clearly in need of professional help and probably confinement considering how much he got off on committing horrifically brutal murder excused by his particular location at the time.  At some point, a better person would have refused to do what Kyle did with relish, but the nation and the system certainly gave him the outlet for his perverted lust for blood and should be blamed for that.  Now his supporters and other whackjob assholes are all puffed up over the story of his life and crimes coming out in place of mindless praise for a disgusting hagiography directed by poor senile Clint Eastwood.  Kyle was no victim, nor was he a hero.  The people standing up to tell the truth about Kyle are the real heroes.  The self-described patriots are the bad guys.  And the permanent war of American empire needs to be destroyed for all time.

Obama Ain't Charlie

And going to Paris--or sending Biden or his whole gods-damned cabinet--woulda been fuckin' stupid.  First off, the U.S. was properly represented by the gods-damned ambassador.  That's what ambassador's do.  So what if the U.S. ambassador to France is not famous in America since they are sure as shit famous in Paris.  Second, the march was a fucking photo op, and if Obama had been dumb enough to go, then the Fox "News" fucktards woulda' gone apeshit over that, so fuck 'em.  Fuck 'em with a rolled up copy of Charlie Hebdo.

The Ducks Weren't Up To The Task

But the whole championship thing was too long and too tedious.  I know it's all about tee vee money, but the damn game was too late in the year.  Needs to be on New Year's Day, and who give a rat's ass bout a playoff.  Good bowl games during the week before Jan. 1 is the way to go.

I Think I Saw Eddie Vedder's Mom

An older lady driving a Honda CR-V with a license plate that was 'PRL JAM'.  Who else could that be?  If you weren't Mrs. Vedder, you'd be fucking mortified, so I say it had to be Eddie's mom.

Social Security Genius: Obama And His Republicans

This is fucking brilliant, especially brilliant since it comes from one of the fluffiest of establishment Dem websites.  This is what we call a trial balloon.  Put the balloon on trial, and when the verdict is in, everybody knows how the target demo will react.  Obama's been gunning for Social Security from day one, and now the Repubs are in a great spot to help him live up to Bill Clinton's example of being a shitty Democratic president.

Texas Is An Idiot's Paradise

Austin ain't no better than the rest of that fetid outhouse on the Mexican border.  Cross races are not that hard to comprehend, but Austin wasn't up to the task.  Bad enough that the national championship type event was scheduled for a non-winter place like Austin Fuckin' Texas, but then it rains and they lose their shit.  Fucking morons.

Packers V Cowboys Is A No Freekin' Brainer

Cannibal Nazi Racist Fundamentalists versus Dallas would still have you prayin' for a Cowboys loss, so when they're playin' a team like the Packers...

The NYPD Has Never Been Better

If Americans were worth anything, we as a society would ram this work slowdown up the ass of every police department in the nation and stop the institutional harassment of poor and minority people, eliminate most arrests, drastically cut the number of cops on the job, raise the standards up and down the chain of command, and give a nice raise to any decent flatfoot who makes the new grade.  The ginormous pussies at the NYPD have shown us the way.  We don't need a billion cops occupying the streets, and we don't need to fill the jails with harmless people just to enrich the cities and counties.  Peace breaks out when the cops stop bullying as policy and focus on real crimes.  Who knew?  Well...

Let's Remember All The Fatuous Morons Who Lionized That Ass Clown Petraeus

Not just the teabagger buffoons and jock-sniffing, chicken-hawk sycophants, but the Dems and establishment media "liberals" including Obama and his administration.  Petraeus was always a careerist hack and bullshitting imbecile, but the military and political establishment ate his horseshit with a smile and begged for more. 

George Zimmerman Might Yet Be The Best News Of 2015

With gods' love on our side, 2015 might be the year we get the best George Zimmerman news we can hope for at this point, and we will rejoice with drinking and merriment because all of humanity has been blessed with entertainment and happiness and blood of evil.  Too late, but blessed nonetheless.  We will thank the gods and laugh our gods-damned asses off.

Rollicking Ron Johnson Fisking

In a Senate filled with mentally-challenged dickheads, Ron Johnson stands out as one of the dimmest bulbs.  He gets soundly fisked over his inane hypocrisy; Wisconsin sucks major balls.  Johnson is their fault.

Run, Mitt, You Fucking Asswhipe

Yeah, jesus, that would be fucking brilliant.  If we gett Mitt, and gett to watch him humiliate himself once again, that will be so nutritious and delicious.  Add to that Jeb and crazy fuckwad Ted Cruz and Mike Fuckabee and Moby's Dick Christie and the stain of Santorum, and it is teabagging orgasm central.

Yeah, Nobody's For The Pats

The Patriots, like so much of the NFL, are an asshole litmus test.

Tom Palermo Case Moves Forward

A minor miracle I guess.  And it doesn't bring back the dead, but if Heather Cook does some actually hard time, that's somethin'.

What The Hell Is Up With This Mix?

"Helpless" in a better-quality rip, with host intro, from that British tee vee show, but the mix is still really odd.  First, you can hear the bass, so that's unexpected, and fine, but the guitar is almost silent, especially at all the wrong times, and since this was in a studio for broadcast on the tee vee, what's the excuse for the horrid mix?  Was it on purpose?  Was Spot behind the board, attempting to make amends for history?  Did Mould piss of the wrong Limey?  (Malcolm Travis is like a fricking robot on drums!)  We may never know the answers to these questions, but tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Bullshit, or Not?

Candy Apple Greyed

Oh, Please, The Idiot Who Was Married To Hollow Plastic Fox "News" Bimbo Kimberly Guilfoyle Newsom Will Be The Next Senator From California

Who else but the current Lieutenant Governor and former SF mayor Gavin Newsom will be the next Senator?  Trust in the judgement of the fuckwad who was married to that hollow plastic dimwit Kimberly Guilfoyle to be just the Senator that California needs.  If Boxer is the good one, Newsom will very quickly be the bad one, even if DiFi serves for 10,000 years.

Fish, Barrel Mike Huckabee Fisking

Are you at all shocked that Huckabee made bank scamming his senile and otherwise mentally defective fans?  If you are, I would like to provide you with a proven all-natural cure for dementia, incontinence and explosive flatulence that THE MEDICAL ESTABLISHMENT DOESN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW ABOUT!!  With every order, I can guarantee you the opportunity to invest in the company stock BEFORE ANYONE ON WALL STREET!!  Don't delay.  You know jesus wants you to send me your money.

(via)

Since When Do Liberals Support Joe Biden?

This is some gold-plated TPM inanity--looks like Josh has successfully outsourced his soft-headedness. Booyah!  I'm sure there are scads of establishment Democrats who support Biden, but only on a planet overflowing with fucking morons would those Dems be considered liberal.  Biden, despite the working-class NE PA schtick and lip service to some very obvious social issues, is was and always shall be a rock-ribbed conservative; he wasn't the Senator from Citibank for nothin'. 

Mild Fred Armisen Fisking

An asshole, apparently.  But the real reason to hate this idiot is that he's astoundingly unfunny.  He destroys (almost) everything he touches with unappealing anti-talent--he's not just untalented, he also dissolves the talent of those around him.  He's ruined Carrie Brownstein forever.

Thankfully he could not destroy the Mekons.  They survived.  And Sally got her green card.

Monumental Robbie Robertson Fisking

It went on for nine gods-damned years. It may go on forever.  I'm not a huge fan of The Band--I thought they sounded like something like a junkie wedding band doing cover songs even at their prime--but the story and the bullshit image inculcated by the Scorsese film have made the whole thing more interesting and significant than it otherwise would have been.  (Add to that the fact that you can't appreciate the hilarious opprobrium in the Spinal Tap movie until you have watched The Last Waltz a couple of times.  Vicious.)

Justice Dies (Again) With Bob McDonnell

Two years is a fucking travesty.  You kinda get the feeling there might have been special consideration given to the fact that McDonnell is a white christian type dude and not the kind of fella cops leave to bleed to death in the street.  But, if anyone ever deserved to left to die in the street like fucking roadkill or black teenager, it's this vile piece of shit cocksucker Bob McDonnell.

Some Assholes Shot Up The French Onion

French Onion--see?--French Onion--SEE WHAT I DID THERE??  Really more like an astoundingly blasphemous French Mad magazine, but that's not important.  Purportedly these were some scary Mooslims with guns, but as much as the teabaggers and reactionary Fox "News" fuckwits want to scream about TERRORISM, ISLAMIC TERRORISM, we really don't know who these assholes were yet, only that they had guns and displayed many of the characteristics of American fundamentalist christian criminal lunatics, so maybe those assholes were in fact American christian guntard teabaggers!

V Important

The Only Thing De Blasio And Bratton Should Have Been Talking About Was A Mass Firing Of NY Cops

Sure, crime is down now that institutional harassment has ended, and that's good. And sure the cops are disrespectful buffoons, but the only thing the mayor should have been announcing was the mass firings and suspensions of these NYPD clowns.  He's the boss, and it's about time he started acting the part.

Only One Thing Could Make Chris Christie Look Like A Bigger Asshole

Being a creepy Cowboys fan caught trying to suck Jerry Jones' dick on national tee vee.  Or simply being a Cowboys fan.  Or every single thing Christie's ever said.  Or every day of his life before yesterday.

Please Jesus, Let This Dershowitz Prostitute Thing Be True

I so want this to be true.  It's got everything: the British royal family committing heinous acts against decency and children, and possibly Alan Dershowitz proving beyond all possibility that he might truly be a bigger fucking piece of shit than even decent, gods-fearing people could have ever believed. 

Thank The Gods For Al Sharpton

If the baggers and the racists and Fox "News" hate him so much, he's gotta be pretty okay.  I personally love Sharpton as a blatant and proud Obama fluffer and tee vee guy, but his power to enrage the bad guys is beyond epic.  That's fucking awesome.  That's more than enough.  Watching Rudy 911, with his greasy anus face and lisp, attack Sharpton is a lovely thing.  Rock on, brother Al.

American Idiots And Their Cultural Commentary

Upper-class twits got shitty taste.  And most pop music is prefab garbage, always was, always will be.  On the other hand, there has always been genius, but most people don't or won't get it, atmo.

Jesus' General Was Back And Too Pissed To Write

The General has given up humor because the world has gone to shit.  At some point you lose the ability to laugh at it, and the General has seen that shore.  Too bad, but he put a good fight and had a good run.  Reality will crush us all sooner or later.  Probably sooner.

Yesterday Jesus Crushed The Skulls Of An Entire Kindle Of Kittens After Dallas Won

Even jesus doesn't like it when the Cowboys win, so he kills kittens by stomping their skulls with his favorite pair of steel-toed Docs after each Dallas victory.

1990 Diamond Back Apex With Rear U-Brake In Europe

Wait, what?  This looks like a little 1990 Diamond Back Apex with cantis in front and a U-brake on the back.  That's odd.  The paint and components and details look pretty much like the one I had as my first mountain bike.  That's mildly confounding, though I can certainly see that perhaps the factory had a bunch of chainstays with brake mounts so someone decided to use 'em up with an otherwise oversized tubeset for the first of the 1990 bikes.  Originally I wanted the 1989 bike because of the (look of the) straight fork (cool), but the 1990 had the oversized headtube and other tubes and a brazed on rear brake cable stop, so it was sort of a wash.  I did upgrade to the thumb shifters and shorty brake levers after I ditched the integrated units before buying it, traded the shitty gel turbo for a real leather turbo, got a set of properly-sized round chainrings, and did up the pedals Bridgestone-style with track pedals, toeclips and straps.  I remember loving this bike, but I have the feeling reality today wouldn't be as kind.  Mountain bike geometry has improved a bunch, and I became a big fan of the sub-16" chainstays and long top tube geometry after about five seconds, so no time machine for this bad boy.

Anyway, this blog is in Catalan, but has a handy-dandy translate function.

Mike Huckabee Has A Taste For Teabagging

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Louie Gohmert Is America's Fucktard Sweetheart

Hell, yeah! Go, Louie, Go!  This is good funfetti.  He won't get it, but this another headache for John's drunken Boehner to deal with at the start of the new term.  We didn't get Michael Grimm's comedy, but things are looking good with Loony Louie teabagging Boehner and Steve Scalise chairing the Republican Congressional Cross Burning Committee with his butt buddy David Duke as a consultant.  American Republicans, Fuck Yeah!

Andy Dalton Sure Did Not Step Up

NFL Quarterback is a unique player in pro sports, and Andy Dalton is not an elite quarterback.  He proved it today.  Sucks.

Short And Sweet Shout-Out To The Who

They were Britain's best of that generation--see what I did there?--followed closely by the Kinks and not at all by anyone else until Cream came around and used Clapton as a sideman.  The Beatles were a decent pop band, but were 51% a boring media construct; the Stones were no more than 25% as good as they thought they were; Zeppelin was risible garbage from the start; everybody else.  The thing about the Who was the power; Townshend didn't always fully realize his artistic ideas, but the Who were an object lesson in powerful music as art in the way none of those other bands could imagine.  If the Clash was ever Britain's best at some point later, the Mekons took that way forever with Fear and Whiskey.

Pretty Much Anybody Playing Against A Team With Roethlisberger Should Be The Gods' Favorite

Maybe not the Cowboys.  Or Washington.  Or the Colts.  Any team with a Manning.  The Pats.  But anyway, Baltimore is a pretty good choice against any team with that rapist shitbird Roethlisberger on it.

Did Arizona Even Have A Game Plan?

Was it "show up for the game and see what happens"?  It sure didn't look like they brought a solid idea on beating the Panthers.  Weird.  Aren't there enough competent quarterbacks to go around?  Shouldn't every team have one when they need it?  What's it gonna be like a decade after the kids stop playing football? 

Tom Palermo's Accident Was Murder--She Left Him To Die In The Street

Heather Cook drove away while Palermo was alive; that's when the tragedy went all way to second-degree murder.  Now, she will probably not be charged with anything because that's how these things usually play out, but by any reasonable standard, when she fled the scene without calling 911, Heather Cook murdered Tom Palermo, regardless of the reasons for the initial accident.  The Serotta Forum has been all over this shit, and I heard a rumor that the ATMO lunch table has been on the case as well.  We shall see what happens, but history tells us it will be a shit show.

If That Play In The Cardinals/Panthers Game Was Not Called A Touchdown

That should have been the end of instant replay reviews.  Live with the mistakes or not, but that was a fucking touchdown.  By some miracle, they got it right.  Instant replay in general is fucking stupid. 

The Stupid College Football Playoff Has Worked Out For The Best So Far

Of those four teams, to have Alabama and FSU lose in the first round is a pretty frakking good outcome.  Whether those four teams should have been the four teams or whether this stupid idea is useful are other questions, but so far, okay.

Capaldi Is Doctor Who Now

The Doctor Who holiday special was pretty unspecial, but what we learned once and for all is that Peter Capaldi is the whole show now.  He can make even an otherwise tedious episode worth watching, so let's watch for Capaldi to consume the whole enterprise some time during the next series.  And that's a good thing.

IRD Semi-Stroker Flashback

IRD almost made the big-time, way back when in something called a magazine.  Anywho, the IRD bikes were interesting solutions to problems most bike designers ignored.  Hop forward to today and you see lots of these solutions making a reappearance; the long fronts and short rears and highish bottom brackets never went away--and possibly saw somewhat more graceful and useful applications by EWR and Neville Corke--but now they are new and hot and hip on all these fancy schmancy full squishy bikes in the 21st century. 

North Korea Didn't Hack Sony, But They Make A Convenient Axis-Of-Evil Target

The skepticism about North Korea and Sony has been a slow burn, but as the days pass, it looks less and less likely that NK had the desire or ability to fuck with Sony over some shitty movie.  Rather, it appears to anyone not sucking the dick of the American government that some really connected people with real problems with Sony decided to get some form of revenge. 

The key is that the whole North Korean connection only came after the hacking and after the release of the emails but before the hype about the movie.  This is a very Hollywood, very American story, and a perfect excuse to vilify a shitty, helpless country like North Korea.  Luckily for the world, NK has nukes, so boots on the ground ain't gonna happen.

David Duke And Steve Scalise Are Already One Of The Happiest Surprises Of 2015

We missed out on that pussy motherfucker Michael Grimm's expulsion from Congress, but bugfuck crazy Klan asshole David Duke has made an unexpected and welcome return because of Steve Scalise being a ginormous piece of shit racist Republican.  This is good shit, and an auspicious start to the next session.  Not that being unmasked as Klan-loving miscreant racists will hurt the Republican party with their voters; it will, however, be great fun for the rest of us and give us the joy we deserve.

Mario Cuomo Just Makes It To 2015

82 is pretty old for a human, and now that his kid Andrew is fulfilling the familial role of being an unrepentant asshole governor of New York, Mario Cuomo could die in what he probably considered peace.

Jeez, Oregon Is Doing The Gods' Work Now

Fuckin' squishing those FSU motherfuckers.  Nice to see.

Some (Most) People Should Never Be Parents

Especially fucking horrible assholes like Leelah Alcorn's mother.  This idiot was not up to the challenge of raising any child, and Leelah's struggles were way beyond her comprehension.  That's sad for Leelah.  Sad for all us.

For Once, All (Any) Decent People Are Oregon Fans

FSU does the impossible: makes normal intelligent human people give a flying fuck about anything associated with the state of Oregon.  But when dem Ducks play the vile fucktards from that rapey shithouse known as Florida State University, suddenly Oregon seems sorta useful.