Keen Obama Fisking, Don't Tell The Fluffers

Fluffers ain't gonna like this!  Obama, and the truth about Obama, are hardly ever illuminated in our consciousness these days; Obama is a pretty straightforward center-right establishment politician.  He's no liberal, no progressive, no friend of the 99%.  Just because he's not as humungous of a rancid fucking teabagging asshole as Mitt Romney or John McCain or any of those fuckers does not make him anything more than he is, a rock-ribbed establishment conservative bent on protecting the status quo. 

Candid, Insightful, Old, Cait O'Riordan Interview

Seven frakking years ago. Yikes.  O'Riordan certainly had a interesting and difficult life; in a better reality, O'Riordan stayed in the Pogues and all of existence was so much richer for it.  Shane was better off too.  O'Riordan's story is not the reason I always contended that Elvis Costello was a smarmy, shallow douchebag while Joe Jackson was a visionary, but her story makes Declan into a fucking vile little motherfucker.  And Diana Krall is heinous.  In every way.

Car Toon

How Did Comedy Central Fuck This Up So Badly?

First, they lost Colbert to a network deal, and now they are losing Jon Stewart's known quantity for a zero who will most likely suck dog dick and fail.  They had an effective, money-making hour, pretty much untouchable among the people who were the intended demo, and will be going with zero in place of Stewart and Larry Wilmore, whose show is unwatchable, if pathetically sincere, dreck where Colbert used to be.  How the fuck did this happen?  Didn't anyone at the network have any sort of plan for this eventuality?  Why weren't they ready if and/or when Colbert got a gig?  Had Stewart made any noises like he would leave?  Shouldn't they have had the crown prince ready to go?  Instead they got the scramble and then this.  No Colbert and now no Stewart when they used to have a brand name lineup.  Jesus.  At least the new guy can't be any bigger of fucking tool than Stewart has been, but it still seems weird.  Exceptional American incompetence and its best.

Making Bill O'Reilly Look Like A Psycho Asshole Has Never Been Easier Or More Fun

Every single decent human being who ever spent more than one second with Bill O'Reilly is ready to gleefully educate the species about what a crazy, lying motherfucker Bill O'Reilly is.  Tonight on his show O'Reilly was bitching because some people had the temerity to call him deranged when he claimed jesus spoke to him and told him to write books.  I am afraid O'Reilly really believes the nonsense he pukes up on his show every day.  That's fucking scary and hilarious at the same time.  And let's never forget the keister-falafels and creepy harassment and cuckoldry when O'Reilly's wife had to turn to a real man for satisfaction Billo couldn't deliver.  O'Reilly may be the most pathetic creature to ever walk more or less upright on the gods' green earth.

Gods Damn, Where Is Cait O'Riordan When We Need Her

Gonzaga Is Worthless

Yesterday they missed the chance to be the most beloved college basketball team on the planet; they were too fucking useless to get it done though, so fuck them.

Did Gonzaga Fire Their Women's Coach Yet?

Does Lisa Fortier still have a job coaching at Gonzaga?  Why?  An embarrassing loss to Tennessee by a women's team is as bad as losing to Duke on the men's side.  Heads must roll.  Or as something something something Erik Loomis head pike something.

Decent Mekons Thing Featuring Progress And Music And Stuff

Mekons fans are everywhere.  The fun fact about "Funeral" is that it was cut by record company idiots on the original release, and the full version only popped up later once the major label adventures were abandoned. 

The Futility Of 'The Returned'

Yes, it has Sandrine Holt in it, and that's easily the best news in human history.  And it is a Battlestar Galatica Canadian reunion, but without verve.  The big problem is that the Canadian version lacks the atmosphere of pale, wearying dread the French version aced.  Without that inexplicable, and unexplained, feeling, the show comes across as more sad and annoying than mysterious and scary.

Digby Is The All-American Scott Walker Fisker In Chief

Ms. Digby is havin' waayyy too much fun fucking with Scott Walker.  Walker's the kind of bland creepster made to appeal to the media/political establishment, so his effervescent public failures are wonders to behold.  Digby is beholden and sharing her enthusiasm for our entertainment. 

Indiana: Haven For Bigot Fucktards

And Mike Pence is their queen.  Pence is getting skullfucked over this legalized discrimination law, as he should, but all of Indiana is the real villain here.  The sad people of Indiana enabled this inanity; they are the amalgamation of fear, ignorance, and nasty religious stupidity. 

Frogs, 1, And Monsanto Dipshit, 0

Heh in fucking deedy.  That was nicely done by Monsieur TV Frog.  Of course that half-wit pussy wouldn't drink the Round-Up.  Patrick Moore is a well-known asshole and moron, and it's fun as fuck to watch the French tee vee guy skullfuck him right there in the studio.

The Gonzaga Women Should Be Taken Out Back And Shot

Losing to fucking Tennessee is absolutely disgusting.  Tennessee.  That fucking vile Pat Summitt's team.

Notre Dame Kentucky The Fucking Scum Of The Earth

Despicable institutions, the fucking scum of the Earth.  Too bad, but maybe there will be an asteroid impact or kaiju incursion. 

This Funeral

It Can Always Suck Worse Than It Does Right Now, And Will

Suck AND blow.  Schumer is a super skeevy piece of shit and is the worst possible successor to Reid.  Schumer is one of those horrible and pointless Dems who help elect Republicans all over America.

Jesus Fuck, Utah Duke Is The Definition Of Can't They Both Lose

Two of the shittiest places, chock full of the shittiest people.

Per Cent

One

Bidness

Your Wearying Basic Economics No Shit For The Week

Yep.  But everybody with at least two brain cells understands that social welfare systems benefit the society and that the society is made up of the PEOPLE.  Teabagger fucktards and Koch-sucking assholes are always, always, always wrong. 

No Shit, Eccleston Was The Best New Doctor So Far

And the second best ever, after Tom Baker.  Still, good to see the truth come out.  I've been on this shit for a while.  Eccleston didn't fit in with the folks literally running the show, but that doesn't change the fact that he was easily the best actor to play the character since the return. 

If Krauts Were Meant To Fly...

Genius that the cockpit door on an airliner can withstand a nuclear detonation or a direct hit from a depleted uranium round fired by an Abrams tank.  Prepost911paranoia that fucking Kraut woulda been toast long before the plane hit the ground since the captain woulda beat him senseless before saving the day.  Brilliant.

I blame Obama.

That Kraut Pilot Was Obama's Gay Lover So Obama Killed Him And Made It Look Like Suicide

Obama is evil!  EVIL!! 

Iran Is Negotiating With A Terrorist State, So Why Can't We?

Iran is willing to negotiate with the deadliest terrorist nation in human history, the United States of America, so what is so fucking scary about the US negotiating with Iran?  They are no threat to us in any conceivable fashion; the US and our incontinent lap dog Israel certainly are threats to Iran, yet the Iranians have the courage and wisdom to continue the diplomacy.  That's fucking awesome.  Why are we such fucking pussies about this shit?

Tucker Carlson Has A Brother Who Astoundingly Is As Big A Douchebag As He Is

Buckley. Heh. Buckley.  The Carlson family is pretty obviously chock full of skeevy half-wit assholes, and that's somehow perfect.  The Carlson dipshits are both named Swanson, as in TV dinners, so that tells you all you need to know about just how hilariously pathetic Tucker and Buckley Swanson Carlson truly are. 

Obama Sacked Clarkson From Top Gear

On his way back from crashing that plane, Obama stopped to fire Clarkson.  Obama is the enemy of tea and bags everywhere in the world.  Bibi for president 2016!

Fear N Whiskey

Please Nominate Ted Cruz

Ted Cruz is one of the dumbest motherfuckers in American politics. He's George W Bush dumb. Sam Brownback dumb. Rick Santorum dumb. It's fabulous.  Cruz has the Harvard buffoons and Republican fluffers driving themselves insane screeching that Cruz is NOT some sort of skeevy half-wit, when even your average brain-dead teabagger can see that Cruz is a fucking dope, so please nominate him.  Please. 

Obama Shot Down That Plane

Evil bastard went to France to shoot down those Krauts because he's a mooslim and hates freedom and the constitution and freedom fries.  Obama is the most dangerous black in the world.

So, That's The End For Top Gear

No Clarkson, no show.  Jezza is a jerkoff, but the show is not the show without him, and if the Beeb is dumb enough to fire him, then let's get those three clowns makin' a show somewhere else.

Fukushima Melts With You

Cats, people, fuck 'em.  Fukushima is a furry fun ball like we hardly ever see on our boring planet.  We're not a serious or intelligent bunch; the Fukushima incident is just another sign of how fucking pointless and useless our species is.  It's pretty cool how they tested the core, though.  That's neat shit.  The rest is sickening.  Nuclear power is, was, and always will be a shit show.

Ted Cruz: Magnificent American Fucktard

This fucking nimrod Cruz, a man so fucking ignorant and dumb that his intellectual development stopped when he was 12, is the poster boy for teabagging fucktardery.  These are glorious days in America; I'd never vote for Hillary in a thousand years, but even she could beat these clowns Cruz and Walker and Bush.

Energetic David Petraeus Fisking

Good good.  Petraeus is an absolute buffoon, but a real favorite of our political and media establishment.  Obama gleefully sucked Petraeus's dick just as hard if not harder than Paula Broadwell ever did, and the media clowns were lined up to jam their tongues up his ass on a daily basis.  Petraeus is a fraud and a failure, which makes him an upper class hero in America.  Fuck yeah!

Bloomsburg U, Hey, Still Less Offensive Than The Pennsyltucky Vatican!

What a stupid fucking douchebag.  Well, this kid is now an infamous asshole, but Bloomsburg still has Penn State to keep any locals from feeling too badly about their august educational neighbor.

I'd Sooner Listen To Whatever Peter Tork Was Going To Play

Way before some anodyne session assholes without a smidge of creativity between the whole of them.  What's more interesting, Lou Barlow's or Steve Vai's songs?  Steve Vai is essentially a session guy.  His music blows dog.  But he can play.  But I also don't give a fuck.  I'd rather listen to The Monkees if those clowns had been chugging out some songs to the best of their abilities.  The session guys are losers.  The movie sounds like a sad, sad story.

Kansas And Virginia, Good, But Duke, Bad

Not a great day.  Not the worst ever, but every day with a Duke win is a pretty fucking horrible day for humanity.  I guess we gotta persevere.  Somehow.

Is This One Of Those GOOD Years For The Connecticut Women's Hoops Team?

One of those years when those ladies go all medieval on the rest of the league and the UConn men's team doesn't win as well.  The UConn women win a shit ton, but when the clown car crackup that is the men's program also wins, the Lady Huskies probably get nothin'.

What's The One Thing That Could Make Any Gods-Fearing American A Cincinnati Fan?

Yep.  John Calipari is such a fucking dirtball that every decent American will root for Cincinnati.  Scary.

Sensible Christopher Nolan 'Interstellar' Fisking

Mmmm...crap.  Christopher Nolan's flicks redefine overrated inanity for the 21st century.  Most notably, the backlash is coming quicker with each new film.  Pretty soon, Nolan will be the archetype of bush-league Shyamalan.  Maybe Jonathan Nolan needs to find a better director with whom he can collaborate. 

Louisville Sucks, Rick Pitino Sucks, Fuck UC Irvine

Bastards.  One of life's true pleasures is watching some shithead like Pitino lose, and the fuckers from UC Irvine deprived America of that joy. 

Why Would You Care About A Transporter Movie Without Jason Statham?

Fuck no.  Jason Statham is an outrageously underrated actor and always fun to watch.  The Transporter without him will be PG-13 horseshit.

She's My

UVA Cops Do Racist Police Brutality Right!

Bravo!  The absolute genius of this shit show was not the racist cops brutally beating a black kid.  Nope, the absolute genius of the shit show was that these fucking moron cops brutally beat a black kid over booze AT A FUCKING COLLEGE!  It's college, you fucking dipshits, so why are you even checking IDs on anyone not driving, fighting, or shooting at someone?  Stupid, stupid, stupid.  No, wait, not stupid.  Criminal.  Atrocious.  Those cops are bastards.  Really, all cops are bastards.

Is There A More Disappointing Consumer Product Sold In America Than The Eddie Bauer Flannel Shirt?

The frakking things don't fit right.  It says relaxed fit right on the tag, but they are so damn tight across the shoulders and upper arms.  Certainly I am built like an athletic Adonis, but somehow the way cheaper Cabela's shirts manage to fit sorta, as do the L.L. Bean shirts.  The EB shirts feel more substantial, though they are hella ugly, but they are shaped all wrong.  Plus, the fucking tall sizes are really short.  The sleeves are comically poorly endowed.  Surely I am a perfectly proportioned giant, as well as hung like a stallion, but why can most other assholes manage to get the stupid flannel shirts to fit, while Eddie Bauer completely fucks it up?  Good thing they were on sale; they're stupid expensive.

She Is A Lovely Child

Aaron Schock Is Proof That Jeebus Really Loves Us

Even this slimy cocksucker's father admits he belongs in jail!  Schock has been a skeevy crook his entire career, and he very well may find himself in the klink, deservedly so.  Having him be so comically incompetent in his corruption and criminality is deliciously entertaining and for sure proof of the love of jeebus and all the other gods-damned gods who love us.

Iran With Nuclear Weapons Would Be The Best Thing To Happen To The World In The 21st Century

Well, the best would be if the U.S. gave up its nuclear weapons along with Israel, Russia, and the rest of the nuclear asshole clown show, but short of that, if Iran gets its own nukes, the world immediately becomes a much more peaceful place.  The U.S., Israel, Saudi Arabia, all of them would be royally fucked and so much less likely to go on their typical killing sprees in the area; the end of American and Israeli and Saudi terrorism in the Middle East comes 30 seconds after Iran has a successful test.  I'm not worried about Iran nuking Israel; if a nuke goes off over Tel Aviv, it will say made in USA.  So far, we are the only people sick enough to nuke anyone.

John Kerry Is Certainly Better Than This Asshole

Yeah, Kerry rides that Serotta he's had for a while, but, still, he's a better man than his scum sucking teabagger racist asshole enemies.  Kerry's always been an uber douche, and the Serotta kinda fits, but when some pathetic numbnuts gives him shit on a forum for upper middle class twits, he just laughs and grabs some cash and goes out to enjoy his world-wide fame. 

John Oliver's Elegant Fisking Of The NCAA

Nice!  He took 20 minutes and got right down in the shit with the NCAA and righteously skull fucked them.  I don't think the average American dipshit understands just how much money the NCAA controls, so they have no idea what people are talking about when they say the players are employees who create the income for the NCAA and need to be compensated fairly with a portion of that income.  That's key.  Destroy the NCAA.  Pay the players.  Sunder the sports from the colleges and universities once and for all.  After that, the talent can choose to play if the money and bennies are good enough.

Science Deniers And Koch Suckers And Teabaggers Are About To Eat A Huge Shit Sandwich

In which the rest of us brighter folks will also need to share.  When we as a society finally decide that we are ready to acknowledge reality, it will be waayyy too late to mitigate the effects with any reasonable hope of efficacy.  Unfortunately for the species, and karma, the first victims are not going to Koch suckers and teabaggers and Republican assholes, or even Americans, but instead will be the poor and otherwise helpless trapped by rising seas and lack of food and water.  That's gonna fucking suck, but suck soon enough for the useless fucktards who caused the problem and refused to do anything about it.

In The Most Unlikely News In Modern American History, The Republican Party Gets Some GOOD News!

Glenn Beck leaving is good news for whatever group he's quitting, so the Repubs are giddy because such a toxic dickweed as Beck is abandoning them for whatever cesspool will have him.  That's a good fucking deal for the Repubs, and perhaps the only genuinely good news they are likely to get this century.

These Dallas Cops Should Be Thrown In Jail For Life

This is murder, and these fucking cops are either the biggest idiots or the biggest pussies in the world or both.  If they had to murder this guy because they were pinned by the car, then they should be fired and thrown in jail for murder because of their gross incompetence.  If they murdered this guy because they were scared of one man with a tiny screwdriver, they should be fired immediately and jailed for life because they are the biggest fucking pussies on Earth.  America needs to up the standards for cops--and yes, we need to disarm the patrolmen to keep bed-wetting assholes like these Dallas cops from murdering random mental patients. 

Bad Day In Israel, Bad Day For The World

True, there are never really any GOOD days in Israel, but the world, sanity, peace, and basic human decency lost in Israel when Bibi whipped out his racist appeals and the vile reactionary Israelis sucked on it hard.  Now we pray to jesus fucking christ who we love so much that the brave freedom fighters in Palestine get the backing of the Iranians to strike a blow for the good guys.

Raise A Glass

Or 10.  Slainte!

Basso Gap

Level that saddle and fix that downtube decal!  Jesus.  Classic Basso Gap with the classic Colnago wine red metallic and white bands Saronni paint job.  Cool parts and stuff, too.  Funny to see that pie plate rear cog on such an otherwise racing bike.  Old guys who get fat in winter or somethin'. 

Putin Checks In

Putin's girlfriend had a baby, or he was sick, or he was in the hospital for a face lift or penile implant, or something.  But he's back so paranoid teabaggers and Ukrainian brownshirts can have the scary, scary monster man back to make them wet their beds and shit their pants.  Good job, Mr. Putin.

Disney Presents Slap Shot On Ice!

Interesting piece on the life and death of ice hockey goons.  Not a leap to suppose that the big bruising brawlers lead a hard life, but in our 21st century, we know way more about how the traumas add up and up and up in jarring sports.  Apparently pro ice hockey has less fighting and more hockeying these days, so let's pretend that the folks who run the sport and collect the checks have an idea what they're doing to protect the cash flow AND the entertainment help.

Face Space Race

The Dumbest Motherfuckers In The Galaxy Will Always Be With Us

Duh.  See, this fuckwit retard knows that since it snowed, Al Gore is fat and that his Koch-sucking masters are right about everything.  BTW, Obama is a black.  In the WHITE house.

A coupla of the folks tried, but the upper middle class twits are literally, inexcusably, stupidly, ignorantly evil.

Fox "News'" Uncle Tom Of The Day: E.W. Jackson

Comically stupid and sad Fox "News" Uncle Tom of the day is "Bishop" E.W. Jackson.  Today this fucking asshole is telling lies about Ferguson, MO and sucking hard to grift some money from the the racist white folks who fund the teabaggers and other assorted Koch suckers.  Fox does a great job giving a forum to any and all self-hating black folks who will trash both their own people and the simple truth on the Fox cable tee vee.

Tee Vee Gets Jeff Fahey, Mary Steenburgen, And Sam Elliot On Justified

And Frank Langella outdoing his Dracula on The Americans.  Cable tee vee created a tsunami of cheaply made rancid pig shit, but the innovation of having top flight actors come into these short-series cable shows for an episode or 10 is real boon to a medium otherwise lacking in decent entertainment.

Political Song for Bibi to Sing

Netanyahu Disparue Would Be Fucking Brilliant!

Of course, in Israeli politics everyone is the fucking literal worst and not one of those horrible fuckers ever really goes away until they swan dive into hell once and for all.  Still, it would be hella entertaining to see Bibi get skullfucked in public and become a worldwide ass clown.  That would be loverly.

Putin Disparue

Who's next? What's worse?  Putin's hiding in a shoebox under some chippy's bed somewhere, and the world is shitting bricks.  Who would take charge if and when Putin does himself in from some venereal disease or whatever?  That will probably be a blast as the belief is that Putin is the most talented of the bunch, so whoever or whatever replaces him would be less nuanced and sane than ole Vlad.

The Biggest Asshole In America

This guy.  (Note: way more than a three way tie for this award.)  I think this poor little fucker has a wee problem with women-Americans.  I'd imagine they laugh at his micro wiener or are repulsed by his odor, but whatever, he's a scary stupid peckerhead. 

Tehran Tom. Heh.

Tom Cotton is turning to shit while we watch.  Now it's the non-news that he's being bankrolled by the worst people in human history, right-wing Israeli sycophants.  Cotton just may fuck himself badly enough to need to run away; that would be pretty fucking sweet.

I Wanted To Like The Scott Pilgrim Movie. I Tried.

But that flick is wicked fucking annoying.  Astoundingly twee.  Too cute.  Trying too hard.  Way dumber than it thinks it is.  I mean, the movie was based on an "underground" "indie" comic written specifically to become a movie, and that's horseshit.  Scott Pilgrim is the Smashing Pumpkins of indie comics, a shallow and cynical cash grab.  Still, it almost had moments, and I would have liked the film a bit if it didn't blow ginormous moose cock.

Enceladus: Now THAT'S Cool

Science, bitches!  Liquid water and the possibility of life.  Let's spend more money on science and space and shit and less on the military and cops and weapons and killing.  Let's make America literally great, instead of just big.

Stupendous Fisking Of Carl Sagan's Idiot Son

Fuuccckkkk, that was nice.  Jeez, Sagan's imbecilic spawn sounds like a complete douchenozzle, but his mother is apparently a gods damned moron as well.

Anarchism: Another Word Bill O'Reilly Can't Understand

Anarchism is Bill O'Reilly's latest keister falafel loofah.  O'Reilly is a rancid dipshit, but that Matthew Vadum looks like he needs to violate stray pets on school playgrounds during recess to get off. 

No Alternative Nation

American Idiots Are A Dime A Dozen

Creepy, low-information fuckheads are as big an American tradition as the 6000 SUX.  There's like 350 million people in America, and most of them are too fucking dumb to get out of their own way.  Guntard assholes, teabagging scumbags, racist cocksuckers, soft-headed christian dickwads, scuzz-guzzling Koch suckers, our blighted land is filled to the brim with generally not-too-bright asswhipes and their screaming fucktard brothers and sisters.

That Sort Of Ass Clown Who Don't Know Shit About Shit

And seems kinda proud of it.  Here's a protip: don't start by saying you haven't heard it or seen it or know about it or care about it and then give an opinion.  That makes you look like a fucking moron.

Curt Schilling Is A Fucking Imbecile

In case you forgot.  So, to teabagger, comical failure, grifter, skeevy douchebag, fuckknob, and all-around asshole, you can add imbecile.

Devilz Do

Lady Antebellum: OU Sleep And Eat House Mother Causes Some Trouble

House mother?  Jesus.  I know you can't judge all fraternity brothers because of one local, but I will go ahead and say that all Sleep And Eat brothers I ever saw were fucking losers.  Is there a place where SAE is the top fraternity?  Where are they gonna deposit the old racist lady?

What The Actual Fuck?

This is another on the list of shit too fucked up to be real, but sickeningly is.  Even if you are not an insane christian asswhipe, regifting adopted children is fucking sickening in cases when the recipient is not a pedophile rapist; add the child rape and make a thing which can't get worse literally worse.  Then you add the exorcism madness and you get solid proof that humanity is way too fucking stupid to continue.

Politcal Song for Tom Cotton to Sing

7 Republican Senators Who Just Might Not Be As Fucking Stupid As 47 Republican Senators

What made these seven stay away from Tom Cotton's comical foreign policy abortion?  None of these seven have ever made the case that they were anything other than pathetic and dumb, but jeez, they played this shit show like pros. 

Bluez 4 Allan

Fisking And Jeremy Clarkson Go Hand In Hand

Not breaking: Jezza is an asshole.  He's made the money for Auntie Beeb, so he's been able to act like a huge douche for freekin' ever.  Will anything ever rise to level of final straw, or will the BBC keep squeezing out the revenue until it's dry?

Helix: Well, Now We Know The Sword Works

Who has not wanted to decapitate Steven Weber?  Even if you've never seen more than 12 minutes of American tee vee, you have probably wanted to decapitate Steven Weber at least once.  Well, Helix did it for you, with a Tarantino-fetishy samurai sword.  Fun stuff.

Shouldn't Tom Cotton Be Held Accountable For His Conduct?

Treason? Whatever it is, Cotton is fucking with safety and security of the United States and should be held accountable.  There should be a political price for such conduct, but it requires the feckless Democrats to exact that price, and we all know the Dems are titanic pussies because they are rock-ribbed conservative shitheads at heart.  In the absence of a robust (and not conservative) minority party in Congress, the teabagger cocksuckers are free to pull what bullshit stunts they want.

People Died, Bad People And Good People, Guilty And Innocent, And Gerry Adams Is Still A Hero

And a great man.  It was war and war is fucking awful.  But the British could have left any time and all those good and bad people would be alive now.  Gerry Adams was a brave freedom fighter and he was fighting for the good guys. 

Well-Plotted Chris Christie And Charter School Fisking, With Bonus Elite Boarding School Content

Must be an alum or parent of a Choatie or something.  Christie is an asshole, and school choice is a scam to fuck with the poors and blacks and the ignorant aspirants.  I'm sure Choate is a fine school, and I'm also sure we could do better than most public education if we made it a priority.  I'm also sure we're fucked anyway.

George Zimmer Get's It On Minimum Wage, Atmo

Dude has way more brains than most of the dimwit cocksuckers who are CEOs in our gilded age.  Zimmer should be the CEO of America or some shit like that, maybe. 

80's College Rock Acid Trip

Rock and/or Roll, motherfrakkers.  Pretty cool website, though.  Lots of fun stuff from the musical mayhem of the nineteen 80s.

Charlie Kelly, The Mountain Bike One, Reads Those Guys

Charlie Kelly, that guy, pops up in the comments of the welfare academia crew.  That's unexpected and odd. 

No Your Not

Somebody Liked 'Chappie'

Digby's Uncle Dennis liked it.  That seems to be the minority report. 

Simonsez

'Alien Tampon' Looks Way Better Than 'American Sniper'

If this thing doesn't get made, and win all the awards in 2017, we are the worst.

De Blasio Is Trolling The Racist Teabagger Assholes

This is fucking genius.  I don't give a fuck about religious holidays and wouldn't give a fuck if we got rid of all of 'em, but I fucking love that Bill De Blasio is smacking the racist asshole teabaggers right across the face with his dick by enacting Muslim holidays in New York.  Brilliant!

Someone Pays Megan McArdle To Write About Something Other Than Home Remedies For Ass Pimples

McMegan might know all about how to mitigate a life-long infestation of butt acne with common herbs, but absolutely nothing about economics or South America or sanity.  How proud Bloomberg must be to pay her for this risible delusion.

Bad News For Science Deniers, Teabaggers, Koch-Suckers, And Other Assorted Morons

And headline writers.  The headline is really fucking dumb.  The text clearly states that global warming has not "stopped" "eased" or "slowed" or whatever.  Temperature measurements may have fluctuated, but the heat has kept building.  Whether you see it today or yesterday or tomorrow on your "Songbirds of the Midwest" backyard thermometer or in the ocean temperatures, it's still going up, you fucking dipshits.

Zombie Lies Social Security And Retirement Horse Shit

Pretty much useless gossip clowns should shut the fuck up about this shit.  They don't understand it and they are not helping anyone.  Surely some asswhipe hypocrite had a nip slip or banged a porn star or has a gay child or parent that we can laugh at.  The retirement nonsense is waayyy above their pay grade and is pure DLC/Third Way/Pete Peterson bullshit.  Fuck them.  And Shut The FUCK UP!

Key Nugget In 'Chappie' Review

Peter Jackson District 9.  Every day it looks like District 9 was more a Peter Jackson movie since Neill Blomkamp is a fucking meathead.  Maybe the key is to get Blomkamp to photograph your movie but completely ignore any of his "ideas".

Megyn Kelly Was Sucking Darren Wilson's Seeping Syphilitic Cock On Her Show Again Tonight

That pustulated slattern was down and dirty licking up the oozing puss and devouring the scabs on Wilson's rancid member on her show claiming that Wilson was proven innocent by the DOJ and saying Wilson deserved some sort of apology for murdering an unarmed teenager in the street.  What kind of retarded fucking half-wit tee vee "lawyer" would ever claim anyone can be "proven innocent" in our justice system?  Especially when there has not been a fucking a trial at any level in this case?  Kelly is a gods-damned idiot and a vile racist harpy.

Hannity was joyfully taking Wilson's scabrous tool up his ass on his own show tonight, lying about what the report said and squealing for Wilson's racist spunk to be rammed all the way in.

America Is A Wonderful Place Full Of First Class Bastards

Good shit.  Our society is crumbling right while we watch, but for the most part nobody even notices.  Nothing is going to change, but at least a few of us will have a laugh roasting some weenies on the burning foundations of society.

Harrison Ford Really Gets Around

I assume he crashed this plane as well.  Dude's a psycho crasher.

Don't Let Han Fly ANYTHING

Jesus.  Shouldn't the Falcon have better autopilot?

I Took Up The Connection Once

If you were born in 1978, you probably missed this the first time around--thank gods, no good could come of that--but it is a thing.  "Somebody Saved Me" is either the most amazing rock song ever or the absolute most appalling.  Townshend was a legit genius in a biz otherwise filled with pretty much nothing approaching genius, but he missed his mark in some remarkable ways.  Understanding genius intermingled with failure is wisdom or some shit.

And Then There's This

Don't bother saving this.  No wonder The Who passed on this version. 

'Hands Up, Don't Shoot' Is The Truth

Despite the best efforts of the liars at some of our bigger newspapers, and the liars at some of our hilarious wingnut asshole newspapers, and that vile cunt Megyn Kelly--Kelly was fucking spouting rancid racist horseshit on her show tonight claiming that the DOJ found that "Wilson was not a problem" and that the evidence "supported Wilson's account" which is not at all what the report says, and that Wilson has been "proven innocent" by some miracle of the DOJ report; the report says there was not enough evidence to prosecute for civil rights violations, whether that is true or not (it's not), while Megyn Kelly is a lying, rightwing whore--and the rest of the Fox "News" liars, and pretty much the totality of the establishment, the truth Eric Holder did not have the courage to tell is that "Hands up, Don't shoot" was in fact a truth too scary for America to admit, even though it was crystal clear.  As a society we do not have the wisdom or fortitude to face that reality about Michael Brown and Darren Wilson and the police and racism and violence in 2015, but that doesn't change the fact that Dorian Johnson was perhaps the only witness telling the truth in the whole fucking mess and that "Hands up, Don't shoot" was not just a symbolic truth or metaphorical truth but was (and is) an indisputable fact.

Still, This Ferguson Thing Is Probably The Best Thing Holder's Done In His Life

Given Holder's atrocious history--see Rich, Marc--that's not saying too too much, but this Ferguson smackdown is his crowning achievement.  The report does not go far enough, of course, because America can only take so much truth before the racist crackers motherfuckers lose their shit, and certainly Darren Wilson should have been immediately charged, and then summarily executed just for shits and giggles, but the report and Holder's work is a decent start at acknowledging the truth about our society and our police across America and not just in Ferguson, MO.  The teabaggers, racist cracker fuckheads, laughable Uncle Toms, and Fox "News" assholes are crying like bitches today, but mostly because even they know the truth.  Holder might be on his way out, but if this is a legitimate start, he will have finally done something useful with his Columbia J.D.

Ben Carson Brings The Bugfuck Insanity On Day Two!

That stupid crazy bastard Carson is running away with the funfetti!  It's the second fucking day of his campaign and he's already bringing joy to America!  Carson is an idiot and will never be president, but I'm fucking thrilled that we have a couple of more years of this hilarious inanity to look forward to if we are lucky.

Political Song for That Evil Warmongering Cocksucker Netanyahu to Sing

Jesus, Maddow Has Lost Her Shit And Is Murdering O'Reilly Tonight

I saw Rachel Maddow skullfuck Bill O'Reilly to death with a ginormous neon green strapon tonight.  No, I mean I saw Rachel Maddow on the tee vee talking about Bill O'Reilly.

Cherry Chap Stik

Helping Kelsey Grammer Fisk Himself Brutally

Yikes.  I can't imagine that the actual book is more entertaining than the review, but if it is, then jesus frakking crist, we surely have the most important written work in human history.  The best thing about Grammer, better than his raging moron's ego or closet-case paranoia, is that he's another one of those low-information conservative asswhipes.  That makes this fisking all that much better. 

Uncle Tupelo For The Fox Generation

Netanyahu Is An Enemy Of The USA

Really, Bibi is an enemy of humanity and of sanity.  Obama should have showed up during the speech and taken a giant greasy shit right on Netanyahu's head.

India's Nuclear Carrier Because Fuck Yeah!

Duh!  Other countries have them, so India figgers that a billion or so of them people should have nuclear aircraft carriers too.  That's fucking obvious.  And then maybe they can fight a war with 'em.  Or fuck with some countries that do NOT have nuclear powered aircraft carriers!

Petraeus Betrayed Us

And now the greasy scuzzball is guilty!  GUILTY!  Remember when the establishment media dickheads and political asswhipes got all bent because somebody had the temerity to say that Petraeus betrayed us?  Well, THEY WERE FUCKING RIGHT!  Petraeus is guilty!

It's A Great Day For Teabagging Uncle Toms!

Bugfuck crazy Ben Carson is gonna run for president!  This is a great day for the rest of us too because Carson is gonna be so fucking stupid and so fucking wrong about every fucking thing, and that is gonna be wicked entertaining!

So, 'Last Man On Earth' Is Actually A Pomo 'Everybody Loves Raymond'

An annoying douchebag unfunny guy with a bitchy, awful wife ragging on his shit.  That's what it looks like after two episodes. 

Byron Allen: An Uncle Tom For The Fox Generation

Byron Allen proudly joins the ranks of vile Uncle Toms like Clarence Thomas, Allen West, Charles Payne, Ben Carson, Thomas Sowell, and Bill Cosby.  Allen is wicked fucking jealous of the cuddly Rev. Al Sharpton and his tee vee stylings.  Fox "News" loves these fuckers.

How Many More Things Did O'Reilly Not See?

Shit happened, but O'Reilly didn't see ANY of it!  Maybe the poor bastard is blind.  But he missed many of the biggest battles of the American Civil War.  He also was not really there sitting on the moon watching when the Apollo 11 landing happened.  Apparently he wasn't really there when the first humans left Africa.  I'm starting to believe that O'Reilly has never seen any fucking thing in his whole life.  I wonder who it was that knocked up his wife?

Phil Robertson Is America's Osama Bin Laden

It's almost as if Phil Robertson is some barbaric fundamentalist asswipe, according to Sr. Papa.  Phil Roberston IS as big a nasty fucking cocksucker as Osama bin Laden ever was.  Phil Robertson is almost as big a fucktard as those disgusting Duggars.

In Truth Iron Maiden Is A Real-Life Spinal Tap

Or maybe it's Spinal Tap which is the real-life Iron Maiden. 

Rand Paul: A True Friend To Idiots

Rand Paul is a fucktard superhero.  The CPAC dummies must be more spectacularly demented than anyone believed.

Where Are The Bodies On 'Last Man On Earth'? Where Are The Pets?

That virus musta' been pretty orderly to allow time to dispose of almost all or most of the dead by the last few victims before those last victims croaked.  Otherwise, it'd be a frakking mess.  That's really handy to not have to deal with that shit.  And the pets.  The feral pets who most likely would have been on their way to some sort of society.