Without Manning, The Broncos Ruining The Loathsome Patsies Season Is About The Best We Could Hope For

At least Peyton Manning can't take the credit for fucking up the perfect season of Brady and the rest of those slimy fucks.  And this makes Cam Newton and the Panthers look all the better.  The downside is that a regular-season loss probably makes it slightly more likely the Patriots will win the Super Bowl without the pressure of a perfect season during the playoffs.  Oh, well, you gotta take a good day when you get it and worry about Kraft and his merry band of ambulatory turds later.  We're still praying for the day when the NFL goes bye-bye forever, and we can all live in virtue as the gods and jesus have always intended.

Tis The Season For Hating The TeamUnify Platform

TeamUnify is everywhere--and it sucks major ass!  Every fucking swim team in the galaxy seems to use this shit, and and all the websites are all the same, all generic and all shit.  (No offense to these Stingrays--it's just what came up; they're no better or worse than anyone else.)  And it's not just the dumb local clubs using this garbage.  All the sites are ugly and stupid, and at this time of year, you can't escape the atrocity.  Exceptional American shit.  Thanks, Obama.

Hilarious Scientific American Auto-Fisking

In the comments.  Scientific American shits their own bed and publishes a risible pile of greasy bullshit written by some dumb-as-a-post Tory cocksucker, and then the comments section proceeds to eviscerate Scientific American and said Limey dickhead just for the fun of it.  That's some neat stuff right there, and it proves that the readers of SA are clearly more intelligent than the editors of and columnists for SA.

Deadly White Radical Christian NRA Exceptional American Terrorism

Conservative christian radicals are killing in America! Help us jesus! Uh, wait, no, fuck off, jesus.  That's better.

But...

That christian jesus stuff can't be right.  Jesus christians with guns are always the good guys, so it musta been someone else out there killing people at a Planned Parenthood clinic in Colorado today.  Violent conservative christian evangelicals would never commit terrorist murder at a Planned Parenthood!  Unhinged teabagging guntard cocksuckers being terrorists at Planned Parenthood?  That's just crazy, man.

I bet I know what really happened in Colorado Springs.

Those Syrians and Mexicans are at it again, shooting up America because they hate exceptional American freedumb.  Or something.  Immigrants and refugees raping and killing with impunity because Obama and welfare and Democrats and Bernie Sanders and high taxes.  America must stand up!  America must defeat the terrorists in the homeland!  Syrians!  Mexicans!  Blacks!  Democrats!  Gun grabbers!  Environmentalists!  Doctors!  Women!  Women doctors!  They are always out there killing good Americans.

Right?  That's what happened here, right?  Some refugee immigrant environmentalist black Democrat on welfare killed some people with their food stamp guns and raised their taxes, again, right?

I'm sure it had nothing to do with the radical christian hate groups in the Colorado Springs area.  Or all the whackjob conservative evangelical christian asswhipes at the Air Force Academy.  Can't have had anything to do with that.  No racist, bugfuck nutty white guntard Republican assholes out there in Colorado Springs, either.  No violent, white NRA-sponsored radical christian terrorists in Colorado Springs, right?  No way.  Not in my exceptional America.

Musta been the immigrants.  Refugees.  Blacks.  Democrats.  Homos.  They're always causin' trouble.

Thanks, Obama.

And Pounded

Heaven Is For Real Today In Dallas

When the fucking loathsome Cowboys take a legendary beating at the hands of the undefeated Panthers, AND fucking exceptional American loser Tony Romo gets injured and knocked out for the season in front of the home crowd, it's a great gods-damned day and all the gods in all the hells and all the heavens are real for one glorious moment.  Surely it will be wonderful for the whole world when the NFL goes away for ever, but for now, America's Team can go fuck themselves.

The Space Aliens Are Among Us And Apparently They're Teabaggers!

Ain't no wall gonna stop these teabaggin' aliens!  They's from space.  The rock-ribbed reactionary fuckbrains who dig Trump and Carson and Cruz got all the fuckin' knowledge they need to be exceptional Americans!

More Gwar, Hopefully With Fewer Fox "News" Appearances

Now that Dave Brockie is gone, we can all hope that the days of GWAR frontmen appearing on Fox "News" is over.

Grant's Mire

Putin Had Better Pardon Turkey, Too

Russia's military surely is not what Putin pretends, and Russia in general is not as powerful as Putin would have the world believe, but Putin could seriously fuck shit up beyond Turkey and Syria if he is not careful.  Russia reacting rashly is a threat to the whole fucking world, and at this point pretty much all of us are counting on Putin having more sense than the average exceptional American Republican presidential candidate or elected official.  That's the dictionary definition of literally not-good.  Putin probably can't afford to do nothing--missiles in Syria is step one--but I trust the American and French and British diplomatic forces are busy working both the Russians and the Turks to make sure there is no escalation in the shooting war between Russia and NATO.  Despite what the chickenhawks and war industry profiteers littering the establishment media might say, professional diplomacy is pretty much the only solution to this shit show we've created in Syria and Iraq and environs, and better the folks Obama has in place than any of the fuckwits McCain or Romney would have appointed. 

Serious Question: Why The Fuck Do Hard-Right Religious People Have Such A Problem With Homosexuals?

I understand it's from way back, when people were even somehow more ignorant and somehow more hateful and somehow more brutal than they are in 2015, and religion was somehow even more bugfuck insane than it is in 2015, but why, after all this time, is it such a big fucking deal?  Why does religion continue to rot their brains so badly?  Are they just evil, rotten motherfuckers?  They can't all be crazed, self-hating, cock-mongering closet-cases, can they?  Or maybe they are, because if you are not gay, the last thing you really should be thinking about and worrying about is hot, sweaty sexytime between two dudes.  Or ladies.  I don't get it.  Why the fuck would you get so worked up over someone's--anyone's--sex life besides your own?  And your partner's or partners', I guess.  Because your fucking god told you?  That's fucking beyond nuts.  Because it makes you feel good to hate someone?  That's more likely.  So, I guess, it might just be evil, rotten motherfuckers after all as the most likely answer. 

Maddow's all over this shit tonight, but all the clips she's showing from all the braying dipshits sound way too incoherent and goofy to represent all the fear and hatred and ignorance these religious freaks have puked up for thousands of years.  Can it be as basic as just being a hateful piece of shit and homosexuals being an easy, socially-acceptable target for that hate?  Is that all humanity really is: hateful and ignorant and hopelessly so?  Jesus, that's fucking sad.

Glad Tidings For All

Liz Mair, Exceptional American Republican Dimwit, Is Not Taking Down Donald Trump

Mair is another yuge loser Republican, and she ain't up to taking down Trump.  It's funny, in that dwarf-tossing is funny when you're a drunk, web-toed redneck way, but Liz Mair is not smart enough or tough enough to undo the damage Trump is doing to her repugnant Republican party.  Mair has the sort of Midas touch that turns everything she does to shit, but I for one will encourage her to keep up the futility until she wastes every last establishment Republican dollar in the whole fucking world.

Liz Phair would have a better chance of ending the Trump campaign.  

Jesus Frakking Christ, Marco Rubio Is A Yuge Fucking Creep

Who are the scabrous dipshits who would vote for this weeny?  Yeah, Florida, but fuck.  Rubio is such a exceptionally American repulsive loser, with that thin, croaky voice of a prepubescent, chronic bully's victim.  He's not gettin' elected to anything outside that fucktard hothouse south of Georgia, and those dumbfuck bigtime donors are wasting their time and money.  Funny as hell, though! 

Those Blacks Are The Biggest Complainers Ever

Shut up you Black Lives Matter whiners!  All lives matter!  White lives matter!  White lives matter most of all!  Why the fuck are all the blacks getting so uppity every single time a black gets shot by the cops?  You blacks need to just keep quiet and listen to Sean Hannity explain why you deserve to get shot, and when you blacks get shot it is all your own damn fault.  It's not time to jump to conclusions.  The cops always have a very good reason to shoot a black.  Just because there's a video that shows that the cops were lying the whole time about Laquan McDonald, and just because without the video nobody would have been arrested for McDonald's murder, that's no reason to start complaining again.  Michael Brown was guilty!  Tamir Rice was guilty!  Trayvon Martin was guilty!  John Crawford III was guilty!  Eric Garner was guilty!  Walter Scott was guilty!  Guilty of being black and pissing off the cops.  Guilty!  That gets you killed here, boy, so watch the fuck out and quit your protesting, or you're next!

President Trump's gonna take care of you blacks but good.  He knows blacks and knows what you're all about with your protests and your getting shot and complaining.  That will be a great day for America when the white man finally gets back in charge just like jesus always wanted.  Black lives ain't gonna matter for shit in America even more that day.

Sammontana Yellow Masi Is What You Need

Good stuff.  Restored 1973, apparently. 

So Very Fast




Catching Up With Billy Bragg In New Zealand In 1987

We used to want the same things, indeed.  Billy Bragg and New Zealand and the world were young in 1987.  Now...

The Best Cycling Shoes Ever, With Laces And No Twits Allowed

Carnac Lemonds.  Then Legends.  Oh, my these things were freaking wonderful.  Do I still wear them?  Yes?  Do I wish I still had the mountain bike versions, too?  I do.  But road shoes don't go through what mountain bike shoes do, and I don't have any Carnac mountain bike shoes any more.  Sad.

The best Carnacs of that era had a really nice laces n straps system that kept the shoes nice and solid.  Sure, upper-class twits mighta had problems cuz they're, you know, morons, but the Carnacs were great.

Adios David Vitter, Now You Are Free To Shit Your Diaper And Get Spanked By Whores On Your Own Dime

Kbye!  Finally, the besotted cretins in Louisiana decided David Vitter was just way too fucking creepy to elect to anything else.  Good for them.  I'm sure they'll all be receiving gorillagrams from the Nobel committee any day now.  Vitter was an object lesson for the fucking useless Dems, though.  Vitter fucked whores, shit in diapers, and probably loved to get spanked when he was a bad bad boy with a shitty diaper, but he didn't resign and didn't shut up.  If only the Dems had such courage in face of way less disgusting and hilarious scandals. 

But today is a good day, and we can all laugh at the pathetic and disgusting loser David Vitter, off to pay to shit in diapers without the benefit of a government sinecure.  Louisiana is a shithole with or without Vitter, but it got a tiny bit better today.

And another hail and hearty "Fuck You" to Piyush Jindal on his way out as he joins the ignominious ranks of wingnut welfare queens.