Kidz Bop

What's The Only Thing That Could Make Trump's Magnificent Incompetence Even More Absurd? Coward, Liar, War Criminal Allen West!

Truly an Uncle Tom for the Fox generation.  When Rex Tillerson quits at State, Trump should put West in that job so we can finally sell out to the Uruguayans once and for all and welcome our benevolent southern overlords.

(No Matter What, They're Never Gonna Get That Grease Stain Outa The White House)

Scaramucci was the presidential guinea for like a day.  That's more than Guiliani can say.  More than Christie.  That disgusting wop stain is 100% Mooch.

THANKS TO DONALD TRUMP ANTHONY SCARAMUCCI'S MARRIAGE MIGHT BE SAVED!

Thanks, Trump.  Always looking out for the best in your friends!  Donald Trump is an exceptional American!  Putting the sacred above the political, Donald Trump always puts the best interests of his people first!  Hail, Trump!  Hail, Trump!  Hail Trump!

Burnin' 4 U

How Fucking Low Are You When Peggy Noonan Calls You A Pussy?

The Nooners is not exactly what anyone would mistake for a vibrant wit, so when she lets loose in the papers with the day-drinking grandma old-lady snark calling you a gods-damned nancyboy, well, fuck, you're pretty much nothin'.  Trump's lost Nooners because he's not a stoic sexy big-dicked man's man like the Ronny Raygun of Peggy's masturbatory marathons.  Trump's a pussy, and pussy don't get Nooners wet and sticky.

Political Song for Gavin McInnes to Sing

Los Angeles Is Burning, Or Soon Will Be

Not just LA and earthquakes and shit, but the entire hydrocarbon infrastructure is a fucking shit show exploding in slow motion.  Fuel storage and transport are not things we are being super diligent about keeping up to snuff.  Every year brings more potential for a massive, dangerous failure, and the expense of mitigating the damage will be greater the longer we wait.  America!  Fuck Yeah!

Another Sign Of Passing Peak Football

Good idea to quit if you want to have a brain left.  Lacrosse and team handball are gonna get shitloads of athletes in the coming decades.

Rice Penis Sings Cuck Me Daddy One More Time

Image being such a manlet that you could be cucked by a senile ambulatory cheeto with a micro-penis! That cuck is Rants Poultice.  He exists solely now for our amusement, and with luck we will laughing and pointing at his inadequacies for hours to come.

Trump's Killed The GOP, And Now He's Just Violating The Corpse

The functional GOP, such as it was before Trump, is gone now.  He broke them into sad little degenerate blobs.  While this is wonderfully entertaining for most of humanity, for the Republicans it is the best thing that could have happened to everyone else!  Thanks, Trump.

Steve Pieczenik: Deranged Reactionary Racist Asshole Of The Day, Today

This micro-brained little turd is an exceptional American.  He loves him some Trump and some Alex Jones.  Just like every other conservative on the planet, he's as wrong as wrong can be about every single thing in the world.  If you had a dog this stupid you'd drown it in a burlap bag with a brick.

Welp, This Is The Ugliest Fucking Bike I've Ever Seen

Makes those crude old ALAN frames look positively elegant.  Jesus, what the fuck were they thinking?  That's atrocious.  Even the pink doesn't save it.

The Best Thing About Obama Is That He Will Live Rent-Free Forever In The Empty Heads Of Racist Reactionary Teabaggers

The nasty GOP fuckwits will never recover from Obama's presidency.  That's the best thing Obama ever did, and he didn't even have to do anything except be a blah in the White House, even as he was as much an anodyne establishment conservative as every other modern Democratic president.  The creepy racist teabaggers can't ever forget that he was a black black blackity black black.  Thanks, Trump.

Bettie Happens

Rinse Pubies Is Shitcanned

Buh-bye Rents Pupice.  I wonder how all these assholes feel backing the orange shitbag now.  How long till Trump turns on Subway Jared Kushner?

Whose Cock Did Scaramucci Go To DC To Suck? Trump's?

Gotta be Trump's.  He's probably good at it.  He sure seems enthusiastic.  Ryan Lizza must have cock sucking Pulitzer Prize visions dancing in his head like fucking sugarplums.  Surreal.  Anthony Scaramucci's role must be to make sure that Trump is not the biggest fucking dipshit in Washington. 

John McCain, Preening Threadbare Diva Till The End, Fucks McConnell And Trump

Nasty litte creep that McCain.  But his own vainglorious insane bullshit was always the most important thing to McCain.  So we get a sweet entertaining treat, and McConnell looks like a fucking useless shitbird.  Fine, just fine.

I'd Trust Chelsea Manning To Watch My Back Way Before This Imbecilic Bigot

Fuck this idiot and his stupid bigoted opinions on the Cavity Creep's gay little website.  Chelsea Manning has real courage, and I'd rather be in a fight with her than a billion moronic manlets like J.R. Salzman.  Courage matters, real courage, like Chelsea Manning.

U All

As Long As Civil Asset Forfeiture Exists In America, Freedom And Justice Cannot

And of course vile fascist fuckfaces like Jeff Sessions and Donald Trump love civil forfeiture.  They get their pathetic little pee-pees hard thinking about stealing from defenceless Americans to enrich the brutal police and criminal court systems.  This is the goal of racist conservatives and petty fascists: destroying the ability of the citizens to oppose the police state at any level.  The government can take your shit and leave you homeless long before you are ever convicted or acquitted in a court.  This is true domestic terrorism, worse than any stone-age primitives or christian lunatics could ever pull off.  The states opposing this terrorist policy have been targeted by Sessions and Trump because no organized opposition can be allowed to stand for freedom in our exceptional America.

Psychotic Muppet Baby Mark Levin Is Not Happy With The GOP

Life's rough out there for a shrieking manlet like Levin.  The Republicans can't do anything, especially repeal Obamacare.  Trump's a stinky old man shitting himself in pubic daily.  Nobody cares what Levin says on the Cavity Creep's stupid website.  The struggle is real. 

Note That In A Canadian Story About A Bear And Bees, Broken Foot On Sunday And Surgeon On Wednesday

Single payer healthcare in action.  That's a human foot, not a bear foot.  So the bear tries to get into the bees, the woman hurts her foot, and three days later she has a consult with a surgeon.  Pretty fucking sweet.  See what I did there?

B Gray, Welcome To The Shitting On The Black Gossip Kids Party, Pal

B Gray checks in with a more prolix fisking of the black gossip kid Terrell Starr than mine last week.  It's all good; kicking the black gossip kids for their Bernie Sanders stupidity is not a hate crime.  They dumb.  They can't see through their own bullshit.  Bernie woulda won.  Bernie's no racist.  He's a civil rights guy from the old school.  Literally.

Nobody Over The Age Of 10 With A Room Temperature IQ Could Ever Think John McCain Was Anything Other Than Vile Rightwing Filth

He was a war criminal and coward, too. I like guys who aren't war criminals.  McCain is the favorite of the establishment village idiots because he tickles all their special places with his nasty reactionary bullshit.  McCain was and is completely horrible and nothing will ever change that.

Brutal Fisking Of The Wretched Tool And Exceptional Village Idiot Chris Cillizza

Fucking christ, Lyz Lenz bludgeons Chris Cillizza into a smary smear on the CJR.  Shit, she gets all up in there and pulls off bloody chunks of Cillizza's greasy, putrid flesh and flings them around without a care in the fucking world for the mess or the stench.  Cillizza is the worst sort of establishment stooge, but his particular talent for exceptionally fatuous sycophancy always brings worldly success in the village.  In a town of idiots, Cillizza has managed to stand out as one of the biggest idiots ever.  Not bad.  Imagine the sort of trouble he could have caused if he'd gone to a Big 5 boarding school instead of the solidly second-tier Loomis Chaffee!

Donald Trump's Theme Song

The Best Advice In America: Never Call The Cops

You could get someone killed.  The cops are not your friends.  They are not there to help.  They don't work for you.  They are not to be trusted.  They murder with impunity.  They are a force of murderous control.  They are anti-freedom.  All cops are bastards.  Never call them. 

America Will Always Have Money For Murder Machines And Racist Cops, But Not Health Care For Actual Citizens

It's embarrassing that a silly place like Canada can do it right, but the exceptional American USA cannot.  American society is diseased and feeble.  The fact that most of them put up with this bullshit is fucking pathetic.

Jeff KKK Sessions Is A Nasty Little Racist Gnome, But I Bet He Regrets Getting On The Trump Train

Not that long ago, Sessions was the only Republican dumb enough to endorse Trump.  How'd that work out for him?  Trump is torturing the poor little guy, and though Sessions deserves any and all opprobrium from anyone and everyone--and probably secretly likes the abuse when it comes from his butt buddy Trump--watching Sessions just stand there like the manlet beta he is and get pissed on in public like that is something you just don't see every day.

The Serotta Forum Twits And David Brooks Deserve Each Other

At least one decent fella pointed out that Brooks is a vapid pissboy, but oh the twits got very angry with that.  David Brooks is the perfect mouthpiece for the clueless over-privileged idiots on that forum.  Twits gonna twit!

Compared To Trump, The Boy Scouts Look Less Creepy Than Usual

Trump does serve some purpose, making the closetcase proto-fascists look less creepy.  Thanks, Trump!

Wedding Bell

Exceptional American Story Of A Stupid Kraut Car

Fun read.  Like, you knew how it was going to end, but it was fun like a quality tee vee show.  The fucking Krauts should be ashamed of this fucking car.  Interesting that Campagnolo gets the props for some metalwork on a hinge. 

Susan Collins Talks Shit About Donald Trump And Another Fat Fuck Republican, Too

Collins calls the fat ugly pig Blake Farenthold a fat ugly pig more or less.  So true!  Farenthold is fat AND ugly.  And she COULD totally kick Farenthold's ass--he's a blubbery beta cuck.

But even funnier, Collins talks shit about Trump with Rhode Island's Jack Reed.  They call Trump crazy instead of senile and fucking demented, but it's all true.  Trump is fat too.  I wonder if that came up?

Some Things Never Change

Lively Fisking Of Leo Varadkar And Fine Gael By Aidan O'Brien

Fun stuff.   In 2017, the Micks should know better than to let the righties get anywhere near power to facilitate the sucking up to the neoliberal and neoconservative scumbags working to fuck everything up.  That's on them.  Never fall for the young, gay, foreign conservative shitbird.

Pathetic Joy Reid Auto-Fisking

Joy Reid attempts to tongue John McCain's floppy old asshole but gets a face full of shit instead.  Jesus, Reid is a fucking simp.

Every Single Day For 80 Years John McCain Has Been A Useless Coward

And exceptional American piece of shit.  Of course McCain would take advantage of completely free comprehensive health care in order to make a self-aggrandizing return to the Senate so that he could vote to deny any health care coverage to millions of citizens because he is a worthless hypocrite.  McCain has always been a complete fraud.  Fuck him.  McCain did not stand up to Karl Rove and the Bush family when they accused him of fathering a black bastard, and today McCain did not stand up to draft-dodger Donald Trump even though Trump insulted McCain during the campaign last year.  Fucking coward.  McCain has lived 80 years of utter cowardice.  Fuck him in the face holes.

Jesus, We've Passed Peak Football

Too much knowledge, too much science for good football now.  Sometime ago we saw peak football and didn't realize it.  Kids really are leaving the game or never starting because of all the fucked up bullshit with concussions and other neurological trauma.  Players are retiring early or not moving up to the next level.  The NFL is still big business and the NCAA is still a cash machine, but the best days are behind them.  Can't say that's a bad thing at all.

Subway Jared Kushner's Best Defence

Jared Kushner: Exceptional American Pipsqueak

If you look up pipsqueak in the dictionary, there's a picture of Jared Kushner.  That sad, dumb manlet is nothing without his daddy's money to buy him some significance.  It's pretty fucking sad that Kushner's essentially the smart one in that Trump administration. 

Snooty The Manatee Is America

Went into the plumbing and couldn't get out, just like America.  Snooty and America are one, but we didn't know it until we realized Snooty was dead, just like all of us.

David Price Is A Choke Artist Off The Field, Too

Price is sure a dim bulb; it's too bad Eck isn't a couple of decades younger.  The Sox sure can pick 'em.

Stories Told

How's That Flint Water Thing Going? It's All Set Right? Fixed?

Obama took care of that, right?  Diverted some money from the aircraft carriers or drones or police and fixed that water thing for American citizens in Flint, right?  He did that?  He musta.  Or maybe the exceptional teabagging patriotic fuckheads in the Congress took charge of that shit and fixed it.  Or some glorious capitalist rich fuck decided to form a foundation and fund it completely with the money required out of the goodness of his obscene fortune acquired at the expense of Americans like the ones in Flint.  Surely someone did what was required.  A society that can support 10,000 nuclear warheads and a dozen useless aircraft carriers and can murder hundreds of people around the world every day with robots, surely that society can make sure the drinking water is safe for every citizen.  Clean water would be an even bigger priority.  Right?

Oh Frak Christ, The Twits Will Be Twits

And pussies.  I can only hope that fucking guntard coward Serotta Forum twits manage to shoot each other so we won't have to hear from them without hurting anyone else.  I get the feeling that besides being complete fucking dipshits, most of those over-privileged upper-class fuckers are consummate little pussies as well and could not defend themselves against a hard rain.

Knot

Froome Is A Disappointing Outcome

Team Sky are the fucking worst.  The Tour would be better and better off if some greasy Eurotrash could actually beat the Limey cocksuckers on the road.  It's time for the proper European teams to up their doping programs.

Eric's Diamonds Dogz

When You Bring Out Anthony Scaramucci, You've Scraped The Very Bottom Of An Exceptionally Greasy Barrel

Scaramucci's a nasty little dummy, and I'm sure he fits right in with Trump and his rotten family.  Things must be pretty fucking awful in Trumpland if he's turning to a greasy shitbird like Anthony Scaramucci.

Hillary Clinton, Exceptional Democrat, Exceptional American

Thank the gods that the Democratic Party establishment decided back in 2008 that the repellent neoliberal loser Hillary Clinton would be the next nominee of the party no matter what.  Eight years of building up that idiot into a shit show that couldn't beat Donald Fucking Trump.  Genius.  Add to that the fact that Dems were gifted a guaranteed winner from Vermont and spent an entire year making sure he'd never be seen or heard by enough Dems to matter.  Wicked genius.  Exceptional American genius.  Thanks, Obama.

Light 'Em Up

Fuck Yeah, The Black Gossip Kids Get One Really Right, Atmo

Moar please.  The white women didn't deserve to be killed by the cops.  An outrage!  We must stop such atrocity!  The other times when the cops shoot people for no reason, especially when those people are not so heartlandishly hued as the average white woman, well, those might not be such an outrage to a certain segment of the American people.  The Gossip Kids, Black Division, are on this shit, and I hope they run with this and shout if from the fucking roof tops, atmo.

Sean Spicer: Big Fat Loser Cucked By The Dimwit Beta Donald Trump

Sweet.  What the fuck is going on in that shit show now?  How much more screaming fucktardery can a presidential administration take before it just rolls over and dies?  This is some fun fucking shit right here.  Exceedingly entertaining funfetti.

Pear Ubu

How Seriously Fucking Unhinged Do You Have To Be To Believe The Earth Is Flat

Yes, a shit ton of those assholes are being ironically obtuse, but not all.  Some of those fuckers really believe the fucking Earth is flat even though we can see that the moon is a sphere.  Even though we can see other planets that are spheres.  Even though we can watch the spherical sun turn.  Not only do you have to be completely paranoid to believe that NASA and outer space are hoaxes and conspiracies, but you can't even understand elementary-school level basic science.  Seriously, these lunatics are Trump-levels of fucking dumb.

Co-Han's

Oh Sweet Motherfucking Jesus, The Black Gossip Kids Could Drive You To Drink

Gods dammit.  Really?  No matter how many times you say you support Bernie Sanders or like Bernie Sanders or respect Bernie Sanders or whatever, when you write the kind of sophomoric drivel Terrell Starr manages to puke up, well, you sound like a fucking pathetic Democratic Party ignoramus.  Does anyone really think those kindly older black women had or have a problem with Sanders which wouldn't be overcome by 25 intensive seconds of explanation by whomever tells the old bats who to vote for?  Is it a problem with Sanders--JEW!!!--or a problem that those folks are like the Dems' version of Fox "News" viewers and only get their info/voter instructions from the most feckless party stooges?  If the Dems hadn't spent eight fucking years fixating on Hillary Fucking Clinton as the nominee and then wasted nine months in 2016 fucking with the primaries to make damn sure that most kindly voters of any age or complexion would not ever hear Sanders' message--the message of the candidate who would have demolished Trump!--well, I'm thinking those women would have loved them some cuddly ole' Senator Sanders just fine.  But then, I'm not even 1% of the screaming fucktard that Starr is, so there's that.

Who Knew That Health Care Was So Hard For Republicans?

Everyone.  At least the Dems in the better states tried to get the most out of Obamacare and didn't actively fuck with it the way the Republican shitheads did.  That's not much, but it's somethin'.

Skullfuck Radiohead Now And Forever, Amen

Slimy zionist shitbirds not bright enough to do the decent thing and not help normalize the racist scum in Israel.  Too bad.  Fuck fuck fuck Radiohead.  I hope Cartman makes them eat Scott Tenorman's parents chili, too.  Pray to all the gods for peace and justice for the people of Palestine and victory for the brave Palestinian freedom fighters.

Thank The Fucking Gods For The Red Sox Making America Greater Again

Great job with that Sandoval thing!  50 million shit away.  Not bad.  Not bad at all. 

Political Song for the GOP to Sing

What Does Blinding Republican Panic Sound Like?

This.  The screaming butthurt of the GOP pissboys as their party rots all around them is a beautiful sight to behold.  This is not enough to save anything, but it is so fucking entertaining.  Thanks, Trump.

Casting Out 3s

Ted Rall Starring In Illegal Eagle

Rich Man's Justice, or Getting Fucked by the Courts, starring Ted Rall.  Corporations Are More of a Person Than You Will Ever Be, guest starring Ted Rall.  Neither of these flicks are coming to a theater near you, but you can see 'em anytime of every day in any courthouse.  Representation should be guaranteed for all--going into a court on your own is a wretched mistake, but most people have no choice in the matter.  Corporations should face more scrutiny in court, not less, but as Ted Rall is finding out, most people don't matter.

Trump Likes Playing With Trucks

Trump's not a full fucktard or anything.  He's a smart guy, very smart, knows all the best knowledge, everyone says so.  He's doesn't spend his days watching tee vee, picking his nose, and shitting in his diaper or anything.  Not.  At.  All.  I hope to christ that the WH staff never leave that imbecile alone.  Jesus.

Martin Landau On The Dark Side Of The Moon Forever Now

Mitch McConnell: Exceptional American And Lion Of The Senate

Mitch McConnell, sooper-genius.  McConnell really is a master at all this legislatin' and shit.  He can get anything done in the Senate.  He's the real deal.  A leader.  A tactician.  Thanks, Trump.

McConnell has always been an idiot and a unctuous little reactionary shitball.  Now his screaming incompetence has been bared for all the world to see.  Seriously, Thanks, Trump.

How'd Obama do against McConnell on that Supreme Court thing again?

Sorry, Those Jones Spaceframe Bikes Will Always Be Stupid

Unnecessarily Byzantine frame design will always be the wrong answer.  I know some dweebs really dig those fuckers, but they are sure.  Not.  My.  Bag.  Atmo.  Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think so.

Megyn Kelly: Hahahahahhahahahahahahhahhahahahah--But Santa Is White--Hahhahhahhahahahahah

Some days the gods smile upon the just.  And even if most of the time everything is shit.  But no single person on the planet deserves the very public shameful failure Megyn Kelly is experiencing more than that vile racist reactionary harpy herself.  Thanks, Trump.

BREAKING: This just in!  Santa was never white!!

Breeze E

Ann Coulter, Truly A Teabagging DB Cooper For The Fox Generation

The difference being that if Coulter jumps--or gets pushed--out of the plane, nobody will look for her.  In fact, Coulter pulling a DB Cooper and jumping into a black void never to seen or heard from again is the dream of all mankind. 

Federer-erer-erer-er-er

Great player, but maybe because he's Swiss--he's Swiss, right? Switz?--he lacks something bonkers that would make him a more interesting player.  He was raised on that stupid chocolate and stolen Nazi gold and artwork, so that might have had an effect.  Or affect.  Either way, Swiss Miss.  Thanks, Trump.

Coastin'

The Tour De France Hasn't Done A Very Good Job Of Displacing Team Sky

This year.  Nobody wants those Limey cocksuckers to win again, but this was apparently not the route to dislodge the bad guys.  Oops.

I'm Sure A Woman Playing The Doctor Will Outrage Shitloads Of Idiots Who Have Never Seen The Show

It's a children's tee vee program, so they can do what they want.  It's harmless.  Idris Elba would have been fun, though. 

Roomba

Cluze Bluze

Fisking The Vile Clara Jeffery And Kevin Drum Will Always Be Worthwhile

They fucking suck and fuck them in the skull holes.  The gods' work of fisking those shitbirds shall never be for naught. 

So Next We'll Find Out The Russian Piss Whores Wildly Overcharged Trump

The master dealmaker paid the piss whores 5 times the going rate in Moscow because he's an idiot.  Or he fucked up the conversion and wound up paying way too much.  Something.  Somehow the piss tape will make Trump look even worse than simply a mundane tape of prostitutes urinating on a usual creep in a hotel room would.  Thanks, Trump.

Not Another Domino's

Fisking Donald Trump Jr. Is Not Hard

Trump Jr. makes Kushner look like a genius award winner, but Trump's biggest problem is that he's not entertaining enough to make all this tawdry corruption into something that we can appreciate as our society corrodes once and for all.  Trump and his idiot father are too impotent and dim to be the reasons we're all fucked.  Thanks, Trump.

After All This Trump Insanity, When Do We Get To See The Piss Tape

By the time it comes out, the piss tape will be the most dignified thing with which any Trump has ever been publicly associated.  That's not gonna stop everyone from laughing and pointing at the idiot who paid Russian hookers to piss on him tho.

Political Song for Jeff Sessions to Sing

What Dehydrated Carter This Week Would Have Killed Trump 20 Years Ago

Jimmy Carter at 90 is 100 times the man that Trump was at 50.  Or 20.  Trump is a pathetic, weak little beta cuck; Carter is some sort of fucking manly, alpha monster, out in the heat building shit at 92 years old after surviving cancer and everything else.  Jimmy Carter in 2017 is what a real man looks like, especially compared to Donald Trump.

Thom Yorke Is A Real Little Peckerhead

What a nasty little twat that Yorke is apparently.  Well, the universe should make sure those Radiohead assholes never get any quarter from any decent people ever again.

The General Asks THE Question About Charlie Daniels

Many have wondered.  A stroke?  Repeated blows to the head?  Methanol?  Creeping senility?  Gay panic in a locked closet?

Of Course Gravity Is A Hoax And The Earth If Flat

Duh!  Everybody knows that shit.  Flat.  You can't stand on the side of a spinning sphere without falling off.  Pwned, science libtards.  Thanks, Trump.

Pix

Maybe Team Sky Died On This Date Too

Probably too much to hope for, but it was nice that Team Sky cracked a bit.  I guess they shoulda paid their doctors a little bit more so that the drugs didn't wear off a week and a half early.  Heh.  Thanks, Trump.

50 Years Since Tom Simpson Died

Jesus. Time flies.  If you were born in 1978, you're not even 50 yet.  Or 40.  But it was 50 years ago that Simpson died on Mont Ventoux.

When Hamilton Nolan Gets It, Atmo, He Gets It, Atmo

A union always good--anti-union scum always bad.  Whatever issues particular unions or particular locals have, the organization of labor is always good for both labor and the society at large.  Unions are some of the most important institutions in any civilized society.  When gossip kid HN gets it, he's got it, atmo.

Luv In

Don't Tell The Gossip Kids That Harvard Doesn't Have Fraternities Or Sororities

Reality is a bitch.  The Harvard folks know that fraternities were banned long ago, and the original final clubs save Porcellian were continuations of Harvard fraternity chapters.  What Harvard is trying to do is close the final clubs because they won't admit women.  Years ago this would have never happened, but if Dartmouth could get rid of Alpha Delta when the college president was a brother, well, the final clubs may be killed off.  Changing times.  The Gossip Kids are dolts, though.

Back 2

Fabulous John Pilger On Palestine

More like this.  More truth about the racist horror that is the Zionist occupation of Palestine.  More fight for the brave Palestinian people.  More opposition to the Zionist violence.  That is what the world needs.  Pilger fucking rocks on this.  Moar!

Stuttering Derivative

How Does The Red Spot On Jupiter Fit With The Truth Of The Flat Earth?

And the moon landing hoax. Space isn't real.  The Earth is flat.  There are no planets.  The moon is a hologram.  So what the fuck is that spot?  What is Jupiter?  It's all a conspiracy.  Only President Trump can reveal the truth to us!

American Oligarchs Will Always Be Able To Pay An Addle-Headed Uncle Tom To Puke Up Bullshit

And that sad, old, worn-down Tom will do it with a smile, not even really knowing what he's saying after so many years of risible lies and utter horseshit in service of his masters.  What's worse is that there will always be hopeless and hopelessly stupid white trash and other destitute reactionary garbage people to eat that steaming rancid puke with a spoon.  Sad.  Thanks, Trump.

When You've Lost Joe 'Dead Intern' Scarborough, Who's Left?

The GOP is so fucking toast at this point that even a tee vee clown with a dead intern won't be associated with the party anymore.  Jesus.  What the fuck is left for the Republicans if they can't keep creeps like Scarborough on their side?  Thanks, Trump.

Donald Trump Jr.'s Hannidate

So, Donald Trump Jr. and Sean Hannity decided to out-Grindr Grindr with a full-on, sloppy Hannidate two-man orgy last night.  Great.  But how did such massive fucktardery not cause the entire space-time continuum to crack open and implode this universe?  Why the fuck are we still here!??

Proof

Meanwhile, Mitch 'Bitch' McConnell Is Losing His Grip

Every fucking strand is unraveling for McConnell now.  He's losing control of the Senate in slow motion, and he knows he can't stop it.  This is getting pretty fucking entertaining about now.  Thanks, Trump.

Head Less

Thank The Gods Donald Trump Jr Is An Even Bigger Moron Than Donald Trump Sr

That poor dumb fuck Jr has no idea what's happening at this point.  He's spent his whole life being a complete asshole with zero consequences, leaving him completely incapable of dealing with this reality his dumbfuck father got him into.  This is some grade-A prime funfetti right here.  I don't even really care if the worthless fuckface goes to jail at this point; his serial fuckups might just sink the entire decade for the GOP, and that's pretty fucking fabulous.

You're Half

Maybe Everyone Will Crash Out Of The Tour This Year

And Hinault will steal the win.  I guess the ASO geniuses were too scared of Team Sky's doping skills to map out a traditionally punishing race and tried to get cute.  How's that working so far?

How Will The Wolf Survive?

How will Yellowstone?  Is there any room on the planet for nature in our exceptional America?  Of course not.  We as a society will use up the entire planet until we ourselves can't continue.  That's our future.  Thanks, Trump.

Will It Be Legal For Republican Closet-Cases To Fuck The Human-Animal Chimeras At Alex Jones' Barbeque?

Will it be ok of some Republicans take the 80% pig or 85% goat creature down into Jones' basement for some sexy time? Is that legal?  Because it wouldn't be fair to Jones and his friends if he was hosting some harmless GOP pool parties with the talking animal men all summer and then the cops decide to bust 'em up for no reason.  That would be not cool.  After all, those animal-human hybrids are totally DTF when the Republicans show up and the Coors Light is flowing free.

How Will Democracy Survive Without Ginormous Imbecile And Exceptional Coward Al Giordano Running For The Senate?

Whatever shall we do without brave and handsome Al to save us from Bernie Sanders?  Oh, noes, I think we should cry.  Cry.

Flamed Wayne

David Sirota Asks A Question And Gets No Answer

And the question he was really asking is "What the fuck is wrong with the Democratic Party?".  That's a big question with many answers.  The Russians fuck with countries around the world the way we fuck with countries around the world, and anyone who doesn't understand that is a complete idiot.  That's not the same as the coups we stage around the world, or the assassinations or the covert murders or bombings or drone strikes.  That's not what the Russians did to us, but the Dems would believe anything except Hillary was the worst presidential candidate in galactic history and that BERNIE WOULD HAVE WON!

Was Chuck Timlin Sad At Those Choate Graduations Because He Wouldn't Have The Opportunity To Hop On Those Particular Hot High Schoolers Anymore?

Makes you wonder.  If those fucking dirtbags couldn't keep their hands off the nubile Choate girls, every graduation musta felt like a tragic loss.

To be followed by a yuge opportunity to get some naive freshman girls naked or jam their tongues in their mouth or whatever other stupid shit turned these idiot abusers on.

Thanks, Trump.

How Yuge Of A Dimwit Is The Pride Of Choate Ivanka Trump Kushner?

Why would she allow that? How fucking stupid is she?  Jesus, that's just pathetic.  Choate's put up with a shit ton of nasty stuff over the years, but allowing the mental-defectives in the Trump family to latch on to the school was certainly one of the biggest fuckups since Kenneth Mills and Chip Lowery ran the middle-school cheerleading camp/naked pillow fight film studio/massage training program on the campus back in 82.

If Curt Kobain (And Some Very Unfortunate White-Guy Hair) Fronted Green Day

Plutocracy Is A Good Word For America

One might even say exceptional. An exceptional word for America.  Plutocracy is word far too few Americans even know.  Americans don't understand their nation or their society for the most part.  Most rich people think they're struggling middle class because they're aren't plutocrats themselves, and thus have no clue about any fucking thing worthwhile and are easily manipulated by the oligarchs.  Plutocracy should be an issue on every news story and in every facet of daily interaction.  Surprisingly it isn't though.  I wonder why that is.

Froome In Yellow Already?

How's that gonna work?  I'd like to see someone ride those fucking scum from Team Sky right off the fucking road and into the doping control where they finally bust 'em wide open.  Limey fucks.

Mitch McConnell, Legislative Genius

He's a master tactician, all right.  Or could it be that he's soft-headed little man with no idea how to accomplish anything beyond furthering his own wretched career as a GOP shitstain.  What Mitch McConnell knows about health care is only slightly less than he knows about good governance in any sector. 

Summer Time Blue

Roger Waters, Si! Israel, Non!

The BDS movement might be the best thing humans are doing anywhere this century.  Waters has more than made up for the tedium of so much of Pink Floyd with his heroic stance on the vile apartheid scum in Israel.  Wretched shitstains like Ian Halperin and Paul Miller are not fit to slurp up Roger Waters' week-old piss out of a JD bottle left backstage after a show.

Ruh-Roh, Porky Charles Payne Was A Very Naughty Boy With A Mentally-Infirm Floozy

Chunks of love Charlie Payne spent three years dicking that fucking pathetic moron Scottie Nell Hughes as a side piece but couldn't deliver on what that whore really wanted, a job with Fox "News", so now the Fox Uncle Tom is busted.  Heh, that's fucking sweet.  Another tawdry cheating story by a couple of ardent right-wing family values assholes.  Thanks, Trump.  Enjoy this Mazel Tov cocktail!

Ingrid's Foot, Man

For The Next Extraterrestrial Child Slave Colony, Can We Make It Closer Than Mars?

Like the moon maybe, or an orbital station?  Mars is pretty far away, and I'm worried that the blood we harvest from the kids will be a little flat by the time it gets here.

Some Days I Wish The Black Gossip Kids Were Better Than Any Other Gossip Kids

Even if that's not fair.  I think we'd all be better off, tho.  Fuck.

Trump's Only A Sad, Senile Old Man Now. Who Wipes His Ass For Him?

Melaria?  Ivanka?  The Secret Service guy with the lowest marks on his yearly review?  Engineering Trump's diaper changes is definitely the worst job in Republican politics this summer.

King Of California For The Day

'Danny Phantom' Was The Best Of Those Cartoons

Very cool.  I loved Danny Phantom.  Nice to see a little signal-boost all these years later.

Excellent Red Letter Media On The Way Ridley Scott Doesn't Understand Even His Own Movies

Blade Runner is a good flick, but Ridley Scott woulda flunked the quiz on it--and he directed the fucking thing.  The screenwriter, many of the actors, whatever space alien directed the original version, anyone familiar with the source material, anyone familiar with PKD in general, all of 'em would have said nope, Deckard's a human.  Cmdr. Adama might be a little confused these days too, but it was pretty clear when the flick came out in 82 that the origami unicorn at the end was supposed to represent the replicant Rachael being unreal, the impossible thing, a replicant without the predetermined expiration date, and most assuredly not meant to show Deckard being a replicant because of a scene from Legend spliced into the film years later.  Ridley Scott should hang out with Donald Trump.  Those two senile old bats would get on famously.

Trump Really Is A Senile Old Fuck

He's past the 'old man yells at clouds' stage of his dementia.  All that shit just makes his dimwit racist fans love him even more.

It's...

John Doe really could sing when he was young.  Damn.  Just a beautiful voice.  Dave "Raylan Givens" Alvin had the world's most honky-tonkin' mullet.  31 fucking years ago.  Not sure how I missed last year...Guess I forgot all about the fourth of July...

Not The Season Of The Whale, No Matter What Chris Christie Thinks

While Sally Albright Smears Herself In Her Own Shit, Bernie Sanders Leads On Health Care

That's what leaders do. Sally Albright wouldn't know anything about that. She knows Newt Gingrich and Hillary Clinton.  But Sanders and his troops are fighting to protect people even if it hurts their agenda short term.  That's not nothing.  First, fight the GOP.  Then, work for universal coverage.  That's too complex for the likes of Sally.

Sally Albright Is An Exceptionally American, Completely Self-Made Carbuncle

The woman is an idiot--she worked for Newt Gingrich--in 2012!--and defines failing upwards for the 21st century.  Jesus fucking christ, with garbage people like Albright on Clinton's side, it's amazing Clinton managed to depress turnout so remarkably that she lost to a senile orange sack of semi-ambulatory pigshit.  Brilliant!  When has Albright ever worked for a winner?  Genius!  Albright's even less of Democrat than Clinton.  Or Sanders.  Calling Albright a brainless, spineless shit-eating bottom feeder is an insult to actual brainless, spineless shit-eating bottom feeders out in the wild getting something done.

Meanwhile, Bernie Sanders is the most popular elected politician in the United States.

AND HE WOULD HAVE WON if the DNC didn't spend eight years propping up a loser like Hillary and then scramble for year, wasting untold millions and millions of dollars, to sabotage the dynamic, popular old guy from Vermont.

TFW It's Apparent Once Again That Peter Sagan Might Not Be The Brightest Bulb On The Tree

That's racing, but it is not good racing. Or smart.  Sagan certainly should be better than that at the finish--or at least less fucking obvious.  Unless he really was trying to keep himself up and not blocking out Cavendish.  Jeez.  Those sprints are fucking nuts, and Sagan has to know that there is more attention paid to the tour than any other race.  Wearing the rainbow jersey is not the time to be removed from the race.  Sagan's a proven winner, a superstar, but he's done for this tour.  Oops.

Outside It's America

Pretty much.

Jacob Wolh: Exceptional Mental-Defective Genetic Afterthought Of The Day, Today

So, his father is a bottom-rung Fox "News" pissboy, and the kid is some the-best-part-of-you-leaked-out-your-mamma's-asshole genetic failure/fan of Trump.  Plus he's a two-bit grifter and all-around "bidness" dunce just like his orange god.  That about covers it.  Truly an exceptional American making America greater and greater again.

Talk About Pop Music

When Putin Finally Meets Trump

Maybe Putin's head will simply explode.  Perhaps Putin can't actually process such screaming incompetence and risible ignorance rolled up into one orange sack of shit.  He thinks he knows, but he doesn't.  Pop.

Donald Trump, Ben Carson And Klingon Jesus Are Gonna Cure That Defective Limey Kid

Fuck yeah, cure that little blind deaf dead kid! Yeah!!  Such winning.  That Limey fucker is gonna win bigly when Trump, Carson and Klingon Jesus are done with him! 

Moontrap Target Earth Was Not Very Good

Sarah Butler is sure as shit no Leigh Lombardi.  The first one was okay, but this one did not measure up.  Thanks, Trump.

Exceptional Americana

Exceptional American White Whale Chris 'Moby's Dick' Christie On The Beach

There's enough oil in that disgusting bloated carcass to light the lamps of America for a thousand years.  Jesus.  I wonder if Christie's gonna run for president again next time?

Town Boys

El Popo Francisco Castrates The Kraut In Charge Of The Inquistion

Nobody suspected!  So, another fascist Kraut boy-fucker is out at the Vatican.  That oughta piss off a bunch of the catholic conservative cocksuckers out there.  Thanks, Frank!

Drive-By Fisking Of The Gossip Kids By Glenn Greenwald

Mee-oww.  Merkel is an arch-conservative but a functional politician.  The gossip kids don't do nuance.  They're still learning.

The Baggers And The Rest Of The Conservatards Are Not Happy That Obamacare Will Not Be Repealed

Those sad little babymen are teary over it, but not one of them gets how the Senate works so that makes it even funnier.  McConnell is a yuge piece of shit, but that won't make teabaggers and other racist conservative nutjobs love him.  Heh, indeedy.  Thanks, Trump.

Florida, Explained: Brain Parasite

Makes sense.  A shitworm gets into the brains of people in Florida and turns them into Florida people.  Now we know.

Whitey Taped

America's Music

NASA's Martian Child Slave Colony Is The Only Thing Making America Greater Again

Most everything we touch turns to shit, so thank the fucking gods that the Martian colony and child slave blood harvesting is going so well.  Without that winning, we'd be fucked.  Thanks, Trump.

Signal-Boosting Sy Hersh

Dave Lindorff.  Hersh is one of the all-time great reporters, and yet he gets no attention in the US anymore because simple truth is anathema to the imperial exceptional American establishment.  Hersh should be booked on every tee vee show every night and have columns in every paper when he's not working on big stories, but nope, you can't have that.  You get the pablum that Fox "News" and the networks and Limbaugh and Hannity feed you.  Nothing better for you America.  You don't deserve it.

Trump's Sole Talent Is Cucking The GOP And Gutting The Leadership Like Trout

Trump can't form a sentence or remember what he did an hour ago, but he can destroy the Republican Party like a stone cold fucking terminator.  What's even funnier is that a few of the somewhat functional GOP stooges recognized Trump's potential two years ago and tried like hell to stop him.  But no, Trump was too incompetent for even the Republicans, and now they are bleeding out on the sidewalk while the assembled onlookers point and laugh and cheer.  Thanks, Trump.

Sum Sum Sum Time

How The Fuck Does Canada Get A Day?

There's like 20 of the stupid Canucks, and they sure as shit don't rate an entire fucking day of their own!  Jeez.  150 fucking years of America's retarded little brother.