The Is The Baggiest, Most Oklahoma Story Ever!

Praise be!

Because of our freedumb, our guns, and the blessed holy bagger remover, everyone in Oklahoma will be shot dead eventually, and America will be greater again! 

On a sad note, Jesse McFadden wrecked any chance he had of winning Republican Man of the Year this year when he killed himself.

Republican Man Of The Year: Don't Wait Until Those Teenaper Thug Niggers Ring Your Bell Before You Shoot Them

Stupid for an exceptional white man to let the little spear chuckers get that close.  Hunt 'em where they hang out, crack houses.  Thug gangs.  Midnight basketball.  White girls' bedrooms.  Get your white man's gun and find those black bastards out in the wild and shoot them there.  Once they get onto your property, you are too late.  They've touched your doorbell, so you gotta burn the house down to get rid of the STDs.  No decent Republican should even have one of those blahs walking on their sidewalks.  Shoot!  I am the Republican Man of the Year.

If Not For My Stranglehold On The Award, Cobb County's Lt. Greg Abbott Would Be The Republican Man Of The Year

Beautiful!  I can certainly see what officer numbnuts was trying to do, but as a white cop in Cobb Fucking County, GA, you gotta know how that shit's gonna sound on the tee vee.  Ooops.  Racist cop looks like a complete fucking stooge on his own dashcam.  Exceptional!

BLUE LIVES MATTER

ALL LIVES MATTER

BLACKS ARE THE REAL RACISTS

THUGS

Today Is The First Ever 'International Grab Em By The Pussy Day'!

Exceptional!  Thanks Trump.  Finally an American president man enough to treat those fucking cunt whores the way jesus wants us to treat 'em.  That's making America great again for real!  Rock on, Trump.  As always, I am your Republican Man of the Year.

Georgia Is An Exceptional State Where People Respect The Flag

Yet another miscarriage of southern justice, victimizing whites because blacks are the real racists.  It happens all the time, but now Trump will put a stop to this atrocity.  Finally someone in America will stand up proudly for the white man and his white woman.  Then these exceptional and brave white christian patriots who respect the proper flag can get out of prison and get back to threatening darkie school children.

I am the Republican Man of the Year.

This NJ Basketball Story Is A Shining Example Of Exceptional American Greatness Again

Fuck yeah!  What this enterprising coach needs is a bigger house.  Where he can keep more players.  Maybe with a big yard.  And they can work at gardening when they're not doing basketball.  They can probably help the intrepid leader earn some cash money with their gardening.  We just have to help him out and make sure those players don't run away.  It takes a village to win at basketball.  If you see those kids running anywhere but the basketball court, send 'em back to the plantation house.  I am the Republican Man of the Year.

Usain Bolt: We Know He's A Doper Because He's Not American

Americans don't cheat, but those foreigners, well, they can't be trusted.  If Bolt was an exceptional American like Michael Phelps and Katie Ledecky we could trust him.  But we know he's not exceptional like an American.  I am the Republican Man of the Year.

School Shooting And Only Two Dead - What The Actual Fuck

Two.  Only two?  Only two dead schoolkids?  Gods Fucking Dammit, America, you can do better!  Two dead kids is pretty fucking pathetic considering we have more guns than school kids in exceptional America.  When America kills its children with our exceptionally insane firearm perversion, America demands more than two fucking dead kids at a time!  Two!  Two fucking dead children.  Two is for when you use a rock to kill.  Or a stick.  Two is for pussies.  The minimum dead kids in exceptional American exceptional school shooting should be 10.  Maybe 20!  Fucking stupid kids can't even use a gun correctly.  Guns are for killing.  We need to teach our kids how to kill better!  More guns!  More dead kids!  Make America Great Again!

I am the Republican Man of the Year.

When Will America Wake Up To The Homosexual Agenda Destroying Our Faith And Our Society?

Trump won't save us--he's from New York City!!  They have fags there!  Only jesus can save us, and America does not love jesus enough!  The homos will kill us all!  They hate freedumb!

I am the Republican Man of the Year.

This Christmas, Let's Not Forget The Real Enemies Of Christians And Christmas

Jews.  That's right, Jews.  They not only hate christians, they are exterminating the entire white race.  What?  You say white isn't a race?  You are wrong.  The Jews are want to kill all good white people, and, like Cylons, they have a plan. 

I am the Republican Man of the Year.

The Truth About Christmas

It's only for Americans.  White Americans.  Rich white Americans.  Fox "News" viewers.  Republican voters.  The makers not the takers.  They are the people jesus loves.  The only people jesus loves.  No immigrants.  No poors.  Black.  Brown.  Yellow.  No dirt people.  Only the good people, the elect.  Christmas is theirs.  I am the Republican Man of the Year.

I Am The Republican Man Of The Year, But Donald Trump Will Be The Democratic Man Of The Year

Trump has been going apeshit recently, obliterating everything that the Republican brand stands for with such genuine glee and easy bluster.  Trump smacked down the entire last generation of Republican politics by finally blaming George W. "Retardboy" Bush for 9/11 in public.  Now Trump is attacking the campaign finance disaster we have going on right now in addition to attacking Ben Carson for Carson's insane religious beliefs.  This is amazing shit, exactly the sort of thing the Dems should have been doing to Republicans all along.  But Trump's the one doing it, and so he will be the 2015 Democratic Man Of The Year!

Holy Shit, Subway Jared Might Just Replace Me As The Repubican Man Of The Year

That senile old fuckstain Ronald Reagan never did it, and pig-fucking shitbag Newt Gingrich couldn't do it, but I think that Subway Jared might win this year because it turns out he is simply the perfect 2015 Republican.  He used the money he got for being an unctuous tee vee clown to abuse children, and even the Koch brothers have never been so brazen.  (Hell, I'm the Republican Man of the Year, but I'm not a child rapist or Koch brother; I'm more of a classical miserable evil bastard.)  President Trump needs to take the initiative to pardon this sick bastard BEFORE the election so that Jared can be Trump's Veep.  That would be so exceptionally exceptional for America!

And don't worry, I can probably still win this year's Republican Man of the Year award, and continue my record-setting consecutive victories, by calling Jared a homo after he goes to prison.  Republicans love that shit.  And hate homos.  They love child rapists, but hate homos.  Hate 'em. 

Freddie Gray Did Indeed Have A Pre-Existing Condition When The Cops Killed Him For No Reason

The same condition Michael Brown had.  And Tamir Rice.  And Trayvon Martin.  And John Crawford III.

HE WAS A THUG!!!

I am the Republican Man of the Year!

Fox "News": Feeding Immigrant Or Poor Children Only Encourages Them To Live To Eat Some More

You know, I don't really mind, but it's pretty obvious that Fox "News" and Fucker Karlson and the rest of those dickbaits are just ripping off my Republican Man Of The Year-winning speech from a coupla years ago: "Feeding Those Hungry Poor Children Only Encourages Them To Stay Alive And Good White People Know Fucking Jesus Doesn't Want That".  I'd let 'em have it; I just wish they'd give me a shout-out once in a while.

The Homeless Will Always Be With Us In America, Till We Round Them Up And Feed Them To Illegal Immigrants

(This is the thesis of the speech which won me the 2014 Republican Man of the Year award once again.  My conservative genius prevented that senile pig fucker Reagan from ever winning, and Newt Gingrinch never finished higher than second place thanks to me.  Ben Carson cried when he heard he didn't win this year, either.)  Homelessness in America, the richest nation in the history of the known universe, has been in the public consciousness, sorta, for generations now, but we never seem to become wise enough to make any real progress.  The reason is that eliminating homelessness would require our society to confront the fundamental issues of economy and society, and that's not good for your garden variety Koch-sucker.  Local remedies are not enough, but nobody fucking cares.

But I Am The Republican Man Of The Year

I am happy to once again be the winner.  I have been impossible to beat since the late '80s, famously beating Newt Gingrich in 1994 with my "Feeding Poor Children Only Encourages Them To Breed" speech in Bonner County Idaho, and destroying Reagan a few years later with my "If Your Kid Is A Fruity Looking Queer, Good Christians Have To Wonder About Their Dad".  I will admit that I have reused a few choice themes to walk away with it more than once, like "Finally Revealed: Why Jesus Wrote The Bible In English!  Because He Was Born In America!" and "Jesus Calls Cobb County Home", but let's face it, defeating the likes of Jonah Goldberg and Tucker Carlson doesn't require much effort.  Once again, thank you for this august honor.  I am thrilled.  Again.

Ok You Blacks, Do You Get It Now?

Now shut the fuck up, you blacks or whatever you get called now.  America doesn't care.  Didn't we fight and kill good white men to free you assholes?  And haven't you done nothing but bitch about it and cause trouble since then?  Don't you have ghettos or cotton picking or some shit?  Why can't you leave the rest of us alone?  Hell, we don't even call you fucking names in public much any more cuz you all are always fixin' to bitch about that shit, too.  Otherwise, we don't give a fuck, but we don't wanna have to listen your constant crying.  How many more of you fuckers do we need to beat or kill or put in prison before you figure out that you should be happy that we don't fucking string up every last one of you animals and be done with it?  Just shut up!  We don't care.  And any pittance or any peace you get is only cuz we gots other more important shit to do and some of us iz smart enough to know that we might need your kind for wars and football and shit.  But seriously, stop pretending that we're ever gonna let you forget what we think and what we know about you.  And stop pretending that we're ever gonna let you be in our fucking America.