Friday, August 18, 2017

Thursday, August 17, 2017

Wholey Diver


Maybe Senators Corker, Flake, And Graham Finally See That Trump Has Murdered The GOP

Corker seems a bit bemused by the Trump presidency.  Pretty sure Corker was never mistaken for a genius award winner, but he seems downright fucking addled today.  Nice.  Flake and Graham got bitch-slapped by Trump as well, right out there in public where everyone could see.  This is clearly the way a dominant, healthy political party behaves at the peak of its influence and power.  Thanks, Trump!

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Earthly Deelite


Holy Shit Iceland Is An Advanced, Civilized Nation

To be on the verge of eradicating a horrible genetic birth defect like Down's Syndrome is remarkable and wonderful.  Every American should be ashamed that our society is so embarrassingly far behind a country like Iceland.  If science and medicine can prevent horrible suffering and wretched genetic conditions and advance the health of the population, jesus fucking christ that is the best fucking thing ever.  And if vile, backward, demented cunts like Sarah Palin hate it, that only makes it better.

No Thinking Allowed


Jesus Frakking Cristo, The Twits Are Maddening

How the fuck does this fool wipe his own ass?  Sure go ahead and have your money back months or years later.  Yeah, no problem.  You're cherry.  Jesus.  Over-privileged twits make life so trying--kinda makes you feel like the staffer that has to change Trump's shit-filled Mr. President brand big-boy diapers every 20 gods' damned minutes.

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Green Is


Suburban Lawns Made The Papers Once In the 21st Century

Who knew?  LA was already the 10th circle of hell by then.

A.J. Delgado Sings



Every Year A Few Decent, Hardworking Kids Probably Apply To Harvard Law And Don't Get In But A Vapid Two-Bit Whore Like A.J. Delgado Got In

There's not enough time left till the heat death of the universe to catalog all the vile brainless fuckfaces who graduated from Harvard Law, but at least now the world knows that a repulsive, mental-defective hypocrite like A.J. Delgado is one of 'em.  She was a just a simple catholic girl from a working class background who was getting rawdogged daily by a grotesque, chinless--and very married--fat fucking asswipe named Jason Miller and too stupid to use any birth control or get an abortion like anyone with an IQ in the double digits would have done.  Fabulous!  Now she's an unemployed single mom slut in Florida, and Miller is back to living his best life with his actual family!  Thanks, Trump.

Monday, August 14, 2017

Everybody Clean Up


Sweet Fucking Jesus, The Glorious Butthurt Of The Racist Manlet Cucks Because Some Good People Toppled One Of Their Slavery Monuments

The frail mewling of the Freepers is giving me a gods-damned chubbie, and it is fucking lovely!  Oh how wonderful their pathetic and impotent cries of cuck-rage are.  Finally decent people are tearing down the monuments to 20th century racist intimidation.  This is the best time in recent American history.  Thanks, Trump.

Punching Nazis Is Fun, But Trump Attacking McConnell Is Another Delicious Way Trump Is Murdering The GOP

Fun fucking stuff.  A few of the nasty GOP shitbirds could see the carnage coming when Trump began his campaign, but none of those manlet cucks could stop Trump from slaughtering their political party just for grins.  Yes, Trump is too fucking stupid to understand how politics works, but he wouldn't care anyway.  He's a clumsy murderer, but his victim was the entire Republican Party.  Heh, indeedy.  Thanks, Trump.

Jen Kirkman Will Never Recover From Her Risible Inanity

I mean, it's fun to laugh at the creepy fuckheads like Kirkman, but it's not nice.  Kirkman is a vile shithead, though.  Drug's are bad, mkay.

'300' Was Absolutely As Hideous As You Remember

That flick was almost indescribably awful, and it is nice to see some folks remember that at least.  Had Zack Snyder been a shit ton smarter and a way better director, it could have been a fuckload of fun, but instead we got a petty fascist shit show.  Thanks, Trump.

The Yankees Really Only Have One Job

No matter how good or how bad, first place or last, just beat the Sox and there's peace in the universe.  When you don't do that one job, you start to look like a fucking Trump kid, and people think about lots of uncomfortable questions.

Sunday, August 13, 2017

-0th Law


Unite The Right = Nazi = KKK = GOP = White Nationalist = Racist = Fascist = Mainstream Conservative = Trump Supporter

There's no meaningful distinction between any conservatives in the USA in 2017.  They're all the same.  They always were.  Some of them currently have more teeth and Ivy League degrees while some of them have more toes or extra webbing between their fingers, but they all believe the same dumb shit, and not a one of them is a decent human being.  Skull fuck all racist conservatives. 

'Half-Wit Saudi Prince' Is Probably The Best Description Of Ivanka Trump In History

That motherfucking brilliant anonymous Paki should immediately be conscripted to become the POTUS and serve out the remainder of Trump's term.  Half-wit Saudi prince.  Heh, indeedy.  Thanks, Trump.

Heather Heyer: True American Hero

No question.  Heather Heyer was a brave woman who died fighting fascism in the USA.  She's far more of a hero than any of those psycho murdering bed-wetting snipers the right-wing loves so fucking much.

Pick The Proper Side

The left is always the right choice. Never pick the side with Nazis or the Klan or the GOP on it.  A real pro-tip America can use!  Thanks, Trump.

You Don't Need Nazis Or Trump's Defective Children To Know America's Too Stupid To Save

You got vile fuckbrains like this sorry bastard, and the likes of Oliver Willis and Imani Gandy and Joy Reid screaming to the world that everyone who should know better is just as irredeemably fucking dumb as Richard Spencer and Steve Bannon.  Thanks, Trump.

Saturday, August 12, 2017

Gloo


Those Torch-Carrying Nazi Bed-Wetters In Charlottesville Should Have Been Treated Like Innocent Black Young Men

And gunned-down in the street by the cops and left to die like the vermin they are.  It's too bad that the cops don't show the same insane murderous hatred of Nazis as they do to the various black and brown citizens out there.  Damn shame.

Of Course Poor Stupid Andrea Tantaros Didn't Writer Her Dumb Book

Giant tits are not know for their literary properties.  Tantaros couldn't write a shopping list without help, so I guess the dimwit teabaggers who looked at the book so they could beat off to the pictures got pretty much exactly what they needed out of it.  Nobody's ever gonna mistake that Michael Malice for an M.I.T. scholarship winner, either.

Oh Jesus Fuck Motherfucking Christ, The Black Gossip Kids Are Beyond Parody

And Joy Reid is their rock-ribbed conservative establishment Democratic pissgirl hero.  Fucking fabulous.  Gods dammit.  Those idiots gotta do better, gotta be better than that.  If those folks think Joy Reid is some kind of role model, well, then, I guess they really are beyond parody, farce, satire, comedy, tragedy.  Maybe that Nolan kid can try and explain some shit to them.  Lotsa luck.

Friday, August 11, 2017

Arcade Fire Needs To Ask The Other Butler Brother What He Thinks


A.J. Delgado And Jason Miller's Pathetic Offspring Might Be As Fucking Stupid As Donald Trump Jr.

Regardless, that creepy fat fuck Miller and cum-burping road whore Delgado sure as shit deserve each other, so let's hope the star-crossed lovers and family values Republicans wind up together at the end of the flick.

The Twits Are Hopeless Idiots

For every one of 'em that sees what's up, there are at least 10 fucking reactionary fucks with less brainpower than a rock, waving foolishly while they are being ground into hamburger intended for some oligarch's pets.  Atmo.

Yeah, Adorno, Sure


Kyrsten Sinema's Final Disappointment

From reasonable and decent local pol to horrible right-wing Democratic congresslady, all Kyrsten Sinema needs to do now to disappoint every last person on the planet is to become an awful, right-wing Democratic Senator.  Perfect!  Typical!  America!

Thursday, August 10, 2017

Electric Alans


Rebounder


Signal-Boosting One Of The Greatest Things For America: Needle Exchange

Needle exchange is such a wonderful tool to keep people healthy that of course the loathsome conservatives in the Democratic and Republican parties hate it so.  But in the real world, keeping people healthy and alive is the first step in helping them, so rock on Ezra Kronfeld.  Keep up the good work.

Vicious Little Drive-By Fisking Of Heinous Cunt Catherine Rampell

The gods gave more sense to the average mineral than to Catherine Rampell, and it's not like she doesn't deserve every troy ounce and shit ton of righteous opprobrium dumped all over her ever fucking day.  She's a vile, worthless waste of space, but she's a double legacy pissgirl, so there's that.

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Maybe Partying WILL Help


Callin'


Manafort And Search Warrant Are Very Nice Words, Indeed

The best words. We have all the best words. Search warrant. Grand jury. Tax returns.  The news that the fucking Feds decided to get a warrant to fuck with Paul Manafort at one of his houses is a wonderful sign that Robert Mueller is still actively enthusiastic about turning Donald Trump's entire existence into a boiling caldron of public shame and humiliation.  Moar!

The Gossip Kids Do Some Heavy Lifting For Linda Sarsour

Good. Very good. Continue.  You know Sarsour is ok because she takes hateful racist shit from hard-right racist Republicans AND the racist, mainstream-right Democratic establishment.  Cool!  The struggle is real though, as you can see in the comments where the junior gossip kids are fucking clueless tools for the most part, bugfuck ignorant and hopeless.  Gotta keep on working it, though.  Eventually maybe one or two of those assholes will see reality.

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

That Flame Will Kill More This Time Around


Nothin' Like Sexy Candy

1997!?  These idiots have been flogging this dumb song for 20 fucking years?  Jesus.  America sucks.


Good Nuke News From Harvey Wasserman

Good nuke news for once.  Right before Trump's insanity and senility bring everybody very bad nuke news.  But hey, you take what you can get round here.  Thanks, Trump!

Political Song for Donald Trump to Sing


If Trump Could Somehow Rid Us Of The Scourge Of Journey--As A Time Traveler

Yes, destroying Journey in 2017 would be a great victory for humanity, but traveling back to the early 70s and eradicating Journey from history would be so much greater for America.  Thanks, Trump!

So, that jerkoff keyboard player who replaced Greg Rolie and his perm in Journey is now on wife number three--after wife number one the soft-core porn actress wasn't good enough somehow--who happens to be an evangelical cuntbag and vile hypocrite friend of Trump named Paula White, who is on husband number three, and brings jesus to jam with Journey all the time now.  That's fucking sweet.  When Neal Schon seems like the voice of wisdom in any situation, you're hella fucked.

(Isn't it ironic that Paula White became an evangelical christian while living in Maryland of all places.  And I guarantee neither White nor any of her followers would understand that allusion.  I'm more qualified to be a pastor than she is.  And I don't believe in any of that made up jesus bullshit.)

Irrespective Of Anything Else, Richard Sachs Is A Bike Guy From Way Back

And the fucking twits should pay attention.  Yes, it was hella gay and uber douchey when the cool kids started their own private club--except they weren't really the cool kids, just the suddenly not so weird and lonely subset of the most uncool kids ever--but Sachs is the sort of guy who has seen it all.  Hell, I'm so old I remember the ads for his Signature stock frames and his friendship with least cool kid in the galaxy Grant Petersen and the pine tar soap thing.  Sachs is the real deal, but the twits are not up to it, atmo.

I love how the Rapha thread picks up after three years like not a minute has gone by with the exact same people babbling the exact same swill right past each other.  Fucking brilliant.

Also, for the record, Assos was always over-priced Euro garbage, but Rapha is stupidly over-priced Chinese garbage for shallow, vapid, faux-hipsters.  Fuck Rapha in the eye holes.

Monday, August 7, 2017

Summer Reading


Smoke


That Chris Cornell Daughter Thing Was Really Fucking Creepy

Wicked fucking creepy.  First, One Republic.  Hella creepy.  That Ryan Tedder guy is a skeevy weirdo.  Then it was on fucking ABC.  With that football moron.  Jesus.  Creepy.  Dragging out the guy's kid was completely fucking unnecessary.  Gross, man.  Gross.  A Leonard Cohen song?  Tacky, tacky, tacky.

Get Choppin'


Let's Watch Alabama Get Dumber

Frakking lovely.  The GOP in Alabama is one scary group of motherfuckers, and that Roy Moore fucks more nasty old moms than any other motherfucker in town.

Donald Trump = Dumbest Motherfucker Ever

They never should have let him tweet. Anything. Ever.  Trump is too fucking stupid.  Whoever changes his diapers and wipes his ass for him should also hire someone to write completely meaningless anodyne tweets that Trump could say were his.  That would be better in every way, except for entertainment factor, of course.

Rapha Gets Worse, Somehow

With Wal-Mart money. Naturally the clueless twits think it's grand.  They should be taxing those fuckers so that they can't leave so much money to the idiot third and fourth generations.  What's next, the Serotta Forum cocksuckers cheering when some Koch brothers money does something?  Jesus, the fucking nimrods are their own worst enemies.

Another Stupendous Deboning Of Joy Reid

Jesus, she make it easy. Too easy.  The poor thing is a fucking dimwit.  The huddled masses sure do like kicking that poor dumb woman when she's down.  That truly is making America greater again.

From Where Did This Federalist Idiot Daniel Payne Plagiarize This Rancid Nonsense?

Plagiarist-in-Chief Ben Domenech must have a list of places he wants his clowns to look for horsehit conservative garbage to copy, right?  Isn't that how The Federalist works?  It must be.

Pretty Effective Fisking Of Assclown John Kelly

Nobody ever chose a Marine general for their brains.  John Kelly is probably just about as sharp as Trump is, maybe a little sharper cuz pretty much a flattened dog turn is, but he's a piece of human garbage regardless, so he's a perfect Trump guy, a poster-boy Republican, a full-on, ocean-going asshole.  Anybody who thought Kelly would be a significant improvement is a real asshole, too.

Sr. Atrios'  friends 'n neighbors in the comments seem nice.

Your Cylon Overlords Will Be Delayed

The extermination of mankind will have to wait.  It's not easy being a killer robot out there.  The Cylon struggle is real.

Sunday, August 6, 2017

So, Very Decent Centrist Barbara Lee Or Screaming Right-Wing Nutjob Jeanine Pirro?

What kinda sick racist asshole would pick that rancid cunt Pirro over the wonderful Barbara Lee?  The kinda deranged cocksuckers who would lick Trump's hole and watch Fox "News", obviously.

Bringin' Back Those Racist Idiot PUMAs For A Drive-By Fisking

Why the fuck not?  Those fuckwads are a big reason why Trump is doing his bidness all over the place.  They were and are vile racist reactionary Hillary Clinton pissboys and pissgirls--Hillary Clinton, the one who could only stop Bernie Sanders with the combined might of entire national political party and couldn't even beat Donald Trump after running for president for 12 fucking years.

Caroline Heldman, Friend Of Big Ed Schultz And Not Bill O'Reilly, Didn't Want To Become Friends With Eric Bolling's Scurvy Little Weenie

Seems like a solid plan.  Bolling and his weenie probably know nothing about women, so staying away is the easiest way to avoid hassles.  Heldman was okay with Ed Schultz when he had a tee vee show, though.

Stickin


Saturday, August 5, 2017

Punx 4 Jeebus


Eric Bolling Dick Pics

The man clearly has a phone with a pretty good zoom lens.  Bolling probably got advice from O'Reilly on how to photograph a penis under those trying conditions.  We should all pray to Jeebus Frakking Christie that the evidence is never made public.  America has enough to deal with right now--that much hilarity might kill us all.  Like fucking christmans in August, tho. Heh, indeedy.  I wonder if O'Reilly also turned Bolling on to the Indochinese ladyboy phone sex thing, too?

Friday, August 4, 2017

Feetcha


Is Sarah Corina Still In The Mekons?

She's still an enigma.  Nobody tells me anything around here anymore, but she seems absent since the movie came out.  Supposedly the only way out of the band is in a box, but I like the world better when she's there.

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

If You Look Up Mortified In The Dictionary, You'll Find A Picture Of Peter Daou's Dumb Wife

Jesus.  That little piggy Daou is creepy as fuck.  Every American should be proud he was part of Hillary's crack election team that lost to the senile orange shitbag.

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

There, Here


How's The Obamacare Repeal Going, McConnell?

The GOP were helpless fucktards before Trump--that shouldn't be a surprise to anyone.  But now, with all the government under their control, even Republicans should be able to tell that they're worthless fucking nimrods, not fit to govern a dog park in Laramie.  Thanks, Trump!

Drive-By Autofisking Of A Daily Democratic Establishment Stooge

Plenty of brainless support of course, but quite a few vicious kicks when he's down, too.  That's cool.  Only once we make the neoliberal hard-right Dems extinct can we hope for any worthwhile change.  You'll never hear the Democratic Party saying 'rise like lions.  We are many, they are few.'

Trump's Newest Idiot General Was Castrated On His First Day

Some astoundingly effective leaking from the Trump team these days.  Sad-sack general cuck Kelly couldn't even move his shit into his new office before someone betrayed him to the papers.  Loverly!  Thanks, Trump.

The Federalist, Because Braying American-Taliban Insanity And Lies Will Make America Greater Again! And Plagiarism!!

Can't forget the plagiarism--Ben Domench has very high standards for lying about shit.  The bugfuck nutty christian Taliban shit is just the icing on the cake at The Federalist.  Those sick fuckers make exceptional American stupidity seem almost quaint.

Is there a way we can get Planned Parenthood to retroactively abort everyone associated with that fucking shit show?

Monday, July 31, 2017

Kidz Bop


What's The Only Thing That Could Make Trump's Magnificent Incompetence Even More Absurd? Coward, Liar, War Criminal Allen West!

Truly an Uncle Tom for the Fox generation.  When Rex Tillerson quits at State, Trump should put West in that job so we can finally sell out to the Uruguayans once and for all and welcome our benevolent southern overlords.

(No Matter What, They're Never Gonna Get That Grease Stain Outa The White House)

Scaramucci was the presidential guinea for like a day.  That's more than Guiliani can say.  More than Christie.  That disgusting wop stain is 100% Mooch.

THANKS TO DONALD TRUMP ANTHONY SCARAMUCCI'S MARRIAGE MIGHT BE SAVED!

Thanks, Trump.  Always looking out for the best in your friends!  Donald Trump is an exceptional American!  Putting the sacred above the political, Donald Trump always puts the best interests of his people first!  Hail, Trump!  Hail, Trump!  Hail Trump!

Sunday, July 30, 2017

Burnin' 4 U


How Fucking Low Are You When Peggy Noonan Calls You A Pussy?

The Nooners is not exactly what anyone would mistake for a vibrant wit, so when she lets loose in the papers with the day-drinking grandma old-lady snark calling you a gods-damned nancyboy, well, fuck, you're pretty much nothin'.  Trump's lost Nooners because he's not a stoic sexy big-dicked man's man like the Ronny Raygun of Peggy's masturbatory marathons.  Trump's a pussy, and pussy don't get Nooners wet and sticky.

Saturday, July 29, 2017

Political Song for Gavin McInnes to Sing


Los Angeles Is Burning, Or Soon Will Be

Not just LA and earthquakes and shit, but the entire hydrocarbon infrastructure is a fucking shit show exploding in slow motion.  Fuel storage and transport are not things we are being super diligent about keeping up to snuff.  Every year brings more potential for a massive, dangerous failure, and the expense of mitigating the damage will be greater the longer we wait.  America!  Fuck Yeah!

Another Sign Of Passing Peak Football

Good idea to quit if you want to have a brain left.  Lacrosse and team handball are gonna get shitloads of athletes in the coming decades.

Rice Penis Sings Cuck Me Daddy One More Time

Image being such a manlet that you could be cucked by a senile ambulatory cheeto with a micro-penis! That cuck is Rants Poultice.  He exists solely now for our amusement, and with luck we will laughing and pointing at his inadequacies for hours to come.

Trump's Killed The GOP, And Now He's Just Violating The Corpse

The functional GOP, such as it was before Trump, is gone now.  He broke them into sad little degenerate blobs.  While this is wonderfully entertaining for most of humanity, for the Republicans it is the best thing that could have happened to everyone else!  Thanks, Trump.

Steve Pieczenik: Deranged Reactionary Racist Asshole Of The Day, Today

This micro-brained little turd is an exceptional American.  He loves him some Trump and some Alex Jones.  Just like every other conservative on the planet, he's as wrong as wrong can be about every single thing in the world.  If you had a dog this stupid you'd drown it in a burlap bag with a brick.

Welp, This Is The Ugliest Fucking Bike I've Ever Seen

Makes those crude old ALAN frames look positively elegant.  Jesus, what the fuck were they thinking?  That's atrocious.  Even the pink doesn't save it.


The Best Thing About Obama Is That He Will Live Rent-Free Forever In The Empty Heads Of Racist Reactionary Teabaggers

The nasty GOP fuckwits will never recover from Obama's presidency.  That's the best thing Obama ever did, and he didn't even have to do anything except be a blah in the White House, even as he was as much an anodyne establishment conservative as every other modern Democratic president.  The creepy racist teabaggers can't ever forget that he was a black black blackity black black.  Thanks, Trump.

Friday, July 28, 2017

Bettie Happens


Rinse Pubies Is Shitcanned

Buh-bye Rents Pupice.  I wonder how all these assholes feel backing the orange shitbag now.  How long till Trump turns on Subway Jared Kushner?

Whose Cock Did Scaramucci Go To DC To Suck? Trump's?

Gotta be Trump's.  He's probably good at it.  He sure seems enthusiastic.  Ryan Lizza must have cock sucking Pulitzer Prize visions dancing in his head like fucking sugarplums.  Surreal.  Anthony Scaramucci's role must be to make sure that Trump is not the biggest fucking dipshit in Washington. 

John McCain, Preening Threadbare Diva Till The End, Fucks McConnell And Trump

Nasty litte creep that McCain.  But his own vainglorious insane bullshit was always the most important thing to McCain.  So we get a sweet entertaining treat, and McConnell looks like a fucking useless shitbird.  Fine, just fine.


I'd Trust Chelsea Manning To Watch My Back Way Before This Imbecilic Bigot

Fuck this idiot and his stupid bigoted opinions on the Cavity Creep's gay little website.  Chelsea Manning has real courage, and I'd rather be in a fight with her than a billion moronic manlets like J.R. Salzman.  Courage matters, real courage, like Chelsea Manning.

Thursday, July 27, 2017

U All


As Long As Civil Asset Forfeiture Exists In America, Freedom And Justice Cannot

And of course vile fascist fuckfaces like Jeff Sessions and Donald Trump love civil forfeiture.  They get their pathetic little pee-pees hard thinking about stealing from defenceless Americans to enrich the brutal police and criminal court systems.  This is the goal of racist conservatives and petty fascists: destroying the ability of the citizens to oppose the police state at any level.  The government can take your shit and leave you homeless long before you are ever convicted or acquitted in a court.  This is true domestic terrorism, worse than any stone-age primitives or christian lunatics could ever pull off.  The states opposing this terrorist policy have been targeted by Sessions and Trump because no organized opposition can be allowed to stand for freedom in our exceptional America.

Psychotic Muppet Baby Mark Levin Is Not Happy With The GOP

Life's rough out there for a shrieking manlet like Levin.  The Republicans can't do anything, especially repeal Obamacare.  Trump's a stinky old man shitting himself in pubic daily.  Nobody cares what Levin says on the Cavity Creep's stupid website.  The struggle is real. 

Note That In A Canadian Story About A Bear And Bees, Broken Foot On Sunday And Surgeon On Wednesday

Single payer healthcare in action.  That's a human foot, not a bear foot.  So the bear tries to get into the bees, the woman hurts her foot, and three days later she has a consult with a surgeon.  Pretty fucking sweet.  See what I did there?

B Gray, Welcome To The Shitting On The Black Gossip Kids Party, Pal

B Gray checks in with a more prolix fisking of the black gossip kid Terrell Starr than mine last week.  It's all good; kicking the black gossip kids for their Bernie Sanders stupidity is not a hate crime.  They dumb.  They can't see through their own bullshit.  Bernie woulda won.  Bernie's no racist.  He's a civil rights guy from the old school.  Literally.

Nobody Over The Age Of 10 With A Room Temperature IQ Could Ever Think John McCain Was Anything Other Than Vile Rightwing Filth

He was a war criminal and coward, too. I like guys who aren't war criminals.  McCain is the favorite of the establishment village idiots because he tickles all their special places with his nasty reactionary bullshit.  McCain was and is completely horrible and nothing will ever change that.

Brutal Fisking Of The Wretched Tool And Exceptional Village Idiot Chris Cillizza

Fucking christ, Lyz Lenz bludgeons Chris Cillizza into a smary smear on the CJR.  Shit, she gets all up in there and pulls off bloody chunks of Cillizza's greasy, putrid flesh and flings them around without a care in the fucking world for the mess or the stench.  Cillizza is the worst sort of establishment stooge, but his particular talent for exceptionally fatuous sycophancy always brings worldly success in the village.  In a town of idiots, Cillizza has managed to stand out as one of the biggest idiots ever.  Not bad.  Imagine the sort of trouble he could have caused if he'd gone to a Big 5 boarding school instead of the solidly second-tier Loomis Chaffee!

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Donald Trump's Theme Song


The Best Advice In America: Never Call The Cops

You could get someone killed.  The cops are not your friends.  They are not there to help.  They don't work for you.  They are not to be trusted.  They murder with impunity.  They are a force of murderous control.  They are anti-freedom.  All cops are bastards.  Never call them. 

America Will Always Have Money For Murder Machines And Racist Cops, But Not Health Care For Actual Citizens

It's embarrassing that a silly place like Canada can do it right, but the exceptional American USA cannot.  American society is diseased and feeble.  The fact that most of them put up with this bullshit is fucking pathetic.

Jeff KKK Sessions Is A Nasty Little Racist Gnome, But I Bet He Regrets Getting On The Trump Train

Not that long ago, Sessions was the only Republican dumb enough to endorse Trump.  How'd that work out for him?  Trump is torturing the poor little guy, and though Sessions deserves any and all opprobrium from anyone and everyone--and probably secretly likes the abuse when it comes from his butt buddy Trump--watching Sessions just stand there like the manlet beta he is and get pissed on in public like that is something you just don't see every day.

The Serotta Forum Twits And David Brooks Deserve Each Other

At least one decent fella pointed out that Brooks is a vapid pissboy, but oh the twits got very angry with that.  David Brooks is the perfect mouthpiece for the clueless over-privileged idiots on that forum.  Twits gonna twit!

Compared To Trump, The Boy Scouts Look Less Creepy Than Usual

Trump does serve some purpose, making the closetcase proto-fascists look less creepy.  Thanks, Trump!

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Wedding Bell

Exceptional American Story Of A Stupid Kraut Car

Fun read.  Like, you knew how it was going to end, but it was fun like a quality tee vee show.  The fucking Krauts should be ashamed of this fucking car.  Interesting that Campagnolo gets the props for some metalwork on a hinge. 

Susan Collins Talks Shit About Donald Trump And Another Fat Fuck Republican, Too

Collins calls the fat ugly pig Blake Farenthold a fat ugly pig more or less.  So true!  Farenthold is fat AND ugly.  And she COULD totally kick Farenthold's ass--he's a blubbery beta cuck.

But even funnier, Collins talks shit about Trump with Rhode Island's Jack Reed.  They call Trump crazy instead of senile and fucking demented, but it's all true.  Trump is fat too.  I wonder if that came up?

Some Things Never Change


Lively Fisking Of Leo Varadkar And Fine Gael By Aidan O'Brien

Fun stuff.   In 2017, the Micks should know better than to let the righties get anywhere near power to facilitate the sucking up to the neoliberal and neoconservative scumbags working to fuck everything up.  That's on them.  Never fall for the young, gay, foreign conservative shitbird.

Pathetic Joy Reid Auto-Fisking

Joy Reid attempts to tongue John McCain's floppy old asshole but gets a face full of shit instead.  Jesus, Reid is a fucking simp.

Every Single Day For 80 Years John McCain Has Been A Useless Coward

And exceptional American piece of shit.  Of course McCain would take advantage of completely free comprehensive health care in order to make a self-aggrandizing return to the Senate so that he could vote to deny any health care coverage to millions of citizens because he is a worthless hypocrite.  McCain has always been a complete fraud.  Fuck him.  McCain did not stand up to Karl Rove and the Bush family when they accused him of fathering a black bastard, and today McCain did not stand up to draft-dodger Donald Trump even though Trump insulted McCain during the campaign last year.  Fucking coward.  McCain has lived 80 years of utter cowardice.  Fuck him in the face holes.

Jesus, We've Passed Peak Football

Too much knowledge, too much science for good football now.  Sometime ago we saw peak football and didn't realize it.  Kids really are leaving the game or never starting because of all the fucked up bullshit with concussions and other neurological trauma.  Players are retiring early or not moving up to the next level.  The NFL is still big business and the NCAA is still a cash machine, but the best days are behind them.  Can't say that's a bad thing at all.

Monday, July 24, 2017

Subway Jared Kushner's Best Defence


Jared Kushner: Exceptional American Pipsqueak

If you look up pipsqueak in the dictionary, there's a picture of Jared Kushner.  That sad, dumb manlet is nothing without his daddy's money to buy him some significance.  It's pretty fucking sad that Kushner's essentially the smart one in that Trump administration. 

Snooty The Manatee Is America

Went into the plumbing and couldn't get out, just like America.  Snooty and America are one, but we didn't know it until we realized Snooty was dead, just like all of us.

David Price Is A Choke Artist Off The Field, Too

Price is sure a dim bulb; it's too bad Eck isn't a couple of decades younger.  The Sox sure can pick 'em.

Stories Told


How's That Flint Water Thing Going? It's All Set Right? Fixed?

Obama took care of that, right?  Diverted some money from the aircraft carriers or drones or police and fixed that water thing for American citizens in Flint, right?  He did that?  He musta.  Or maybe the exceptional teabagging patriotic fuckheads in the Congress took charge of that shit and fixed it.  Or some glorious capitalist rich fuck decided to form a foundation and fund it completely with the money required out of the goodness of his obscene fortune acquired at the expense of Americans like the ones in Flint.  Surely someone did what was required.  A society that can support 10,000 nuclear warheads and a dozen useless aircraft carriers and can murder hundreds of people around the world every day with robots, surely that society can make sure the drinking water is safe for every citizen.  Clean water would be an even bigger priority.  Right?

Oh Frak Christ, The Twits Will Be Twits

And pussies.  I can only hope that fucking guntard coward Serotta Forum twits manage to shoot each other so we won't have to hear from them without hurting anyone else.  I get the feeling that besides being complete fucking dipshits, most of those over-privileged upper-class fuckers are consummate little pussies as well and could not defend themselves against a hard rain.

Knot


Sunday, July 23, 2017

Froome Is A Disappointing Outcome

Team Sky are the fucking worst.  The Tour would be better and better off if some greasy Eurotrash could actually beat the Limey cocksuckers on the road.  It's time for the proper European teams to up their doping programs.

Saturday, July 22, 2017

Eric's Diamonds Dogz


When You Bring Out Anthony Scaramucci, You've Scraped The Very Bottom Of An Exceptionally Greasy Barrel

Scaramucci's a nasty little dummy, and I'm sure he fits right in with Trump and his rotten family.  Things must be pretty fucking awful in Trumpland if he's turning to a greasy shitbird like Anthony Scaramucci.

Hillary Clinton, Exceptional Democrat, Exceptional American

Thank the gods that the Democratic Party establishment decided back in 2008 that the repellent neoliberal loser Hillary Clinton would be the next nominee of the party no matter what.  Eight years of building up that idiot into a shit show that couldn't beat Donald Fucking Trump.  Genius.  Add to that the fact that Dems were gifted a guaranteed winner from Vermont and spent an entire year making sure he'd never be seen or heard by enough Dems to matter.  Wicked genius.  Exceptional American genius.  Thanks, Obama.

Friday, July 21, 2017

Light 'Em Up



Fuck Yeah, The Black Gossip Kids Get One Really Right, Atmo

Moar please.  The white women didn't deserve to be killed by the cops.  An outrage!  We must stop such atrocity!  The other times when the cops shoot people for no reason, especially when those people are not so heartlandishly hued as the average white woman, well, those might not be such an outrage to a certain segment of the American people.  The Gossip Kids, Black Division, are on this shit, and I hope they run with this and shout if from the fucking roof tops, atmo.

Sean Spicer: Big Fat Loser Cucked By The Dimwit Beta Donald Trump

Sweet.  What the fuck is going on in that shit show now?  How much more screaming fucktardery can a presidential administration take before it just rolls over and dies?  This is some fun fucking shit right here.  Exceedingly entertaining funfetti.

Thursday, July 20, 2017

Pear Ubu


How Seriously Fucking Unhinged Do You Have To Be To Believe The Earth Is Flat

Yes, a shit ton of those assholes are being ironically obtuse, but not all.  Some of those fuckers really believe the fucking Earth is flat even though we can see that the moon is a sphere.  Even though we can see other planets that are spheres.  Even though we can watch the spherical sun turn.  Not only do you have to be completely paranoid to believe that NASA and outer space are hoaxes and conspiracies, but you can't even understand elementary-school level basic science.  Seriously, these lunatics are Trump-levels of fucking dumb.


Co-Han's


Oh Sweet Motherfucking Jesus, The Black Gossip Kids Could Drive You To Drink

Gods dammit.  Really?  No matter how many times you say you support Bernie Sanders or like Bernie Sanders or respect Bernie Sanders or whatever, when you write the kind of sophomoric drivel Terrell Starr manages to puke up, well, you sound like a fucking pathetic Democratic Party ignoramus.  Does anyone really think those kindly older black women had or have a problem with Sanders which wouldn't be overcome by 25 intensive seconds of explanation by whomever tells the old bats who to vote for?  Is it a problem with Sanders--JEW!!!--or a problem that those folks are like the Dems' version of Fox "News" viewers and only get their info/voter instructions from the most feckless party stooges?  If the Dems hadn't spent eight fucking years fixating on Hillary Fucking Clinton as the nominee and then wasted nine months in 2016 fucking with the primaries to make damn sure that most kindly voters of any age or complexion would not ever hear Sanders' message--the message of the candidate who would have demolished Trump!--well, I'm thinking those women would have loved them some cuddly ole' Senator Sanders just fine.  But then, I'm not even 1% of the screaming fucktard that Starr is, so there's that.

Who Knew That Health Care Was So Hard For Republicans?

Everyone.  At least the Dems in the better states tried to get the most out of Obamacare and didn't actively fuck with it the way the Republican shitheads did.  That's not much, but it's somethin'.

Skullfuck Radiohead Now And Forever, Amen

Slimy zionist shitbirds not bright enough to do the decent thing and not help normalize the racist scum in Israel.  Too bad.  Fuck fuck fuck Radiohead.  I hope Cartman makes them eat Scott Tenorman's parents chili, too.  Pray to all the gods for peace and justice for the people of Palestine and victory for the brave Palestinian freedom fighters.

Thank The Fucking Gods For The Red Sox Making America Greater Again

Great job with that Sandoval thing!  50 million shit away.  Not bad.  Not bad at all. 

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Casting Out 3s


Ted Rall Starring In Illegal Eagle

Rich Man's Justice, or Getting Fucked by the Courts, starring Ted Rall.  Corporations Are More of a Person Than You Will Ever Be, guest starring Ted Rall.  Neither of these flicks are coming to a theater near you, but you can see 'em anytime of every day in any courthouse.  Representation should be guaranteed for all--going into a court on your own is a wretched mistake, but most people have no choice in the matter.  Corporations should face more scrutiny in court, not less, but as Ted Rall is finding out, most people don't matter.

Trump Likes Playing With Trucks

Trump's not a full fucktard or anything.  He's a smart guy, very smart, knows all the best knowledge, everyone says so.  He's doesn't spend his days watching tee vee, picking his nose, and shitting in his diaper or anything.  Not.  At.  All.  I hope to christ that the WH staff never leave that imbecile alone.  Jesus.

Martin Landau On The Dark Side Of The Moon Forever Now



Mitch McConnell: Exceptional American And Lion Of The Senate

Mitch McConnell, sooper-genius.  McConnell really is a master at all this legislatin' and shit.  He can get anything done in the Senate.  He's the real deal.  A leader.  A tactician.  Thanks, Trump.

McConnell has always been an idiot and a unctuous little reactionary shitball.  Now his screaming incompetence has been bared for all the world to see.  Seriously, Thanks, Trump.

How'd Obama do against McConnell on that Supreme Court thing again?

Sorry, Those Jones Spaceframe Bikes Will Always Be Stupid

Unnecessarily Byzantine frame design will always be the wrong answer.  I know some dweebs really dig those fuckers, but they are sure.  Not.  My.  Bag.  Atmo.  Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think so.


Megyn Kelly: Hahahahahhahahahahahahhahhahahahah--But Santa Is White--Hahhahhahhahahahahah

Some days the gods smile upon the just.  And even if most of the time everything is shit.  But no single person on the planet deserves the very public shameful failure Megyn Kelly is experiencing more than that vile racist reactionary harpy herself.  Thanks, Trump.

BREAKING: This just in!  Santa was never white!!

Breeze E


Monday, July 17, 2017

Ann Coulter, Truly A Teabagging DB Cooper For The Fox Generation

The difference being that if Coulter jumps--or gets pushed--out of the plane, nobody will look for her.  In fact, Coulter pulling a DB Cooper and jumping into a black void never to seen or heard from again is the dream of all mankind. 

Federer-erer-erer-er-er

Great player, but maybe because he's Swiss--he's Swiss, right? Switz?--he lacks something bonkers that would make him a more interesting player.  He was raised on that stupid chocolate and stolen Nazi gold and artwork, so that might have had an effect.  Or affect.  Either way, Swiss Miss.  Thanks, Trump.

Friday, July 14, 2017

Not Another Domino's


Fisking Donald Trump Jr. Is Not Hard

Trump Jr. makes Kushner look like a genius award winner, but Trump's biggest problem is that he's not entertaining enough to make all this tawdry corruption into something that we can appreciate as our society corrodes once and for all.  Trump and his idiot father are too impotent and dim to be the reasons we're all fucked.  Thanks, Trump.

After All This Trump Insanity, When Do We Get To See The Piss Tape

By the time it comes out, the piss tape will be the most dignified thing with which any Trump has ever been publicly associated.  That's not gonna stop everyone from laughing and pointing at the idiot who paid Russian hookers to piss on him tho.

Political Song for Jeff Sessions to Sing


What Dehydrated Carter This Week Would Have Killed Trump 20 Years Ago

Jimmy Carter at 90 is 100 times the man that Trump was at 50.  Or 20.  Trump is a pathetic, weak little beta cuck; Carter is some sort of fucking manly, alpha monster, out in the heat building shit at 92 years old after surviving cancer and everything else.  Jimmy Carter in 2017 is what a real man looks like, especially compared to Donald Trump.

Thom Yorke Is A Real Little Peckerhead

What a nasty little twat that Yorke is apparently.  Well, the universe should make sure those Radiohead assholes never get any quarter from any decent people ever again.

The General Asks THE Question About Charlie Daniels

Many have wondered.  A stroke?  Repeated blows to the head?  Methanol?  Creeping senility?  Gay panic in a locked closet?


Of Course Gravity Is A Hoax And The Earth If Flat

Duh!  Everybody knows that shit.  Flat.  You can't stand on the side of a spinning sphere without falling off.  Pwned, science libtards.  Thanks, Trump.

Thursday, July 13, 2017

Pix


Maybe Team Sky Died On This Date Too

Probably too much to hope for, but it was nice that Team Sky cracked a bit.  I guess they shoulda paid their doctors a little bit more so that the drugs didn't wear off a week and a half early.  Heh.  Thanks, Trump.

50 Years Since Tom Simpson Died

Jesus. Time flies.  If you were born in 1978, you're not even 50 yet.  Or 40.  But it was 50 years ago that Simpson died on Mont Ventoux.

When Hamilton Nolan Gets It, Atmo, He Gets It, Atmo

A union always good--anti-union scum always bad.  Whatever issues particular unions or particular locals have, the organization of labor is always good for both labor and the society at large.  Unions are some of the most important institutions in any civilized society.  When gossip kid HN gets it, he's got it, atmo.

Luv In


Don't Tell The Gossip Kids That Harvard Doesn't Have Fraternities Or Sororities

Reality is a bitch.  The Harvard folks know that fraternities were banned long ago, and the original final clubs save Porcellian were continuations of Harvard fraternity chapters.  What Harvard is trying to do is close the final clubs because they won't admit women.  Years ago this would have never happened, but if Dartmouth could get rid of Alpha Delta when the college president was a brother, well, the final clubs may be killed off.  Changing times.  The Gossip Kids are dolts, though.

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Back 2


Fabulous John Pilger On Palestine

More like this.  More truth about the racist horror that is the Zionist occupation of Palestine.  More fight for the brave Palestinian people.  More opposition to the Zionist violence.  That is what the world needs.  Pilger fucking rocks on this.  Moar!

Stuttering Derivative


How Does The Red Spot On Jupiter Fit With The Truth Of The Flat Earth?

And the moon landing hoax. Space isn't real.  The Earth is flat.  There are no planets.  The moon is a hologram.  So what the fuck is that spot?  What is Jupiter?  It's all a conspiracy.  Only President Trump can reveal the truth to us!

American Oligarchs Will Always Be Able To Pay An Addle-Headed Uncle Tom To Puke Up Bullshit

And that sad, old, worn-down Tom will do it with a smile, not even really knowing what he's saying after so many years of risible lies and utter horseshit in service of his masters.  What's worse is that there will always be hopeless and hopelessly stupid white trash and other destitute reactionary garbage people to eat that steaming rancid puke with a spoon.  Sad.  Thanks, Trump.

When You've Lost Joe 'Dead Intern' Scarborough, Who's Left?

The GOP is so fucking toast at this point that even a tee vee clown with a dead intern won't be associated with the party anymore.  Jesus.  What the fuck is left for the Republicans if they can't keep creeps like Scarborough on their side?  Thanks, Trump.

Donald Trump Jr.'s Hannidate

So, Donald Trump Jr. and Sean Hannity decided to out-Grindr Grindr with a full-on, sloppy Hannidate two-man orgy last night.  Great.  But how did such massive fucktardery not cause the entire space-time continuum to crack open and implode this universe?  Why the fuck are we still here!??

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Proof


Meanwhile, Mitch 'Bitch' McConnell Is Losing His Grip

Every fucking strand is unraveling for McConnell now.  He's losing control of the Senate in slow motion, and he knows he can't stop it.  This is getting pretty fucking entertaining about now.  Thanks, Trump.

Head Less


Thank The Gods Donald Trump Jr Is An Even Bigger Moron Than Donald Trump Sr

That poor dumb fuck Jr has no idea what's happening at this point.  He's spent his whole life being a complete asshole with zero consequences, leaving him completely incapable of dealing with this reality his dumbfuck father got him into.  This is some grade-A prime funfetti right here.  I don't even really care if the worthless fuckface goes to jail at this point; his serial fuckups might just sink the entire decade for the GOP, and that's pretty fucking fabulous.

Monday, July 10, 2017

You're Half


Maybe Everyone Will Crash Out Of The Tour This Year

And Hinault will steal the win.  I guess the ASO geniuses were too scared of Team Sky's doping skills to map out a traditionally punishing race and tried to get cute.  How's that working so far?

How Will The Wolf Survive?

How will Yellowstone?  Is there any room on the planet for nature in our exceptional America?  Of course not.  We as a society will use up the entire planet until we ourselves can't continue.  That's our future.  Thanks, Trump.

Will It Be Legal For Republican Closet-Cases To Fuck The Human-Animal Chimeras At Alex Jones' Barbeque?

Will it be ok of some Republicans take the 80% pig or 85% goat creature down into Jones' basement for some sexy time? Is that legal?  Because it wouldn't be fair to Jones and his friends if he was hosting some harmless GOP pool parties with the talking animal men all summer and then the cops decide to bust 'em up for no reason.  That would be not cool.  After all, those animal-human hybrids are totally DTF when the Republicans show up and the Coors Light is flowing free.




How Will Democracy Survive Without Ginormous Imbecile And Exceptional Coward Al Giordano Running For The Senate?

Whatever shall we do without brave and handsome Al to save us from Bernie Sanders?  Oh, noes, I think we should cry.  Cry.

Sunday, July 9, 2017

Flamed Wayne


David Sirota Asks A Question And Gets No Answer

And the question he was really asking is "What the fuck is wrong with the Democratic Party?".  That's a big question with many answers.  The Russians fuck with countries around the world the way we fuck with countries around the world, and anyone who doesn't understand that is a complete idiot.  That's not the same as the coups we stage around the world, or the assassinations or the covert murders or bombings or drone strikes.  That's not what the Russians did to us, but the Dems would believe anything except Hillary was the worst presidential candidate in galactic history and that BERNIE WOULD HAVE WON!

Was Chuck Timlin Sad At Those Choate Graduations Because He Wouldn't Have The Opportunity To Hop On Those Particular Hot High Schoolers Anymore?

Makes you wonder.  If those fucking dirtbags couldn't keep their hands off the nubile Choate girls, every graduation musta felt like a tragic loss.

To be followed by a yuge opportunity to get some naive freshman girls naked or jam their tongues in their mouth or whatever other stupid shit turned these idiots on.

Thanks, Trump.

How Yuge Of A Dimwit Is The Pride Of Choate Ivanka Trump Kushner?

Why would she allow that? How fucking stupid is she?  Jesus, that's just pathetic.  Choate's put up with a shit ton of nasty stuff over the years, but allowing the mental-defectives in the Trump family to latch on to the school was certainly one of the biggest fuckups since Kenneth Mills and Chip Lowery ran the middle-school cheerleading camp/naked pillow fight film studio/massage training program on the campus back in 82.

Saturday, July 8, 2017

If Curt Kobain (And Some Very Unfortunate White-Guy Hair) Fronted Green Day


Plutocracy Is A Good Word For America

One might even say exceptional. An exceptional word for America.  Plutocracy is word far too few Americans even know.  Americans don't understand their nation or their society for the most part.  Most rich people think they're struggling middle class because they're aren't plutocrats themselves, and thus have no clue about any fucking thing worthwhile and are easily manipulated by the oligarchs.  Plutocracy should be an issue on every news story and in every facet of daily interaction.  Surprisingly it isn't though.  I wonder why that is.

Froome In Yellow Already?

How's that gonna work?  I'd like to see someone ride those fucking scum from Team Sky right off the fucking road and into the doping control where they finally bust 'em wide open.  Limey fucks.

Mitch McConnell, Legislative Genius

He's a master tactician, all right.  Or could it be that he's soft-headed little man with no idea how to accomplish anything beyond furthering his own wretched career as a GOP shitstain.  What Mitch McConnell knows about health care is only slightly less than he knows about good governance in any sector. 

Friday, July 7, 2017

Summer Time Blue


Roger Waters, Si! Israel, Non!

The BDS movement might be the best thing humans are doing anywhere this century.  Waters has more than made up for the tedium of so much of Pink Floyd with his heroic stance on the vile apartheid scum in Israel.  Wretched shitstains like Ian Halperin and Paul Miller are not fit to slurp up Roger Waters' week-old piss out of a JD bottle left backstage after a show.

Ruh-Ro, Porky Charles Payne Was A Very Naughty Boy With A Mentally-Infirm Floozy

Chunks of love Charlie Payne spent three years dicking that fucking pathetic moron Scottie Nell Hughes as a side piece but couldn't deliver on what that whore really wanted, a job with Fox "News", so now the Fox Uncle Tom is busted.  Heh, that's fucking sweet.  Another tawdry cheating story by a couple of ardent right-wing family values assholes.  Thanks, Trump.  Enjoy this Mazel Tov cocktail!