Saturday, March 31, 2018

Good Humors


Kvale 9808

Love the paint.  Pedals are frikkin' awesome.  Hate the shifters and the wheels.  Nobody asked me.


Walled On


Howzit


Few Things Have Held Up As Poorly As 'Andromeda'

Sure, Led Zepplin, Aerosmith, Bon Jovi, but as far as tee vee goes, Andromeda is worse by the second.  Gene Roddenberry didn't exactly have the Midas touch, and having a fucking jamoke asswipe like teabagger Kevin Sorbo playing the lead didn't help.  The funniest part about Andromeda was that it got worse each year, so nobody involved was learning anything.  Genius. 

Earth Final Conflict sucked major ass, too.

Jared Kushner Is Not Qualified


Charlie Kirk Needs To Be Considered As A Replacement For Jim Hoft As The Dumbest Man On The Internet

This brutal drive-by auto-fisking is not funny or sad, but it is really fucking dumb.  Poor Charlie Kirk was absent the day they handed out the brains.  Jesus fucking christ, what a dope.

Open 4 Bidness


Wait...What?


I'm Sorry But Those Extra-Long Chainstays Are Uglier And Dumber Than Trump's Kids

Just say no.  People suck and even the perfect bike can be ruined by stupidity. 

Political Song for Laura Ingraham to Sing


Laura Ingraham's Impromptu Vacation Stinks Like Too Much Winning

For David Hogg.  That Laura Ingraham must be out sick.  Sick.  Off.  All.  The.  Winning.  Thanks, Trump.

Friday, March 30, 2018

Crash Pad


An Easy As Cake Fisking Of Elon Musk

As delivered by Hamilton Nolan.  Musk will always gets loads of soft-headed goofs to hold the pissbucket for him because he speaks in the same shallow faux-nerd manner as dumb fucks like Alvin Toffler and Newt Gingrich and Jerry Pournelle while being a rich guy who somehow never made anything.  But that's our exceptional America at work: getting dumber by the second and following the lead of asswipes like Elon Musk because too many Americans don't know any better.

Thursday, March 29, 2018

Scott Walker Gets Set To Lose Bigly

The court jammed a giant pole up his ass--not that he doesn't like that.  But he's not gonna like losing again in a public fight and costing the GOP some seats in the elections.  That shit does not help the Koch money flow like rank steaming piss into the waiting mouth of a Scott Walker.  Thanks, Trump!

Dollar-Store-Ann-Coulter Laura Ingraham Is Getting Sick Of All That Winning!

Sick!  Ingraham has no choice but to win bigly by begging a high-school kid for forgiveness in public.  Winning!  Thanks, Trump.

Tuesday, March 27, 2018

Fatuous Conservative Dipshit Kevin Williamson Is The Literal Archetypal Pissboy

Williamson is a no-talent dummy, but he doesn't just gurgle the piss of the establishment. No, he swims in it, wallows in it, drinks deep of all the rancid and foul and miasmic piss his betters can loose all over him.  Williamson sucks the piss from the tap, giggling happily as the rank excreta buoys his pathetic soul.  Kevin Williamson can only exist as a pissboy.  He's living his dream.  To him, carrying the pissbucket and being showered in rock-ribbed repellent filth every second of every day of his life is being the very best teabagger he can be.  He's found his place in the establishment.  Sad!

Jesus Frakking Christie, There's Nothing Dimmer Than...

An over-privileged twit.  Middle-school teachers deal with more developed intellects on a daily basis.  Fuckers.

Monday, March 26, 2018

Corner Shops


Zombie-Eyed Granny Starver Paul Ryan Is Probably Getting Pretty Fucking Sick Of All This Winning

Now Ryan has no-name shitbags in his own caucus telling people Ryan's out as Speaker.  That's WINNING!  Thanks, Trump.

Leathery Old Hag Ann Coulter Is Getting Sick Of So Much Winning

Horse Face didn't like Trump signing the spending bill so she lashed out with a lame Stormy Daniels joke.  Thank all the gods Coulter didn't breed.

Surely Melania Trump Is Jealous That Stormy Daniels Had A Successful Career In Adult Entertainment And Didn't Have To Marry An Obese Orange Loser With A Tiny Dick

Melania just couldn't make that naked modelling career work, so she had to settle for a marriage to a used-up television host.  Stormy Daniels, though, she did it all herself, and she didn't have to marry an elderly fat orange loser with a little peen pretending to be a billionaire.  Stormy Daniels' kid is not a prop to insure court-ordered child support.  Melania must hate that shit.

Pro Ledecky

I mean, good for her. Why not?  Make the money now, swim the 1500 in Tokyo, get the gold, along with the eight, four, and two free, make more money.  Sounds like a plan.

Sunday, March 25, 2018

The Kabong


And...Kansas Is The Most Popular College Basketball Team In The World

Today.  All you gotta do is beat Duke, folks.  Nobody likes those cocksuckers.

Never Root For A Cross-Dressing Fascist FBI Creep Like Andrew McCabe

Because every single one of those sick fucking bastards is rotten to the core, but it is great fun watching loathsome conservative shitstains like Gary Abernathy piss themselves in fear of what the police state FBI goons might do to their orange shitgibbon president.  Until the FBI is shut down for good, the least they can do is fuck with the conservative establishment instead of the victims of that establishment for once.  Thanks, Trump!

Tomi Lahren Was Born A Corn Cob

So a pathetic drive-by auto-fisking should never be a surprise.  Cokehead Tomi has trouble with basic concepts, so go easy on her people.  Laughing at the slow kids is not nice.

It's Time To Discuss Whether Stormy Daniels Is The Hero America Needs, And What The Little Tiny Trump Dick Pics Will Mean For Humor In The Next Millenium

Stormy Daniels might be the great American patriot who will truly make America greater again.  Her story is beautiful and sad and funny, but the pics of Trump's misshapen little orange peen will forever change the way we laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh.  Thanks, Trump!

Santorum: The Frothy Mix Of Lube, Cum, And Shit That Is A Byproduct Of Anal Sex; Rick Santorum:

The most disgusting filth known to man, way more horrible and gross than actual santorum.  Rick Santorum is truly a dirty, embarrassing exceptional American stain we'll never quite completely wash out.

Rock Ribbed Conservative Neoliberal Bullshit Is Not A Solution To Universal Health Care

Fuck John Podesta, fuck Neera Tanden, fuck Ed Dolan, fuck the Center for American Progress, fuck the Niskanen Center, and fuck Salon. All these people and groups are viciously right-wing and completely wrong on everything.  All that is wrong with America and humanity is displayed by the lot of them.  Fuck them till they bleed.  Cute neoliberal horseshit is not a solution.  Obamacare is not a solution.  And they know it.  Fuck them.

Thursday, March 22, 2018

Solos


H.R. McMaster Is One Motherfucker Sick Of All The Winning!

Winning looks like losing when you're a beta cuck loser like H.R. McMaster!  Thanks, Trump!

Demented Clown John Dowd Is Suddenly Sick Of All The Winning!

So. Much. Winning.  So much sick.  Trump is debasing all of official Washington and it is a fucking wonderful thing to see.  Thanks, Trump!

Why The Fuque Would Anyone Make A Riv Atlantis With Those Stupid Long Chainstays?

Jesus christ.  The original Atlantis is a fucking perfect bike.  Nice lugs, great design, everything works.  This is just a fucking botched abortion in an elevator.  Dumb, dumb, dumb.  A cheaper Atlantis to go along with the USA one would be a good idea, but those asinine chainstays and ugly sloped top tube are fucking awful.  Jan Heine and Richard Sachs should find Grant and kick him in the jimmy, atmo.


Hey! What's Up With Neoliberal Fuckface And Beta Cuck Corn Cob Al Giordano?

Not much! Hey, indeedy.  I guess being outed as a pathetic sexual deviant makes it hard for a corn cob to make a living.  Maybe your buddy Hillary has a job for you, Al.

Wednesday, March 21, 2018

Beautiful Exceptional Patriot And Conservative White Fundamentalist Christian American Terrorist Mark Conditt

Another brave white Republican christian American violent racist radical patriot for jesus and freedom!  When exceptional white conservative teabagging terrorists blow shit up it is a beautiful expression of American exceptionalism and freedom!  Thanks, Trump!

Andrew Cuomo Is Your Daily Reminder That Kirsten Gillibrand Is A Shit Democrat

And a shit Senator who will never be President.  Gillibrand is fucking worthless, as this whole Cuomo versus the Good-Nixon thing shows.  Al Franken, too.  Fuck neoliberal shitbirds. Fuck Kirsten Gillibrand.

Fast Gurl


Jan Heine Stands On The Shoulders Of Bridgestone-Era Grant Petersen--And So Does Grant Petersen

Jan Heine has peddled his schtick by building on the foundation of Grant Petersen circa 1990.  Everything Peterson Petersen was doing into the 90s at Bridgestone started creating a mindset where Heine can do his thing today--as well as creating the basis for Rivendell and a few pretenders like Kogswell and Velo Orange.  There's nothing wrong with any of it, but people tend to have veeery short memories, especially twits.

Monday, March 19, 2018

Count On The Creepy Jesus-Fluffing Dipshits At Focus On The Family's Plugged In For All Your Pop-Culture Needs

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

With Such Beautiful And Brilliant Sparkling Intellects Like Elizabeth Rogers On Hillary's Team

It's absolutely fucking shocking that it required 16 years AND the entire multi-billion dollar Democratic Party infrastructure to (barely) stop a grassroots candidate like Bernie Sanders who had been running for less than a year and then lose to a sack of verminous, orange excrement like Donald J. Trump!  But Hillary had such rock-ribbed, conservative, neoliberal shitstains luminaries as Elizabeth Rogers on her team!  Rogers is smart!  And FUNNY!  Just ask her.  She'll tell ya.

Brutal And Beautiful Vintage Fisking Of Lying Loathsome Neoliberal Cunt Sally Albright

It's theme day today, and with Albright recently being beautifully brutalized because she's a lying rock-ribbed conservative whore, it seemed like a good time to roll out the amazing Paste destruction of Sally Albright from January, 2017.  Former Newt Gingrich staffer Albright is human filth, and she belongs right there next to Hillary Clinton as some of the worst Americans of all time.

Xpensive Souls


Health Care Liar Sally Pipes Is Such A Cunt, She Should Be The Next Mrs. Donald Trump!

A match made in pig shit heaven!  Pipes is a fucking shill, a whore, an imbecile, but if she is too stupid and/or too duplicitous to correctly explain that a national health program such as in the UK is NOT a single-payer system, well, even a rancid toilet like Forbes should have enough pride to not publish her bullshit.  I bet Pipes would love to have Trump's lukewarm fetid spunk dribbled onto her mottled gunt, though.

Friday, March 16, 2018

23 + 15

23


Rachel Corrie, 15 Years Later

15 years? Jesus.  Rachel Corrie was a brave freedom fighter and braver because she was fighting for the people far from home with all the courage and conviction of the bravest native and patriot.  15 years is a long fucking time, and things in Palestine are worse today than on the day she died.  Much of that is our fault, the USA, Americans, for allowing it to go on.  If we were all as courageous and intelligent as Rachel Corrie, the world would be so much better for everyone.

Thursday, March 15, 2018

4U2


Center-Right Dem Conor Lamb Also Ran As Virulently Anti-Trump Dem Conor Lamb

So there's that.  Lamb opposed the Trump agenda and ran against it; he supported Social Security and other social welfare programs, health care, unions, and women's rights and ran on them.  He's no Trumptard.  The Trumptard lost.  Bigly.  Thanks, Trump.

Racist Fuckwit Teabaggers Are Everywhere

And they love Trump and jeebus and guns and are all dumb as fucking rocks.  America will never get any better until we dump these baggotron cocksuckers back in the cesspools from which they crawled.  THAT would truly be making America greater for once.

Political Song For Teabaggers To Sing


Fasterbackwards Versus

Da Twits!  Sad!

Wednesday, March 14, 2018

Goodgoods


Ben Carson Is Sick, So, So Sick Of All This Winning

Is that what winning looks like, Dr. Uncle Tom Carson?  Is it?  Because it looks like humiliation and losing to the rest of the world.  Thanks, Trump!

There's Never A Good Day To Be A Teabagging Asswipe, And Today Was Worse Than Usual

Their god-emperor orange shitgibbon has been beating them down for months, and today the teabaggers had to eat a giant shit sandwich after they lost the election in Baggerville County, Shitheel, PA.  They can look forward to a metric fuck ton more losing in the next 9 months and beyond.  Thanks, Trump!

Cokehead Imbecile Larry Kudlow Is The PERFECT Trump Advisor

The best part about Kudlow being an economic advisor is that he is not a trained economist and knows nothing about economics!  Kudlow has an undergraduate degree in history and then dropped out of a master's program before being hired by senile houseplant Ronald Regan and finally settling in as a screeching tee vee asshole who was wrong about every single thing every single time, including the 2008 recession.  Fucking genius!  Finally Trump has found someone as useless as he is.  The only thing Kudlow knows how to do is snort coke.  He'll fit right in with Trump and is the best possible economic advisor a screaming dipshit like Trump could ever have.

Gina Haspel Should Be Swinging From A Dock In The Hague

She's a war criminal and should have been tried as such.  This is another gigantic failure of the Obama administration.  Obama could have prosecuted all of the Bush-Cheney criminals as they deserved, and now we would not have to be dealing with them running around loose to fuck things up in 2018.

Trump's Titanic Failure Has Killed The GOP As Shown In A Single Wonderful Picture

From 20 points up 17 months ago to ignominious defeat yesterday in one amazing picture--and that's without the blue trend in Westmoreland County documented:


Trump has murdered the GOP, and now we are reveling in the spectacle of the whole corrupt fucking party bleeding out for our amusement.  That's what a blue tsunami looks like, fuckers, and in spite of the feckless Dems and their infinite capacity to fuck up a good thing, if this trend continues in November, it won't just be PA-18.  Thanks, Trump!

Dem Conor Lamb Is Not At All Sick Of Winning

Thanks, Trump!  Somehow the GOP managed to take a solid Republican, gerrymandered district and hand it over to the Dems.  Rick Saccone turned out be as big a turd as Roy Moore and Trump himself, but that was the best the GOP could do.  That's fucking brilliant politicking!  If they do that a few more times in November, it will be a non-stop laugh riot for the Trumptards as every Dem committee chairman will be looking to make their name by belittling and attacking Trump every fucking day.  Trump will be beyond fucked.  Trump is way too much of a pussy to handle the abuse.  It will be amazing.

Stephen Hawking Died--Socialized Medicine Finally Killed Him And It Only Took 76 Years!

National health will kill you! Eventually.  Even Stephen Hawking couldn't outlast socialized health care.  Sad!  If only Hawking had lived in a free country with the best health care system in the world!  Maybe he would have amounted to something!

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

Dave Wasserman From The Cook Report Called It For The Dem Lamb

Greasy loser Rick Saccone can't overcome the Conor Lamb lead, so now Saccone is yet another victim of Trump's hilarious, insane incompetence.  From +20 to a loss to a doof named Conor Lamb.  Brilliant!  Thanks, Trump!

Yuge Beta Cuck Loser Trump Carried PA-18 By 20 Points

And now the Dems put a shitbag candidate in the district and won by a few votes in an essentially 50/50 split.  That's not good for the Trumptards.  If you lose 20% in a shitty district like PA-18 in just under 17 months, you are hella fucked.  Fucking way to lose, GOP!  So!  Much!  Winning!  For the Dems.  Thanks, Trump.

Pennsyltucky's Election System Sucks Major Moose Cock

It's been more than three fucking hours, and the final votes are not even counted, with some of the GOP counties purposely not counting the absentee ballots.  That's a fucking shit show even compared to Pennsyltucky's usual third-world standards.  Jesus frakking christ on a unicycle.  These people are fucking useless.  Fuck them in skull all the skull holes.

Risible Beta And Uncle Tom David Clarke Would Love To Be Sick Of Winning

Somehow that prancing cosplay cowboy Clarke can only manage lose!  Where's all the winning?  Clarke is such a fucking clown that he should be in Trump's administration.  Even Hannity and Fox "News" gave up on Clarke for being useless!  That's low.  Thanks, Trump.

Hapless Servant Steve Goldstein Is Pretty Fucking Sick Of All The Winning Today

It's tough out there for a pissboy.  Goldstein is a clueless minion, but he made the mistake of daring to tell the truth about something, so he got fooked.  Brilliant!  Thanks, Trump.

Beta Cuck Assclown Rex Tillerson Is Wicked Fucking Sick Of All The Winning!

How much motherfucking winning can one fucking cuckservative stooge stand?  Tillerson is now wondering what exactly Trump meant by So Much Fucking Winning.  Heh, indeedy.  Dimwit Rex probably shoulda thought of that before he volunteered to fluff the Santorum off of a fucking moron like Trump's wizened little pecker.  Thanks, Trump!

You're Song


Greg Lemond Versus

Twits are tiresome, but Lemond is the real deal--dragging Lance Armstrong as his hobby just makes him cooler.  Being the best American ever in a fringe Eurotrash sport 30 freeking years ago does not exactly make you a pop star, but that's a problem for those clueless asshole twits more than anything.  Good on Lemond for being himself.  Was not a fan of that last welded bike, but Lemond will always be a true great.

Sunday, March 11, 2018

Of The Son


Two Generations Of Movement Conservative Stupidity Have Wrecked The GOP And America

America in the early 70s would never have won any genius awards, but when the movement conservatives started filling the heads of the rank and file with the most outlandish and hateful lies and the worst offensive insanity the world has ever seen, well, the entire structure of our society collapsed beyond the wildest Mellon, Coors, DuPont, Koch, Olin, Mercer racist wet dreams.  Now unfortunately for them and the rest of the world, the USA is now so fucked up that it will soon be much less profitable for the dimwit oligarchs to exploit the workers and plunder the wealth of America's economy.  Nice going, jerkoffs.  You got Paul Ryan, Devin Nunes, Kevin McCarthy, Herman Cain, Rush Limbaugh, Mark Levin, Mick Mulvaney, tand their hopelessly stupid cohort, along with the rest of the horribly ignorant rank-and-file racist teabaggers and the fucktard king himself, Trump. 

Todd Starnes And George Will In A Cute Little Slap Fight

Aww, look at little Todd Starnes getting hot and bothered over bad old George Will.  This is just the sort of cat fight you expect to see right outside the little girls' room at your local trailer park cotillion.  Thanks, Trump.

Time's Gift


Let's Watch Elizabeth Warren Become President

She's on her way if she keeps dragging shitbirds like Chuck Todd and Trump and the rest of the racist fuckknobs.  She's way too smart for most of 'em, but she also likes to be a complete dick, and that's a better combo than Trump can hope to manage.  Rock on, sister.  Thanks, Trump.

Friday, March 9, 2018

Wednesday, March 7, 2018

Tuesday, March 6, 2018

Of Course Christopher Steele's Pee Tape Info Was Right All Along

The piss tape is too specific and too weird to be anything but true.  That and all the other stuff the GOP oppo research uncovered that wound up in the Steele dossier was more or less all true.  Of course it was.  Everybody knew it all along.  And now someday pretty soon that piss tape will be out there for everyone to see.  Thanks, Trump.

This Charity Created In Honor Of Philando Castile Is About The Best Idea Ever

So perfect.  Helping families get out of school lunch debt is such a simple idea that makes such a huge difference every day for those kids.  Brilliant idea, and the people involved deserve all the props and kudos America has left to give.

Sam Nunberg: The World's Second Worst Lawyer And Sick Of Fucking Winning!

This mental-defective might give Imani Gandy a run for the worst lawyer prize.  What a fucking moron.  And a fucking wuss, too.  Of course you're going to cooperate, you bed-wetting pansy.  Thanks, Trump!

Gary Cohn, Another Drooling Dipshit Sick Of All The Motherfucking Winning

Too. Fucking. Much. Winning.  It's all winning, all the time for the teabagging GOP!  They love this shit sideways.  Winning is really starting to look like insane losing, but those teabagging cocksuckers will never know.  Thanks, Trump.

When You Wanna Know About Bike Shops, You Know Who You Shouldn't Trust

Nothing says authoritative like Yahoo!  Jeezuz.  Bike shops are shitty business both for the owners and unfortunately most of the customers, too, but some dumb website is not the place to get the inside scoop.

Bark More

Monday, March 5, 2018

Teabagging Nazi Fuckface And Beta Cuck Punching Bag Richard Spencer's MSU Crowd Was Smaller Than Trump's Dick

SO. MUCH. WINNING.  Even Nazi shitheads are sick to death of all the winning.  And all the punching.  Spencer's audience was smaller than Trump's scabrous presidential peen.  Sad!  Heh, indeedy.  Thanks, Trump!


On-Point Fisking Of EMILY's List And Establishment Dems

Merciless.  But fun.  The conservative Democratic Party establishment is a greater danger to America than the teabagging Trumptard GOP.  The Dems are the brains of the conservative establishment, such as they are, and thus are responsible for much of the damage being done to our society now and over the last half-century.  EMILY's List is just a symptom of the horrible establishmentarian disease.

The Federalist Hires Only The Most Risible And Inept Plagiarists And Morons Like Michael Graham

If you suck too hard for even Fox "News" and Alex Jones, maybe The Federalist will give you a pity job. It worked for Michael Graham!  Just think, without Ben Domenech-McCain's gay little website, Michael Graham would be squatting in a puddle eating worms or giving toothy blowjobs for smack.  Either way, only the bumbling asswipes who pal around with noted plagiarist Domenech-McCain are dumb enough to equate the NRA racist violent scum with true American heroes fighting for the most basic human rights in Planned Parenthood.  Fuck Graham and his imbecilic plagiarist boss Ben Domenech-McCain.

Bradley Wiggins And The Doping Dope Dopers Who Doped Dopes, And Twits

It's today's "No Shit" greatest hit. Of course Team Sky was and is dirty as fuck.  Duh.  That's how you win.  No shit.  Froome has been doped to the gills all along.  It's how you win in the bigtime cycling show.  Even the twits kinda sorta got it figgered out, maybe. 

Plus, everything Rupert Murdoch ever touched is utter putrid filth.

Sunday, March 4, 2018

Teleskreen View


Trump Is Making Sure His Followers Are The Self-Selected Sorriest Fucking Idiots Who Ever Lived

By the time Trump has alienated even the most inbred of the morons, what will be left as the legion of screaming Trumptards will be the absolute most useless fucking dunces in the known universe.  It's really glorious to watch this happen, but holy shit, the Trumptards started out pretty fucking stupid.

Serotta Forum Twits Are So Fucking Dumb

Helplessly ignorant, violent, racist guntard filth, or cowardly losers.  Whata buncha princes.  America is dying because the folks who have had every privilege are still useless at best and racist gun nuts at worst.  This is the glory of American exceptionalism.  Thanks, Trump.

Hapless Teabagging Twit George P. Bush Is Getting Mighty Fucking Sick Of All The Winning

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Teabagging Child Molester And All Around Perverted Creep Roy Moore Is Begging Like The Beta Cuck Loser He Is

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Mekons Mekonville Piece From Last Summer

Mekons via Santa Fe, apparently.  A reporter got to go to Camp Mekon and had a grand old time.

Friday, March 2, 2018