Monday, July 15, 2013

But I Am The Republican Man Of The Year

I am happy to once again be the winner.  I have been impossible to beat since the late '80s, famously beating Newt Gingrich in 1994 with my "Feeding Poor Children Only Encourages Them To Breed" speech in Bonner County Idaho, and destroying Reagan a few years later with my "If Your Kid Is A Fruity Looking Queer, Good Christians Have To Wonder About Their Dad".  I will admit that I have reused a few choice themes to walk away with it more than once, like "Finally Revealed: Why Jesus Wrote The Bible In English!  Because He Was Born In America!" and "Jesus Calls Cobb County Home", but let's face it, defeating the likes of Jonah Goldberg and Tucker Carlson doesn't require much effort.  Once again, thank you for this august honor.  I am thrilled.  Again.

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