Conservative christian radicals are killing in America! Help us jesus! Uh, wait, no, fuck off, jesus. That's better.
But...
That christian jesus stuff can't be right. Jesus christians with guns are always the good guys, so it musta been someone else out there killing people at a Planned Parenthood clinic in Colorado today. Violent conservative christian evangelicals would never commit terrorist murder at a Planned Parenthood! Unhinged teabagging guntard cocksuckers being terrorists at Planned Parenthood? That's just crazy, man.
I bet I know what really happened in Colorado Springs.
Those Syrians and Mexicans are at it again, shooting up America because they hate exceptional American freedumb. Or something. Immigrants and refugees raping and killing with impunity because Obama and welfare and Democrats and Bernie Sanders and high taxes. America must stand up! America must defeat the terrorists in the homeland! Syrians! Mexicans! Blacks! Democrats! Gun grabbers! Environmentalists! Doctors! Women! Women doctors! They are always out there killing good Americans.
Right? That's what happened here, right? Some refugee immigrant environmentalist black Democrat on welfare killed some people with their food stamp guns and raised their taxes, again, right?
I'm sure it had nothing to do with the radical christian hate groups in the Colorado Springs area. Or all the whackjob conservative evangelical christian asswhipes at the Air Force Academy. Can't have had anything to do with that. No racist, bugfuck nutty white guntard Republican assholes out there in Colorado Springs, either. No violent, white NRA-sponsored radical christian terrorists in Colorado Springs, right? No way. Not in my exceptional America.
Musta been the immigrants. Refugees. Blacks. Democrats. Homos. They're always causin' trouble.
Thanks, Obama.
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