Kevin McCarthy, Teabagging Fucking Genius

Meet the Republican party's newest certified rocket surgeon.  McCarthy has spent the last few days shitting his pants worrying that the more enthusiastic teabaggers were gonna take him out before he could even begin to fail at being Speaker, but that can't possibly excuse McCarthy's fucking idiocy.  Saying something true in politics is always a disaster, and McCarthy may have done what Hillary Clinton could not do: guarantee another fucking President Clinton!  Brilliant!

So, iCarly Fiorina Is A Liar And Incompetent

Got it.  iCarly was an astounding failure as a CEO and Senate candidate and these days spends her time being a risible liar.  That's fucking genius.  What's left for her?  Amway?  Pitching gold or reverse mortgage scams on the tee vee?

Negativeland Had It Right, El Popo Proves It Again

El Popo Fucks Up Royally By Meeting That Dumb Cunt Kim Davis

Yes, El Popo is the head of the catholic church, one of the truly horrific and atrocious organizations in human history, easily as disgusting and evil as the Republican Party, the 700 Club, USA Teabaggers, and the Country Music Association.  Yes, but that stupid bastard Francisco should have known better than to provide succor to such miserable cocksuckers as Kim Davis and her supporters.  The evil of the catholic church is legion, and no matter how the catholics in America try to downplay the meeting and play dumber than usual, El Popo fucked up majorly with this bullshit.  Bad pope!  Bad!  Shame!!

Freedom Is Choice

At Last Something Honestly, Truly Exceptional In America: Shout Your Abortion

Yes!  This.  Pull reality into the light for the one or two ignorant fuckwits out there who are able to learn and process legit thought.  Women standing for truth, justice, freedom, healthcare, and the American way is the sort of exceptional behave we need way more of around here.  Reproductive choice and abortion and healthcare are what freedom really look like!

Cecile Richards' Victory Lap On Maddow

Good.  This is the sort of shit they should have opened with, as soon as those teabagging fucktards came out with risible minstrel video show.  Kick the bastards and stand up for yourselves.  Richards and Maddow are killing it tonight.  Moar please.

Cecile Richards Was A Fool For Ever Apologizing

Those braindead shitbirds in Congress tried to bully Richards, but she wasn't having any of it.  If only she hadn't conceded at the outset and instead fought the lies all along.  The Republicans are making themselves look even dumber than usual with this shit, so maybe we'll get something decent out of it.

Trump's Exceptional Fuck Dynasty

Donald Trump and the Duck Dynasty shitheads certainly deserve each other.  We can look forward to so many more wonderful seasons of fucking and dynasties and other horrific tee vee abortions during the glorious reign of President Trump.

ISASDOES

Who's More Tedious In Their Senescence, The Simpsons Or Doctor Who?

Boring and tired is always bad.  The Simpsons is fossilized.  Capaldi is doing fine, just fine on Who, but jesus it's so played out.

Your Punk Rock Dad Writes Books Too

He's wicked schmart.  Greg Graffin is not only cooler than your dad, he's cooler than you.  And his band is better.

Armstrong Williams? Armstrong Williams??

Armstrong Fucking Williams!  The asshole so incompetently pulling Ben Carson's strings is Armstrong Williams?  That Armstrong Williams?  Really?  Well, well, well, isn't that interesting.  I wonder what that tells us about Ben Carson.  What's hiding in Carson's closets?  I kinda hope we get to find out now.  Not just anybody would get into bed with as big a fucking reactionary sleezebag as Armstrong Williams.  Maybe just maybe Carson is way more interesting and creepy than we think.

Jeffrey Sonnenfeld Is Having A Ball Kicking iCarly Around

I can understand why Barry Jeffrey Sonnenfeld gave up directing stupid movies to devote all his time to dumping shit on top of Carly Fiorina.  This iCarly stuff is way more fun, and he's having all of it.

Now That El Popo Is Outa Here

Let's see if he has the stones to even attempt to live up to his rhetoric.  It was fun to watch him give the finger to America in general with the Dorothy Day and Thomas Merton stuff, good fun, but the Pope will need to be way more direct and simplistic if he wants to get through to rank and file dipshits in America.

Kevin Johnson Is An Exceptional American

Jesus.  And yet, he got away with it over and over.  The victims are never that lucky though.  Those victims never has as much support behind them making things better no matter what.  The best we can hope for now is that Johnson as been destroyed as a national political figure.

Exceptional American Fuckwits

Silly and stupid, yes, but way too many exceptional Americans are exceptionally fucking dumb.  This is a problem when citizens cannot understand the basic principles of science and economics and history.  We're being destroyed by the fucking morons all around us.

Peter Sagan! OK!

Good win.  Sagan won the race well.  As much as he tends to rub some fans the wrong way, it's hard not to acknowledge that Peter Sagan is a fucking animal.  He's probably only going to better and faster since he's only 25.  His father Carl must be wicked fucking proud.  After his racing career is over, I'm sure Sagan will take over the reboot of the reboot of Cosmos.

Who's A Cute Pibble?

Snuggly pibble. Good doggy.  Who wants to pet the nice pibble?  Good doggy.

Endless and Endlessly Gratifying Curt Schilling Fisking

Some things keep getting better.  And some exceptional assholes keep getting brutalized for being true to themselves.  Schilling is everything wrong with humanity wrapped up into one dimwitted asshole, but what we get and what we need is all right there for us to be entertained so wonderfully.  We should thank the gods that Schilling is an even bigger dirtball than any sane human would have believed.  He's a fucking brain-damaged monkey flinging his rancid shit for our amusement.

Betsy DeVos: Exceptional American Scumbag

Who remembers this idiot Betsy DeVos?  She came from a shitty family and married into a shittier one.  It wasn't enough to be simply a reprehensible person so she had to work and spend her money to fuck up the lives of other people who weren't scummy enough to marry into the shitbags who run the Amway scam on the sad American hinterland.  Exceptional Americans are truly horrible.

Frakking Washington Brings The Funfetti

Papelbon is a first-class douchenozzle.  I guess since we're hurting for high-calorie entertainment in the USA, we count on ass burgers like Jonathan Papelbon to bring the funfetti.

Wait, What? Did Anyone EVER Believe Elite Education Was A Meritocracy?

Nobody is really that fucking stupid, are they?

Anyway, I understand that many local public high school students and families get no decent advice about colleges, financial aid, applications, admissions, and whatnot.  It's true.  It sucks, but it's true.  I get it, atmo.

On the other hand, once you get into the game, anywhere, you have to see right away that meritocracy is total horseshit.  I mean, come on.  Jesus.  That's why it is so important to take any opportunities to get into an elite education if you are not some disgusting rich asshole.  Get financial aid to go to Exeter or St. Paul's?  Scholarship type deal to Miss Porter's or Mercersburg or Peddie?  Fucking go!  Don't worry about not having money.  And don't take that elite boarding school as a lock for Harvard or Yale, but use the facilities and get the most out of your education and experience and take that rare benefit to the next level.  Went to local public high school and can get into a liberal arts college or state school?  Go to the LAC!  Who cares if nobody in your town has heard of it.  Nobody knows what Williams is either, and Williams is better than Harvard!  Or Yale.  Or anywhere.  And that other LAC is probably pretty good, too.

Don't worry so much about the meritocracy not existing, but deal with reality and keep angling for the chance to break into that elusive elite education--knowing full well it is no way a meritocracy.  That undergrad at Colby or Trinity is a pretty big fucking deal, and it might help you into some doctoral program better than a generic state school if that's your goal.

Or work your ass off, get great grades anywhere, and figure out a way to get a 43 on the (old) MCATs and make sure your MD has a PhD after it.  You'll never be without a better than decent job unless you are literal felon.

The truth is, elite schools are a meritocracy for a very few applicants.  If elite college has a class of 500, those merit applicants will be competing for only perhaps 50 spots.  The rest of the freshmen class will be filled by the properly deserving elite applicants with elite families and elite fortunes and by the elite athletes from those same families.  The same with the elite boarding schools.  Usually 80% of the class is made up of full-pays.  Add to that the fact that a bulk of the financial aid goes to families in the 2%-19% of all incomes--that's the upper class.  Yep, the biggest chunk of the financial aid bucks at boarding schools goes to the upper class.  So if you are one of those deserving smart, hard working middle- or lower-class kids, you are competing for way less than 10% of all admission spots.  That's racing.

Play the game, for sure, but never think for a fucking second that your education is in any way a meritocracy.  That would be fucking stupid.

Well, So Much For UMass Doing The Work Of The True Gods And Dispatching The Vile Notre Dame

Really wasn't much of a hope, but by christ and all other fictional gods, Notre Dame is just evil in every way.

'Right-Wing Threesome Gone Wrong' Are The Most Glorious Words In The English Language!

Jesus fucking christ, gay panic much?   Violent closet-case teabaggers shouldn't play with their dicks out around other dudes.  What's hilarious is that the girl and the not-dead guy are still at Yale, and I'd imagine pretty much everybody knows about their gross sexytime habits.  That would normally not be fucking hilarious, but when you're a teabagging closet-case fucktard, it's fucking brilliant!

Question Of The Day: How Drunk Was Boehner When He Quit?

Drunk, of course, but how drunk?  I'm betting at least twice as hammered as was usual for a workday Friday morning.  Bye bye dickhead.

John's Boehner, Exceptional American Loser

Jesus, Boehner was a more than simply an incompetent drunk, and now he's leaving.  What will we do with all the cheap orange spray tanner?  The boxes and boxes of cheap wine?  Washington will be lost without Boehner.  Jk.  Without Boehner, a broken, worthless Congress will still be shit.  Sure, it would have been hard bordering on impossible to be a worse Speaker than John's Boehner, but remember Newt Gingrich, Dennis Hastert, and almost Robert Livingston.

Upper-Class Twits, Or Monkeys Fucking A Football

Is the Serotta forum always the dumbest place on the interwebs?  Yes, yes it is.  At least tied with many others.  But what makes it such fun is that there's always some rancid cocksucker to whip out some of the most risible teabagger and Koch-sucker talking points in the face of whatever reality and sanity any of those others manage to drag into the light.  No worries, though, that group comically stupid conservative asswhipes will always drown the truth in reactionary boiling pig shit and other hilarious nonsense and return the balance of the Serotta forum to its shameful state. 

Big Ed Schultz Has Some Fun Pissing On Scott Walker When He's Down

Good for Ed. He deserves a little fun.  And Walker has given all decent people some gratifying entertainment this September.  We all should be pissing on Walker for fun.

You Can Be A Decent Person And Still Want The Giants Win

If they are playing Washington.  In fact, you must pray to all the gods entreating for embarrassing losses for Washington, even against the New York Football Giants.  So say y'all.

President Trump's Veep, Chief Of Staff, And Secretary Of The Interior All In One

If they can't get the baby whale to do the jobs, then Michael Bergin needs to fill all three.  Or maybe it's some kinda sea turtle.  Tooner.  Whatevs, Bergin should be the Vice President, the Chief of Staff, and Interior Secretary for President Trump.  Maybe the Supreme Commandant of the Coast Guard as well.

And This Whole Saint Bullshit Is Extra Fucking Stupid In 2015

Saints and sainthood are just fucking dumb in the 21st century, inane primitive superstitions not helping in any possible way and doing much in keeping people ignorant and frightened.  Everyone, catholic, not catholic, whatever, all of them should be deeply ashamed for putting up with such vulgar insanity when we all should know better. 

What If Obama's Not Really A (Not So) Secret Muslim

But EVEN WORSE is instead a secret catholic??  Thanks, El Popo.

There Are Not Many Things In This Universe More Boring Than A Pope

Any pope.  Sure, this guy likes to fuck with reactionary fucknuts and teabaggers and shit, and the last guy was a risible central-casting Nazi villain, and the guy before that was a loathsome reactionary bastard, and some of them have been women, but even jesus would say that popes are mostly boring even at their most entertaining.  Whatevs.

So, 15,000 On The Dow Is The New Panic Button

Fine, just fine.  Nothing really changes all that much from the 16,500 benchmark, especially for any play money.  Anyone who ran out will be creeping back in, but now the 15,000 level will be the new level above which any stupid trading or speculation will be acceptable to most folks.  Yes, it is totally arbitrary.  Yes, the functional difference for those people between a low of 16,500 and a low of 15,000 will be meaningless.  Yes, those people need a reason to get into or out of the market, and numbers are comfortably real, even when they're not.  Expect the calls to really pick up in a coupla weeks...Olds with too much exposure to the market...Not-so-olds with not enough unless they want to be out completely and buy teabagger gold which makes almost as much sense as...You volunteered for this shit...Good luck with that.

I Guess It's Thank The Gods For The UCI

This is a horror show.  Maybe if you are trying your hardest to make a prototype of the least elegant, least useful, ugliest, and most expensive racing bike ever, well, that turd would be a winner.  Specialized is really onto something.  Thanks Obama.

Bird Is The Wird

The Yankees were overperforming all season, and the Jays are really not that good.  The Red Sox in last place are all the gods demand, but the Yanks have to decide if any of these idiots like Greg Bird have a future with the team.  And where the dependable pitching will come from.

People Are Wonderful, America Is Glorious, Florida Is Perfect

Sometimes you are glad you were born--this is one of those times.  Imagine the world without Florida.  How empty would your life have been if you had never heard of Fidel Lopez and his astounding, elbow-deep-in-viscera love for Maria Nemeth?  We are blessed with such love for all mankind.  Thank all the gods.  And gods please continue to bless Florida.  American exceptionalism has never been more literal than in the gelatinous bloody squalor of Fidel Lopez's love.  Thanks Obama.

Ben Carson Is Simply An Idiot

There's no getting past the fact that Carson is a fucking moron; we need to get the birfers and trufers out there to check out whether Carson in fact attended or was graduated from medical school or whether all of this is some long-form conservative performance art intended to make Affirmative Action look bad.  Bullshit or not, Ben Carson is a first-tier fuckhead and dangerous demagogue. 

Colts Must Always Lose, Even Against The Fucking Jets? Yes.

Always yes.  Even in the NFL, the Colts organization stands out as exceptionally awful, easily as loathsome as New England, Dallas, and Washington.

Jesus, Greasy Pig Fuckers Mike Huckabee And Chris Christie Are Reduced To Snivelling And Snuffling For 90 Seconds On Megyn Kelly's Racist Shit Show

That's just fucking sad.  Walker's out, Perry's out, and which one of these slimey fuckwads will be the next one to quit?  Either way, we will all laugh at their failure and public humiliation.  Exceptional!

Jesus Frakking Christ, That Was A Brutal iCarly iFiorina iFisking

Fuuccckkkk.  Well, any one and everyone with more than one functioning brain cell knows iCarly is a yuge loser and not gonna nominated ever again for anything on this planet, but if they were stupid enough to pick her, she would be pummelled into an unrecognizable gelatinous mess by each and every opponent.  Digby would enjoy that.  So would you.  In fact, I'm pretty sure you'd pay fifty bucks to watch it live on Pay Per View.

Scott Walker! Fuck Yeah! Exceptional American Loser!

Bwhahhahhahhahhah.  Bye bye loser.  Nobody likes a failure, except people who love watching reactionary anti-union evil bastards fail spectacularly in public.  Those people love this shit.  Whiny conservative fuckbags might not love it so much, though.

Scott Walker, This Film Could Be Your Life

A A Ron Rogers And Packers Tonight

The Seahawks can never be forgiven for losing to NE in the Superbowl, so even if it's A.A. Ron Rogers, basic decency demands a Seattle loss every time.

Scott Walker Really Puts The Suck In Koch Sucker

Sucks AND blows!  Nothing is more gratifying to all exceptional Americans than watching Walker fail so wonderfully on the biggest stage in American politics, knowing that an exceptional amount of Koch brothers money was wasted keeping this skeevy motherfucker's political career alive in Wisconsin even before the 2016 Republican presidential shit show got rolling.  Makes you wonder how that Trek bikes moron managed to lose to Walker.  Fucking brilliant! 

Worthless Racist Asswhipe Of The Day

Today.  There's nothing dumber in the USofA than a libertarian.  Scratch 'em and you get a racist crybaby bleeding everywhere.  That's no fun.  Those people are fucking losers. 

VW Is All Sorts Of Fucked, In The US At Least

This is real American exceptionalism, exceptionally bad for Volkswagen.  The cars are not being sold as of now, and it's a real question whether they can do anything to make them legal.  The what happens to the cars already on the road?  VW is fucked.  Diesel cars in general are fucked now in the United States, too, since pretty much every diesel car is a fucking VW or Audi.  And we might have to bomb the Krauts over this, or do something else to stop 'em.  

Fukkin' Buffalo Bills Are The Most Useless Objects In The Known Universe

Stupid team, stupid place, stupid coach, and the worthless fuckers couldn't even do the gods' work and beat the Patsies.  What a shit show.   Thanks Obama.

Wow, Fisking Mr. Michelle Rhee Kevin Johnson Sure Is Easy As Pie

Yep, you knew it. Kevin Johnson is a fucking scumbag.  But gods damn it is fun as shit to watch the fisking, which has been going on a long, long time.  I wonder if Michelle Rhee let's him keep some teenage dropouts at home as shower buddies?

Chanel Number Thirteen

Specialists

Boston College Is Always Shit

They shoulda closed down the whole dump after Doug Flutie's stupid toss because ever since then they've been pretending jesus gives a flying fuck about them when everybody knows jesus loves Notre Dame way more than stupid Boston College.  If your shitty football team can't even dispatch the vile Florida State on a night when FS's offense was pretty much facing the wrong direction most of the game, well, then fuck Boston College right in the skull with a ND #1 for jesus foam finger.  Troy Flutie.  Jesus frakking christ.

Holy Shit, Fisking Jamie Dimon Is Way Too Easy

Dimon is a one skeevy motherfucker. Evil too.  He would probably be better off if he shut the fuck up forever so nobody would be sure just how fucking stupid he is, but then we would miss out on the entertainment from one of the first of the bastards who will be dragged into the streets by the pitchfork and torch party.

We Need MORE Cops In Schools To Arrest MORE Mooslim Watchmakers

Moar please!  The only thing better than having cops in schools is having cops in schools to arrest mooslim kids who make watches or alarm clocks or whatever else those heathen bastards get up to.  This is America!  We are exceptional!  Fuck Yeah!

Of Course Pacific Rim 2 Is Never Really Going To Happen

There's no fun left in our world of sorrow.  We may be exceptional, but we are not worthy, and anything involving insane giant robots punching goofy giant Godzilla monsters is too good for us.  We need not worry, though, because Adam Sandler is still alive.  JJ Abrams is getting ready to sodomize Star Wars with a zeal George Lucas has not been able to round up in more than a generation. 

Apples Of The Earth

David Gregory, Remember That Stupid Bastard?

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Chuck Todd Is Strangling American Good Sense

Chuck Todd will screw us all eventually.  MSNBC will get dumber and dumber until Chuck Todd is the lord god king of exceptional American tee vee.  What a great day that will be.  And no matter what Chuck Todd will never be even 1% as entertaining as Al Sharpton.

Thank The Frakking Gods We Can Count On Assholes Never Learning A Fucking Thing

And it's always the biggest cocksuckers who are the nastiest.  This is American exceptionalism at work on the world's foremost upper-class twit bike forum.   Huzzah.

On the other hand, Surly is doing pretty okay by bringing up the topic of casual--and not so casual--sexism in the big happy family that is the bike industry, knowing that creepy douchebags and teabagging dickheads would get very offended and pretend that the womens is just so fucking sensitive, too fucking sensitive to take a joke in the man's world of work and humor and stuff that matters.  Christina Julian had to know that she'd take shit for having an opinion that might make bros and other varieties of douchenozzle uncomfortable--that is exactly what makes dialog and progress and shit so hard, so thanks for having the balls to speak your mind knowing how the vermin would react.  If we all get in on the fun, something decent might actually happen for once, but, ya know, Americans are exceptional assholes, so don't hold your breath.

Virag's Movie Reviews: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)

Yeah, this was not a good film.  In fact, this flick was a shallow, nasty little piece of work with a real streak of stupid right there front and center.  Really, the only hope for this turd would have been to dump the script, get Colin Firth, Michael Caine, and a lispless Samuel L. Jackson to go around fucking up shit and offing bad guys with some somewhat less CGI-fake violence.  All the animation and cartoony blood and shit flattened the fun right outa this thing.  Next time less of the midget kid, more Colin Firth, and something approaching actual stunts.

Tom Brady: Tim Tebow's Intellectual Equal

Some people should just shut the fuck up.  Tom Brady is one of those people.  Every time he opens his yap, he shrinks and eventually he'll be gone, though, I think Brady and Trump really do deserve each other.

Yikes, The Bastard Executioner Was Clunky And Cheap

I don't know, but that show really kinda seemed like a parody at times.  And damn was it long.  Showing those first two episodes as 2+ hours was not a great idea.  The historical accuracy wasn't great, and the cartoon violence was not at all shocking.  Kurt Sutter is not a well-known expert on Welsh history or anything, so I guess we gotta just role with the nonsense if we want to watch the thing?  Or don't bother?  That sounds good.

Gangland

For Bernie Sanders, Everything Is Coming Up Milhouse

The Bern is fear, fear made manifest.  Sanders is a professional politician, experienced, seasoned, and all of the sudden, he is making some of the bad guys notice.  He's also a centrist, practical candidate, whose ideas will have exceptionally broad appeal.  That's why the reactionary fools and hopeless fuckwads are shitting themselves all of the sudden.  Heh.  This could be fun fun fun funfetti.  Let's hope.

Very, Very Soon All Robots Will Be Sex Robots

Don't lie to yourself.  Sooner than you think, all robots will be fuckable, and there will be a line of idiots waiting to fuck them.  That is our exceptional future.

Stoopid Fucks Vaudeville Review

America is fuckin' toast, man.  We as a society are officially too stupid to live.  Asshole conservatism has polluted our culture so fully that we are drowning in stupid shit.  That's our exceptional legacy. 

Your Dad Rocks Wicked Hard: Bad Religion

Decent, pretty good, okay, AV Club doing a thing on Bad Religion.  There's always wagon-loads of quibbles with shit like this, but I thought this was decent, and Bad Religion is always worth any decent American's time.  Carry on.

History Neva Repeats

Bernie Sanders Visits A Shitty College

That's what most people would call acting presidential.  Imagine that?  Though I would not care if some of the gods decided to smite Liberty University and salt the Earth so nothing would ever grow there again, the fact that Sanders was willing to go to them and make his case in the way a true leader does, that's pretty fucking different around this dump.  He did well, sure, but he's a fucking brilliant to it in the first place, and I guarantee he won some votes today.  That's how you win. 

Colbert Trolls The Vast Racist Asshole Conspiracy

Too easy--Colbert knows exactly how these idiots work, and he knew he wouldn't even have to make any extra effort to drive them absolutely apoplectic.  Gracefully done.  Heh, indeedy.

Well, Well, Well, KK Krauthammer On Fox "News" Is Scared Shitless Of Bernie Sanders

KK Krauthammer was literally trembling with fear when he was talking about Sanders, saying he was a nothing, a nobody, but that nothing nobody certainly has the ability to bring the terror to an unrepentant evil fucktard like him.  That's something.  Things really are looking up for Sanders.

Asshole Loons Of The Day, Today

Fuckin' dickheads.  What is the defect which makes so many people so fucking nutty and prone to such stupid shit?  We may never know the...

Even Stargirls Get The Blues

There are no heroes.  The queen is dead.  No one is worthy.  Nothing matters.  The world is shit.  Faith is a lie.  We are each alone forever caught in an uncaring void. 

Jesus Frakking Christ, The Fucking Cowboys Are Everything Awful

There's nothing more terrible in human history than the Dallas Cowboys.  Everything wrong with America and humanity is embodied in that loathsome organization.  Even in the NFL, those fucking scumbags stand out as utter shit.  If there's reason to pray for obliteration of Earth, it is the Dallas Cowboys.

Update: And the sorry fuckers that are the New York Football Giants should be set adrift on an iceberg dropped into the middle of an active volcano.  Tom Coughlin has always been a comically stupid shithead.

How Many Cheap Production Frames With Stupid Sliding Dropouts Do We Need?

Serious question, and I would accept that we need more. Maybe.  But maybe not.  I don't know.  Highly functional production frames are fine, just fine.  But at some point, maybe a few fewer frames with better details and less cheap looking overall would make everyone feel better about the future.  Don't know that, either.  I do remember, though, when the first Rivendell production roadish frames came out, and the details were so fucking nice; the frames were sorta not too dear as well.  Then the Atlantis, too good.  Now, much cheesiness.  And the Riv stuff is not nearly as neat and way more expensive.  Progress!

Labours Of The Party

Jeremy Corbyn is like our very own Bernie Sanders, a completely mundane, center-left professional politician who, because of the disgusting right-wing policies of his party, looks like some sort of actual leftist.  Actual leftists are good things, but Corbyn, like Sanders, is pretty tame and centrist.  Odd that Corbyn's positions are pretty popular with the folks as well.  And no matter what, Jeremy Corbyn is way cooler than Jeremy Clarkson.

Scott Walker In Iowa!

This is like some of the most gratifying political news of 2015.  This will be the end for Walker, finally.  He can take his addle-headed muttering and pig-fucking ferret face back to whatever greasy puddle he crawled out of and leave the rest of us the fuck alone.  The fact that the Koch brothers and other other simpering Koch-suckers wasted millions and millions of dollars on this fuckstain is just a huge fucking bonus our way.

The Red Sox Are Still 14 Games Out

Last place.  Sure the Yankees overperformed most of the year and can't dominate Toronto at the end, but the fucking Sawks are 14 games out and in last place!  That's fucking schweet.  Let's see Brady and Belichick get caught on film in a foursome with Subway Jared and Josh Duggar to make this year something really special!

Flavia!

Well, nobody woulda guessed at the start.  And she'll get to play out the string this year with a top-10 ranking.  That's something.  I hope she sends Vinci a honkin' giant christmas card this year!

Trump's Senor Salute

The Hispanics love Trump.  He says so.  And Trump loves him some Messicans n shit, too.  Except for the rapists and killers and terrists.  And Trump adores the womens too.  His daughter is a hot piece of ass.  He'd totally fuck her if he wasn't her father or if they lived in Alabama.  He totally said so.  Thank gods Trump pretty much loves everybody and would fuck most, too.

Trump's Senior Salute

Trump's kinda right about Fiorina--though Trump looks like a melted Cabbage Patch troll, Fiorina is a victim of some serious botched plastic surgery, and her voice can strip auto finishes faster than DEET bug spray.

The Jolly Candylike Button

Who's Next? Piyush?

Rick Perry is an exceptional American asswhipe.  He was like an even more retarded version of George Bush and never gonna be elected to anything outside of Texas.  I guess it's nice to see him shit himself so proficiently for our amusement.  Thanks, asshole.

History Lessons

Jerry Brown, Still Frisky

Gov. Jerry Brown still has the energy to fuck with idiots. That's cool.  I wonder why more of our spry Dems don't liven things up and give a boost to all the candidates by getting out there and selling the brand while they have fun with reactionary morons?  They should.  Might help, and the entertainment factor is pretty decent, considering. 

Political Song for Trump's Hair to Sing

Hah Hah Hah, People Suck

Jesus.  People are terrible.  Gotta say, tho, that I expected a little more rockin' after lookin' at the picture of the band.  I was thinking somewhere between Care Bears On Fire and The Donnas with not nearly as much Andrew Jackson Jihad.  A teenage girl Husker Du or Bad Religion would be fun as well in a hipster retro kitsch thing.  Good for those girls; their band is pretty good, and they have a great attitude.  THEY are fucking punk for realz.

Ted Cruz Is Not Gonna Be Trump's Veep

Not gonna happen.  Not a Senator.  Trump will pick a governor.  Kasich is a governor.  But he's not a woman.  He IS a droopy dog motherfucking loser, but probably not gonna be him.  Susana Martinez is a woman.  And hispandex.  Mary Fallin is a woman.  Nikki Haley.  Haley might be too creepy and stupid for the hella creepy and stupid Trump, but I would think a Republican woman governor would be a proper choice.  Or Kasich if you want to lock up the droopy-dog jowly loser vote.

Hey! You Know What's NOT Punk?

Yep.  Not fucking punk.

Colbert Report Letterman Show

Felt really familiar and not that great.  First shows and all, but Colbert is in no way ready to be that manic oddball motherfucker that Letterman was on late night tee vee.  I'm sure the show will get its footing and settle into something decent, but will anybody give a fuck?

Scott Van Pelt, What The Fuck Is ESPN Thinking?

Does anyone actually watch SportsCenter these days?  Or is something that's just on after a football game or baseball or somethin'?  I mean, who fucking cares?  But Scott Van Pelt?  Is that the best they can do?  Jesus.  A billion years ago ESPN had Keith Olbermann and Dan Patrick and people turned into watch the show because it passed for entertainment and was certainly an interesting take on the same old highlights--and was way better than whatever that other show on CNN or whatever was.  Now though, we have the internets machines and nobody fucking cares about SportsCenter.  Still, though, a jerkoff like Scott Van Pelt screams of some insane desperation. 

Death To America, Death To Israel?

I can live with that.  If a few fuckin' dipshits outa like 80 million Iranians want to get all hot and bothered about death to this and death to that, well, that's cool.  Iran should be a modern country in the modern world.  Iran got kinda a late start after we fucked 'em but good in 53, so whatever we can do now to help them along the path to sanity is a pretty good thing for everyone.  Death to America!  Death to Israel!  Whatever.

Holy Shit, Kim Davis Is Fuckin' Nuts

She was a full-on, ocean-going lunatic after her release today, all jesus-freaky and shouty and idiotic.  I guess we all should have known how fucking crazy she was, but gods-damned, she's fucking batshit.  What an exceptional American fucktard she is!

Iran Deal: Lots Of Followers

The flock has squeezed together now, and Obama will have his completely reasonable and useful win against backward ass and evil reactionary fuckheads and other assorted Republicans.  Still, woulda been keen to have some real leadership from the other major political party.  Fuckers.

No Justice, Just Pleas

Tom Palermo case. Plea bargain.  No justice, but a trial at this point would not bring back the victim.  Taking Heather Cook out back and feeding her to starving rabid dogs wouldn't really be anything other than fun.  As long as the judge doesn't give her time served or anything, this is the best outcome left to us.

Sign Wave

Somebody Had A Word Or Two With Debbie Wasserman Schultz

Now she's for the Iran deal.  I guess she wants to be on the winning side.  Too bad she didn't show any fucking leadership in the beginning.  Kinda like you would expect from a national party leader.  Jesus.

Useless Shitstains Of The Day, Today

These sorry fuckers.  I'm not sure who they think they're fooling, but any and all Republicans slash conservatives slash any reactionary teabagger fucksticks are utterly worthless at this point.  We gots real problems now, and while the vile Democrats are not much help at this point, the fucking Republicans are useless.

Andy Murray Needs Amelie Mauresmo Back

He's frakking cracked out there today.  That extra long break by Anderson drive Murray all the way round the bend.  Mauresmo shoulda brought her kid to kick Murray in the ass.

Coma Girl Friends

This Djokovic Bautista Agut Match Is Pretty Fucking Epic

Even with the McEnroe brothers on ESPN, it's been fun to watch.  They are saying this is the best tennis Bautista Agut has played, and watching a technician like Djokovic get pushed at times was certainly unexpected.  Now Robert Novak Djokovic has finished it off.  Those fucking on-court interviews are the worst.  Jesus.

Back Again

Fuck, Looks Like Tebow Is The New Top Pick For Trump's Veep

Tim Tebow is an exceptional American loser, so I gotta believe he's #1 with a wildly inaccurate and underthrown bullet in the race as Trump's #2.  Tebow brings some much needed jesus insanity to Trump's campaign.  T-Bow!

Every Thing Old Is

Way More Entertaining Than The Real Kim Davis

Needs more teabagging wingnuts, but so far, so good for another entertaining use for Twitter.

How Nice For Fox "News" To Have Racist Screech Harpy Megyn Kelly Anchor A Racist Fox "News" Shit Show

America's a great fucking place.  I'm sure Kelly was all wet and sticky getting to say bad things about the blahs on the tee vee while licking the taint of the police.  That's fucking christmas and new year's all rolled into one for a racist shithead like Megyn "White Santa" Kelly.

No, I Don't Like The Knee Socks In Tennis

Not at all.  Even if Serena somehow loses the match, she can always say that she was both a better player and never wore those stupid knee socks.  That's somethin'. 

Hugh Hewitt Gets Trumped

Sad to say, but Hewitt is a bigger fucking asswhipe than even Donald Fucking Trump, and there's no way Hewitt wins in a slap fight with Trump.  And we can only hope Trump will have at least one giant bucket filled to the brim with steaming hot dog diarrhea ready to pour all over Hewitt's misshapen head at the next debate on live tee vee.  Trump's campaign may not be good for democracy or sanity or the world, but he's a nasty piece of shit dancing for our entertainment.  It may get ugly before it burns out, but Trump is in it to fuck with the panoply of fatuous Republican fuckwads so we may get some high-calorie funfetti and see some real damage to the Republican party going forward, and I would really love to watch it on Pay-Per-View. 

Roger Goodell Is Probably Third In Line For Trump's Veep

If that Duggar shithead or Subway Jared both pass, Goodell's the man.  I guess the case can be made that Goodell is now more entertaining and less harmful than NFL games, so let's get him his own fucking network and give him decisions to make daily and watch the shit show.  America!

Insure Domestic Tranquility

Kim Davis Is An Exceptional American Bigot And Hypocrite

Do your fucking job, or quit.   Simple enough.  You get to keep your liberty and faith and choose the job you want to do, but if you take a job upholding the law, your fucking job is to follow the law.  Jesus, what a fucking goon.  Anywho, enjoy jail you whitetrash asshole.

Deeminus

Every Man Woman And Trump Supporter Knows Bigfoot Is Real

Real.  Fuckin' real.

Witchin'

Donald Trump's Theme Song

The Yankees Take Care Of The Sox

Good enough.  Kicking the Red Sox when they're down is the highest calling in our universe.

Black Lives Matter Ain't Out There Shooting People

But lousy shitheads like O'Reilly and terrorist organizations like the NRA are out there making it happen.  Black Lives Matter is the perfect target for hate groups like Fox "News" because Blah People reasons, so don't expect sanity or reality to intrude on the racist funfetti any time soon.  Until everyone gets behind the ideas that guns have no place in a civilized society, that police should not be the violent tools of unending class warfare waged by the wealthiest and most powerful class, and that murder should never be excused because the victims were powerless, well, America is exceptionally fucked.

The Long Climb Up Bullshit Mountain

The USA in 2016 is way worse than bullshit. It's a fascist netherworld halfway between the crumbling imperial police state of 1984 and the nightmare-of-authoritarian-incompetence parody of Brazil.  There's nothing resembling vibrancy of politics or democracy to see here.  Soon enough all that will be left will be the basest hatred and ignorance swathed in fascist symbolism.  Anyone intelligent enough to see the truth will be marginalized into insanity.  That's also American exceptionalism. 

Iran Deal Is Done, Again, And Always Was

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Hands Up! Shoot! Shoot!!

How the fuck did we live and laugh and love without cell phone cameras?  Our lives are so much richer with the selfie and the dik pic and the police execution vid.  Before we were forlorn, and now we joy in what we see.  How blessed we are.  This is American exceptionalism!

Free-For-All Red Sox/NESN/Dan Shaughnessy Fisking

A fucking riot. Damn that was fun.  Not sure why a sad sack like Don Orsillo would cause such a commotion, but watching Red Sox Nation shit all over itself sure is fun as fuck.

Run, Mitt, You Repugnant Two-Time Loser, Run!

Go Mitt!  Willard Fucking Romney is about the only thing that could make the 2016 Republican campaign any more entertaining.  This is a fucking loser who lost twice, and he might be the only hope the assholes have.  Come on, Mitt, do it!

1 September & 16,000 On The Dow--Now Does It Get Interesting?

Has the Dow fallen through 16,500 support for good, signalling the commencement of the new trading strategy?  I think so; at this point, I think waiting a week or so is nothing major, but by the end of September, everything will probably have changed.  The 16,500 run was way longer than I anticipated, so strap in and hold tight as the horse race gets wicked fun or wicked annoying depending on your point of view.  (I'd be happy to see 16,500 hold for another decade; it's worked really well...)