If You Didn't Know TM Landry School Was A Scam From The Start, Kill Yourself

Shocked! Shocked, I say!  How could a school that had no teachers, no classes, no books, and a bullshit racial and racist narrative completely created out of whole cloth to appeal to the prejudiced sensibilities of clueless upper-class white dolts be a scam?  HOW!?  So, anyway, stunt, token admissions to Ivies are always bullshit, and T.M. Landry cornered the market on that shit.  Elite schools are all bullshit, whether you're talking high school or college, and only truly elite in their wealth, while the admissions process is a dumb game.  Well, T.M. Landry school played that dumb game dumber than most.  They boiled the entire process down to a YouTube video, which is kinda funny, but they did by being a horrible racist fucking minstrel show staged for the admissions committees at elite colleges, and that's fucking disgraceful. 

Pathetic GOP Morons Don't Know That Melania Trump Was A Washed-Up Porn Model And Literal Whore

That Malaria is sure classy lookin' tho.  She's not at all a shovel-faced ex-whore with a face full of incompetent strip-mall plastic surgery.  Not. At. All.

Sad.

Thanks, Trump!

Tonight There's Gonna Be

African American Voters Did Their Job In Mississippi Tuesday

AA voters turned out for the runoff.  If the Dems want to win, they need to get their voters, AA and all the others, to turn out every single election in every state.  No one and done anymore; the top priority for the Dems should be--and should have always been--AA and minority turnout.  If, IF, the Dems want to win, that's the first step.

A Curse

Choate Is Probably Pretty Fucking Psyched That St. Paul's Favorite Son Owen Labrie Is Back In Court

It's not Chuck Timlin or Bjorn Runquist this time, so nice job Choate!  Choate would probably love for Owen Labrie to be in court every fucking week for the next century.  Or one of those creepy Deerfield molesters have an unpublished manuscript discovered or Loomis Chaffee or Lawrenceville or something.  Anything to put Andover in the papers for sex crimes would be welcome, too.  Thanks, Ivanka Trump!

Know 1

What's Good For GM Was Only Ever Good For GM, If That

The story of Poletown and a 40 year story of insanity.  The key takeaway probably is the fact that the Detroit-Hamtramck plant never paid off the way it was promised by GM.  Even the robots didn't work after GM failed to employ anywhere near the number of people that said they would.  This was a fuck up piled upon a fuck up on top of a clusterfuck.  Plus, it's Roger Smith from the flick that made Michael Moore a multi-millionaire who was the prime mover of this disaster.  40 years of futility, and it will all probably lead to a shuttered plant next year.  Genius!  Thanks, Trump!

Pink Red Elephant

Cindy Hyde-Smith Is A Very Stable Genius

The Jackson Free Press is on the scene to document the atrocities.  Cindy Hyde-Smith is a demented, racist imbecile.  It's hard to believe she was the best the GOP in Mississippi could come up with when they needed to appoint a Senator.  But everyone in the GOP is a deranged, reactionary, revanchist, racist fucktard, no matter how well they might attempt to hide that fact.  Trump has exposed the GOP once and for all as the sick fucking shitheads they have always been.  Thanks, Trump!

Gillibrand Got Played

Kirsten Gillibrand showed what an airhead she was over the Al Franken thing.  Now that she's getting shit on, she deserves all of it.  Franken was a fool and a coward as it turns out, but the Dem leadership was happy to weaken his popularity over the completely made-up bullshit Roger Stone was peddling.  It was only Gillibrand who was willing to walk so far out on that limb of addle-headed righteous indignation and GOP ratfucking, so now she gets to suffer and watch all her chances for advancement die on the vine while the vile Chuckles Schumer and the rest of the neoliberal Dem leadership team reap the benefits of not having Al Franken or even Kirsten Gillibrand getting in the way.  Thanks, Trump!

Fascist Tee Vee

Is It Possible That Even Trump Can See What An Unctuous Moron Sean Hannity Is?

Trump's too fucking brain dead to wipe his own ass, but he somehow sees that Sean Hannity is a fatuous fuckface.  That's kinda incredible.  And kinda sad for Hannity.  Poor Sean is exactly like Bill O'Reilly except without the Indochinese ladyboys and keester falafels.  Or is he...?

When Will Trump Tell Us The Truth About The Directed Energy Weapons Used To Start The California Fires?

Only Donald Trump will have the chance to stand up to the globalist reptilians using DEWs against civilian targets in California.  How long until those giant lasers are used against the rest of us?  George Soros and Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are behind this as well.  Save us Trump!

There's No Bigger Beta Cuck Loser On Earth Than Donald Trump

Trump is a yuge pussy, so fucking scared of Robert Mueller.  Cadet Bonespurs likes to pretend he's some sorta tough guy, but inside Donald Trump is frail and sad little man, scared of his own shadow.  If Mueller has any sense at all, he will roast Trump alive over all this criminal shit and humiliate him in public for our amusement. 

Holy Shit, Cindy Hyde-Smith Is A Fucking Horrible Racist

Sure, she went to the racist high school!  MAGA!  Sure, she sent her kid to a racist high school!!  MAGA!!  Sure, Cindy Hyde-Smith is a creepy fucking racist shitbag bitch from fucking Mississippi.  Sure, she's running against a black guy.  Of course Trump is down there.  You bet Cindy Hyde-Smith is a complete idiot and empty-headed racist asswipe.  This is fucking Mississippi.  The only thing we should be doing for Mississippi is the exact thing General Sherman did to Georgia a while back.  The only thing!  Thanks, Trump!

No Other Evil Demented Motherfucker Ever Got More Of What He Deserved Than John Allen Chau

Let him rot.  And leave those people alone.  John Allen Chau, deranged cocksucker who went to Anal Roberts University, received exactly what every loathsome christian missionary deserves.  Let that sick bastard rot in that shallow grave and leave the natives in peace.

Bill Galston Is America's Top Fatuous Corn Cob

That poor dumb bastard Galston shoulda kept his yap shut.  Bill Galston is another of the unending cadre of hopeless D.C. neoliberal buffoons completely beholden to their oligarchical masters.  It's absolutely time to flush these rock-ribbed conservative fuckfaces into the cesspool of history. 

The Twits Almost Figure Out Speedvagen

Again.  (But not quite, alas.)

First off, that bike is heinous.  Nobody asked me, and everyone should be happy with their bike as much as possible, and some people like the twits need to be taxed more, but jesus frakking chris christie at the pizza buffet, that thing is an (atrociously overpriced) abortion.  Anywho.

Speedvagen in general is a grift to separate twits from their money.  Sacha White did make bikes once, but now he's a marketing/cartoon character who devises insidious ways of making bikes cost two or three or four times what they should.  Custom, proprietary, but ultimately functionally useless, bits and shapes?  Yep?  Outright dumb design choices so the proles know you bought a Speedvagen?  Sure.  Kewl-Kid cult of personality marketing--very expensive, btw?  Check.  Quick n' dirty contract construction?  You betcha.  Insane bespoke times three pricing?  Oh, yeah!  But people want what they want, even if you can get much better, cooler stuff from Rock Lobster or Carl Strong or a dozen other actual bike folks for way less than a Speedvagen poser douchebro special.  The differences between Sacha White/Vanilla/Speedvagen and a, say, Richard Sachs is that Sr. E-Ritchey-sic was a racer and builder and racer and genuine character working his tools before he was an interwebs marketing cartoon character, whereas White kinda went from being some doof taking the framebuilding class to being a marketing guru in just a few short years, skipping all the stuff upon which actual legends are built.  Isn't America wonderful!

U Got Japanimation

Ira Kaplan And Bob Odenkirk

Bob Odenkirk interviews Ira Kaplan of Yo La Tengo.  Cool.

More Fun Information On The World's Coolest Islanders, The Sentinelese

Good stuff.  These folks have been hanging on for around 60,000 years, apparently.  Signal-boosting by Sr. General.

Today's Empty-Headed, Creepy Uncle Tom For The Fox Generation Is The Amazingly Stupid Lucas, And Not Thomas Sowell

This poor dumb bastard is too pathetic to even laugh at.  Almost.  This sad and frail little man is the perfect embodiment of everything wrong with conservatives--and there's nothing more gross than a black conservative.  Those people are the fucking worst.  Thanks, Trump!

Hoosker Did

This Vile Christian Fundamentalist Lunatic John Allen Chau Story Is The Best News You Will Ever Get In Your Life

Killed!  This is the best thing ever.  If only every native population had been smart enough to kill the christians who came to fuck up their societies.  The story of Chau being killed on the beach by natives who didn't want to hear his insane christian mythology bullshit is easily the best story in the history of mankind.  I guess Alabama is short one horrible fucking asshole.  Thanks, Trump!

John Stossel Will Always Be A Blithering Libertarian Asswipe

Discount Geraldo Rivera would be a compliment at this point.  Stossel will never not be the dumbest motherfucker in the room, any room, an empty-headed Randian dolt, ceaselessly bleating objectivist twaddle.  Utter fucktards like Stossel have been retarding human progress for as long as there have been complete fucking idiots.  Thanks, Trump!

Chorus Of Factory Girls

When They Burn Everything To The Ground, Remember, You Deserved It

We all did. We lived like fucking animals and deserved to watch all we knew destroyed.  This story about scumbag loan sharks and the courts and governments who enable them is only one of the innumerable ways that our society is fucked beyond redemption.  Eventually all of the injustice and suffering will become a glorious fire, and finally that suffering will be shared by all when families and futures and safety and hope are destroyed because we deserve it.  This is us.  We are criminals and thieves and monsters and we deserve our fate.  Humanity is diseased.  There is no cure.  Only pain and fear and tremendous beautiful fire to cleanse the universe.

Jeebus Christy Poser

Finally, Loser Mia Love Loses In Utah

Mia Love lost. Finally.  She was one of the worst Republicans, a brainless, tedious token.  Now she's out and that's another one for the Dems.  Thanks, Trump!

The GOP Is Dead In California--All It Took Was Trump To Finally Bury It

Thanks, Trump!  California had long ago parted ways with the racism and other vulgar insanity of the conservative bowel movement, but politically, the GOP had been able to limp along until Trump came along and pushed the entire party into ditch to die finally.  That's something beautiful and amazing, and it's happening elsewhere around America as well.  These are bad times for the Republican Party, but great times for the rest of us as we watch them bleed out for our entertainment. 

Really, The Twits Are Miserable Fucks

All the white privilege in the world, yet dumb as fucking rocks.  How can the American upper classes be so worthless.  The Serotta Forum twits are nasty and stupid, with the few capable brains in attendance lost in a melee of fucking braying imbeciles.  And as always, no matter the time or topic, Bruce K is a dick.

Falling Sky

It's Not Easy Being A Screaming, Bugfuck Insane Baggatron Cocksucker In 2018

Just finding Trump's dick is hard enough, but trying to suck that gross little fungus is so hard for Bill Mitchell these days.  That poor dumb fucker was so sure that the GOP shitbirds were going to win because Trump told him so.  Imagine being dumber than Donald Trump.  Sad!

Watt Comes Alive

Mike Watt Is Where You Find Him

Even with the sporty gossip kids.  James Worthy and Mike Watt playin' bass guitars.

Young Kim Was So Fucking Sick Of All The Motherfucking Winning

Another winner with Trump!  Trump was right about one thing: we are not sick of so much winning.  All that winning.  Beautiful winning.  Winning bigly.  When the GOP loses, we all win!  Thanks, Trump.

Every Breathe

Tenneco Prepares To Work The Same Magic On Ohlins As It Did On Marzocchi

Can't miss!  Tenneco knows mountain bike suspension, just ask Marzocchi.  Now Ohlins is getting ready for the genius that is Tenneco ownership.  Fucking brilliant.  Thanks, Specialized!

Queue An On

Convicted Felon Bernie Kerik Is America's Corn Cob

Remember this creepy fuckstick Bernie Kerik?  Remember all the felony convictions?  Rudy Giuliani?  Well, Bernie Kerick is now America's corn cob.  What a great day!  Thanks, Trump.

Eric Heiden's Ritchey Bike Is There

Pretty cool.  Northern California "farmers" with camo bikes, too.  Heh.

Advice For The GOP

Mimi Walters Was Too Sick Of All The Winning

So she lost.  Fucking brilliant!  So. Much. Winning.  For the dems.  Thanks, Trump!

How The Hell Are There 104 Performance Bike Retail Stores?

Soon to be significantly fewer, but still.  The Performance retail stores seemingly are uniformly generic and useless.  Who the fuck goes to a Performance store unless they have to, and when 40+ of those things close, how many places will be left with no bike shops at all?  Fucking awful.  A bazillion years ago, Performance had great inexpensive cycling shorts made in the USA, but fucked with real shops on frame and component pricing, so now if you are lucky enough to live in an area with no Performance bike stores, be happy you have real shops to patronize. 

Life In The Valley

Sonic Youth Tee Vee

Back In 4th

Husker Didn't, At Least Not As Long As Maybe They Could Have

Warehouse was a good record.  I wonder if even five years later Husker Du would not have stayed together the way Sonic Youth did in order to finance a pretty fancy lifestyle.  Money cures a lot of ills and soothes much rancor and buys plenty of rehab.  The post-Nevermind world was a fertile one for some folks.  The Huskers were just a little too early, I guess. 

Matt McCauley Is What An Old, Unwanted, Used-Up, Impotent Beta Cuck Incel Loser Looks Like

HE ROUTINELY "DATES" 20 YEAR OLDS!  In English, that means that 10-15 years ago when his little tiny dick still sorta worked, Matt McCauley would spend his weekends trying to find a prostitute willing to take the small amount of money he could afford for 19 seconds of the most disgusting, most pathetic attempt at sex in the history of the galaxy.  Matt McCauley is a hero of the incels!  Thanks, Trump.

Neverlong

Now It's Time To Watch A Racist Neoliberal Hillbot Turn Into A Corn Cob

"But I'm not a racist...I'm not, I'm not, I'm not..."  This fucking idiot (or Hillbot) is exactly the kind of right-wing racist neoliberal stooge who delivered Trump to the White House.  AOC will first need to bring them to heel.  Thanks, Obama!

Brutal, Vintage Fisking Of Kyrsten Sinema

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Do The Twits Even Ride Their Bikes?

Do they have bikes?  This is fucking stupid as hell: what the OP describes would be understood by any 8 year old who rides a bike to be a flat (or underinflated) tire!  What the actual fuck?  He got freaked out by his too-soft tire and lowered the air pressure?  Really?  Jesus.  How can you not know this shit?  It's fucking simple!  It's basic.  Literally kids' stuff!  It then requires page after page of discussion from fatuous cockbags bleating nonsense?  Gods Dammit, twits are fucking useless.  Thanks, Trump!

Legs For The Troops

Yes, Beto And Abrams And Gillum Did Have Coattails

It sucks bigtime that Beto and Abrams and Gillum all didn't win last week and utterly humiliate the GOP, but all three ran excellent campaigns against long odds and the most blatant Republican voter suppression and other criminal malfeasance.  In doing so, they brought many Dems across the line to victory in Texas and Georgia and Florida who would not have won without the energy, money, and publicity at the top of the ticket.  This was good shit, no matter how pissed anyone is that Beto couldn't fucking win or that Brian Kemp is a fucking criminal or that Florida is filled with the worst racist assholes you can find.  Thanks, Trump!

Big Beautiful Patriotic Fisking Of The Vile Meghan McCain

Let's Get Together For Some Mississippi Justice With Our Friend Cindy Hyde-Smith

She seems nice.  Nothing better than a wrinkly old washerwoman calling herself Cindy.  There's like only a hundred Senators in this fucking country, and they couldn't appoint anybody better than this fucking moron?  Brilliant!  Thanks, Trump!

BRUCE K IS A DICK!!!!

What a fucking dick.  Jock-sniffing twits are the fucking worst.

Update: Bruce K is a total fucking dick.

Again And Again And Again And Again

By The Way, Kyrsten Sinema Has Won

32,000 votes is too much now for any hope the bad guys might have had. Another flip for the Dems.  Such as it.  Better than nothing, but not better than the old Kyrsten Sinema.

Tucker Carlson Is A Yuge Fucking Pussy--And A Big Fat Liar

Your "no shit" moment of the day: Tucker Carlson is a fucking liar.  What a sad little snowflake poor Tucker is.  Maybe a Swanson TV dinner will perk him up.  Salisbury steak!  Thanks, Trump!

Every Year

Pro Tip: All These 'Dangerous Thinkers' Turn Out To Be Hard-Right Conservatives And Establishment Racists And/Or Dimwit Grifters Like Claire Lehmann

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What's More Horrible Than SNL And The Gossip Kids?

The GOP? MAAGGGAAAA!  Republicans are truly evil, racist monsters, and that scumbag Dan Crenshaw is as bad a Republican cyclops as there's ever been, while the pathetic dimwits on Saturday Night Live and the shallow, simpering gossip kids merely slobber giant greasy moose cock.

The Serotta Forum Will Always Be Truly Awful At Its Core

In the end, always vile, hateful, racist, violent America will be the heart of the overprivileged twits on the Serotta Forum.  The upper-classes in the United States are the problem in the world.  And they always have been.  Bruce K is a dick.

Your New Governor Of California On The Floor With Donald Trump Jr.'s Girlfriend

Interesting times.  Or once a whore, always a whore.

Cheesehead

As Scott Walker Gets Flushed Into The Cesspool Of History, Let's Not Forget The Lunatic Christian Fundie Asswipe He Had For His Lieutenant Governor, Rebecca Kleefisch

Rebecca Kleefisch is as big a battatron cocksucker as Scott Walker himself.  Kleefisch was universally derided not only because she was an absurd pack-fodder beauty contest failure and then a risible local TV news bubblehead but also because she was a complete Republican shitbag and Christian conservative idiot in every sense.  She seems nice.  Thanks, Trump!

Me Takers Not Me Makers Too

Rancid Teabagging Fuckface Steve Stockman Is Really Fucking Sick Of All That Winning

10 years in federal prison! MAAGGGAAAA!  Truly, nothing has ever made American better than Steve Stockman going to fucking prison.  That loathsome teabagging cretin was one of the most disgusting Republicans ever, and easily as awful as Reagan or Nixon or Bush or Cheney or Ryan or DeLay or Cruz or Trump.  So. Much. Fucking. Winning.  Thanks, Trump!

Laura Ingraham, Right Wing Whore, Is Brutally Dragged Through A Drive-By Fisking

Laura's not pretty, but at least she's nasty and dumb!  Poor old Laura Ingraham is quite perturbed by the counting of the votes and the losing of Martha McSally.  It's a joke, apparently.  In fact, it is funny.  Really funny.  Kyrsten Sinema's victory is nothing to crow about, but Martha McSally losing is fucking brilliant!  So. Much. Motherfucking. Winning.  Not sick of it at all!  Thanks, Trump!

Hey, Remember That Neoliberal Stooge And Sexual Abuser Al Giordano?

Well, don't forget how shitty he is.  He sucks major ass.  He's a fucking creep, too.  And a disgusting abusive bastard.  And a right-wing tool.

And Bernie would have won.

Your Not-At-All-Liberal Media Are Dumb As Rocks

Weak centrist "hot" takes always wind up being conservative and inane.  I'm not really sure who Amy Walter is, but on tee vee and on the internets she plays the roll of Rachel Maddow's dimwit half-sister--and that's fucking awful.  Nothing about the media in general or the Cook Report in particular are liberal in any way.

'Centrist' Democrats Are Really Rock-Ribbed Conservative Neoliberals

Third Way Democrats like Jim Kessler and Lanae Erikson are political allies of Donald Trump and the GOP.  Bernie Sanders is in reality the most centrist politician in the United States.  His positions on health care, labor, wages, poverty, taxes, Social Security, and higher education are all unanimously popular with a huge majority of all Americans.  That's how you define center, not what some right-wing neoliberal think tank cocksuckers from the Third Way espouse.  Those fuckers are not the center of anything except exceptional American bowel movement conservatism.  Right-wing neoliberal Democrats will fight to the death to destroy the true centrist ideas in this nation, and vile right-wing Republican whores like Jennifer Rubin and the Washtington Post will do the propaganda for them.  The neoliberal Dems and the GOP are the same party, and they always have been; they are loathsome racist reactionary hard-right scum.  Skull fuck them all, now and forevah, amen.

Caravaning

Dino Rossi Is A Giant Piece Of Shit Who Was So Sick Of All That Winning

So he lost.  Dino Rossi is a special kind of loser, and he lost to Kim Schrier in Washington 8th.  Rossi has lost just about everything now, so I guess it's time to primary Trump in 2020.  Thanks, Trump!

Fuckity Bye To That Vile Cunt Karen Handel In Georgia 6th

Yippee ki-yay, motherfucker.  That disgusting bitch and former Susan G. Komen Foundation asswipe Karen Handel is finally the fuck out of the fucking Congress, so that's a good day for everyone.  Tom Price and Newt Gingrich can both eat a bag of dicks because their district belongs to the Dems now.  Thanks, Trump!

The Serotta Forum Twits Push Back On Guns! Really!

Jesus fasterbackwards fucking christ.  A few of the Serotta forum folks like the always wonderful FlashUNC and a Big Dan and some Waldo guy get fucking tough on the guntards like that resident "tough guy" but in reality huge pussy William.  Like that shit, so, keep it up and de-twit the twits.

Beautiful Brave Patriotic Marine And Exceptional American Shoots Country Line Dancers For Freedom! MAGA!

Thank the gods we have so many Americans who love freedom and the Constitution and hate country line dancing!  Jesus christ has blessed America with another shooting, another slaughter, and more delicious beautiful blood.  This is the best of us.  Gavin Newsom said that we can't let this exceptional expression of American freedom be normalized, but he's a fool.  Mass murder is the most normal, most exceptionally American thing in the world.  Guns are the gods' blessing for white people.  Without guns and without white racist mass murderers, America would not be free!  Make a run to the borderline with a gun!  MAGA!  Thanks, Trump.

Ned Lamont And The Dems Win Everything In Connecticut, And Joe Lieberman Loses Again!

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Gossip Kids Don't Do Math

The gossip kids are not really sure of the differences between analysts, pollsters, poll aggregators, pundits, psychics.  It's a shame really.  I'm pretty the gossip kids think that the managing director of a major national polling company and Nate Silver are the same person as a guy who writes for the paper and Sam Wang.  I mean, it's not exactly vital vital info, but if you pretend to know or pretend to want to know this shit, shouldn't you know that much.  As usual, though, the gossip kids are pretty shallow and pretty clueless.  Thanks, Obama.

Fuck Off, Dana Rohrabacher, You Were Way Too Sick Of All That Winning

Dana Rohrabacher is one of the most repulsive humans on the planet, and he lost his fucking seat in the House.  Very good day today, indeed.  Thanks, Trump!

Jeff Sessions Is Just That Fucking Sick Of Winning!

Fuck, yeah! What a disgusting racist creep Jeff Sessions has always been.  Sessions is totally fucked now, though.  There's a Democrat in his Senate seat, and he just got fired by a mental-defective orange shitgibbon.  Jeff Sessions could have been an Alabama Senator till the day he died if he wanted, but no, he had to let himself be fucked over by the biggest buffoon in American political history.  Nice!  Thanks, Trump!

Political Song for Scott Walker to Sing

Remember When The Neoliberal Hillary Assholes Were Going To Defeat Sanders In 2018?

Neither does Bernie.  Al Giordano and a bunch of the other neoliberal Clinton fuckfaces were going to beat Bernie Sanders in Vermont.  Well, they didn't.  And Bernie still would have beaten Trump in 2016.  That pathetic pervy coward Giordano is still a yuge loser.

Scott Walker Was Way Too Sick Of All That Winning

Fuckity bye, Scott Walker.  Finally we get flush your creepy pedo face with those disgusting little rat eyes down the toilet of electoral history where you belong.  Feel free to eat a bag of donkey dicks on your way out.  Thanks, Trump!

Dean Heller Is So Fucking Sick Of All That Motherfucking Winning

Go fuck yourself, soon to be former Senator Dean Heller.  Loser!  Jacky Rosen will be so much better than Dean Heller because Jacky Heller is not a Republican.  Thanks, Trump!

Steve Sisolak wins the gubernatorial race also, so thanks for that Trump.

AOC Is Your New Queen

Almost 80% of the vote for Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.  Nice.  All the moron dickhead conservatives who didn't believe she would win will be eating shit sandwiches daily now.  Expect to see AOC on the tee vee all the time torturing the conservatives with a smile on her face and making them look like the stupid racist baggatron cocksuckers they are.

Fuck You Dave Brat

Loser! Dave Brat is so fucking sick of all the motherfucking winning!  It was nice when that cockbag Eric Cantor lost, and it's fucking beautiful that now Dave Brat has lost.  Thanks, Trump!

Too Bad About Stacey Abrams

That fucker Brian Kemp is a real fucking bastard.  Abrams would have been a great governor, and the optics of Abrams and Gillum both winning would have caused so many wonderfully hilarious strokes among the racist baggatron cocksuckers infesting Georgia and Florida.

Laura Kelly Destroys Kris Kobach

Way to go, Kansas! Laura Kelly is a baller.  Kobach is a disgusting cocksucker and the most Trumpian gubernatorial candidate in the country, even more than DeSanits, and he got fucking slaughtered.  Finally Kansas gets its head out of its ass.  Thanks, Trump!

Bye Beto

Okay, the Beto thing is done.  Let's bury it.  He almost beat Cruz, but he didn't beat Cruz, so fuck him.  He lost when we needed a win, and we like winners here. 

Mitt Fucking Romney Is So Gods-Damned Tedious And Now He's In The Fucking Senate

Jesus.  Romney is going to be such a fucking bore that we all might have to chop our own heads off so that we won't have to listen to him drone on about tedious bullshit.  Nothing's worse than a fucking Mormon.  Fuckers.

Florida Man Is Such A Fucking Asshole

Florida is a shithole, and it is past time we all admit that it always will be.  Florida is overflowing with racist fuckbags and other horrible sorts of baggatron cockuckers.  Fuck Florida, now and forever, amen.

Bob Menendez Wins In New Jersey!

Fuck you, New Jersey.  Menendez is no better than Donnelly, but at least Menendez is a winner.

No Wave Election As Shown By Donnelly & The Polls Will Wind Up Being Right On

Shitbag conservadem Joe Donnelly is not over-performing his poll number, so that along with the early House results remove any chance of a true wave election against the GOP tonight.  That means no Beto, no Senate, but a likely House majority for the Dems and some governor pickups.  Better than nothing, but not nearly enough to humiliate that cocksucker Trump and the vile Republicans the way they deserve.

So, Maxine Waters and John Lewis, time to warm up your subpoenas for Trump's ugly idiot children and anyone else you can find.

We've Reached The Point Where Decent, Intelligent People Cannot Vote For Any Republican Ever Again

The Dems are not much better, but our society has reached the point that the GOP must be obliterated and flushed into the cesspool of history.  In every election, the only vote is for the most left-leaning Dem in every contest, especially the Dems that are cross-endorsed by groups like the Working Families Party and the Greens.  The Dems also should be working to absorb the left-leaning smaller parties in order to move the Dems left.  The Dems must move left or another party must be the left-wing party if the Dems move to become the new right-wing party.  Either way, the GOP is done, and only the vote is with the Dems for now.

Nothing From Mueller, And No Attempt To Atone For Comey Before The Election

Yes, I know Robert Mueller is a boring, petty-fascist conservative national policeman, yet I am somewhat shocked that Mueller did nothing in the run up to this election designed to undermine politically the people in his own party attacking him.  I'm also surprised that neither he nor his office did anything to atone for the heinous cowardly incompetence James Comey displayed before the general in 2016.  Mueller as a showman or good American obviously was always going to disappoint. 

Baby Punk

Beto Is More Punk Than Your Dad Or Texas

Beto is punk enough for you, and if Beto beats Cruz tomorrow, Beto will be the most punk motherfucker on the motherfucking planet!

Disgusting, Awful, Creepy Hilarious Chapo Fisking Of Horny Dennis Prager

Fucking gross.  Horny Dennis Prager is way more pathetic than any other Dennis Prager.

Holy Shit, Axl Rose Really IS Love! Thanks, Trump!

Math Is Hard

Gregg Popovich Is Right For Texas

Gregg Popovich likes Beto over Cruz, so every dipshit fuckface in Texas should do what the coach says and vote for Beto.  K, thanks, Trump.

Axl Rose Is Love--And Way Smarter Than Dinesh D'Souza

Axl Rose is not doing math, but he is doing a pretty good job of shitting on racist white baggatron cocksuckers along with Trump himself, so that makes Rose way better and smarter than D'Souza and Ted Nugent put together!  Thanks, Trump.

Dinesh D'Souza Is Not Only A Felon, He Is A Corn Cob

Nobody likes that skeevy bastard D'Souza, and he is dumber than a rock.  But it is fun to see him get brutalized that way, so carry on.  Thanks, Trump.

Ooooo, A Black Gossip Kid Gets All Mouthy About Hillary Clinton

Some of the more obtuse gossip kids are not gonna like that...Anywho, it's nice to see the anti-Hillary and anti-Clinton backlash slowly spreading like an infection of decency and clarity in the Democratic Party.  Now if we could only talk some sense into those folks about Obama...

Neoliberal Hillbots Are Just Fascists And Trump Supporters In Training

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So, It Takes The Racist Assholes At The Road To Power To Make Oprah Winfry Look Good

Jesus frakking christ on a city bus, only a sorry band of shitbag racist baggatron cocksuckers could make Oprah look good, but they did!  Congrats you vile fuckwads.  Thanks, Trump!

Jacob Wohl Is The Ultimate Corn Cob

So Central

Surefire Intelligence, AKA Jacob Wohl's Mom, Is On The Case

Surefire Intelligence is the most MAAGGGAAAA club out there, but Jacob Wohl's mom is very busy with important stuff and doing Jacob's laundry and shit, so don't expect an immediate reply.

This Guy Understands Star Wars Better Than Anyone At Disney

With the last two main-story Star Wars flicks, Disney has somehow made the case that tedious fan fiction would be better than letting clumsy hack morons like Abrams and Johnson make Star Wars movies.  That can't be good for the future of Disney.  Anywho, this is pretty funny.  Dragging Opie is always good for a laugh.

The Spirit Of Poodle Hair

Bill Clinton Was Always Shit

And it's not like the gossip kids noticed before last week, anyway.  The young, pre-heart surgery and pre-pumphead Bill Clinton was a gifted political talent in service of a skeevy mainstream conservative and stunningly vile presidential administration, with the horndog rapey behavior just a grand bonus.  Now, though, with his talent evaporated and Hillary's historically inept presidential campaigns culminating in the humiliating loss as the least popular candidate ever, well, the Big Dog is ready to go live on a farm upstate. 

Skull Fuck The NRA 68 Times

The Gossip Kids Scientician Division Will Buffalo You For Free

Pretty cool story about bringing big smelly stupid bison back to the prairie in Illinois.  Down to 300 from millions and millions, now those bison are recognized as important parts of the ecosystem, so good on all the folk working to preserve the prairie and the bison.

Sadly, This Is Not Even Close To The Most Embarrassing Day Ever For Jacob Wohl's Mom

Every day with Jacob and David Wohl is mortifying torture only the most evil of history's monsters could deserve.  Today's clusterfuck might seem like the worst ever, but  surely it will get even dumber than today's shitshow with Jacob Wohl around.  Thanks, Trump!

Political Song for Mike Pence's Fake Defrocked Christian Rabbi to Sing