Don't Fuckin' Bother

The Miami Dolphins Are America's Greatest Heroes

The Dolphins are clearly the only thing making America greater again.  Humiliating the Patsies at home in the final regular season game is something all kind, decent people pray to jesus fucking christ for every fucking minute of every day.  And Miami did it.  Jesus might not be real, but the Dolphins really did beat New England.  Thanks, Trump!

KHive Lunatics Having A Normal Screaming Reactionary Year End As Usual

Just a normal very online arch-conservative idiot.  Nothing strange about that.  All galaxy brain.  Very stable geniuses.  Kamala Harris had all the best people behind her.  Just like Hillary.

Squad Monsters

Very Cool Deep Sea Thing From Neal Agarwal

Just really fuckin' neat.  This was bouncing around the internets tubes last week or something.  OG interwebs style fun.

Keep Fucking Jesus Out Of Fucking Christmas

YO

Feckin Christmas Eve

Torsten Kathke Brutalizes D'Nesh D'Souza In The Spirit Of Christmas Cheer

Kathke fucking wrecks D'Souza for the fun of it.  Dinesh D'Souza is a real fucking idiot, but skull-fucking him in public is still worthwhile holiday funfetti. 

This Timely Neo-Vintage Fisking Of Last Jedi Is Quite Likely The Best Thing Any Atkins Has Done

David Atkins got this right, at least.  His ranty fisking is pretty fucking fun, and now timely given the boiling shit show that is the latest J.J. Abrams risible failure. 

Risible. 

Rise-able.

Anyway, it so fucking hilarious that the Disney idiots didn't have even an outline for this shit.  George Lucas pulled most of his SW shit out of his ass right before he made the individual movie, but he at least pretended that he had a huge saga in his head or in his notes somewhere.  Disney fucked up so hard that it made Lucas look creative.  J.J. Abrams is dependably awful; Rian Johnson is clearly a fucktard; Colin Trevorrow couldn't suck and blow hard enough for Kathleen Kennedy, apparently.  Amazingly epic failure.  Thanks, Trump.

Josh Barro: Libertarian Dipshit Trustfundbaby Failson Or Corn Cob?

Why not both? Always and forever Josh Barro is a fatuous little twerp.  It's really nice that the libertarian rich guy with the trust fund and the connected right-wing father thinks that healthcare is useless politically.  Really.  Nice.  The rest of the fucking country disagrees with that cockbag Barro.

For what it's worth, Josh Barro is another friend of tee vee guy Chris Hayes.  Like Ben Domenech-McCain.  All that shit says something about TV's the liberal Chris Hayes.  And it's not real good.

The Nerd Crew Is Really Fucking Boring Since They Moved To Collider

Nothing is the same now after Geek Crate and Nerd Box went out of business.



This Collider Nerd Crew parody called Jedi Council is just fucking awful.  The guy on left has the worst Jay Bauman impression ever.  Jeez.

Over Kill Over

Jesus Fucking Crispy, Jane Lynch Is A Motherfucking Dipshit

Lynch is getting pummeled on the interwebs over her dumb comment about wine caves and class warfare.  Lotsa folks thought maybe it was a very dry snarky drag of Booty-Gig, but it's not.  Jane Lynch really is that screamingly stupid.  She's also a fan of fucking Amy Klobuchar--this is Louise Mensch-level fucktardery.  This sort of bugfuck insanity is killing our fucking planet. 

How DO you stop a trending, Jane?

Ghosting Ray Gun

Amy Klobuchar Finally Finds A Purpose: Treating Little Pete Booty-Gig Like A Staffer And Slapping The Shit Out Of Him In Front Of Everybody

Wholly fuckballs on toast.  Amy Klobuchar clearly despises Petey Booty-Gig, so she treated him the way she treats her staff and kicked the shit out of that smarmy little prick at the Dem debate tonight.  Minnesota Nasty Klobuchar made lil Petey look like a prissy little crybaby in short pants, and every time he tried to pull up those short pants and push back, she beat on him harder with her pointy heels, reminding the rest of the children that he was a lightweight failure of a college town mayor and couldn't even win a state-wide race in fucking Indiana.  Heh, indeedy.  Klobuchar is a heinous bitch, and she had her fun; now she should drop out and endorse Bernie.  Thanks.  Kbye.

General JC Christian, Patriot Says Hello And Goodbye To Yeasayer

15 seconds, 15 years, the pool, the pond.  Yeasayer went out as big as ever.  The General probably saw the retweet from Dave Weigel...

Ariel Edwards-Levy & Crucification: How Is That Website Free?

Well, fuck me runnin'.  That's fucking great.  Not knowing crucifixion at first makes it so much fucking better, especially since her name wasn't Mary Margaret McGillicuddy or anything..  "Nailed it."  "The hill to die on." Jesus.  Might be time to call in the interwebs cavalry to clean up this situation. 

Time To Purge The Nazis From The US Government

Jesus christ. Not only a Nazi, but the Tiger Beat centerfold picture of the Nazi as well.  Somebody in the DOD really likes jerking off to pictures of Nazi war criminals.  We need to remove these people from the government with extreme prejudice.  The fucking Nazis are not even trying to hide anymore.  It's way past time to make Nazis afraid again.  Let's start with the Nazis in the US government.

Motor'd

When Bernie Wins, Heads Will Explode

Millionaire media types are all village idiots, and they are gonna be mighty fucking shocked when Bernie Sanders wins Iowa, New Hampshire, Nevada, South Carolina, and then California.  Mass self-delusion by idiots is a real thing in the media.  2016 proved it.  2017, 2018, 2019 proved it.  2020 will be no different.  Nathan J. Robinson is on the beat; he has a hat.

Psych

Truly THE Best-Case Grumpy Cat Situation

Welcome To United Ireland! And An Independent Scotland!

The Limeys have fucked themselves for eternity. Heh, indeedy.  Those idiots had a chance to elect a great leader in Jermey Corbyn, but fuck them.  They picked the wrong side and now they will lose not only their economy but their entire nation.  Stupid fucking Limey cocksuckers.  Corbyn would have been the only man who could have saved their shitty little country, but he's out now.  Corbyn was hamstrung by Brexit, and his failure will mean the end of Britain.  Thank the gods.

Now we will have what is the best anyone would have hoped for: a united Ireland.  Ulster will have no choice now but to join the Republic, and this election has brought the unification forward by at least a decade.  Scotland will be independent soon as well.  By 2025, Great Britain will be no more.  England and Wales will not be able to be generate the economic activity of Somoa.  All the business will be done in Dublin and Glasgow but no more in London.  Fucking glorious.  Wealth and power in Ireland and Scotland will mean economic desolation and poverty in England.  Couldn't happen to nicer Limeys. 

Well, Shit, Bernie Is Gonna Win South Carolina, Too

Fuck yeah!  Biden is cratering in SC, and Sanders is probably gonna win that fucker in addition to Iowa, NH, and Nevada.  If Sanders wins each of the first four primaries--and at this point he probably will--well, that's game over, dude.  Bernie Sanders will be the fucking POTUS.  And he should immediately begin employing a food taster.  And I would not volunteer for that job.  But Michelle Obama would be an excellent choice.  Or George W. Bush. 

Elizabeth Warren Is A Republican In Her Bones

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Doesn't Sound The Same, But Still He Still Sounds Like Daltrey

His range is shot, but Roger Daltrey is fucking 75 years old.  Jesus.

Sr. Garbage Ape Brutalizes Matty Yglesias And The Vox Shitheads In A Deadly Drive-By Fisking

Christ, that was fun.  Matty Yglesias should probably be the poster boy for trustfundbaby failsons everywhere, and the eleventy billionth reason why Harvard is a fucking joke.  Vox's brand is clueless neoliberal failson, so it is pretty perfect for Yglesias, really.  The General gets in a good kick while Yglesias is down, too.  Sad.  Thanks, Trump.

The Dumbest Right-Wing Horseshit Regarding Health Care You Will Read This Week

This week. Week. Get it?  Anyway, vacuous libertarian bimbo Bonnie Kristian is, besides a screaming fatuous idiot, hilariously uniformed about healthcare in the United States.  One third of Medicare spending is not wasted, no matter what lying right-wing shitheads like Charles Silver and David A. Hyman say.  Unhinged racist arch conservative assholes at the Cato Institute are not reliable sources on anything other than the taste of Koch brother piss.  Single-payer is a boring centrist compromise, a way to cover everyone while preserving the private care-delivery side of the health care system.  Taxes will not go up for most people, and wait times will not be any worse than they are now--and will probably go down as every provider will know that they will be paid on time every time for each patient.  Reactionary libertarian Republicans don't want everyone to be covered, but Bonnie Kristian will never be honest about that shit.  Fuck them all.  Time for real progress now.

Patriots Lose Again! Gods Bless America!!

Praise Jeebus, the Patsies lost again.  The world cannot possibly be as bad as it seems today.  There is goodness out there somewhere.  We have a bit of hope when the fucking Patriots lose.  Maybe there truly are gods who love us so fucking much.  Ay-mans.

Neera Tanden Is A Vile Racist Neoliberal Shithead, Totally Lacking In The Inherent Dignity Of A Corn Cob

What a wretched cunt.  You can see why Neera Tanden and Hillary Clinton were always so chummy.  Horrible racists all.  As well as the dummies who signed that gay letter.  All millionaires, at least, and hateful racist scum, who certainly don't want be taxed a penny if it will mean Britain will do anything to help a poor brown person.  They know Corbyn is no anti-Semite; they know there is no proof at all; this is all about class protection.  Neoliberals are every bit as bad as the Tories and Republicans.  Worse, really.  Fuck them all. 

End Homelessness Now: Housing For All

Step 1: house the people.  That's not a miracle.  Safe, secure, warm, permanent housing is a moral imperative in every civilized society.  The fucking Fins figured out a really complex way to end homelessness, so let's do that.  Build fucking housing.  Move people off the streets and into their own homes.  Radical.  Miracle.  If Finland can do it, then the US should be able to do at least that much.  Let's get on that, motherfrakkers.

Big Cat Diary

Nifty Little Drive-By Fisking Of The Neil Gaiman/Ta-Nehisi Coates-Level Overrated Dave Eggers

Dave Eggers was always way more hat than cattle, but I had no idea so many people realized it.  Fun stuff.  It sucks when you're an orphan and shit, but jesus, did anybody even begin to read You Shall Know Our Velocity without realizing immediately what a shallow hacky fake Eggers was.  I mean, like Jonathan Safran Foeresque fatuous twaddle.  Pure suck.  Sad.  Thanks, Trump.

Fred Hampton Was Murdered By The Cops 50 Years Ago

1969. Jesus. Fifty years ago.  White fear and police atrocities are back again bigly under Trump and his white nationalist idiot army.  Fred Hampton and the Panthers were too successful to be allowed to have a place in American society.  50+ years have been lost, and we as a society are so fucked now.

GTFO Kamala Harris And The KHive--Sick Of So Much Fucking Winning!

Kamala Harris is a cop!  Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha!  This is what making America greater again looks like.  Harris and her KHive idiots are sick of all the motherfucking winning.  The Big Cuck Democrat Armando Llorens is such a yuge fucking pussy.  Harris is a vile failure, and now everyone knows it.  The fact that she got no traction in this primary is a pretty good sign, at least.  California Dems, primary that scumbag Harris!  She needs to be thrown out of the Senate.  Sad.  Thanks, Trump!

Update: Wonderful gratuitous Al Giordano fisking.  Nice.  This Kamala Harris risible failure keeps getting fucking better.

Patriots Lose! America Is Saved!!

America is greater again!  Everything is bad but when the Patsies lose it is good.  Thanks, Trump!

'Do They Know It's Christmas' Is A Truly Vile Song For So Many Reasons

For once Bono is not the worst part of something.  I'm sure he's proud of that.  Phil Collins figures prominently, so Bono is not the king of suck on that day.  The hopelessly ignorant, patronizing racism is pretty def worse than Bono, too.  Bono might even know that there are def many, many christians in Africa who know when fucking christmas falls on the fucking calendar.  Bono, like Toto, perhaps is aware that it often rains in Africa, where there are rivers, some quite famous, and sometimes snow because Africa is a huge fucking continent with a shitload of varying climates.  Plus some well-known mountains.  Imagine!

Poor Paul Weller looked sad and confused by the entire exercise.

The song does legit blow dog; it's the worst of Midge Ure all in one place.  Plus, the racist whitesplaining horseshit.  The fact that nobody rolled a comically oversized grenade into the middle of that recording session is proof enough that no gods exist.  In the end, Midge Ure and Bob Geldof didn't understand anything more about Africa than Sam Kinison did.  The important difference being that Kinison realized he was being a stupid dick about it for money.



You miserable clowns are def not the fucking world.