The Future Trump We All Deserve

(Some Of) The Gossip Kids' Commenters Are The Dumbest People On Earth

By now in 2017, the human race has learned this indisputable historical truth: unions create prosperity and support a middle class.  You might not like that fact because you are vile dribble of diseased right-wing spittle, but the truth is nonetheless clearly proven.  Any society which hopes to have a thriving middle class and stable political economy must have vibrant and near-universal union membership.  Anything else is fucking stupid.  As are plenty of Americans who are clearly too fucking dumb to wipe their own asses effectively, never mind take part in any form of self-governance. 

Worthwhile Genevieve Jeanson Thing

A woman doping at such a young age seems so much worse than a male athlete doing it.  I don't think anyone wants to know badly that can fuck up young women, since most of the research is still tilted toward issues with men's health in the aftermath of such extreme performance enhancing drug use.  Anyway, Jeanson had talent regardless of her cheating.  Another sports story where the athlete gets chewed up and spit out by a wretched system.

Don't Join The Military: The Greatest Advice For Any Free Person In The Last 5000 Years

If you are a free man or woman, never join any military.  The military is slavery and atrocity embodied.  Don't join the police, either.  If you need to defend your home or protect your community from invading armies, occupying terrorists, or actual Nazis, then you will be free to do so sure in the knowledge you are right in your actions.  But if you are part of a hierarchy that is attacking someone's home or threatening someone's community, you are always evil and in the service of evil.  Don't join the military anywhere ever.

No Shirt

America Does An Exceptional Job Murdering Children With Drones

Fuck yeah!  The United States is the best in the fucking world at killing children with remote control weapons.  Nobody does it better.  America: the land of the free where we love children long time.

Another Life-Affirming Drive-By Fisking Of Vile Little Green Footballs Cocksucker Charles Johnson

Rock and roll.  This shit is pretty fucking sweet.  Johnson is a disgusting racist puke-bag, and every time someone on the interwebs pisses on his legacy of hatred and intolerance, a cute fuzzy kitten smiles.

Maybe Trump Will Ban Anyone From The Serotta Forum From Entering The United States

And that way this racist piece of shit and fucking uncle would not be allowed in.  I wonder when one of those jock-sniffing fucktards on the Serotta Forum will ask that racist shitstain about all the helpless Palestinian children currently dying in the Israeli apartheid state?  Vile bastards.

Forget Full

Federer Erererer

I woulda lost that bet.  In fact, I would not have given him much chance of another winning another major ever, but he did.  And he won the hard way, too.  Who knew he had it inim.

52 Rapes In Four Years, Baylor?

That's only 13 rapes a year.  13 rapes a year from the football team.  There's way more than 13 players on college football team.  Even if each rape was a different player, then a clear majority of players aren't committing even one rape in any given year.  There are 85 scholarship players each year on an NCAA D1 FBS team, so 13 rapes a year is only 15% of even scholarship players raping anyone.  15%.  That's not many.  Sure, 52 rapes in four years sounds pretty bad, but when you break it down to numbers, you see it's really not that big of a deal.  I guess some people will complain about anything.

Gravely Gravely

Kshama Sawant

Kshama Sawant has not been embraced by the left wing of the Democratic Party.  Shocking!  It's almost as if the Dems would rather lose as long as they can keep their neoliberal, rock-ribbed right-wing cred intact.  But the Dems looking to win, the Dems seeking to recreate their party into a practical, popular, effective, winning centrist political party that Bernie Sanders and Franklin Roosevelt and Kshama Sawant would recognize, well, those Dems should be looking to Seattle to find some inspiration.  Start holdin' your fuckin' breath right now.

Be Gladdened That Mental-Defective PUMAs Like Riverdaughter Are Still Out There Stewing In Their Own Inanity

Duh!  Something about idiots so exceptionally disgusting, so astoundingly wrong, so remarkably nasty lightens the mood in dark times.  These were the fucking assholes who ate Clinton's rancid shit raw, and then lost their fucking minds when she was outed as a complete loser in 2008.  They never got any smarter, and they helped Trump get elected this time.  Nice going, you cocksucking morons.  Hillary is 44 indeed. 

Take A Moment To Remember That The Fucking Vile Cocksucker Peter Daou Got Canned By David Fucking Brock

And replaced with David Sirota.  We can all celebrate that this loser was too fucking useless for David Brock. 

The Gossip Kids Discover That The Least Important Writers Are All Establishment Dipshits

Good job, kids.  They coulda added all the entry-level pissboys and pissgirls and other risible wannabe apparatchiks like the welfare academia fuckknobs and the sick, sad Obama fluffers.  Still, I guess the first step is realizing that our exceptional rock-ribbed reactionary media establishment is fucking useless.

Jimmy Carter Is Helping To Eradicate Guinea Worm--Surely Trump Will Help Stop The Scourge Of Micro Penis

Jimmy Carter has worked tirelessly to use his status in beneficial ways.  He really makes the rest of those fuckers look like useless shitstains.  But that's not surprising.  They are.  Obama will be no different.  But former president Trump will be a true hero.  Trump will deliver a gargantuan porn star dick to every impotent micro-penised loser out there.  Exceptional!

Personal 2

What If David Brock Is Exactly The Sort Of Creepy Lunatic The Dems Need In 2017

How will they handle that comedy gold?  Doesn't the beloved Duncan Atrios Black work for Brock?  He did.  Still?

What The Fuck Happened To James Wolcott?

I haven't had time to read him in years, but he always seemed to have some basic intelligence.  Now, he's apparently a disgusting neoliberal fuckknob. Sad.  Hillary Clinton's wretched campaign destroyed a shit ton of decent Americans, and Wolcott is just another, I guess.

Trump's Exceptional Incompetence Might Fuck Up The Federal Government So Badly It No Longer Functions On Any Level

And then watch all those right-wing small-government pussies panic as their gravy train stops dead in its tracks.  The State Department is certainly only the latest vulgar incompetence of Trump's first six days in office, and there's no fucking way it will be the last.

Mekons Mk 1 2016

Pro Tip: Don't Give Up The D1 Scholarship

Bad move.  Unless you have Michael Phelps ability AND are dumb as a rock, taking the D1 scholarship is probably best for your swimming and your life.  I mean, if you're from North Dakota, you still have to know to get shit in writing, so if a deal seems too good to be true, and you don't get a contract in writing, then it probably is.  Plus, college is fun.  Even when you are training at the D1 level, it's still a blast to be there and enjoying the experience.  Plus free college.  That's not nothing.  Most great swimmers never make the Olympic team, but Stanford, Cal, and Auburn are pretty fucking great places to be a big-time athlete.  USA Swimming should be ashamed, but they never will be.

Exceptionalism, Norway Style

American is the best country on Earth.  Really exceptional.  Too bad about places like Norway making America look like a backwardass pile of shit.

Bed Wetting Chronic Masturbator Of The Day, Today

This prize piglet.  He screams compulsive jerk-off and is probably a virgin.  I'm sure he loves him some Trump, too.

David Brock Is A Magnificently Shameless Bastard

David Sirota is exactly the sort of sanity Brock needed two years ago, but the fact that Brock would so ostentatiously separate himself from the Hillary dead-ender losers is fucking hilarious.  After his apology to Sanders, Brock is off running to become a champion of the only people who can defeat Trump, and that says much about how fucking slimy Brock is as well as how sure he has been on the losing side up until now.  Sirota might just be able to school Brock a tiny bit.  Can someone call Anita Hill for a comment?

MTM

Amanda Marcotte Is Part Of The Problem

And so fiendishly stupid that everyone and their granny are having way too much fun kicking the shit out of her hourly.  Not literally, of course.  That would be wrong--she's no Nazi.  But Marcotte is one of those hopelessly dumb entry-level careerist shitstains who delivered us into the land of Trump.  Nice going.  These rock-ribbed (entry-level) establishment Dems and other assorted fluffers and piss boys and girls too stupid to get anything done during Obama and then too attached to the neoliberal scum Clinton to back a potential winner will never be part of the solution.

Trump's Taxes Will Be Wicked Entertaining

And they will come out, whether it's the context of an electoral defeat or a resignation or an impeachment, giving us the fucking high-calorie funfetti we deserve.  It won't be crazy fucking weird shit like transvestite hookers in Moscow or investments in space alien technology startups, but we will get some pretty gratifying confirmation that Trump squandered his father's fortune and wrecked his father's real estate company with extreme prejudice.  When everybody knows that Trump is not a billionaire but instead a rather threadbare mundane millionaire, that will be a good day for humanity.  That and the write-offs for the experimental micro-penis enhancement surgeries.

How To Fuck Up A Merckx

The original was so much better, even with the Croce stuff in place of Record or Chorus, but the new build is fucking wretched.

None Of Trump's Nominees Should Have Received A Single Democratic Senator's Vote

They're not needed for confirmation, so the government such as it is will function.  Schumer, or better yet a cagey Senator looking to run in 2020, should have organized a complete refusal on behalf of the Dems, with any shitbird traitors like Manchin heaped with a shit ton of ongoing opprobrium.  Funny how that doesn't happen; the Dems are always unwilling to organize an obviously petty fuck you just for the fun of it.  Since that's all they have left at this point, that's not encouraging. 

Better Than Star Trek Nemesis

We're Never Gonna Get A Good Star Trek Flick

Ever.  The first two were like long episodes, one mildly interesting and one wicked fucking stupid, but that second flick, Wrath of Khan, followed the new cheap and dumb architecture instituted after the The Motion Picture didn't light up the box office.  It was all down hill from there.  The TNG movies mighta tried a bit harder, but they were not good, and bordered on fucking dumb as rocks.  Sure, Nemesis was bad, but the execrable horror of J.J. Abrams was so much worse, proving that you can always suck harder.  Now everybody worthwhile connected with ST is dead or old and nobody gives a fuck.

Duke Is Trying To Help America

By losing and bringing a little joy to our shit world.  As Trump would say, that's mighty white of 'em.  Krzyzewski fluffers will claim the loss doesn't count cuz he wasn't there, but American needs all the happiness right now.

Exceptional American Sing Along

Beautiful White Men Are Making America Great Again Because Trump And Jesus Are On Our Side

Exceptional christian patriots are what these two are.  They will help Trump and jesus make America greater every day with the bible on their side.  Timothy Ciboro and Esten Ciboro know what a real man looks like.

Rach

Mike Watt's New Reverend Bass Looks Pretty Awful, Especially For 1400 Made In Korea Dollars

Yuck.  That thing looks like a cheesy toy more than anything else.  Watt's a fine fellow by all accounts, and a real musical innovator, as well as an enthusiastic motherfucker, but I'd sure as shit buy a Mexican Precision and a Mexican Jazz bass or a 4003S for the same money long before I'd buy one of those.  They shoulda gone with the orange, too.

Patriots Steelers Was A Can't They Both Lose Scenario, And Now

We have the Patsies versus Atlanta, which is far less than ideal.  I guess we'll all be praying to jesus fucking christ who we love so fucking much that he sends a glorious meteorite to smite those terrible people during the game. 

Clueless Overprivileged Upper-Class Twits Suck Ass?

Yes, yes they do.  Greasy monkey ass.  They suck it.  Hard.

Trump Gets No Pussy At The Inauguration

Apparently, they waited till the next day.  Heh, indeedy.  How long can a country function when its president is a bigger joke than Ronald Reagan or George W. "Retardboy" Bush?  Looks like we're gonna find out.

White Guys Are Hopelessy Stupid And Crazy Racist Assholes, Part Eleventy Billion

So, if you took a really ignorant fifth grader white guy future guntard teabagging racist asshole and gave him an Ayn Rand book or two and suddenly realized he was so fucking clueless and shallow that he made Paul Ryan look like James Joyce, what would you get?  This:



And this is some fucking hilarious mental-defective-love-child-of-Richard-Spencer-and-Sean-Spicer bullshit right here.  It was the Jews and Muslims who were responsible for slavery!  Hah!  Knew it. 

Bigguns

Political Song for Sean Spicer to Sing

Richard Spencer Getting Punched In The Face Is The Best To Happen In America So Far This Year

Wicked moar please.  He goes down like a bitch, too, and runs away.  Exceptional American racist patriot.

Wildlife

Rachel Maddow And Karoli Kuns Should Be Ashamed: This Is Not A List Of Great Accomplishments

Fucking disgusting, as are the braying fools Maddow and Kuns.  If you are a gods-damned fucking US President and some stupid asshole lists high school graduation and credit card interest rate notifications as great accomplishments, then you probably should have shot yourself in the fucking head after your first full week in office.  On everything we really needed, up to and including a massive change in the Democratic Party itself, Obama was a miserable failure.  Ask Leonard Peltier and Edward Snowden about Obama's great accomplishments.  Ask Merrick Garland.  Hell, ask Hillary Fucking Clinton about the great job Obama did for eight fucking years.  Jesus.  Ask some sick folks.  Union organizers.  Brown kids around the world missing limbs thanks to Obama's drone fetish.  Rotten fuckers.

This stupid list is not a list of greatness--and is barely a list of accomplishments.  Some are just sad, and some are pretty okay, like Cuba.  And a deal to bring Iran into the 20th century was a pretty good thing, too, considering Iran is a huge fucking country right smack in the fucking middle of a very important part of the world.  Nothing mind-blowing, but pretty okay.  What was not apparent for the last eight years was just how fucking far up their own asses the doofs like Maddow and the rest had shoved their heads.  They pretended they were paying attention, and occasionally dislodged their skulls, but they weren't, and they never did.  At all.  As it turns out, today's Maddow is that same simpering careerist who was blowing her cranky old uncle Pat Buchanan under the desk on the tee vee all those years ago.

Political Song for The Children to Sing

Every Fire Needs A Little Bit Of Help

This little fucking half a bastard kid should be the President.  He sure handled Fox "News" better than most adults and made Leatherface's former pissboy Griff Jenkins look like the blithering fucking stooge he truly is.  And that kid is smart enough to hate Republicans.  Shoulda said fuck on the tee vee tho.

Remember All Those Idiot Obama Fluffers Who Said He'd Win On Merrick Garland

Those soft-headed bastards who believed Obama was some superman, ready to start being a good president any second now, they were the worst thing about the last eight years.  Obama was a timid, rock-ribbed establishment conservative, and those fluffers were sick sorry fuckers.  Well, now they're about to get exactly what they deserve.

Your New Exceptional American Lifestyle

You Can't Swing A Bat On The Interwebs Without Smacking Some Racist Asshole Republicans

Like a weeping herpes sore on the rectum of humanity, these are your exceptional racist conservative Americans.  Why?  Why haven't they died out by now?  Why are they are all creepy pervs, too?  Thanks, Obama.

I Wonder How This Will End Badly

Maybe Ben Serotta will wind up as Assistant Secretary of Energy after this latest bike thing fizzles out.  Kinda sad that Frank the Welder is involved in this horseshit.  Wadelton seemed to have a knack for keeping on in the bike industry, always working even if some of the gigs were a little sketchy.  He was a legend with Yeti and is still in the game, but getting too close to Serotta could rub off some bad sununu.  Somebody should page Zathras.  Or maybe I just have an irrational dislike of everything Serotta now, atmo.  Thanks, Zathras.

How Soon Is Then

Basketball And Ireland: Two Things That Def Do Not Go Together

The Not-Boston Celtics.  Fun little story about some really pale folks and their love of the basketball.

Obama's Legacy Is Shit

Wicked fail.  Obama didn't get done anything that the nation needed done for eight long years.  Not that the idiot Trump will be any better, but it is all too likely that Obama failures will be more damaging than Trump's lunacy.  Obama never had any intention of being any sort of transformative leader, so he failed to take the opportunity to even consider the very real needs of American society.  Eight years wasted, and now we are looking at four years of unbridled fucktardery from Trump and his band of risible villains.  Exceptional!

Damn Near Killed Him

Pretty Fun Bike Ride

Body cam was a nice touch.  I'm guessing this guy is a doof and does his own wrenching.

Is Right

Obama Should Spend The Next Two Days Pardoning Everyone He Can

And throw in a couple of high-profile hot-takes to piss off the racists, like Leonard Peltier, Mumia Abu-Jamal, and Assata Shakur.  This would be proper justice for these political prisoners, but also wonderfully entertaining.  Unfortunately, Barack Obama is not really interested in justice.  Or entertainment.  Or beating down racists.

Obama Does The Right Thing For Chelsea Manning

Good.  Obama did something right here.  Manning's sentence was an atrocity, as were the conditions of her confinement.  It fucking sucks that Obama had to wait until the last fucking minute, but add this to the short list of shit Obama got right.

TV Party 4 U

On Robert E Lee Day We Celebrate Exceptional American Traitors And Other Racist Scum

Exceptional real American patriots don't have to pay no attention to anything the blahs want--we have Robert E. Lee Day!  Lee was a real American hero and not at all a dirty commie nigger.  Lee was a good christian white man.  And besides, Martin Luther King was a conservative.  He'd be a Republican today!  Yeah!  YEAH!!  He was a conservative!  One of us!!  Wait, what...

Gene Cernan Was The Last Man To Walk On The Moon

Except he didn't cuz FAKE!

Pretty soon all these guys are going to be dead, and there won't be any real astronauts left anywhere.  Sad.  Maybe if we could have done without a few aircraft carriers and nuclear warheads and wars over the last 50 years we would have a Mars colony by now, and we'd be up to our ears in real, live astronauts.  So the would the Martians!

Holy Shit, Even The Awful Springsteen Cover Band Won't Play For Trump

This is a fucking disaster for Trump.  Absolutely nobody will be seen with him.  Maybe he can hire some hookers to piss on the audience at the inauguration.  Make America piss again!

Riser

Concise Fisking Of Obamacare

On (the obvious) point.  Obama's health care initiative failed immediately, mostly because the Dems and Obama didn't have the good sense to demand something that would work AND would be easy to explain.  By deciding to coddle the insurance industry from the start, the end result was guaranteed to fail.  Exceptional!

Every Day Is A Good Day For A Mental-Defective Uncle Tom Like Jamie Melton

Another of the Trump clowns who would never be mistaken for a Nobel Prize winner.  Whatever is left of our society is being smothered by such horrible idiots like Melton.  Trump is just the logical conclusion of our exceptional American racist ignorance.  Uncle Tom!  Fuck Yeah!!

Thank Jesus Fucking Christ That Trump Will Make Sure This Is The Last MLK Day

Starting next year the third Monday in January will be the official Russian Piss Party Golden Shower day.

Rain Over

Trump Needs Toms, And David Clarke Will Be There For Him!

Loathsome Uncle Toms For Trump!  Boo Fucking Yah.  Clarke is ready to sell out his people, basic decency, anything resembling sanity for Trump in 2017.  As bad as Obama was in so many ways--bad!!--he had many of the proper enemies, including shitbird lunatics like David Clarke.  Thanks, America.  Exceptional job.

Eddie Long Might Be The Only Decent Argument For The Existence Of A God

That disgusting evil bastard got exactly what he deserved: an ignominious death from AIDS.  Long was one of those vile hypocrite motherfuckers who deserved to suffer, so maybe there's a loving god out there somewhere after all.

Nah.

Next Up For Jerry Jones In 2017: A Donald Trump Celebrity Losers Piss Party

Let's hope Jones can bring Robert Kraft and Bill Belichick along as a loser's losers. 

Skip Bayless Always Striving To Be The Biggest Shitstain On The Planet

Bayless belongs with Trump.  He's the man Trump can count on!  Come on, Trump, get Skip Bayless on the team!

Is Alex Steffen The Risible Idiot Half-Brother Of The Ridiculous Eric Garland?

All signs point to yes.  Steffen is another blowhard nimrod without an ounce of credibility in anything, yanking away in a pathetic circle jerk with his bro Eric Garland.  Exceptional!

Know God, Know Fear

Is there anything dumber in human history than "praise and worship"?  Jesus, fucking assholes.

Fucking Packers

For once, the worst of the worst doesn't win.  The Dallas Cowboys are putrid scum even in comparison to the rest of the NFL, so good job Green Bay. 

Political Song for Jennifer Holliday to Sing

When You've Lost Jennifer Holliday

You're pretty fucking low down.  Normally Holliday would warrant only a "Who?" but right now we are in the center of an exceptional American moment where absolutely nobody is willing to associated with the Trump shit show.  The fucking walking orange shitknob nominally is going to be the President of the United States, and yet only the greasiest of right-wing racist lunatics and feckless establishment politicians will have anything to do with him; the washed-up, Z-lest entertainment wannabees won't touch him--and those sorry fuckers could certainly use the work.  That's fucking startling.  And its own unexpected genius.

Station 2 Betty

Christopher Steele Has A Golden Reputation In The Intelligence Biz

And now so does Trump!  When the tape of the hookers pissing on Trump in Moscow hits the street, it will be the single greatest day in the history of human civilization.

Fisk On History Versus Lies

Is journalism the first draft of history or the seed that grows into the lie?  Don't be counting on the modern media to be delivering any journalism or history any time soon.  Few people care about reporting and even fewer have the skills.  Nobody's learning it.  Nobody cares.  Nobody in power, anyway.  Robert Fisk has seen it and done it, but none of it matters these days.  History will be nothing but one big lie soon enough.

Not-At-All-Grumpycat Situation

Monica Crowley Is An Exceptionally Lazy Plagiarist

She's such a fucking loser that she didn't even try to hide it.  Columbia University must be so fucking proud.  Gotta admit that Crowley sucking Nixon's dick first and then moving onto Trump's little orange wiener is pretty fucking fitting.  Monica Crowley is the most exceptional American conservative plagiarist ever.

Worthy Fisking Of Ta-Nehisi Coates

Good stuff.  Coates is a pretty blatantly fatuous tool, but he has that tawdry veneer of respectability that drives the reactionary establishment media shitbirds wild.  Coates is also the opposite of deep thinker, so fisking him is not all that hard, but it is always worthy to belittle a careerist stooge for their failings.  As a bonus, Coates shares Obama's failings wonderfully, so it's a fucking party.  Paul Street, doing the gods' work, on CounterPunch.

Pissing On Eric Garland Is America's New National Pastime

Everybody's loving it--even Josh Barro is the minor leagues of pissing on someone compared to this Eric Garland buffoon.  The lines to piss on Garland while he bellows insanely will be so very long that even Trump might have to wait days to get his turn.

Wicked Fun Take-Down Of SEAL Team 6

And our world-wide, unending, murderous terror-war in general.  I guess most folks probably needed to be told that far too many special forces operatives are nothing more than murderous idiots.  Ok.  Now you know.  You should have known it before.  And if you believed any of those scumbags regarding Bin Laden or anything else, you're a fucking moron.

Here's some of that real journalism everyone is so high on right now, btw.

Pissing All Over Josh Barro Should Not Be Limited To Trump And His Catamites

Everyone should piss all over life-long conservative and over-privileged trust-fund twit Josh Barro all the time.  It's fun!  It's educational!  We need more mental-defective upper-class conservatives to tell the poors and the workers that money is the root of all evil.  Barro is the man!

Sweet Jesus Frakking Christ, This Bradbury Manitou FS Bike Is A Gods-Damned Nightmare

Imagination good. Psychosis bad.  Such fragile aluminium tubing utilized in exactly the wrong ways, soooo many weak-as-fuck handmade and CNC'd parts, way too much billet wasted, ill-considered, asinine proprietary fittings.  What the fuck was he thinking?  I guess that was the mad-scientist phase of mountain bikes, but the FS offerings were fucking garbage, while a Bontrager or Yeti or Bridgestone racing bike from the same era is still wicked fun today.

Fisking Obama Over His Health Care Failure Is Pointless

Yes, Obama lied. And he failed.  But the Dems should have been pushing a Single Payer plan for the last 50+ years, campaigning and educating and talking non-stop till even the meat heads in Arkansas got the point.  That wasn't going to happen though, because in their hearts, the establishment Dems are completely cool with for-profit healthcare and all the people who die every year because they can't afford the doctor or the treatment.  Had the Dems ever been serious about universal heath care, it would have happened by now as it is universally popular with most Americans not enriched by the political establishment.

Rawkville

If You Thought Kamala Harris Was Anything Other Than A Right-Wing Democrat, Please Report To The Nearest Suicide Booth

Of course she is.  She never would have gotten as far as she has without being firmly wedded to the establishment.  That's shouldn't be the point.  The point should be that unless the left does the long-term work to make the right-wing program a detriment to the ambitions of careerist fucks like Harris, the left will never get anywhere.  Harris wants power, so she will chase it.  And the last six decades of Democratic politics means that she and everyone like her is chasing that power rightward.  She's a piece of shit, but that's not the point.

Stunningly Beautiful Drive-By Fisking Of Loathsome Little Green Footballs Turd Charles Johnson

Brutality as beauty.  The General rhetorically dispatches that fuckknob with extreme prejudice.  Johnson may not be the floor-shitter Charles Johnson, but he was and is a horrible racist shitstain.  The establishment Dems who love this reprobate reactionary cocksucker now are fucking scum as well.

Trump's Bed-Wetting Sturmabteilung Of The Day, Today

Vile racist assholes will always be with us, but Trump has given those stupid fucking crackers a reason to come out loud and proud.  That's not good.  Eventually we will have to take care of the problem, and that will be very entertaining.

Cory Booker Loves Cory Booker

That egotistical motherfucker gives Trump some real competition in the preening self-regard category of creepy bastards.  Booker is fixing to become the most conservative black presidential nominee ever, and thinks this is gonna help him.  Thank the fucking gods he's wrong as fuck, but at least this is making the racist assholes out there piss their jammies.

Libba's Train

Whatever You Do, Don't Allow Bill O'Reilly To Adopt Any Sika Deer!

Don't do it!  O'Reilly would only want the deer because he knows there's a chance they might let him fuck them.  Those exotic oriental deer gave it up for monkeys, so a world famous tee vee tough guy like Billo's gotta stand a shot, right?

Chronic Pud-Puller Bill O'Reilly Was A Bad Bad Boy Again, Spanking That Sad Little Monkey Over Juliet Huddy

Jesus, that's fucking funny.  O'Reilly just can't keep his mitts off that tiny, wrinkled wee wee.  Ailes' genius was finding the losers, the creeps, the perverts, the risible failures, and building them into his army of loyal troglodytes.  For once, O'Reilly found someone who hired not in spite of the fact that he was an impotent, chronic masturbator and a failure at every job he'd ever had but BECAUSE of those horrible things.  Exceptional!

Nobody's Sorry To See Alabama Lose

At anything, ever. Even football. Maybe especially football.  Except the rampant shitstains from Alabama, of course.  But fuck them.  They suck dirty donkey dick.

Takers

Exceptional, Proud, White, Former Dairy Queen Jim Crichton Should Be The State Dinner Coordinator For Trump

This Crichton is a man who knows how to get shit done in Trump's world.  This exceptional American white patriot should be rewarded with an important job with Trump, and managing all the official social functions would be perfect.  He's got a food service background!  He's Trump's kinda guy!!

Exceptionally Heart-Warming Story About Two Exceptional Americans

Pennsyltucky is a wondrous place.  These two exceptionally fine Americans are just the sort of people for whom Trump's exceptional America will be made great again.  Adopted child.  Gruesome rape and murder.  Exceptionally American.  Thanks, Trump.

Dumptruck Thing On The Interwebs

Dusty old corner of the intertube machines coughs up some Dumptruck.  Always useful history lesson for you.

Cross Nationals In Hartford, CT? What, Where? Connecticut? Why?

Richard Sachs may love Connecticut, atmo, but why the fuck would the USA cycling people pick Hartford of all places?  It's not Oakland, but there's no there there, either, in Hartford.  I guess the New England fans and riders need some recognition, but Hartford, CT is not anyone's top choice for any fucking thing.  Of course, save for Sr. Sachs himself, the fine folks in Green Witch wouldn't want those cross idiots in town for a fucking week...

Taibbi Was Way Out In Front Of This Russia Bullshit From The CIA

And the rest of the professional liars and villains in our intelligence community.  Every fucking time we get another zero-evidence report from those assholes and the media establishment gets all wet and sticky, the entire world gets a little bit fucking stupider.  Taibbi was one of the few media folks with a decent profile to sound the alarm against these lies.  Sure Russia may have done something, or not, but anyone who believes what the CIA or any of those other evil fuckers say without proof is a fucking worthless shitstain, just like they were in 2001.  Gods-damned fucknuts never learn.

Women & Men

Flying The Ice

I Wonder If This Crooks & Liars Guy Dale Merrill Realizes That Bob Mould Didn't Play Gibson Flying Vs In Husker Du?

Come on, ya fucking asswipe, those were Ibanez Rocket Rolls.  Jesus.

Bloody Moon

Red Letter Media Is Officially Having Too Much Fun With This Rogue One Shit

They are really laying it on here, but sooo fucking dry.  The RLM crew is madly knitting an entire cottage industry out of savaging the empty-headed tools who are busy climaxing in public over the flick.  RLM should really put this much effort into making another legit film.  Film is hard.  Snark, even bone-dry vicious snark, is easier, obviously.  And this is prime-cut comedy and snark.  Way more entertaining than Force Awakens, too.  Geek Crate.  Pretty fucking brutal.

Brave Freedom Fighter Tilikum Has Died

There are very few real heroes, but this dolphin was one.  Tilikum fought the best fight he could, and delivered some real victories against his oppressors.  The world lost one of the good ones.  He deserved freedom, but he never gave up the fight against evil.

Exceptional America Needs More Exceptional Airport Shootings, Like Exceptional Fort Lauderdale

Gun-free zones are for pussies.  We need more guns!  MORE FUCKING GUNS!!  Only then can we defeat the homosexual libtard mooslim enemies of American exceptionalism.  GUNS!!!

Any sane society would have solved this problem decades ago and removed the deadly weapons.  But not us.  We're exceptional.

Fightin' Foos

Note That The Democratic Party Got Nearly Everything It Wanted Out Of The 2016 Election

They couldn't quite wrestle another loathsome Clinton piece of shit into the White House against the least popular Republican candidate in modern history, but the Democratic Party establishment (just barely and so far) maintained their control of the process, pushed their hard-right agenda as a purported opposition to Trump and/or the Republicans, and (again, just barely) stopped the Sanders campaign and prevented any movement of the party toward the center.  The Democratic Party did not want to win the presidency unless it won with Clinton.  The Democratic Party did not care about winning more than it cared about maintaining control.  Many Democrats may have cared about winning, about defeating Trump, and about growing their power in government with a popular, centrist candidate like Bernie Sanders, but for the Democratic Party, obviously, winning was never the main goal.

Racist Asshole Cowards Were A Problem Before Trump

Weird, little white pussies have been holding America back for centuries, so never pretend they weren't here before Trump.  These impotent cretins are the root of so many of America's failings, but for the next little while they feel strong and vindicated, so now would be a good time to start the white pest control program we should have finished in the 1860s.

Wake Up Pavement's Children

Malcolm Nance: Brain-Dead Fuckstick

Sooper-genius.  Nance is some sort of addle-headed cocksucker, clearly incapable of rational thought and recently smacked around by Glenn Greenwald over this Russia hacking nonsense.  But Nance is probably a wonderful consumer of fairy tales and comic books and bible stories.

And remember like 15 years ago when Crooks and Liars wasn't so fucking embarrassingly stupid?  Jeez.

Fuck Off Joe Theismann

Where the fuck is Lawrence Taylor when you need him?  Theismann should be greedily snarfing down a yuge bag of salted donkey dicks instead of talking.  Fuck him.

Baby Cat

We Lost A Boatload Of Seemingly-Decent Dems In This Cycle

The General mourns Neiwert--but still professes love for Atrios as Sr. Black treads oh so delicately along the edge of the blade above the failed and foolish Dem establishment and its sinecure with checks signed by David Brock.  Neiwert is a tough loss; he was a voice of reason against fascists, proto-fascists, and neo-Nazis like Trump's boys for a long time, but he succumbed to the brain-eating bug that makes all those dickheads love Clinton and failure and bullshit way too much now.  That sucks.  But the worst part of the last eight years has been the fluffers and tools and welfare academia morons and the rest, so we should not be surprised, only saddened, that those asswipes helped deliver us to Herr Trumpenfurher. 

Republicans And Other Reactionaries Destroying American Education, Top-Down Edition

Jesus.  It's also pretty fucking ironic that UVA and schools like that are seen today as almost-Ivy League because they are so much harder to get into than 20 or 30 or 40 years ago, yet the institutions themselves are impotent shadows of their own pasts.  Houseplant-idiot Ronny Raygun led the way in Kallyforniah, and we've all watched as Michigan and North Carolina and Texas and even Florida have obliterated the progress they had won in their educational infrastructure because teabaggers and Republicans and neoliberals and other right-wing shitbirds are too stupid to be in charge of a gods-damned carnival funhouse, let alone a major university.

Coll Aps Is

After Watching The Dems And Their Mouthpieces Fuck Us All, Can't We Flush Joy Reid And The Rest Of Those Idiots

Joy Reid was part of the problem.  She was anti-journalism, but the problem was that she sucked at the propaganda!  Clinton, the Dems, and piss-guzzlers like Reid failed so fucking ostentatiously that we now have Trump.  She's not a good guy.  She didn't stand for anything.  She's an idiot.  And she's fucking incompetent.  It turns out Obama fluffers were complete fucking assholes.  Fuck them.  Forget her.  We need to do better.  Jesus.

Political Song for Mariah Carey to Sing

Shitty Pop Music Sucks And This Is Funny

Mariah Carey was always the worst, so I find this pretty fucking entertaining.  Way better than her music ever was.