Energetic

Andrea Tantaros: Too Stupid And Sloppy For Fox "News"

Damn.  Considering the diseased offal currently employed by Fox "News", Tantaros must be a real fucking dipshit to be too much of a scumbag to be on their tee vee.

Yearling

A Chris Kvale Pops Up

Somebody bought it, apparently.  None more black on the Serotta Forum.

Will Ferrell Is A Talentless, Unfunny Douche And Now A Craven Asshole

For Ferrell, being annoyingly unfunny was not enough, I guess.  Not like we need Will Ferrell to belittle that demented houseplant that was Ronny Raygun, the dumbest fucking president even if you haven't forgotten George W. "Retardboy" Bush.

Truly Worthless And Disgusting Exceptional American Racists Of The Day, Today

Anyone who scratches the GOP base too deeply always comes away sickened and hopefully terrified because the conservatives everywhere are always horrible and evil, but in our exceptional America the conservatives are also hyperviolent, well-armed guntard racists.  And how many of these loathsome shitbirds are involved in law enforcement?  This is the America we have built for ourselves.  Fantastic.

Even Drunk Out-Of-Office John's Boehner Doesn't Like Ted Cruz

Drunk Boehner might be funny now, but he was a coupla heartbeats away and shit.  But it shows that absolutely nobody likes Ted Cruz.  Which might be a problem if you're Ted Cruz and wanted to elected to something outside of fucktard hothouse like Texas.  Good for Boehner for saying out loud what oh so many Republicans truly believe.  But, jesus, fucking Boehner was the gods-damned Speaker of the House.  That idiot was an important elected official.  And Cruz is one of 100 Senators.  We always were hella fucked.

Jeux Sans Medecins Sans Frontieres

Thank the fucking gods for bombing MSF hospitals: it's the only true international cooperation in the world!  Fuck yeah!  Those MSF bastards really bring all sides together on something: bombing Medecins Sans Frontieres.  Nobody likes these do-gooder faggy French doctors and their stupid helping innocent people maimed by our very profitable wars.  The good guys bomb 'em.  The bad guys bomb 'em.  Everybody bombs 'em!  They bombed 'em today.  They bombed 'em yesterday.  They'll bomb those cocksuckers tomorrow.  Fuck those greasy Frogs.  Those MSF assholes are only good for one thing: being targets for everybody's exceptional freedom bombs.

Fox's Idiot "Judge" Napolitano Is Also A Screaming Luntatic

Napolitano is a raving whackjob, just like the rest of the Fox "News" assclowns.  Napolitano is fulfilling his piss-boy role by helping the unhinged GOP buffoons convince their even more insane voters that Hillary is going to be indicted for some fictional crime.  This is derangement syndrome on steroids.  Fantastic.  And Napolitano is a fucking asswipe.

'Better Call Saul' And 'The Americans' Should Both Ignore History

Too bad they started Better Call Saul in the future mall.  The show is working really well, and they should just fuck Breaking Bad right the fuck off and keep the new show going regardless.  Just to fuck with people throw in WW and the rest in oblique or contradictory appearances so that disrupt the precedent.  Why not?  BCS has the chance to be so much more.

The Americans should also start to fuck with 1980s history to keep their goofy show going, creating fictional US/Soviet confrontations in order to drive the plot for years and years.  The worst thing they could is run themselves out of ideas just cuz the actual USSR didn't have a pot to piss in.

Virag's Movie Reviews: Trainwreck (2015)

Holy fucking shit, it would be hard to find two less funny people in America than Judd Apatow and Chuck Amy Schumer.  And when they team up for a movie, hilarity ensues!  Or not.  Schumer managed to pen a film which is about as original and engaging as a Lifetime movie or a failed sitcom pilot, and Apatow flaunts every single bit of his directorial talent from start to finish.  Plenty of weird and unrealistic fully-clothed fucking and LeBron James channeling a PG-13 Chris Rock, too.  Oddly enough, Bill Hader, who is always an unwatchable, idiot-Kyle-MacLachlan on screen, is not so bad in this one.  The best part of this film must have been eating donuts with Dave Attell and Colin Quinn between takes.  Quinn is a fucking douche, but this shitty movie made him look like a luminous comedy genius. 

30,000 More Reasons Ted Cruz Still Won't Get Elected To Anything This Year

You gotta hand it to that slimy cocksucker, he managed to find someone damn near as repugnant as himself to join his comical public failure.  Where is Fiorina going to be less popular than California?  Polly Prissy Pants Cruz is a fucking shithead.  What's next, Hermain Cain as Secretary of State?

The Next Hastert Rule: 15 Months

And molest your buddy's brother.  Those are some perfect GOP rules, and I wish the craven fucking Dems would take these Hastert rules and pummel every fucking Republican into a greasy slime with them.

Arianna Huffington Was Always Wicked Fucking Creepy

Since day one, in her life as a shameless Republican apparatchik, beard for a risible GOP queen, skeevy tee vee striver, Breitbart compatriot, smarmy internets liberal, Arianna Huffington has been just about as creepy and unappealing as human being can be.  Outing herself as utter fucking scumbag is not really a shock, but still, Huffington's been one of the worst of us for as long as she's been around.

Bernie Sanders Was Never Going To Run As An Independent

Sanders ran as a Dem for a reason.  And he was never going to run as an I.  (Sanders & Stein was never happening, though I would encourage all the good Sanders supporters to canvas and vote for Jill Stein.  She's cool.)  Sanders chose the Democratic Party primary, and he'll stay right where he is.  Now, what the fuck happens after the November election, that is an entirely different question.  There will very likely be plenty of opportunities to get active and reshape American politics in the wake of Trump's destruction of the GOP.  Sanders will not have much of a role in it, but maybe some of the Sanders supporters and other good folks out there who learned some hard political lessons during the primaries just might find something useful to do.  The second-best thing Clinton could do would be to push Sanders supporters and other like-minded Americans to make sure they stay politically active to fight the hard-right militarism and reactionary economic and social policies of the Hillary Clinton administration.

Repugnant Conservative Fuckbrains Of The Day, Today

Hopeless, ignorant, disgusting, these sick, twisted fucks are your exceptional America.  You could try and say these utter morons are simply misguided and uninformed, victims of congenital American anti-intellectualism, but in reality they are vile, hateful, racist cocksuckers, the embodiment of true evil.  Virulent reactionary stupidity is poisoning America.

Trump's Rampage Continues, But It's Very Boring

Trump's been the man since Iowa, but now even the dimwits on the tee vee and in the GOP establishment are admitting it.  So fucking boring, though.  Jesus.  Trump deboned Cruz months ago but not everyone noticed.  That fucking convention is gonna be an epic shit show.  Can't wait.  But these days the campaign is just so fucking boring.  Jesus.  Just finish it.  Make.  It.  Stop.  Or Trump's gonna have to do something to liven up this lame-ass circus.

Anthem

The Hastert Rule In Chicago & Where Are The Dems

The Hastert rule is alive and well in Chicago--keep a sharp eye on your boys!  But where are the fucking Dems suffocating every Republican candidate in America with the real Hastert rule?

Very Rarely Do Rando Jerkoffs On The Interwebs Get It Exactly Right

But six-plus years ago, Vahmontah got that first bit right.  The classic Big-5 boarding schools plus newcomer-to-the-tippy-top Deefield--making it the Big-6, really--with the most exclusive of them all, Groton, forming the absolutely top tier in the world.  Their second-tier list is utter shit, though, as it should be Loomis-Chaffee, NMH, Taft, Kent, St. George's, St. Mark's, Middlesex, Miss Porter's for girls.  Pomfret maybe.

Since this is just New England schools, even though the top tier would not change, Lawrenceville, Peddie, Mercersburg, and St. Andrew's would be in the second tier if we were talking all boarding schools.

In reality the third tier is pretty fucking solid too but not as strong in any way as the most prestigious schools.  Still worthwhile if you want the boarding school experience.  Concord, Canterbury, Cheshire, Suffield, Solebury, George, Brooks, Blair, Tabor, Westminster, others.

Marc Thiessen Is An Anthropomorphic Stool Sample

Creepy, rat-eyed motherfucker too, but at least he's a complete fucking moron!  Why exactly would anyone listen to Thiessen, most embarrassing 20th century Taft graduate, about any fucking thing?  When was the last time he was not as wrong as wrong can be about every fucking thing?  He worked for George W. "Retardboy" Bush, yet your not-at-all-liberal Washington Post gives him a prominent national forum.  Imagine that!

Fisking, By Fisk

Middle East realpolitik is one of the least-understood things in our exceptional America.  The basic American belief is that jesus put our oil underneath those dirt people so we can do whatever the fuck we want and never have to give a fuck about any of it.  That's fucking genius of you are the average teabagging fuckstain, but for the rest of the world it creates unending annoyance.  The Saudis are easily the worst of the bunch along with the reprehensible Israelis.  But American foreign policy is always about the petroleum and the most convenient short-term solution and never, ever about what's actually best for the US or anyone else.  Fisk is an English-speaking expert, and the fact that you never see him on your 24-hour cable tee vee "news" channels is not at all an oversight.

Skeevy Racist Assclowns, AKA Exceptional Americans, Of The Day, Today

Couldn't flicker a 1-watt bulb, but that shit don't stop 'em from wasting your oxygen in our exceptional America.

Kasich Is Going To Deliver Trump's VP To That Drunken Idiot Susana Martinez

This will be the last anyone hears of John Kasich--his only path was to be Trump's veep and hope like hell for a miracle.  If Gov. Martinez can lay off the sauce for a while and manage to sufficiently kiss Trump's ass, she's probably gonna pass Kasich for the junior sidekick role.  Very bad move for Kasich and not only because the association with Cruz will give Kasich an incurable case of space herpes.

Deranged Butthurt Republican Assholes Are So Fucking Fun

They hate Obama so fucking much.  They started out as brainless and ignorant, but Obama's election drove them into a full-on orgiastic racist insanity.  Gods damn, they're fucking funny, though.  Everything on that fucking dumb web page is demonstrably false, but it makes their pea-brains quiver with satisfaction.  Fucking scum of the Earth.  Anywhere and everywhere, conservatives are the scum of the Earth. 

When A Reactionary Dipshit Uses The Word Islamofascist

You know you are in for some wicked fucking stupid racist insanity.  And you are never wrong.  Never forget your exceptional America is overflowing with violent racist ignorant assholes who are evil, terrible people in every way.

Ludicrous Fluffing Of Victor Muller

Which gets hilariously ugly in the comments.  Nice job.  Saab gets some Pyrrhic satisfaction from the commenters savaging Muller for basically being a self-aggrandizing shithead who destroys investors and companies while enriching himself.  That asshole should come to America and be a fucking Republican!

Reactionary Idiot Friends Of Pee

Ass meets wipe in the Friends of Pee Abe, led by such sparkling intellects and anthropomorphized stool softeners as Gary Sinise, Kelsey Grammer and John Voight.  You almost feel bad for these pathetic little losers, what with their weekly cirlce-jerk imploding over fighting about Trump and shit.  Heh, indeedy.

Righteous Fisking Of The Red Hot Chili Peppers

Well done.  Hating all over those guys for their music is perfectly wonderful, but when you add the fact that they were rampaging dickheads and total fucking assholes, that's so much better.  No matter what, signal boosting this shit is good for everybody.  Rock on.

When Terry McCauliffe Is Doing The Right Thing

You know you are on the other side of the looking glass.  Good for Gov. McCauliffe, though, because he's willing to stand up for the most obvious, basic human rights in a state full of redneck shitheels, racist shitbirds, and bigoted cretins.  Restoring rights and freedoms, especially the right to vote, is a big fucking deal.  When the demented reactionary motherfuckers are all in a panic, you know it's a good idea!  More please.  Let's see other Dem governors and Dem candidates stand with McCauliffe. 

Rain E Daze

Exceptional Second Amendment American Patriots Exercising Their Rights In Ohio

Praise jesus!  Thank jesus and all the other fictional gods for the bravely exceptional American patriots exercising their 2nd Amendment rights!  Without these deranged cowards and racist fuckheads and their exceptionally manly metal dicks, America would not lead the world in the mindless gun violence!  We're exceptional!  Go team!  Go jesus!  America!  America!

Richard Lyons Was Truly A Man For Our Times

Late 50s is a tough age for American men.  Yeah, Prince, but Pastor Dick, too.  Richard Lyons was an explorer deep in the heart of Americana.  Negativland wasn't exactly music the way some people would think of it, but purposely transgressive musical art is honorable in ways many, most things aren't.  And don't for one minute think that Negativland didn't influence lots of the other more straightforward SST bands back in the heyday.  Helter Stupid was simply a great album title, all tedium and exhaustion from pop culture atrocity.  Pissing on U2 gets you a golden ticket for life, I'm sure.  And the afterlife.  Rock on Pastor Dick.  Christianity is still stupid.

Cheap Trick Swastika Guitars

That woulda been frakking brilliant.  Seriously, Cheap Trick shoulda taken the cash, come out with their swastika guitars at the Republican convention, and made sure every fucking second made it to YouTube immediately.  Those fuckers at the GOP probably woulda thought that was hilarious.  Probably.

Halfnhalf

OK, All This Prince Nonsense Is A Bit Much

It's not like Bob Mould or Grant Hart died.  THAT might warrant all the histrionics.  But not Prince.  Let the little dude go.  He's dead.  He had a few catchy songs, played some good guitar, but he liked the cheeze way too much.

Now That's He Been Eliminated, Ted Cruz Is Droppin' Out, Right?

The loser's loser lost again.  So, now Cruz is gonna do the proper thing and surrender, right?  I mean he's gotta, right?  He can't win and he can't stop Trump, so the only honorable thing he can do for his party is give up, right?  It's not like Ted Cruz is a self-absorbed reactionary creepster yanking his own pathetic defective dick in public, right?

'Time Traveling Bong' Makes More Sense Than The Entire History Of Fox "News"

More firmly grounded in reality than Fox "News", too.  Ilana Glazer is surely a better news person than Bill O'Reilly or Megyn Kelly any day.

Horrible Racist Fucktards Of The Day, Today

These neo-nazi cocksuckers probably weren't big fans of Prince.  Just a guess.  But they are unreconstructed racist shitheads and nasty piss-ant losers.  That's your Trump voter in your exceptional America!

Answers In Genitals: The Dinosaurs

Finally, the fucking truth about the dinosaurs! Thank you jesus!!  This is some prime-cut deranged fucktardery they got there.  I hate to tell those poor sad clowns, but there are no answers in Genesis.  Peter Gabriel turned out to be much less than he first appeared, and Steve Hackett was nothing special either.  When all that was left of Genesis was Tony Banks, Mike Rutherford, and the personification of evil suckitude Phil Collins, there were no answers.  Genesis was always shallow and dumb and pointless.  Those doofs didn't know shit about dinosaurs.  Scientists know about dinosaurs.  Don't ask Genesis for answers.  Don't ask jesus.  Genesis sucks and jesus isn't real.  Ask a scientist.  Please.  Don't be a dick.

Oh, Fuck, I Forgot About Lenny Kravitz

Prince was responsible for that absolutely awful fucker Lenny Kravitz.  That's as bad as Pavement and their unforgivable Weezer problem.  Shame, Prince, shame.  Lenny Kravitz sucks.  Jesus.

Dead Prince

So not my bag, but instead of talking about all the nonsense, Prince should be getting props for his musical talent and influence and great guitar playing and not all the sideshow non-music garbage.  He was an absolutely talented and influential musician--and his legacy will continue--even if I thought his music mostly sucked balls.  About now, I'm betting he is in hell warming up with the house band wishing he spent less time on movies and clothes and fucking with people and played more guitar instead.  He was free to do what he wanted, but he probably left some interesting music unplayed.

Where's Dane today?

Rents Pupice Is Going To Enjoy The Reign Of President For Life Trump

Official White House Assistant Piss Boy, Second Class has a nice ring to it.  After Trump's NY funfetti rampage, the RNC Chairman Rinse Pubies has got to be finally understanding that his very own piss bucket is about to become his very best friend.

The Biggest Non-Story This Year Is That Bernie Sanders Is A Mundane Mainstream Politician

Anyone paying attention has known this for years.  (The second-biggest non-story this year is that a more liberal president would make the federal government more liberal.)  Sanders has been a proper Democrat since he got to Washington, even though he maintains his I--mostly because some of the Dems are so fucking disgusting that no sane person would want to identify with them if their job did not depend on it.  Sanders is a pol, and he would have been a better POTUS in every way than Hillary Clinton, but Sanders was never going to be nominated in 2016 because Clinton had the nomination locked up since 2008 at least.

ESPN Shitcans Curt Schilling, Finally

Heh.  Indeedy. 

No the proper question is why ESPN hired such a nasty shitbird in the first place.

Racist Twits Don't Like Harriet Tubman

Butthurt racist assholes are the best gift Obama has given us--and he's doin' it again!  Obama should have been on this shit from day one.  The sooner he exposed these vile fuckers, the sooner he could have turned the rest of the people against them.  Instead, he treated the shitty Republicans and petty racists with far too much care, and they saw that as a weakness.  Now Obama doesn't give a shit anymore.  Very late, but a bit of fun for us regardless.

NY Story

Important Reminder That Ted Cruz Is A Yuge Loser

That fuckin' idiot came in third in NY behind a guy still losing to Marco Rubio.  Now that's a fucking loser!  It's a pretty good trick, but we've known since before Iowa that Ted Cruz was an odious chunk of filth and was never, ever going to get the GOP nomination. 

Curt Schilling Is Simply A Giant Asshole

Fuck this idiot raw and banish him to Utah or Alabama or somewhere else chock full of other demented bigot cocksuckers.  Schilling is a useless fucker, but he manages to take up space at one of our ginormous media companies, when surely that job could be filled by someone not quite so disgustingly ignorant.  Like say Rafael Cruz.

Please Dems, Pack Up That Asshole H A Goodman And Send Him Back To The GOP

And the cocksucking Jerusalem Post.  Goodman is raving reactionary shitbird, and the Dems would be better if they hounded that deranged Rand Paul acolyte right back to his Republican home. 

Heart Less

Somebody, Somewhere, Just Might Be Fucked

Low-lying and coastal areas, island nations, certain northern and southern temperate lands, those people could be oh, so fucked.  When the sea levels rise and the major ocean currents shift, life is gonna get very interesting for some of our less fortunate brothers and sisters.  Not like anyone will give a flying fuck unless it is happening in the Republican Senate cloakroom.  Assholes.

I Guess We Are All Lucky Trump Is Not A Better Candidate Or Demagogue

He's onto something with this anti-democratic primary process.  But he's complaining about it instead of using it to rally support.  Instead of emphasizing how he is being screwed over, Trump could be raging about how his people are being screwed over.  Trump could be raving that he is a rich guy who WILL win even though the anti-democratic establishment is trying to fuck him, but the common people AREN'T rich guys who can fight back and win.  Trump could be positioning himself as a populist hero bringing back a land where a white man's vote--and maybe, just maybe some not white votes!--counts, because the system IS crooked and the system IS rigged against the voter and against democracy.  That perspective would be a shit ton more effective than his bitching, and he'd be right.  Good fucking thing Trump does not have the instincts of a genuine demagogue with the very ugly and powerful truth on his side.

Getting Rid Of Discs In The Peloton Probably Makes Too Much Sense

A few unnecessary injuries can't stop progress!  As everyone keeps saying over and over and over, road racing bikes do not need better braking--your brakes already work well enough to skid a flat spot into your Conti Sprinters without too much effort.  Any push for disc brakes on road bikes is coming from the big bike brands in order to sell bikes with different brakes.  That's not cool for the riders who are gonna get sliced and diced worse than they would have in a crashy pro race.

Discs are great on mountain bikes and work really well even on inexpensive mountain bikes these days, but on road racing bikes, discs are a fucking joke.  But watch for the asswhipes who fund the pro peloton to keep up the pressure for stupid fucking disc brakes on road bikes.  Go team.

Impotent Closet Case Loser Of The Week

If you're a sad loser dude who is scared of women--maybe cuz you're a closet case--then you find solace with your other loser virgin dude compatriots talking shit about women and dudes who actually have touched a woman consensually.  That also makes you today's right-wing asshole of the day, today.  These guys are fucking risible fuckstains.

Chuck Toddler Attempting To Remove Own Head From Ass

Pissing off Ted Cruz with truth and fucking with Pat McCrory are not things Chuckles would usually dare, but maybe he's trying to be not such a giant fuckface these days.  It's a gods-damned miracle!

Political Song for Kobe Bryant to Sing

Can We Not Forget What A Piece Of Shit Rapist Kobe Bryant Is?

Motherfucker should still be in jail, but every asshole in town was kissing his ass this year.  That's fucking sick.  The only story this season should have been about his rape case.  That would have been a little bit of justice, at least.  Not what he deserved, but something.

Does Daniel Tosh's Mom Own Comedy Central Or Something?

Tosh seems like a genuinely unfunny, slow-witted douchenozzle, but he is all over the fucking cable tee vee  for no good reason.  Especially entertainment.  I can only believe that his mom must be behind it.  Nobody else could be that lame.

Reactionary Fucks Have Been Writing This Same Obamacare Story Since 2010

The end! The end of Obamacare!  But none of these fatuous shitheads ever say what would be better.  Odd, that.  Obamacare is sorta of disaster, but not for the reasons the right-wing cocksuckers think.  The ACA would have been better if it had guaranteed health care to every American first and legislated the delivery second.  Regardless, the conservative belief is that exceptional Americans have no right to health care or anything else.  Exceptional American patriots are merely servants, disposable and unremarkable.  Unfortunately, too many of those exceptional American idiots can't see that.

When You Are An Idiot Like Jim Nelson Talking Up The Purported Greatness Of Barack Obama

And you say you are a big fan of Bill Clinton, well that just shows you are the premier asshole in the territory!  I mean, I get why mush-headed pissboy wannabes like Nelson are so enamored of Obama: first black man as president; a Dem who drove the racist Republican assholes nuckin' futz: not as creepy or tacky as Reagan; not as all-out evil and retarded as Dick Cheney and "Retardboy" Bush.  But jesus, Obama was better than those loathsome fuckstains, but not at all great.  Obama didn't embrace any substantive change in American society; he did everything possible to preserve the status quo in healthcare, economic policy, labor policy, militarism, and foreign policy.  Obama was a company man first, and the company prospered.  The American people, not so much.  Drones continued to murder.  Workers continued to be exploited.  Health insurance companies continued to run the health care system for profit.  This is not greatness.  It's the barest minimum of clock-watching space-occupying.  Sure, it's better than Cheney and Bush could have done, but that's a pretty fucking low bar. 

Bill Clinton was a horrible president.  As bad as Reagan or Nixon?  No, but that's not the point.  The point is that Clinton was a vile racist, reactionary shithead who drove the Democratic Party into the complete control of the corporate interests through the DLC.  If you liked Clinton, if you are "a big fan", then you are a contemptuous, addle-headed cocksucker, deserving of absolutely no influence on anything.  Fuck you, Jim Nelson.  Go back to your pissbucket.  Drink deep.

'Orphan Black' Was Brilliant To Hop Backwards

That first season, with a bit of the promise of some PKD neo-noir goodness, was more promise than execution, but going back to the cop story with the ability to return characters and actors who spiced up the joint was frakking brilliant.  Good for them.  Soon everyone will be a clone.  And not just on that show.

In Case You Missed It, Fox "News" Surrendered To Donald Trump

Fuck, even the Washington Post figgered it out, and they're dumber than rocks.  But Fox "News" gave up, sent Megyn Kelly to kiss his ring--or his whatver--and then invited Trump to visit his new tee vee channel.  Fox "News" lost the war with Trump a while ago, but Ailes and Murdoch probably believed they could fight it out to a stalemate.  Obviously not.  Trump's killed the GOP and he's killed Fox "News".  Trump is the most exceptional exceptional American ever.

Howard Dean Fisking: Not America's Top-Rated Spectator Sport

Howard Dean may have been a stranger to many Washington establishment shitheads in 2004, but he was no raving liberal.  Or a liberal at all.  Dean was as an energetic campaigner and gifted political strategist, later to be a more effective DNC leader than the usual awful sack of shit, as well as the favorite of desperately careerist strivers like Joe Trippi and Markos Moulitsas.  But that doesn't make him a liberal.  It's no wonder that Dean hates Bernie Sanders.  Sanders is the sort of politician many Dean supporters mistakenly believed Dean was in 2004.  But 2016 tells the real story.

Strident Hillary People Are Really Fucking Gross

It's hard to say what's a bigger drag on the Clinton campaign, the candidate or the supporters.  Of course Sanders is exactly right: the primaries are ordered to maintain the conservative establishment power in Washington of both parties.  First you get the two whitest, most reactionary states.  Then you get the former Confederacy where the lack of quality education and a general lack of prosperity allow the national and state parties to easily control the electorate and the elections: the Democratic voters are easy to control because the overwhelmingly African-American electorate are hopelessly under the thumb of the party establishment, while the Republican voters are so overwhelming racist assholes that the GOP owns those idiots body and soul.  The order of primary voting is not a mistake or an oversight.  Sanders is 100% correct, and the loathsome creeps who are the strident Hillary supporters are either too ignorant or too hopeless to get it, atmo.  Too bad we don't have a much larger number of better Democrats in the Democratic Party.  If we did we'd have someone a shitload better than Hillary Clinton running, and the fuckwads who love her so much could just go away and be Trump supporters.

Sam Wang And Donald Trump, Makin' America Grate Again

Of course Sam Wang is on board with the sparkling future of Trump.  Trump's been the man since NH, but the fools in the media and their eager piss-bucket brigade have not had the wisdom to recognize reality.  Fuck 'em.  Wang's way smarter than they are, and he know's what's what.  Trump!  Making America white again!

Retro-Fisking Of Rudyard Kipling Is Way Too Easy To Be Any Fun

Yeah, just don't.  Kipling was perfect son of the wretched British Empire, so there's nothing much more to say.  The only enduring bright spot on the reeking canker that is Kipling is the bonkers John Huston The Man Who Would Be King.

Steve Forbes: Exceptional American Idiot

Annddd...Steve Forbes!  If poor Steve hadn't had oh so fabulous 50 foot queenie Malcolm for a father, you can only imagine what sort of sordid tricks Stevie would be turning for drug money.  Lucky sperm is lucky.  Who knew?

Grow The Fuck Up, Bernie And The Rest Of You Fatous Shitheads--They're All Whores

The Democratic Party, along with the Republican Party, is an organization founded to facilitate fucking and getting fucked for money.  They're whores, except with them it's not always an obvious sex act that makes up the fucking.  Sanders, Clinton, the idiots in the establishment media, and risible pearl-clutchers like Jennifer Palmieri should shut the fuck up and grow the fuck up and admit they're whores.  That way everybody out there in exceptional America, even the the dimwits in the Washington village and the average racist asshole Trump voter will understand the score.  The only thing offensive is about calling the Democratic whores whores is that in the end they work pretty cheap.  Shame on Bernie for not acting like a grownup.

Exceptional Livin In America

I Hope Those Dumb Bastards Find A Kindle Of Bigfoots The Day After Their Stupid Show Is Cancelled

Or a parliament of bigfeets, or whatever they call 'em.  Those bigfoot assholes are gonna keep milking that stupid show for as long as they keep gettin' paid by even bigger assholes.  Then the day after the tee vee idiots payin' for that shit show smarten up, I hope a bigfoot comes right up and shakes their hand.  That's exactly what exceptional America deserves.

Dennis Hastert's 'Love That Boy' By Ron Fournier

PSA: Ron Fournier is a loathsome establishment conservative shitstain.  Look for that scumbag's next book to be a real love that boy story about fellow disgusting Republican Dennis Hastert and his world famous groin rubs. 

DeNiro Should Have Become A Hermit After Brazil

He'd be remembered as a legend.  Now though, he's well known as a fucking crank and a threadbare hack who has been mostly mailing it in for a couple of decades.  Too bad for DeNiro and his reputation.  Ooops.

Hiroshima Obamamour

Sure as shit Obama should visit Hiroshima if he wants.  Why the fuck not?  The USA is still the only country sick enough to actually use nukes as a weapon, and I'm pretty sure everyone around the world knows that shit already.  Obama visiting Hiroshima ain't gonna change that.  All those jackass motherfuckers and teabagging fuckstains in the GOP who are pissing themselves over this nonsense are fucking losers; they don't understand history or anything else.  Fuck them.  If Obama wants to go to Hiroshima, he should. 

Paul Craig Roberts And The Decades-Long Slow-Motion Stroke

Roberts has been losing his shit ever so slowly for fucking ever.  He was a Reagan guy, and now after a long and painful education, he has become the world's smartest Republican.

Yeah, So Trump's Idiot Son In Law Owns A Paper

Yet somehow nobody clued the family in on registering to vote and shit.  That's funny.  Jared Kushner cost his hapless father at least six million dollars to buy his Harvard and NYU degrees, but why isn't someone a little brighter in the Trump organization using the family paper to bone up on current events and elections and shit.  Jesus.  Trump himself might be the sharpest tool in the Trump family toolshed.  Consider that fact for a while.

What The Fuck, When Did Sean Payton Start Making Sense?

Is there a decent person under all that giant walking mound of shit that was Sean Payton?  He's got some balls, too, and makes good fucking sense here about guns.  From a dick who works for the NFL!  Gods damn, what is this world coming to?  The NFL is hopeless guntard central, but Sean Payton knows the fucking score.  If more of our exceptional American assholes like Sean Payton spoke up the way he did, we'd all be in a much better country!

Trump's Bike Race

Now even the squares are talking about Trump's bike race.  Seen through the eyes of the provincial political idiots, Trump's bike race must seem like an inexplicable artifact, and the fact that it was bought out, got its name changed, and then folded makes it merely an odd-ball historical artifact.  Trump, or in reality someone in his organization, had their sights on the marketing possibilities in a yuge international spectacle, but that shit did not work out for them in our exceptional America.  Now we have some clueless gawkers looking backward but not much else.

Bill Nye Kicks A Helpless Idiot When He's Down

Good for him!  Marc Morano is a feckless liar and risible stooge, so if Bill Nye feels like it's a good idea to abuse a defenceless asshole, I think we can all agree with him!

Is There Any American More Demented Than A 'Libertarian'?

Jesus, the crazed racist white power shitheads have a tighter grasp on reality than libertarians--the neo-Nazi scum might be horrible in every way, but at least they seem to be able to understand their own twisted and nasty worldview and have simple and simply ugly goals for their lives.  Libertarians are comically addle-headed and generally dumb as fucking posts.  Nothing any libertarian stands for makes any fucking sense beyond the most basic ideas of personal freedom, the same basic personal freedoms with which every human would agree.  But in general, libertarians don't understand what freedom is at all in the real world; libertarians are unable to process any concepts more complex than smearing their faces with their own shit.  Freedom, liberty, society, culture, and everything else important are beyond the mental capacity of libertarieans--they are the most useless people on the planet.  When any exceptional American says they're a libertarian, you can be sure you are dealing with one of the most vacuous sacks of garbage in the known universe.

Fukushima Radioactive Wild Boars Is The Best News You Will Read In Your Lifetime

But it gets better, because the next headline will be GIANT radioactive boars at Fukushima rampage.   That will be fucking cool.  Pacific Rim 4 will just write itself at that point.

And Paris-Roubaix

No Tom Boonen.  Or Sagan.  Good racing.  Woulda looked great on our exceptional American HDTVs.

Well, Speith Brought Some Funfetti To The Masters

Comical failure, making golf fun for exceptional Americans everywhere.  It was a shit tournament for the tee vee idiots because they missed having players out there with a crowd-pleasing personality like Phil Mickelson.  Jesus.  Without Spieth's titanic collapse, it woulda been fucking completely useless.

Will Smith Shot In New Orleans, Thanks To The Exceptional American Terrorist Organization The NRA

There's no other country on the fucking planet that would allow this insanity.  So whether it's a traffic squabble or an ill-conceived desire for revenge or anything other fucking shit, we have a bloody slaughter because the NRA is dangerous terrorist organization filling our blighted nation with guns.  This is fucking mindless, deadly violence which has no place in any free society. 

Obama's A Gods-Damned Fool For Going On Fox "News"

Fucking dope.  It's inexcusably stupid for President Obama to validate the pathetic, reactionary, racist assholes at Fox "News" with an appearance on one of their dumb shows with a craven asswhipe like Chris Wallace.  This is yet another fatal flaw of Obama's presidency, along with the appointments of vile assholes like Rahm, Geithner, blatant policy failures foreign and domestic, and lack of courage on guns and race.  Jesus.  If Obama is the best modern president, that doesn't mean he was very good.

Al Giordano Is Not The Dumbest Hillary Shithead Out There, But He's Trying To Be The Most Annoying

There are plenty of loathsome fuckheads shilling non-stop for Hillary and trying desperately to earn their way into the grubbiest sinecures of the entry-level village establishment, but few of them are sadder and more breathtakingly addle-headed than Al Giordano.  After a career pretending he was doing something brave, something different, something useful with his life, he's outed himself as a sad clown in his dotage.  These repellent twits are most assuredly not worst part of the disgusting Clinton campaign and the impending atrocity of another Clinton presidency, but jesus frakking christ, support for Hillary is a sure sign that you are a hugely nasty piece of human filth, and these idiots like Giordano are still.  The.  Fucking.  Worst.  Giordano is pulling a Bob Somerby, make himself look like a raving fucktard over a shitty, rock-ribbed conservative Democratic candidate.  Genius!  When Clinton wonders where the support of a significant chunk of not-completely useless Dems and Dem-sympathizers went, look to the wretched panoply of exceptional American assholes like Al Giordano for spawning a groundswell of inspired Jill Stein voters.  Nice going, fuckface.

In Case You Forgot Huffington Post Was Awful In Every Conceivable Way

Enjoy!  Seth Abramson is not the only complete fucking risible shitstain on the interwebs, but he's one of the biggest!  Kasich will never got nominated to anything this year or next or the hundred years after that.  Kasich is a nasty careerist weasel cocksucker, and he knows the only path for him is as the pissboy for Trump, so that's what he's doing.  He'll be carrying the bucket and licking up the spilled piss for as long as Trump will have him.  Abramson, on the other hand, will not even be as good as the assistant to the assistant pissboy's spokesman. 

The World Needs Ditch Diggers, Too

Pampered and addle-headed upper middle class and upper class twits falling all over themselves because some idiot's kid can't hack first grade.  Advanced academics in first grade?  Yeah, ok, whatevs.  It's bullshit, though.  Nobody wants to acknowledge their kid's a dope, but when you're on the Serotta Forum, it should be routine by now.

Kid's got a problem or the kid's an idiot.  Or both.  I'll bet the problem is that the parents are fucking dipshits.

Hopeless Morons Are Hopeless Morons Even If They're Swedish

Bernie Sanders or empty-headed ass-clown from Sweden via the Cato Institute?  Yeah, don't listen to the fucking dumb-bunny cocksucker from the fatuous Cato Institute.  Please.  Just.  Don't.

The REAL Hastert Rule

Something priests and other serial predators would recognize: exploiting the helpless children, and then lying about it.  It's not enough to be a fucking scumbag child molester, but then you cover it up and lie to the fucking world so you never have to face punishment for your crime.  Hastert is a vile hypocrite, and an almost perfect Republican.

The Dems in the House should never stop using the phrase "Hastert Rule" for even one second during this campaign.  Hastert, Gingrich, Paul Ryan, and all the rest of those shitheads should be hung around the neck of every single Republican in the House so that the Dems can regain the majority.

Come on Dems, let's hop on this taking back the House thing the way Hastert hopped on those boys!

Jesus, Even The Chris Matthews Show Realizes Kasich Is Running For Veep

And Chris Matthews is a fucking dullard.  When a dipwad like Matthews sees what Kasich is up to, well, then you know it's clear as fucking crystal to every numbskull and dickbrain out there.  Finally.

But Kasich has been doing this from the start, or at least from the time that it became obvious what Trump was doing.  Kasick knew that everyone needs a kid sidekick, and he set out to be Trump's.  Good play, really, because it's Trump or no one in the GOP; at least Kasich can say he grokked that shit way before boatloads of assholes, including Chris Matthews.

James Connolly

So, Have You Noticed That The Democratic Primary Was Decided Four Years Ago

No matter what, the Democratic Party decided Hillary Clinton would not lose.  Sanders is an anomaly, but he's not getting elected to anything in 2016.  Why is that?  Why are Iowa and New Hampshire the first contests, states which are small, conservative, reactionary, and white?  Why aren't New York and California the first primaries?  Why aren't all the states primaries?  Held on the same day so everyone's vote counts?  Why does the Democratic Party have superdelegates who can decide the nomination regardless of the voters?

These are not questions Americans are supposed to ask.  Americans are not supposed to understand that no matter what, Hillary Clinton will be the Democratic nominee and the next president.  There's no democracy when your vote doesn't count.  And your vote doesn't count.

There's No Frakking Way Merle Haggard Was Kidding With The Reactionary Shit

He saw the market, and he pandered to it--cuz he likes money.  Country music became the voice for the shitheel racist cracker even more when the world was dissolving around those assholes in the 60s and 70s.  Haggard knew how to write a song, and he knew how to speak to those morons.  So he did.  That's the truth.  He may have claimed it was satire later on, but that's bullshit.  He should have owned up to pandering to those idiots because they were his audience.  He knew what he was doing with those dumb songs.  He was  a country music icon, so he had no reason to pretend otherwise.  Racist assholes listening to country music is as old as America.  Merle Haggard certainly understood that as well as any exceptional American ever has.  With this, the scandal is the coverup.  Haggard was better than his most offensive songs, and he should have copped to that shit, too. 

Andrew Sullivan Is Still A Racist Moron

Why would anybody listen to that squawking conservative queen from England?  He's a buffoon and dim-witted scold.  Remember healthcare under Clinton?  Remember how Andrew Sullivan enabled and supported the outright lies of Betsy McCaughey and her oligarch masters?  That was the true Andrew Sullivan, and now he's been rehabilitated back into the media establishment.  What a disgusting time for any sane, decent American to be alive when we have to be subjected to the inane rantings of a slimeball like Andrew Fucking Sullivan.  He should be hosting a circle-jerk with Stephen Moore and his ilk instead of polluting our tee vee with his racist fucktardery.

Stephen Moore: Exceptional American Asshole

If the Coors and Mellon and duPont and Olin families had not invented the modern wingnut welfare state, fatuous nimrods like Stephen Moore would be living in a gutter somewhere, begging for change on the street, and eating worms out of puddles in your driveway.  He's had a good run of it, licking boots and spouting bullshit, but Trump has destroyed their system now, and losers like Moore are gonna be feeling those hunger pangs pretty fucking soon.  Until now, Moore has been able to earn himself a tasty paycheck being wrong about every single fucking thing while lovingly laving the balls of the conservative establishment with his soft, practiced tongue.  But Trump won't need that, for he'll bring his own lickspittles and ass-kissers, and clowns like Moore will no longer serve any useful function.

If You Ever Wondered Where The Halfway Decent Florida Person Was

They found her.  Hopping all over Rick Scott in public where he couldn't really fight back was pretty fucking cool.  If Florida had a few thousand more like her, it wouldn't be such a fucking toilet.

And, Now Trump Is Turning His Fire On Fox "News"

I would imagine this is not the last we'll hear of this in the run-up to the coronation in NY.  Now is the time for Trump to run up the score against Fox "News" right in their hometown--and his.  This shit is not the funnest of the fun, but it's more than ok to watch these fucking scumbags throw rancid shit at each other.

Never Trump Died Last Night

That sad, misshapen mutant was stillborn the second its brain-damaged mother shit it out onto the sidewalk in Madison.  The entire GOP establishment in Washington, the idiot governor and his band of merry asswhipes in the local media, and probably hundreds of millions of dollars could only get the repellent Ted Cruz 48% in the reactionary fucktard shithole of Wisconsin.  Now what?  They have nowhere left to go, because there's no candidate running against Trump in any states left.  NY?  A yuge state, all Trump.  Those other asshole states the following week?  Cruz and Kasich are exaclty nowhere.  California?  Cruz ain't happening, so it turns out that the Republican establishment has been deluding themselves since the night of the NH primary.  Screaming, hilarious incompetence from the GOP?  Who woulda believed that?

Last night in Wisconsin shows the reason Trump has kept Kasich in the race, though.  Kid-sidekick and comic-relief is the perfect role for that skeevy cocksucker Kasich.

Ted Cruz's Jew York Values

Well, the campaign funfetti has been achingly weak for the most part since Trump completed his extermination of what was for 150 years known as the Republican Party, but at least we will have a couple of weeks of watching mush-mouthed dullard and animated death-mask Ted Cruz try to explain New York values to shitloads of dimwit tee vee news clowns who just happen to live in NY.  That oughta be at least a little bit entertaining. 

UConn's Good, Real Good, And The Entire Team Should Line Up To Kick Dan Shaughnessy Square In The Nuts

Shaughnessy's a first-class douchenozzle, and it would be fitting to have the entire UConn women's team line up to kick him right in the balls.  That would be more positive attention than Shaughnessy deserves, but it would be fun as fuck to watch.

Jesus Christ, Ted Cruz Is One Creepy Motherfucker

Fuck, Cruz is the least appealing human on the face of the earth.  HDTV--hell, any tee vee--is not his friend.  From that vomitous lopsided rictus cracked into his face to his smarmy idiot's speech, Ted Cruz would definitely lose more than Trump's 59 states.  That guy is a fucking creep.

If Paul Ryan Even Attempts To Get The Nomination Away From Trump, Trump Will Be Wearing Ryan's Ear Around His Neck

And Ryan's shrunken head will be on permanent loan to the Donald J. Trump shrine at Mar-a-Lago.  If the establishment fights Trump, they will lose--the Republicans either run Trump as their nominee or they run no one.  That would be fine, too, as Trump will lose at least 59 states when Canada, Mexico, and at least seven other countries become US states just so they can vote against Trump.  When and if they try to steal the nomination from Trump, though, that's when Trump's legions go full-on cannibal and chew up and shit out everything the conservative establishment in Washington loves.  The only way the Republicans can have any hope--vain hope as Trump has already ruined them for all time--is to run with Trump and hope for some sort of miracle survival.  Not victory, but survival.  Their chances are not good, though.  Fortunately for the rest of us, Republicans are too stupid to comprehend the reality right in front of them, so they will be as entertaining as humanly possible as they bleed out, suffer, and die for our amusement.

UConn Is Torching Syracuse

Breanna Stewart is good.  Syracuse is not good enough to beat Stewart.  They never had any shot against Stewart and the rest of UConn.

The Conservative Establishment Hates Trump Because He's Stealing Their Fucking Lunch

The Republicans and Dems in Washington have had an easy time playing the fools in the hinterland for fools for a long fucking time, and all the sudden Trump comes in and kicks them in the nuts and takes their stuff.  Trump is easily as dumb as any Washington insider, but he's that outsider who knows how to burn down the establishment without really having to work very hard.

Lisa Montgomery Really Brings The Fox Business Election Coverage Down

That idiot "Kennedy" can't really keep up with the sparkling funfetti of ignorance and evil from Cavuto and his butt-pirate acolytes; she's too dim and simple even for those fucking dipshits.  Every time she opens her mouth the screamingly insane entertainment grinds to an awkward halt.  Even Charlie Gasparino can support the entertainment endeavor, and he's a fucking complete moron.  "Kennedy" is a fucking albatross.

The Hillary Email Thing Is The Most Retarded Lie Fox "News" Has Ever Cooked Up

Fox is completely deranged over this email nonsense.  This is fucking crazier than any of the shit Fox "News" ginned up during the Romney campaign or the GW "Retardboy" Bush administration.  Only the senile old folks and full-on fucktards who watch Fox "News" believe any of this shit.  Jesus.

George Mason University Was A High Point University Before There Was A High Point University

A fucking joke of a school for idiots, and now they have the ASS law school.  That sounds about right, and it makes perfect sense for a bumblefuck shithole that hosts the risible, Koch-sucking Mercatus Center.

Brutally Fisking Kevin Johnson Is America's Most Important Industry

Gods damn that was nice.  Johnson would be an especially nasty sack of crap even if wasn't accused of molesting vulnerable young girls.  Add that sick shit to the mix and you have a truly exceptional American bastard.  Now that most of the best of our nation is bored watching some fatuous tee vee asswhipes and beady-eyed Republican fuckwads pretend that Donald Trump is not currently sucking the marrow out of the GOP for grins, fisking Kevin Johnson would be the best thing for all of us.

PSA: John Kasich Is Still Losing To People Not Even Running

Future kid-sidekick to future President-for-Life Trump, John Kasich, is going to come in last behind some fucking loser not even eligible to get the GOP nomination.  Lest anyone think Kasich's running for president instead of running to be the comic relief for Donald Trump, ask yourself why someone who's been mathematically eliminated is really still in the race?

Since There Wasn't A Divine Smiting At The National Championship

I guess we can be sure that the gods were not available to smash any deserving assholes on national tee vee tonight.  That sucks.  At least North Carolina lost.

Live @ 5

Watch As Our Next President Hillary Clinton Wins Only The Fanatic Support Of Center-Right Dullards And Sad-Sack Obama Fluffers

If you ain't angry, you ain't payin' attention--and only the lamest of the horrible establishment Dems and their mindless backers will be truly enthusiastic for Hillary Clinton's presidency.  The rest of the sane and sensible of us will be somewhere between disinterested, disappointed, and mortified.  Since Hillary will be the next president, along with worse in every possible way than Sanders would be, nobody with any brains or class is really gonna be happy about Clinton, part deux.  These aren't the grown-ups looking for a grown-up candidate, and they aren't the smart or reasonable.  Nope.  These Clinton people are the dull and dumb Dems who either don't know any better or are too unimaginative to give a shit.  They suck hard.  Never doubt that.

The Huskies Lost, But The Huskies Are Still Gonna Win

Not gonna get a Husky Husky final, but with the Huskies still in it, we're pretty much guaranteed a Husky championship. 

Well, Syracuse Will Not Have A Chance To Have Dual Championships

But they didn't really have that chance anyway.  Villanova, though.  When it's your year, I guess it's your year.  Jeez.  Boeheim's a dick, anyway.  Fuck Syracuse.  Fuck NC, too.  And Villanova.  Let's pray for an asteroid impact or somethin'. 

Exceptional American Gothic

Heh, indeedy.  Apparently it's always a Sammy Hagar weekend somewhere in exceptional America.  Dirtballs in the parking lot getting wasted before a concert is probably a glory we will never experience again in our exceptional America.  If you tried this shit today, you'd be arrested and have to register as a felon or sex offender or some other sort of danger to society.  I can't say that's a good thing.  Cuz it's not.  These shitheads might have had abysmal taste in music, but they weren't hurting anyone.

The Great Hero And Freedom Fighter Tilikum Is Dying

It's a sad time for everyone who loves freedom.  Tilikum did more during his life to fight for freedom everywhere than most people do, and he's a fucking dolphin.  We will all miss him, and we should all be sad when he is gone, for we will not see the likes of him again.  Tilikum was robbed of his life and his freedom, but he learned and he fought back.  Because of him, many of his kind will live free in their natural environment, living the true life he never had a chance to experience.  He's a hero.  He will be mourned, but with the grace of all the gods in all the hells, never forgotten.

Vinegar Hill

Dan Shaughnessy Will Be The Man To Deliver Massachusetts For Trump

Future President-For-Life Trump should hop on the Dan Shaughnessy bandwagon and hire that fucking genius to deliver Massachusetts for Trump!  Shaughnessy is a well-known great fucking guy and will fit right in with the Trump campaign and presidency!

When One Of The Dumbest Motherfuckers On The Planet Says Something Is Too Smart, Kyle Smith Edition

Too smart from a profoundly stupid man is no compliment.  The sad, hacktackular Kyle Smith wouldn't recognize anything smart even if you gave him a fucking cartoon road map with a picture of the smart thing drawn on it with a red crayon.  BvS might be bad, but it can't possibly be so fucking brainless that Smith thinks it's smart, can it?

Point 5