Josh Hamilton, Now There's A Real Murikan!

Hells, yeah!  Hamilton loves America almost as much as he loves blow, and we can all thank the gods for that.

At Least The Red Sox Are On The Side Of The Gods

With all the bad shit, getting worse all the time, when the Red Sox do the work of the gods to redeem humanity with a heartfelt and demoralizing loss on national tee vee, well, we can have a tiny bit of hope, maybe.

You're No Jorn Barger

Probably just as well.  But Barger was one of those at-the-right-time deals where he was thinking and working with totally new stuff so his influence was extravagantly magnified.  Now, it's a where-ever-you-go-there-you-are interwebs world. 

The Worst Of The Worst

Yeah, pretty much.  Stupid, paranoid, violent.  That's your America.  Congrats.

Martin O'Malley Is No Bernie Sanders

Maybe O'Malley thinks he's gonna get that Veep spot with Hillary, but he's wrong.  Unfortunately for him, nobody gives a flying fuck about Martin O'Malley, and the fact that his side lost the race for governor last year is pretty serious. 

Same Ole Story

The Hastert Rule: Denny's Middle Name Is Duggar

Typical Republican closet-case pervert!  Bill O'Reilly loves this guy.  So does Newt Gingrich.  Huckabee.  The Duggar family.  So, Hastert is gunning for the VP spot as Sepp Blatter's running mate with a sex scandal and cover-up only a Republican hypocrite could love.  America, Fuck YEAH!

Next Stop: Sepp Blatter Will Get The Republican Nomination For POTUS

Sepp Blatter for President!  He'd fit right in with the rest of the Republican assholes, the criminals, grifters, molesters, thugs, morons.  Blatter is really probably the Republican dream candidate, with the corruption of Christie and Walker, the creepy entitlement of Huckabee and Bush, and the batshit inanity of Paul, Cruz, Rubio, Santorum.  Let's get that amendment passed so Sepp Blatter can be the Republican candidate in 2016!

Wid A Smile

No Matter What, Mike Huckabee Will Always Be A Friend To Child Molesters And Pig Fuckers

Huckabee is a rock of ages for abusers and molesters!  Huckabee is a nasty piece of shit, but he knows and loves and will always defend his people, child molesters, killers, farm animal rapists, and the rest of the scum.

Nifty Fisking Of 'Tomorrowland'

Mmmm...crap.  I think dimwitted Brad Bird is one of those movie guys we need to add to the list of overrated buffoons with the likes of JJ Abrams and Christopher Nolan.

Ted Cruz: Big Government Commie Sucking On The Teat Of The Welfare State

Ted Cruz, welfare queen.  Ted Cruz is one of those effeminate big-government liberals who would rather take the welfare money from hard-working white christian Americans than working hard and pulling themselves up by their bootstraps like a rugged-individualist heterosexual man.  Cruz wants Texas to depend on the FEDERAL GOVERNMENT for help!  He's some sort of sissy.  Texas must be filled with minorities and illegal immigrants instead of self-sufficient white citizens.  Shame!

Vote George Pataki: The Only Candidate Dumb Enough To Have Ever Been Seen In Public With Betsy McCaughey

Who's one useless old white guy who will never be president?  This guy.  How badly does Pataki suck greasy moose cock?  This much.  Betsy McCaughey is really fucking shitty, even when compared to the lowest rungs of the loathsome teabagger hierarchy.  Congrats, Pataki, you are one of the biggest assholes in the history of American electoral politics. 

Bigger Than Minor Miracle: Nebraska Does Something Right!

When a shitty, backward place like Nebraska does something vitally important like abolishing the death penalty, all of America and the world should be ecstatic.  Baby steps and all, but the death penalty is one of those vile institutions which corrodes our entire society.  Nebraska, surprisingly, joins the civilized world, and that's pretty fucking rad.  Good job, Nebraska. 

FIFA Indictments Are Funny As Hell, But Can't We Do Better Than That?

Sure, it's a shitload of fun to see one of the most corrupt institutions in human history get fucked with, but can't our new Attorney General do a bit better than that with a few more useful big-time indictments?  As far as I know, Dick Cheney, Paul Wolfowitz, Condi Rice, and George W. "Retard Boy" Bush are still walking around loose.  We got a bunch of folks on Wall Street who have done really bad things.  Wal-Mart and McDonald's and tons of other organizations steal wages weekly.  Where are those indictments?  Joe Arpaio should be in jail.  Killer cops.  We have a backlog of fun, funny indictments we could watch that would benefit America. 

FIFA is a joke, and seeing Sepp Blatter perp-walked would be a joy, but there are real criminals out there committing heinous crimes beyond FIFA.

Bill O'Reilly Sure As Shit Is Appalled By Adultery

When your wife seeks the succor of a virile, extremely skilled man of the law because her husband is Bill O'Reilly and is a creepy, impotent pervert who wants underlings to jam falafels deep into his bunghole, that's what America calls fucking hilarious and understandable!  That appalls O'Reilly!

Political Song for Creepy Home-Schooled Duggar Incest Fans And Enablers to Sing

My Balls Are Pure, Purer Than Any Purity Balls

I've got big, creepy, pure balls!  I've got big balls!  I've got the biggest pure balls of them all!

What the fuck is the matter with the USA?  How did any group of primates get this fucking stupid?  Fluffing jesus is a gods-damned cancer on our culture.  Disgusting.

The Federal Goverment Isn't Working To Bail Out Texas After The Floods, Right?

Bail out!  Bail out!!  See what I did there??

Those Texas fuckwads are rugged individualists, and they will pull themselves out of that filthy, shit-stinking flood water by their own gods-damned bootstraps, right?  I mean, they would never accept federal help in TEXAS, would they? 

We Have Built A Sick Sad World

This story from Queens is not the worst or most damaging story of the day, but jesus, we have created a society that is just rotten.  Whether those kids had parents who couldn't read the note or couldn't afford the ten bucks, the principal from that school is just a repellant, useless person, and she has sisters and brothers everywhere now.  We suck at this game.

Jesus Frakking Christ, Rick Santorum Is A Fucking Moron

He's the dippiest dipshit whoever dipped for shit, and Santorum.  But remember, this fucking reject Santorum was a Senator from a pretty sizable state, who had a hand in running the government of the United Fucking States of America, and he's a certified mental defective.  It's not just the blahs and former Democratic Senator, and well-known rock-ribbed conservative douchebag, Bob Kerrey who understand Santorum is nasty, brainless piece of human filth.  He was also one of the dumbest men in the Senate, but that is just a fucking bonus.

Who Told The Gods-Damned Idiot Teabaggers About Our Fucking Chemtrail Project??

FUCK!  First someone blabbed about Jade Helm 15, and now the stupid fucking teabaggers are figuring the truth about our formerly-secret Chemtrails.  Listen, assholes, these teabaggers are way too fucking dense to figure this shit out on their own, so one of you fuckers musta told them about our super-secret teabagger mind-control project.  Or whatever it is we are doing to these sorry bastards with our chemtrails.   Somebody told 'em, and if we find you, we're gonna do something bad to you.  Something inexplicably horrible.  Something really fucking insane.  And bad.  Bad, bad, bad.  Something.  The teabaggers know that's no idle threat.

Texas Flood

Looks awful.  This is exactly the kind of shit that would be fucking really bad if it had happened in America, but since this is Texas, well fuck 'em.

Gary Sinise Is A Real Piece Of Shit For Palling Around With Wife Beater Bill O'Reilly

Sinise was always a shithead, but he's screamingly vulgar out there with a pervert and abuser like O'Reilly.  That's your teabagger-American dream couple for 2015 right there.  Assholes.

Political Song for Useless Upper-Middle Class Twits to Sing

Speaking Of Screaming Vulgar Assholes

Jesus.  Fucking assholes.  The one thing white dudes can't fucking comprehend is how hopelessly useless white dudes are.  You'd be hard pressed to find an upper-middle class twit who was not some repulsive white dude, much the same way you'd never find a frothing Koch-sucker who was not a rancid upper-class motherfucking white dude.  It's stupid to try and talk to them about it; they are all too fucking ignorant and are dumb as posts.  Now, I think Padraig is kind of a doosh, but when it is Padraig versus the least crucial dipshits on the interwebs, well, no contest.

Satisfyingly Decent And Thorough Duggars Fisking

Nicely done.  So far, the best ongoing fisking of the Duggars has been Heather Digby Parton, but I'm not sure the gossip airheads follow her work, so broadening the fisking is truly the gods' work.  Those Duggars are loathsome.

The Yankees Love America's Heroes

So do the Red Sox.  Heroes.  I assume they mean the sandwiches. 

Jeepers

Police In The USA Torture People, Helpless, Harmless People

This has been a public service announcement.  But it should never come a surprise.  The police are thugs and bullies and scumbags; they are heavily armed and dangerously violent.  Yes, yes, an individual cop might be that "good person" out there, but the job is more about intimidation and control than serve and protect.  The DO serve and protect, but not you.  The people those police serve and protect are not your people; Officer Friendly is dangerous and not to be trusted under any circumstances.  

Assholes Assholes Assholes Bastards Fuckwits

Shitheads.  The upper-middle class twits are the fucking scum of the Earth.

Ireland Does The Right Thing

62.1% for the Ta side!  That's a feckin' landslide, and in Ireland, where the priests used to rule.  Ireland--IRELAND!!--leads the way.  That's not nothing, and good on those Mick fuckers for making the right call.  Raise a glass, boyo, and welcome to the wonderful world of marriage equality and to the equally wonderful world of gay divorce!

Pictures. Love the Gerry Adams.  Sinn Fein was on the right side of this issue.  As usual.

Good Start For The Sox Tonight

I hope the Angels do not regret not piling on in that top of the first.

Update: Fuckers.  A dark day for humankind.

Help America, Pray To The Minutemen

Is There Anything Dumber And More Offensive Than 'Help America Pray The Rosary'?

I guess you're saying, "I'm a gigantic asshole AND I'm a catholic!"  But jesus, why would you be so proud of being so gods-damned primitive?  What the fuck is a rosary, anyway, besides some cheap plastic beads on a nylon string in the hands of a sad and frightened animal?  How in the name of fuck is that crap going to help America?  What is going to help, exactly?  What the fuck is wrong with people?

No Stephanie Birkitt On The Last Letterman Show

No pictures of Birkitt in the Foo Fighters' montage; no nothing.  Almost like she'd never been there.  Isn't that odd.  Most everything was on display, but not that.  I'd imagine Letterman's wife probably drew that line. 

No Tony "Inky" Mendez, either.

The Fucking Duggars Are Human Garbage

Jesus, this family is the scum of the fucking Earth.  And that sick fucker Josh Duggar was working for the even sicker motherfuckers at the Family Research Council.  That molester Duggar was doing some pretty disgusting research, but I'm sure the FRC scumbags were really into it.  Abusing children is probably the biggest requirement for working at the FRC.

Red Sox Doing The Gods' Work Tonight

And now Eck with that other fool and that Steve Lyons clown.  Eck is losing his shit.  This is the most entertaining tee vee in human history.

Big Stik

When Is This Bill O'Reilly Abuse Story Going To Break Into The Mainstream?

Blogs and whatnot are fine, just fine, but O'Reilly lost custody of his kids because he did something to his wife, and the evidence points to O'Reilly being guilty of the most disgusting domestic violence.  After the scandal of his lying and deception in reporting for decades, this new O'Reilly news should be everywhere.  When will the establishment media run with this?  Come on, you worthless fuckers. 

Bill O'Reilly Is A Bad Bad Man

Wife beater, the worst father in the world, proven liar, pervert, sexual harasser, keister falafel maven, brain-dead hypocrite.  What's left for this disgusting motherfucker?  Literal mother fucking?  He's the king of the tee vee teabaggers, but in real life, Bill O'Reilly is a sad and repulsive specimen. 

Remember When Michigan Was A Respectable School?

The U Chicago of Michigan? The Wesleyan of the Midwest? The Berkeley of public universities?  When you could excuse so much of the nonsense?  When you felt good about being associated with the university?  Well, those days are gone.  Have been for a while, but Jim Harbaugh is the final insult.  The Reaganites and teabaggers and worthless conservative Koch-suckers have destroyed public education; Harbaugh's merely an unsightly carbuncle on the cancer-ridden rectum of the American academy. 

Jesus, These Duggar Creeps Are Demented And Deranged

How much more odious can this motherfucking Duggar shit show be?  What's next?  Some sort of organized cannibalism or thousand-year program of child rape?  The Duggars and their ilk are the absolute worst people America has ever spawned.  We should be ashamed. 

Kraut Car Butthurt = No Comments

Some of the civilians took exception to the Kraut cars and the Kraut car guys vaporized the comments.  Funny?  Not really.  Sad?  Who cares?  Dead as doornail?  Who cares?

Vulgar Idiot Of The Day, Catholic Edition

It's not just the fundie protestant christians who are horribly ignorant, vile, and hateful.  The catholics, the ones who inculcated child rape as a key component of the standard benefits package for 2000 years, can be every bit as creepy and dangerous as the born-again fuckwads.  Luckily, we have the devil fighting on our side, and I'll bet on that made-up motherfucker over all the other made-up motherfuckers any day of the week.

Ah, Twin Peaks Is A Pathetic Tits Place, Like An Even Sadder Hooters

Nothing to do with David Lynch or good pie or anything.  Got it.  Tits, for losers.  That makes these motorcycle twits even more risible; it would have been so much more majestic to hang out at--and shoot up--an Applebee's.  Jesus, that's really sad.  What sort of greasy loser would be caught dead in a place like this let alone kill someone in one?  America is a horrible place.

This Is Pretty Good Shit From Gawker

No, not O'Reilly--that shit is genius and mandate from all mankind--but this rant against wasting water and plastic and money for the ubiquitous bottled water culture.  Sure, it's gonna take a thousand years of browbeating and bitching until most rock-headed dipshits from our species get the hint, but fuck, let's start now.  Good. 

Gleeful Fisking Of Jupiter Ascending

Liar, Cuckold, And Pervert Bill O'Reilly Losing Custody Of His Kids Is The Most Heartwarming Story Of The Millennium

This is exactly the sort of story that makes you gratified you were born on this Earth.  Bill O'Reilly is so many nasty things, including a sexually-harassing pervert who wants nothing more than someone to shove falafels up his keister, but knowing that he was soundly bludgeoned by the judicial system and lost custody of his children makes everything so much more hilarious.  O'Reilly is a thin-skinned bully, a proven liar, a self-deluded pervert, a complete fucking moron, and the sort of man whose wife leaves him for a virile police officer, and, now, he is not even a father because the court ruled he was a violent coward and domestic abuser, too.  Life is fucking grand!

John Bolton, Cowardly Clown

Bolton is exactly the sort of monstrous gaping pussy that would scare the shit out of Lindsey Graham.  Bolton, however, also hates America.  He hates America so much that after his career of evil and lies and destruction, he refuses to even attempt to entertain us on the funfetti that is the GOP clown car abortion campaign, 2016.  Fucker.

This Is Not A Silca Impero Pump

Well, I guess it is, technically.  But it's a fucking joke; the Impero was light, cheap, paintable, and easily replaced (if not custom painted for your Masi or DeRosa or Della Santa or Chris Kvale), not a valuable piece of lifestyle status symbol bullshit.  Fuckers.

Wait, Those Cracker Thugs In Waco Shot Up A CHAIN RESTAURANT?

What the fuck?  This rough tough biker bar was a fucking chain restaurant?  A Twin Peaks?  Jesus.  What's next, some pussy bikers shoot up a Chile's?  The 99 will be the new hangout for the Diablos?  Hell's Angels at Applebees?  America is fucking toast.  What kind of self respecting cracker thugs would ever be seen at a fucking shitty chain place?  Gods damn, the bikers and their fluffers should be hanging out at the Round Up or some shit.  Even our white criminal element is completely incompetent.  Fucking idiots.

ISIS's Black Flag Versus Black Flag

We should send in America's Black Flag.  Round up every band member from Black Flag's entire history, and then send those dad-punk fuckers over to wail on those ISIS pricks.  That would be entertaining.  And would probably make a pretty cool live album.

You Said Hard

White People In Texas Are The Worst People

A fundamental failure of the white race, white families, and white culture.  White people can't be trusted.  Out of wedlock birth rates soaring.  Rampant criminal behavior.  White on white violence.  This is a failure of the culture, the white culture and country music glorifying guns and drugs and intoxication and violence.  Shame on those white thugs.

Hahhahhahahaahahhahahahahahhahhahhah. Frakking Sublime.

Pizza-Faced Chronic Masturbators Will NOT Be Leaving Their Mommy's Houses To See Mad Max

So there!  Those rock-ribbed, permanently-virgin, closet-case MRAs don't like the womens and their scary womens parts one little bit.  They want a movie with no vag whatsoever.  Zero percent.  Pure, unadulterated action penis.  THAT'S what those fatuous jerkoffs want.  No fish!  Mad Max don't need no stinkin' girls in his apocalypse!

All You Can Eat Buffet Of Batshit Crazy Teabagging Fucktardery

Rampant asshole funfetti.  Conservatives and Republicans are unintelligent, but never clever enough to be consistently entertaining.  That's sad for us.  Anyone dumb enough to be a teabagger or conservative or Republican is such a burden on our society, the least they could do is be entertaining.  Stupid.  Selfish.  Fuckers.

Political Song for Teabagging Ignoramus Republicans to Sing

Your Song

Workin' Progress: The Time Traveler's Mother In Law

Running into an extremely jumpy Olivia Park was not the worst thing Hannah was worried about.  Maybe it should have been.  Dillon wandered off, the Cornelius Kevin party collapsed for a while, restless gestating twins, and a calm dark night, but it was running into Rebecca that worried Hannah.  It shouldn't, but it did.  Dealing with her mother would only ruin her mood, she knew, so encountering an unsettled Dr. Park was a sort of relief.  She seemed happy for the company, and really, the whole thing was so much less awkward than it should have been.  I guess it's all so far away now, she mused.  Olivia is here.  She's alive.  So am I.  We have more than a bit in common besides my father.  Besides Dillon.  Jesus.  It was all so fucked up, but it feels normal here.  Why is that?  She didn't know, so when Olivia went back to try and sleep while it was night, Hannah went to look out over the bluff for a while before she felt tired.  Eva Laria.  Eva Laria.  Tomorrow, probably.  Another lucky winner.  Was that why Dillon was off somewhere?  Probably not.  Dillon was remarkably disinterested in the whole thing considering this was all his doing.  Eva Laria, Hannah remembered her.  Remembered who she was anyway.  How disoriented was she going to be?  Would she be happy to be here?  Would she fit in with this early, disorganized collection?  Maybe Kevin would fuck her straight away and that would be that.  Or did she have a family?  Would she be waiting for the rest of them to get through?  Hannah couldn't recall.  Or maybe she had never known?  Whatever.  Hannah wasn't the fucking welcome wagon.  What Hannah needed was more pregnant women around.  Some commiseration.  Fuck, Kathleen Berotti was probably already pregnant.  Who else?  Anyone would be fine.  Except her mother.

Workin' Progress: Freighter Cruises

Freighter cruises.  Abner Kinsella wasting months, years, on freighter cruises.  Dillon was livid he hadn't come up with that shit earlier.  He was giddy.  This was genius.  Kinsella would be, was, should be, what, 22 now?  Something.  He'd set him up as a college freshman, so 22 would work.  How long?  10 years?  Why not?  In ten fucking years he could bail on whatever horrible thing he was doing, send Dillon off on vaguely undetermined next new somethings, say goodbye, and pop up as horrible douchebag Abner Kinsella, travel writer or whatever bullshit made a modicum of sense.  Or not.  What would it matter?  He probably wouldn't be ready to kill off Dillon.  He still needed a way to live with Dillon for a long fucking time.  That was going to be a problem.  Kinsella was a necessity, and he had been more than perfect distraction.  Special Agent Tomko was probably still trying to figure that shit out.  But that stupid bastard would swear he met the guy, swear he was sure the guy was involved with something that he couldn't quite articulate.  Kinsella wasn't permanent solution.  Dillon knew that the next long-term answer was probably five years old.  It was ok if he was going to be a well-preserved 40, but there was no way to pull off being 60 or 70 years old and looking like you were 20 or 25.  Dillon wasn't going to live forever, but he had no idea how the fuck he would get around living a long goddamned time.  Too long to be Dillon the whole time.  Somebody would notice.  Kinsella was a distraction, but the freighter cruise scheme was fucking genius.  Abner Kinsella on the high seas, far away from just about everyone and everything.  Brilliant.  He wished he could leave today.  He wished he wasn't wasting time.  Get out, get another decade with that Boulder bullshit for Dillon, leave, and then put Dillon to bed for a while and take off as Abner Kinsella.  Then Dillon could come back and open a practice somewhere new with people who hadn't known him since Illinois or the LAPD and wouldn't ask too too many questions.  How long would that last?  A bit of gray in the hair, glasses he didn't need, work for a time in that new place and then "retire" somewhere.  What would be best for that?  A condo in the city in Perth or Dublin?  He didn't want to stand out as the American and possibly be identified more or less by accident.  A house in some middle-class neighborhood like somewhere in Longmeadow, Mass or some such place?  A small house and a big enough yard that the neighbors weren't on top of you all the time.  He could chill out there for a while, anonymously, before he had to completely abandon Dillon, the people assuming his family from somewhere put him in a home or he died or dried up and blew away.  That would be that, and it would be someone else who carried on.  Shane Fitzpatrick.  Seamus Murphy.  Paddy McGoatfucker.  Didn't fucking matter.  Wouldn't fucking matter.  Everybody would dead finally.  Not just some of them.  They'd all be dead.  Except him.  Even Dillon.  Sort of.  How long would he have to fucking deal with it?  Dillon wasn't sure it would help to know exactly how long.  Really, he knew it would be so much worse to know.  What was he going to do, ask?  That would be a nightmare.  He sincerely wished he could fool himself into believing he had a duty or an obligation or something.  He wished he didn't know for sure that nothing he did was going to matter at all.  There was nothing to know that was going to matter.  No one was going to make any difference at all.  There was nothing he could do to change anything.  He could live for a billion years and he wouldn't be able to redeem any of it.  He had done what he needed to for himself selfishly, for them after a fashion, and that was as much he could do.  All of it.  His life was not a reward, it was a side-effect.  His years were no reason.  They simply were.  No matter what he did or didn't do, nothing would change for anyone, nothing would matter.  But he could fuck around as Abner Kinsella for a while and not have to do anything or see anyone pretty much.  Drink whiskey.  Read books.  Be lost on the water.  That was gonna be great.  The best thing. 

Workin' Progress: It's Quiet Here

Mick emerged from the crossing under black night and stars and immediately turned away from the light and the noise.  He was looking for a point, a bluff he'd never really noticed even in daylight.  It wasn't too far, he knew.  Close, but apart, Hannah had told him.  What the fuck did that mean?  Close, but apart.  Jesus.  He'd left her napping in his midday and come here to another night. This whole unsynchronized day thing was a fucking nightmare.  Real ghetto shit.  A million years of post-technological evolution and they couldn't make the days and nights line up right.  Fuckers.  Crossing wasn't good, either.  Bridge.  Bridge would be better.  Nobody cared.  The sky was so clear, though.  Look at those stars.  There was so much beauty.  It was all quiet and dead, but it was beautiful.

Loveitorleaveit

Wait, Dan Savage Has A Sitcom?

Hilarious?  Not from that trailer, but if the humorless fundie asswhipes hate it, well, that makes it fucking genius. 

If Laziness, Addiction, And Apathy Caused Poverty, Then The Du Ponts, Mellons, Rockefellers, Kochs, O'Reillys Would Be Eating Worms Out Of Puddles Somewhere In Upstate New York

They love to pick on the poors and the blacks and the mothers and the children, but really, if laziness and addiction and apathy caused poverty, well, those families wouldn't be able to rub two nickels together.  O'Reilly and the rest of the fucking buffoons are disgracefully ignorant, but far too many of our brothers and sisters are too dumb to disbelieve them.

Elizabeth Warren Or Barack Obama

If you were a far-left Democrat, who in fact is very slightly to left of center but looks like a Commie compared to the rock-ribbed conservative establishment Democrats, which person is more in line with your very normal, center-left, mainstream beliefs, Warren or Obama?  For anyone with enough brain power to flicker a 2-watt bulb, seeing the conflict between Warren and Obama as a civil war raging in a  far-left, activist political movement is idiotic.  Warren is a mainstream center-left politician, and Obama is an establishment Democrat.  Neither is a raging leftist.  That's too bad, but it's true.  Fast track will soon be the law, after a momentary speed bump in the Senate, because the Democrats are mostly right in line with Obama's agenda.  Not a raving left-wing activist to be found.  Who's fucked?  You are.

Better Than The Song (Not That Hard)

"Hungry Like The Wolf" is often any given person's favorite Duran Duran song, if they have one.  (Why would you have one, anyway?)  Never had much use for this song; "Rio", maybe.  Maybe.  ("Girls On Film" maybe as well.)

Amtrak Crash? Thanks Alot, Obama

Fuckin' Obama. The guy's a menace.  Trains didn't crash when we had white christian dudes in the fucking White House.  Trains didn't kill people when Reagan was president.  Real presidents hate trains.  Only homosexuals and Democrats and hippies and Communists ride trains.  Americans hate trains.  Trains hate America.  Trains kill people.  Trains are terrorists.  Trains are mooslims.  Like Obama.  Thanks, Obama.

Alan Grayson Or Patrick Murphy?

The rock-ribbed Democratic establishment has a Boehner for Murphy because he is a perfectly solid right-wing politician, like all establishment Dems.  Grayson is not an establishment guy.  Nope.  He's way too abrasive and normal to ingratiate himself to the guys and gals in charge, but in the Senate, who would be way better for America?  Who would be a better enemy of the teabagging, racist, fucknut Republicans?

Low-Information Gossip Jerks Are Unhelpfully Unsophisticated

Jokes. Ignorance. America!  Yeah, being a Grayson is not easy, mostly because a big chunk of the folks who should be on your side are kinda useless. 

Breakdown

Nepal. Jesus.

Fuck.  The world is not solely a place where stupid assholes and miserable cocksuckers suffer because they're so fucking dumb and getting exactly what they deserve.  No not just that.  Sometimes people just get fucked for no reason, and a planet of billions with unimaginable wealth and power cannot do shit to fucking fix it.  The only help is a frantic scramble after the fact and even that is never really enough.  Nepal is fucked.  We are not gonna be able to do anything to mitigate the situation and should probably just ignore it because Obama is still black and some queers are always making trouble and there are still sluts and shit.

The Red Sox Are Doing The Gods Work Tonight

No matter how awful the world, when the Sox are getting pummeled, something is good in this bad old existence.

Hersh Or Not, The Official Story Of Bin Laden Is A Mount Everest Of Horseshit

Is Seymour Hersh a brave truth-teller?  Or is he a brazen thief with giant brass balls?  Or is he just fucking making shit up to build up his brand and get himself on the tee vee?  I don't know.

But I know one thing.

The story the President and the CIA and the military told about bin Laden was utter and complete bullshit.  Lies.  The raid.  The investigation.  The firefight.  Burial at sea.  Bull.  Shit.  It was laughable on its face, a fiction served up to further the political goals of Obama and fluff up the reputation of a military that couldn't get the job done in Afghanistan.  And Iraq.  That mental defective who wrote a book about how he killed bin Laden in a gunfight like some risible B-movie Reaganite cocaine cowboy was probably lying from the start but may have been so addle-headed and moronic that he really believed it after a few hours.  The entire official story was a mountain of horseshit going up half-way to the moon.  Hersh, and Hillhouse in 2011, may have the truth or not, but seeing as they may be right and the government is surely lying, there's a way better chance that Hillhouse and Hersh are closer to the truth than Obama or anyone else speaking for the official US of A.

There's Goes A-Rod

Maybe Rodriguez can play for another ten years and get the records for most homers AND most hits.  That would be a banner day for American exceptionalism.

Hannity Is Scraping Up Bottom-Of-The-Barrell Uncle Toms To Diss Michelle Obama

There's nothing more that these bush-league Fox "News" Toms love more than ragging on Michelle Obama.  They get that special feeling because shitting on a woman is always extra exciting. 

This Greenie Canuck Makes More Sense Than Most (Any?) American Politician

Mmmm...beer!  But fuckin' ay, she's right!  That kid was fighting against invaders--kid!--and the big bad pussies from the USA had to torture him and drop him in a hole because they were so fucking scared of a little kid.  Well, now he's out, and he's closer to being a hero than any psycho snipers or random invaders, even the ones with the stars and stripes on their outfits.

All-American Theme Song

Go If'n You Want To

Ari Millen Is Doing Fine As The Boy Clones On Orphan Black

Everybody was so worried and blah blah blah, but the dude is doing fine as the psycho soldier boy clones.  If he gets lucky and the show has not only next year's season four, but also a five, and the show decides to give him some room to run, it looks like he's more than up to it. 

The Red Sox Won Today, But They've Been Properly Entertaining Lately

By losing and being generally embarrassing.  That's the best entertainment value in America.  Thank the gods.  Last place would be sublime.

The One Or The 1 Or

How Did Those Brain-Dead Teabagger Fucks Discover THE TRUTH About Jade Helm 15?

WHO TOLD? FUCKERS!  This thing was all set.  We were gonna get them teabagger fucks all rounded up and reeducated and shit, but one of you traitorous drunken fuckin' assholes opened your yap, and now they know!  Jesus!  That cat was  napping in that fucking bag till one of you dumb bastards woke it up.  Now it's out and pissing all over the place.  You all suck.  I guess the only thing left is to just get the army to fucking shoot 'em all instead.  No biggy.

The Great Patriotic War

Today is the real VE day.  The Russians won WWII for the rest of us.  It was the Soviets who destroyed the Nazi menace.  Bad on us Americans for wasting the 70 years since on such needless suffering and death and madness.  But we should never forget what those brave Soviet citizens did; without them, Europe would be speaking German.  And the USA would have been just fine, but, fuck those Nazi bastards.

Really And Truly!

Fucking Limeys Are Useless Shitstains As Usual

Who thought it would be a good idea to let these fucktards vote?  The Limeys have fucked themselves voting for that conservative motherfucker, but at least we can hope the Haggistani cocksuckers vote the proper way the next time and fucking sink the entire UK.

661. Next, MVP.

We need A-Rod to be the MVP.  We need the Yankees to win the Series this year, led by A-Rod the MVP to finally give America exactly what we deserve.  After that, we can just finish the job and fucking light ourselves on fire.

Charles Grodin On Louie

Grodin threatens to implode the known universe with his performance on Louie.  It's interesting and funny, but I can't help but think he's fucking with everybody a little too much, and he might deadpan the universe right out of existence.  The girls who play the daughters seem to be trying to be professionals at least.

Say, Were You Looking For The Greasy, Zit-Faced, Chronically-Masturbating Racist Teabagging Virgin Fucktards?

For once not hiding under their mothers' beds, they're over here, furiously yanking their non-functional 2-inch peckers.  Pretending they're some self-styled "alpha males" who couldn't recognize a woman without a four-hour explanation every fucking time, let alone properly interact with any vaginas not attached to road-kill.  The fact that they're embarrassingly ignorant and violently racist is just a huge bonus your way.

Don't Call The Cops

Cops are dangerous and deadly, and they don't work for you.  So don't call them.  If you are that asshole always calling the cops on your neighbors or your exes or you kids or on blacks or anyone else, please stop.  You're going to get someone killed or injured.  Grow the fuck up.  Unless you are the true ruling class in America, the cops are almost never worth the risk.  A cop in your house or your car or on your street is dangerous.  Use with caution and only when it is the last fucking resort.

Political Song for Mike Huckabee to Sing

Having David Wells Investigate Your Footballs

Is probably not a great idea.  I mean, it's the wrong balls, though Wells could probably report perfectly well on getting really drunk with David Cone, so...wait, what?

Jobst Brandt Was 80

Hugely influential cycling icon/crackpot, apparently Brandt was still riding near his home four years ago at 76 frakking years old.  That's fucking baller, atmo.  Brandt walked the talk and lived his passion and became a brand name, so good on him for a life well-ridden.

Guilty Pleasure From A More Innocent Time

I'm a sucker for the sophomoric nonsense followed by the idiot-DKs freakout.  What's also pretty funny is that Crystal Shit Ship was a real Doors cover band that sounded nothing like the Doors.  For realz, the Dead Milkmen covering Doors songs straight would sound more like the Doors than Crystal Ship ever did, as in not much, really.

50 Shades Honest Trailer Is Fun

Gotta be way better than the stupid movie. 

Being One Ugly Mother Fucker Runs In The Huckabee Family

Yeesh.  He looks like an all-American pig fucker, and I'd imagine that runs in the Huckabee family as well.

I Part 1

2015: No Fat Chix

Carly Fiorina, Another Pathetic All-American Failure Who Will Never Be President

The clown car crackup never ends in the Republican party.  The Worst CEO in American History is fucking dumb enough to think that she'll win, or she's scummy enough to be working a scam on the inbred buttfucks in the GOP rank and file.  Either way, fuck her, she's human garbage.  She sucks so bad at everything but comical failure, she's probably the female version of Mitt Romney. 

Let's Use A Drone On The Real Problem Terrorists: Pam Geller And The State Of Texas

Since the US is not at all shy about using all our robots to kill and kill again all over the place, why can't we actually do some good for once and take out some real dangers to America?  Geller is vile, violent racist and bigot, and now that she is complicit in terrorist activities, isn't that enough for the US intervention?  Texas is clearly a terrorist haven, as now proven this past weekend, and we know what happens to terrorist havens like Iraq, Afghanistan, Yemen.  Surely Texas is on the list, right?  Well, it will be sad, but for once, will literally make America a better place.  Sacrifices must be made. 

Cops Getting Shot By Assholes Is No Different Than Anyone Else Being Shot

Dead is dead, and the fucking dirtball psychos who go around shooting people are no different whether they are street thugs with badges or any other flavor of miserable bastard.  The point of outrage over unnecessary death seems way less sincere when it only comes from the fuckers on the police or the tee vee or the teabagger rally after a cop is killed.  Let's see the same sort of rending over all the shootings, assholes.  Anyone oh so broken up about a cop being shot who is not immediately calling for gun control and the end of our insane violent society is full of shit and should clearly go fuck themselves.

Virag's Movie Reviews: Avengers: Age Of Ultron (2015)

Yeah, it was fun movie, and still benefits from the not-nearly-as-big-of-a-fucking-mess-as-you-would-think reality of the first one.  The thing is, the flick is kind of a mess and unnecessarily muddled, and overall it falls way short of the Spider-Man 2 standard of a reasonably tight, (reasonably) coherent superhero movie.  Ultron fails to properly place a bunch of the story so it gets annoying in spots; surely Thor had almost no place in this thing, since his sorta important role was robbed of all context by the editing-for-running-time approach.  In the end, this thing was not bad and will in no way impede Marvel from continuing their plan for taking all the money for the next decade plus.  When the potential is so much greater than the reality, though, the whole thing feels a little cheap and wasted without the surprise and fun of the first flick.  Plus, the plot, such as it was, was a real retread of the first one, anonymous army of disposable targets, forced conflict within the team, and the story took the MCU all the way into the realm of hopelessly goofy and stranded it there with no hope of rescue--especially considering what the original Iron Man, Hulk, and Captain America stories attempted to convey; Scarlet Witch, the upcoming Ant Man, Dr. Strange, and Captain Marvel movies might unravel into tedium when taken as a whole or into the whole.  That may come back to bite if it becomes tiresome, but given how this film will perform, nobody with a stake is worried yet.

If Ortiz Gets A Hit, The Pitcher Made A Stupid Mistake

Big Poopy has to be the worst hitter in the history of baseball, but I guess he's so fucking stupid and ugly that pitchers sometimes forget what the fuck they're doing and serve up something even that idiot can handle.  Jesus.

The ESPN Sunday Night Baseball Broadcast Is Almost Unbelievably Awful

Those three fucking idiots couldn't broadcast Dick Cheney's torture and execution and make that wonderful shit watchable.  Why must we be saddled with such garbage?  Kruk solo with all the Jack Daniels he could drink would make way more sense entertainment-wise.

Manny Pacquiao Lets Down The Entire Species

Jesus.  All Pacquiao had to do was win against one fucking scumbag, but no.  Thanks alot, Obama.

Is The New Mad Max A Reboot Or A Sequel

Or what?  It looks like the survivors of the Australian apocalypse have lots of time and energy for big showy driving stunts and intricate costumes and shit instead of dying of disease and starvation like usual.  That's weird. 

Let's Watch The Yankees Turn A-Rod Into A (Sorta) Sympathetic Figure In Slow Motion

All the Yankees wanted was for Rodriguez to be ineffective and invisible.  Easy peasy.  Unfortunately for them, A-Rod didn't follow the script, and now the Yankees organization looks like a fucking kindle of ass clowns.  This is beyond comical.  A-Rod is a nasty creep, and nobody likes him, so how do you turn that giant turd into an all-American hero (such as they are in 2015)?  Fucking morons.

At least he got his $6 million dollar homer as a pinch hitter to beat the fucking Red Sox at Fenway and feed a huge shit sandwich to the Boston crowd.  That's frakking genius and probably worth the money right there.

Is Bob Somerby Merely Insane With Jealousy Or Is He Really As Inane As He Appears?

I mean, they guy is clearly fucking crazy jealous of everyone with a tee vee show or an audience or someone to tell them how smart and good-looking they are, but really, the fucking dipshit Somerby pretends like the Justice Department and the FBI are in any way credible, so that makes him a fucking fatuous douchebag.  Somerby has also had a huge boner for the useless Al Gore, telling you all you need to know about Somerby's intellectual and analytical abilities. 

Upper-Class Twits: Mush-Headed Ignorance Or Vile Racist Fucktardery

You choose.  The shitstains role out the pathetic teabagging racists like Dershowitz while the proles say that gosh maybe the cops who kill blacks and others should be charged like the law says.  Brilliant.

Political Song for Marilyn Mosby to Sing

Helix Never Stood A Chance

Ronald D. Moore is a fucking dipshit, so doomed, but it was too bad that they never figured out how to channel the bugfuck insanity into the stratosphere.  Nobody likes Billy Campbell, but I thought he did a great job capturing the spirit of grizzled futility and threadbare paranoid mania of Alan Farragut, even if the rest of the cast didn't always get the joke he was telling.  Oh, well, SyFy is a cesspool, so nothing hopeless or stupid is ever a shock on that ocean-going shit show.

Bernie Sanders, Not Elizabeth Warren

Sanders is a smart politician and savvy campaigner.  If the establishment media, rock-ribbed conservatives that they are, if those folks decided to give as much credibility to Sanders' campaign as they have to that of Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz and Rand Paul and Hillary Clinton, well, Sanders might very well be the next US President.  He'd have a shot, at least, since his very normal, popular, centrist positions match up almost perfectly with the American electorate.  Instead, we'll get a shit ton of snark and outright lies from the media until Sanders and his campaign are overrun by a bullshit avalanche.  That's the nature of our politics, so it won't be a surprise, but it will be a loss for Americans and our society regardless.  For now, Sanders is the boring, sensible, appealing centrist, and not Elizabeth Warren, who will purportedly nudge the very conservative Hillary Clinton leftward toward the center-right.  I guess that's something, but a functional society would demand that a mainstream, middle-of-the-roader like Sanders be in it to win.  Sanders himself is in it to win, but the entire political establishment will ensure that's he's nothing more than a sideshow because he's not sufficiently conservative.  Keep in mind that the people are center-left or left on every issue, but it is the establishment which is so far to the right.

May Day 2015, Disarming The Police Would Be A Good Start

Get the guns away from the real thugs, the cops, then properly enforce the Second Amendment so every dirtbag, shitbrain, and violent racist teabagger isn't armed and dangerous and insane.  That would be a good start to making America a society we might just be proud of.

Blocked Buster

Police Pussies Are Today's Funfetti

Fuck yeah.  For once the cops get what they deserve.  Charges.  An actual criminal investigation.  Holy shit, that never happens.  No wonder those pussies are crying such pussy tears.  Like all thin-skinned bullies, the police can dish it out but can't take it.  What those assholes usually don't understand is that this is how our system is supposed to work.  Adversarial trials with findings of guilty or not guilty.  And if those fuckers are guilty, give 'em the chair!  Or something. 

No special prosecutor for these whiny babies.  Let them face the people's justice like the rest of the population.

Bridget Kelly Looks Pretty Good

She had that plasticy, high-mileage, hard-looking perma bitch face rocking out when the bridge thing broke wide in the media, and that was not a good look for her.  Scary.  Snarly, nut-shredding scary.  Now she must be reaping the benefits of a bit of work, various lesser outpatient magics, and some media training to not look like she's ready to rip somebody's nuts off at all times.  But let's not forget, she worked for Christie and spent many long years with his dick her mouth and her tongue on his scurvy ball sack with a smile on her face, so fuck her.  She's as big a piece of shit as Christie.  Well not as big, exactly, but just as revolting.

Washington Post Is A Piece Of Shit, Now And Forever, Amen

If you are a fucking walking shitstain, you believe this is the liberal media.  And you are an asshole.  The Post gets brutally fisked in its own comments.  That's kinda fun. 

Freddie Gray Did Indeed Have A Pre-Existing Condition When The Cops Killed Him For No Reason

The same condition Michael Brown had.  And Tamir Rice.  And Trayvon Martin.  And John Crawford III.

HE WAS A THUG!!!

I am the Republican Man of the Year!

Tomorrowland Looks Beyond Tedious

It just looks like a huge, dumb mess.  Damon Lindelof = insulting and incomprehensible garbage.

Chris Hayes Does A Pretty Good Colbert Brutalizing O'Reilly

Nicely done.  Hayes was really loving doing the dinner theater Colbert thing, and he did it well.  Unfortunately for karma and for our society, the clueless fuckknobs like O'Reilly would never ever have the brains to figure out just how ridiculous they are and do something to change for the better.  No way.  O'Reilly is not just racist and evil, he's really, really fucking dumb.

David Clarke Is Now The Most Disgusting Uncle Tom On Fox "News"

Yep, that little fascist creep has managed to out-Uncle Tom such astounding Toms as Allen West, Charles Payne, Juan Williams, and Ben Carson.  That's no small feat, as West, Payne, Williams, and Carson are some horrible, horrible people.  Nice job.

Fox "News" Is Going Fucking Crazy Trying To Defend The Cops Who Murdered Freddie Gray

They were on crack last night with the bullshit about self-inflicted, and tonight they are doing everything they can to muddy the waters, giving their syphilitic and senile audience of racist bastards an excuse to bolster their poxy worldviews. 

Tee Vee With So Little Chance Of Being Anything But Shit

Ugh.  Starship Troopers was not a great movie--coulda been great, shoulda been great, the best movie of all time--but trying to do it on the cheap is just about the worst idea ever.  The fun part of the flick, the satire, the belittling of petty fascist douchebags, the cartoon Nazism, probably would not translate well, so what's left?  Cheap, cheesy, flat cartoon space bugs?  Fantastic.