Virag's Movie Reviews: Prometheus (2012)

Prometheus is the blueprint for a letdown.  Ridley Scott certainly had all the resources he needed to make his movie, so the idiocy of the enterprise can't be blamed on a lack of time or money.  Clearly, Scott had no fucking clue what his movie was supposed to be about.  Hiring a talentless hack tee vee writer, to rewrite a script penned by an even shittier writer, was probably not a good decision in the long run.  Seriously, he had a script by Jon Spaihts and then hired Damon Lindelof to rewrite it.  What kind of asshole does that?  Lindelof has a long and shameful history of addled, moosecock-level suckitude, and since Scott himself had no idea what the fucking story was supposed to be, that meant two blind dipshits were driving their film right into the fucking lake from the very beginning.  What is the excuse?  Besides the fact that both Scott and Lindelof are both way overrated and obviously not that creative or bright, the film was probably doomed when nobody involved could decide whether it really was an Alien prequel or not, so they went ahead without any sense of goal or clarity.  The whole movie is as dumb as a post.  Whether it's Alien or not, it doesn't make any sense.  How far away is this planet they go to?  It only takes what two, three years to get there?  That ship is traveling really fucking fast, impossibly fast.  Where's the fuel?  It's a small ship, so how does it manage the fuel for that trip?  Would such astounding fast space travel be possible in only 50 or 60 years?  The fact that the film doesn't even consider it tells you that the filmmakers haven't thought anything through.  The evolutionary biology also makes no sense.  When did the Engineers do their work?  Before life evolved on Earth?  If so, the whole DNA plot device, the entire concept of the Engineers being the gods of human creation, is totally asinine.  So far, the basic story has fucked up everything.  The movie was too long and draggy, but they still managed to leave out most of the characterization.  Why exactly are the captain and crew suddenly heroic when they've been passively useless up until that point?  Why would you send a crew out into space who seem to be wildly incompetent?  Wouldn't this have been a great opportunity for a scientist on the future Earth in this movie?  The scientists are dummies, almost like they were the only ones stupid enough to join that chickenshit mission.  Buffoonery by the purported scientists is one of the most glaring atrocities in this flick.  The android is also unbelievably advanced, ridiculously so with the film set only a few decades in the future, but he is clearly capable of running the whole mission himself, so why send people at all, especially ones who are so blindingly ignorant?  This movie just sucked.  The casting was uninspired at best; the decent actors were wasted, and the leads mostly invisible.  Why cast Shotgun Ed as an old man and put makeup on him that would be unintentionally funny even if the character was supposed to be 900 years old.  At least the Alien Vs. Predator folks had the good sense to cast Lance Henriksen in their film; if Ridley Scott was blessed with at least that same amount of sense, Prometheus would have been orders of magnitude more watchable.  Shotgun Ed, no; Lance Henriksen, yes--Weyland should have been Lance Henriksen.  Overall, the plot was unintelligible, and the story was inane.  The only thing that you can be sure of after seeing Prometheus is that Ridley Scott didn't understand Blade Runner either, which is why so many versions of that film existed before it was considered a landmark.  He clearly got lucky once, with a compelling look and dystopic atmosphere of the decaying future and inspired work by his cast, especially Rutger Hauer, making Blade Runner a film better than its director.  This time, though, Scott is not so lucky, and his lack of comprehension turns Prometheus into an expensive, annoying failure, while his paucity of vision dooms Prometheus to insignificance, an opportunity lost, like tears in the rain.