Just Blow, Bono!

Too Easy, Fish/Barrel Bono Fisking

Still fun, tho.  Not much sucks harder than Bono and U2.  Bonus points for the Mekons and the "Dublin Messiah, scattering crumbs" showing up in the comments.  Twice! 

Bono's a tool, an air-headed, pompous tool.  U2 would have been so much better giving up after October.  None of which stopped me from entering that online music store giveaway for that green Adam Clayton Fender Jazz Bass for my daughter.

What's Going On Under Trump's Stupid Hat?

When he takes that fucker off, what is that train wreck on his head looking like?  I bet it's pretty unique.  Probably really fucking scary, too.  The hat itself is asinine, but the shit show beneath has gotta be worse.  Let's see.  Take it off!  Take it off!

Hot Damn, The Sox Are Off To An Auspicious Start Tonight

Red Sox, Brady, Kraft, Trump, this year is shaping up to be pretty fucking decent.  The gods must truly love America.

Pro Tip To Vacuous Twits: These People Are Not Blocking The Road

The fucking Serotta forum dipshits don't know what blocking the road looks like.  Riding in the road is not blocking it.  Fuck, we used to race on open roads, looking out for cars, stringing out when we needed to and bunching up when appropriate--at least until the bunch blew up and then that was that.  Critical Mass blocks road; those Greenwich fuckers weren't blocking anything.  Jesus.  This is what blocking roads looks like.

Ben Carson And Chuckles Krauthammer Together On Fox News

The medical community has much to be ashamed of over the years, but the fact that both of those fatuous cocksuckers have MDs has got to be the blackest mark against modern medicine in history.

Damn, The Red Sox Are 14 Games Out Now

That's fucking hilarious.  Brady is a cheating slimeball, and the Sawks are getting smooshed by the Yankees this year.  I think Boston deserves the Olympics.  They should force those massholes to take the Olympics right where it hurts.  That would be completely appropriate. 

Robert Kraft: Proof Tom Brady Is Guilty

In a league filled with owners who are the most vile humans on the planet, Robert Kraft sticks out as an astoundingly greasy shitstain.  When he comes out for all Brady all the time, well, that is pretty much all the proof any other primate on Earth needs to be surer than sure that Brady is a fucking dirtball cheater.

Let's Hope That Piece Of Shit Jonathan Pollard Gets Some Real Justice

President Obama is a fool for not keeping this traitorous piece of shit in Pollard prison till he died like a pig.  But let's hope fucking traitorous cocksucker Jonathan Pollard gets some real American justice very similar to the treatment that the USS Liberty got from Israel in 1967.

Obama's presidency will have many many black marks against it, but this Pollard thing will be one of the most heinous.  Even with the good things Obama has attempted, his lack of courage on some of these political legacy issues is just awful.  Unless of course Pollard meets his end like Diane Whipple did on his second night out of prison.  That would be pretty fucking sweet, and I would applaud Obama for style points.  Let's hope jesus loves us so much and has some deliciously painful plans for the traitor, and Israeli citizen, Pollard.

Offensively Stupid Upper-Middle-Class And Upper-Class Twits Can't Help Themselves

They're not only dumb as fuck, but they are ugly and smell bad too.  Those Serotta forums assholes are way beyond even self-parody, but the ugly hatred and overt creepiness is not funny at all.  Those misogynist cocksuckers are fucking scum.

Sarah Palin Attacks Planned Parenthood. Sarah Palin! Planned Parenthood!!

Irony is dead.  Sarah Palin, one of the people idiot breeders most in need of PP's services in her life and the life of her idiot breeder daughter, attacking Planned Parenthood may have just killed comedy worse than Bill Cosby's Quaaludes prescriptions.  Jesus frakking christ on toast, this is just loverly. 

Pretty Effective Adam Sandler Fisking

Nice.  Sandler's peak was Remote Control on MTV.  After that it was all down hill, and fast, so it's pretty okay to see Sandler's rancid shit and awful PG-13 movies getting properly fisked. 

Asswhipe Aggregation Machine

Jesus.  Some shithead poaches a pet lion, torturing and killing it, yet some fuckstain on the Serotta forum has to pretend he's Eric Bolling sucking on Rupert Murdoch's cock on tee vee.  What the fuck is matter with people, and how did that forum so astoundingly self-select for such pathetic and nasty dickbrains?

Sforzando!

Does J Mascis Make Lou Barlow Seem Mostly Normal?

Mascis has always been a weirdo, making Barlow the normal one, but sometimes Barlow comes across as a pretty typical guy who wants to be big, huge, popular, and whatever else.  I guess that's not unusual, but when the bullshit is always the same, it looks bad when you don't see how tired it is.  Barlow has had his ups and downs, but maybe he's just a regular guy who wants to be a star.  Bob Fay was never a real issue though--the drummer is never the real problem and almost always a scapegoat; the only band who should have fired their drummer because he was sublimely awful was Rush because Neil Peart is a fucking menace--and it is kinda sad that Barlow can't admit that now.  Record company inanity is as old as record companies. 

The Real Dumb Shit You Read On The Purported Liberal Internets About Gore And Lieberman

I know fluffers fluff and hacks hack and wannabes wanna be, but when the entry-level establishment dipshits get on their horse about the 2000 election, you know you are in for some simple-minded bullshit.

The reality of the 2000 election, in hindsight, sure, but plenty visible in real time back then as well, that reality was that Gore was running a titanically bad campaign in the midst of an especially hostile media environment, so each of Gore's utterly preventable mistakes loom larger than mundane size XXXL fuckups. 

Lieberman was the worst choice and did indeed cost him the election.  Lieberman was an albatross everywhere the Gore campaign ran--and certainly fucking Connecticut was never in doubt.  Gore needed to pick a VP who could deliver a rare net positive, and he fucked it up.  Lieberman was not even neutral; everyone with half a brain was repulsed by that jowly motherfucker.  And when the election was close enough to be stolen out from under you even when you win, as Gore did, each of those mistakes turns out to be the one that lost it for you.  Gore had to be good to win by a proper measure, and he sucked major ass.  Lieberman was one of the signs of that major ass sucking, and that killed Gore's prospects.

A-Rod With Yet Another Dinger

MVP.  MVP.  What the hell is happening to America?

Your National Anthem

The Worst Cosby Show Episode Ever

Jesus.  Cosby was/is a monster.  The worst part is the fact that so many people had to have known.  People besides the victims, people who witnessed the assaults or were informed about the assaults or helped to cover up the assaults, those people had to have been everywhere, and yet Cosby was able to continue raping women all that time.  Now so many of the victims are out there, telling their stories, and refusing to hide, and that's great.  Cosby's finished but way too late.

First, Part

Idea Men

David Ortiz, A Perfect Red Sox Player In A Joyous Loss

Charlie Fuckin' Hustle, he ain't.  When the Sox lose, jesus tickles a kitten.  When the fans boo that sack of shit Ortiz, jesus's undies get all wet and sticky. 

Froome Again

This is a great triumph for Team Sky, unfortunately, as Team Sky is a Murdoch creation like Andrea Mackris' fortune and Fox "News".  It is also more than likely a great triumph for pharmacology remaining one step ahead of the WADA.  (And if they're all racing clean by some miracle, it's not by choice; the Tour is way too tough to race it without any help you can get away with.)  Froome was good enough this year; if they'd chucked out the rest days and added just one more mountain stage, Nairo Quintana would probably have taken it.  Or they could have added a couple of individual time trials and given Froome the chance to win it by way more than a minute.  Of course, Froome's victory is also a great triumph for Obama, since he and Froome were both born in Kenya.  Thanks, Obama.

Re-Gifting

America Is Exceptional In One Way: Psycho Racist Assholes With Guns Killing People

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

EZ E

One Thing Is For Sure, Ed Schultz Sucks Less Than Chuck Todd

Schultz is a fuckknob but he's way better than that dimwit Chuck Todd.  MSNBC should just go all the way to 24/7 prison porn.  Not at all liberal media is not at all liberal.  Go figure.

Was It Coulter That Killed Sharknado?

Your stupid movie can't pretend to be fun if you soil it with boiling shit like Ann Coulter.  You can excuse no talents and and cheeseballs and idiots like Tara Reid and David Hasselhoff and Ian Zeiring, but Coulter is beyond even Mark Cuban on the disgusting shitstain scale.  The moronic fun is over from these things.  Blame Coulter.

Fake Book Also, Too

Racist Harpy Megyn Kelly Has Fascist Twerp And Uncle Tom David Clarke On Her Show To Defend Shithead Cops

Clarke is very nearly as big a piece of shit as Kelly.  It's lovely that Fox "News" is so willing to broadcast these vile fuckers to defend racist police.  Pro tip: police are a danger to you and you and you.  Bigger danger if you are black.  Bigger danger if you are black in shitholes like Texas.  For the love of gods, don't trust the police, ever, even if you are white and middle class.  Don't trust them in the case of Sandra Bland or any other time.  Don't trust the police.  Avoid the police at all costs.  All cops are bastards.  Don't forget.  They're dangerous.  Repeat.

Nifty 1992 Bush Campaign Fisking By Maddow Tonight

Maddow kicks Bush, Bush, Bush, Quayle, and the rest of the Republican establishment when they are down tonight over Ross Perot and Donald Trump and mountains of horseshit regarding Bush's highly embarrassing 1992 loss to Tubby.  It's not news that Perot did not cost Bush that election in any way shape or form, but I'm sure the butthurt is flowing freely tonight around the latest Bush campaign as well as everywhere else sad, deluded Republican losers skulk around.

Friendly Reminder That Allen West Is A Hero To The Stupid

He's a fucking loon.  He's kinda funny--for a cowardly war criminal, anyway--but the teabaggers and fuckstains take him very, very seriously.  Thankfully, he's little more than unhinged ranter and grifting uber-teabagger these days.

Fake Book Too

Fake Book 2

Third Party Trump Card

The glory of man.  It's not gonna last, but fuck if this isn't great fun right now.  Trump is such an unhinged egomaniac that he may destroy the Republicans in 2016 just for petty vanity.  Let's hope.  Funfetti doesn't get much funner than Trump's summer this year. 

Black Lives Don't Matter

But at least now we are seeing the reality.  This shit from racist cops didn't start this year or last year or 10 years ago; it's just that now it's more visible.  This is hard for many dumb-fuck American people to understand since they're generally ignorant of every fucking thing under the sun, and racist thug cops beating and killing blacks for no reason was not part of their threadbare zeitgeist. 

But now it's out there a bit, and for all the caterwauling from racist shitstains and apologetes like Megyn Kelly, a few more people are accepting the American reality every day.  That's not nothing.  It's not enough, but it's not nothing, either. 

Rancid Brain-Dead Shitstains Of The Day

This august institution, headed by the famously fatuous fuckknob Ben Domenech.  These are some world-class dipshits, with risible ignorance and screaming wrong-headedness merely the first act of the shit show.  You can always count on libertarian-minded asswhipes to puke up the cheap racist bullshit along with all the other horse shit.  Enjoy, America.  These assholes are murdering you.

Megyn Kelly: Always A Racist Cop's Best Friend

EVERY racist cop's best friend!

Skeevy racist tee vee whore Megyn Kelly was going overboard to defend the cops in Texas who arrested Sandra Bland for being a mouthy blah woman--mouthy blahs womens are what Megyn Kelly hates more than anything, even other blahs.

That cunt also lied about again about Darren Wilson saying that "the Justice Department said he was totally exonerated".  Bullshit.  The lying FBI backed the cops, but poor dumb Megyn does not quite understand what exonerated means. 

Jesus, she is a fucking moron.  I hope America is proud for letting that vapid slattern stink up the place.

Tejay Van Garderen Knows The Tour Is Hard

Stupid hard--too hard for Tejay.  Is the ability to stay healthy for the three weeks the least obvious skill in the Tour?  Most obvious?  It's not enough to be the best, strongest rider for two weeks or one day or whatever; racing like that will wear you down and wear you out.  Van Garderen is 27 next month, so it is pretty clearly now or never for him in 2016, unless he wants to be the crack artist forever.  In cycling at the highest level, it doesn't take much to ensure you'll never win no matter how great you can be or are on any given day.  Does Tejay need a better doctor?  Or better chemistry?  Or get with the program?  Or the latest generation of hidden electric motor in his seat tube?  We may never know the...

Are The Sox 10 Games Out Now

I think so!  The little bump before the All-Star game was a cruel tease, but now those Red Sux are back where they belong.  Living in the Boston/New England area must be lovely right now, because the summers when the Sox are imploding are the most wonderful times to be enduring that shithole.  I'm sorta jealous. 

Cool Tommasini Max In Red

Very Tommasini paint in red on this rig.  Looks good.  Probably is good.  Real good. Max.

John Kasich: One Sad, Droopy Dog Motherfucker Who Will Never Be President

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Red Sox Doubleheader Yesterday Was A Great Day For America

The beneficent love of one or more fictional gods is all America needs these days.  Nothing says American exceptionalism more louder than the Sawks getting pummeled right off the All-Star break. 

The New Denis Leary Show Is Pretty Terrible

He managed to pull of the cop show thing and the fireman show sorta, but jesus, the rock star deal is pretty not good.  Chris from Cicely is apparently phoning it in as the guitar guy.  Leary is the albatross, though; he's not believable as the unrecognized talent.  Elizabeth Gillies looks like the only one really glad to be there; maybe Leary is less of a chore than Dan Schneider.

My Gods, Trump Is A Glorious Atrocity

I'd never dared hope it would get this fucking crazy and this fucking fun so quickly.  The clock is ticking for Trump, and for Republican hopes for 2016, but jesus frakking christ, right now it is so fucking sweet.  Donald Trump is a walking, talking shit bomb, and he is exploding all over each and every fucking Republican for our entertainment.  The problem for the Republicans in 2016 is that the teabaggers and the racists and the bugfuck ignorant shitheads love Trump.  They will accept nothing less.  After Trump gets done destroying the Republican base, nobody's gonna vote Republican in 2016--and maybe way longer.  Look for the real Teabagger American Racist Reactionary Fuckwad (TARRF or TARR--their nickname will be TARR-babies) party to supplant the Republicans as the national number two party after the epic and hilarious Republican electoral implosion in 2016.

Greece Is Still The Big Story We Ain't Talkin' About

For good reasons--Greece and austerity are dangerous topics for the bankster assholes who run the world for a fee.  If the folks creating the wealth, the workers and consumers and farmers, understood a bit better how they were being fleeced, well, maybe, just maybe, they would do something to change that.  Nobody in charge wants that--it's change they don't wanna believe in.  So Greece must remain a lie nobody talks about at all.  Truth and reality not allowed.

Even Jesus Must Hate The Red Sox

What the fuck is the point of southern California if you are gonna have a rain delay?  Must be global warmin' or somethin' fucking with us.  Thanks, Obama.

Toss A Round

Political Song for the Ayatollahs to Sing

Nasty Little Fisking Of Larry O'Donnell

Heh, indeedy.  O'Donnell is a pissboy, always has been, but now more folks see it.  That's pretty fucking cool. 

Trump V McCain

Now they're cookin' with ass!  This is fucking beautiful.  In truth, Trump is kinda right; McCain was no hero and used his POW experience as a shamelessly dishonest hook for increasing his viability in electoral politics.  McCain has also been an incalcitrant dipshit at best where reality and sanity are concerned during that vile career--never moderate, never well-considered, never principled, never reasonable, never honest.  Or perhaps you could say he's been a bloody-minded little psycho fascist since day one, and the world would have been a better place if he'd been abducted by aliens never to be seen again instead of being captured by the Vietnamese.

Trump, though, is a pissy little cockbag, but gods-damn this campaign bullshit is going to be very briefly very entertaining.

This Is The GOOD Country Music - It's Just Not Your Country

This Is The Curse Of The Art Space

Arts pace?  The Mekons are coming.  New album, recorded live, bold experiment, many or most or all Mekons.  Something to live for.  A light in the darkness.  Not worthless pop music.  Not-worthless pop music.  Mekons are the transcendent spirit glue holding this universe together. 

Shiny, Vital, World-Changing Revelation: Shitty Country-Pop Music Is Shitty

Jesus.  Anywho, the point, I guess, is that race and class are important to bugfuck ignorant racist cracker shitheads too stupid to know they are poor who also listen to and/or create the music of their wretched country.  Got it.  And the point should be that pop music generally blows donkey dick whether it is country or not.  Keeping poor hard-working white racist cracker assholes being poor, hard-working, racist, cracker assholes has been the secret to the USA for hundreds of years.  If those poor white dipshits ever just once recognized their solidarity with poor, hard-working blahs and shit, well, that woulda been a very very bad day for rotten bastards who run the banana stand.

Well, Larry O'Donnell Officially Has No Use Whatsoever

Tonight O'Donnell gave some trembling, lily-livered apology to Trump on his show.  I don't know what happened, but I would imagine it had something to do with NBC discussing with O'Donnell the relative advertising value of Larry O'Donnell versus that of Donald Trump.  Whatevs, with O'Donnell pussying out on his only worthwhile function, brutalizing walking carbuncle Donald Trump at every opportunity, he is now every bit as useless as Trump himself. 

Tennessee Shooting: Brought To You By A Fucking Freedom-Loving 2nd Amendment Patriot And The NRA

Fucking dickwad asshole, and all-American gun-loving NRA hero shot up another group of Americans.  Today it's bad, though.  Today the shooter was probably not all that white, and some of the dead guys were in the military.  See, if the shooter is white and the dead guys are kids or blahs or something, well, that's fucking cool.  If the guys with the guns are psycho pussies like Al Cliven Bundy and only threaten to kill people, that's okay, too.  The NRA said so.  Guns and killing and violence and teabagging and racism and hatred and ignorance are what makes America exceptionally great; the NRA says so.  If only we could prevent the mooslims and blahs and gays from loving that 2nd amendment insanity...

Cecile Richards Fucks Up & America's Most Inane Screeching Harpy Is So Very Angry

Richards, PP head, made a huge fucking mistake by giving those miserable anti-choice cocksuckers any quarter on this.  Richards should have defended medicine and stood strong.  Terrible to see these people give in to ignorance and hatred.  Abortion is a human right.  Reproductive choice is a human right.  Anyone against reproductive choice and abortion is vile, useless waste of meat and gristle.

So shrieking maniac Megyn Kelly has two of the biggest fuckheads in America on her show, Chuckles Krauthammer and "Affirmative Action Dr." Ben Carson.  They fit right in with Ms. Megyn.  (Carson pretends he doesn't know how medical research works.  Of course, maybe he doesn't.  He is really fucking stupid.)

The Jade Helm Roundups Are Gonna Start Any Minute Now

Texas will be pacified first, with all the gun kooks placed in Wal-Mart brand internment camps while the army deals with the rest of the south.  It's all getting going right about now.  Any time.  Soon.  Very soon.  They're coming for you, Texas teabagging motherfuckers.  They're taking your guns and burning your bibles.  They're ninjas from black helicopters.  They're right behind you.

Planned Parenthood Is One Of The All-Time Great American Institutions

No sarcasm. Sincerity.  Planned Parenthood is what's good about America.  In a land filled with such shit, with such ignorance and racism and hatred, PP shows what true goodness looks like.  Health care.  Abortions.  Birth control.  All things people need whether they are rich or poor, young or old.  Planned Parenthood is there providing women with important services that they can afford.  The enemies of Planned Parenthood are the worst people who ever lived, vile and hateful and deeply deranged.  This is a good test for basic decency.  Watch for people who voice support for Planned Parent and their vital mission.  Those are the good guys in American society.  Those who fail that test are worthless human offal. 

Holy Shit, Santorum's Wife Is A Real Tramp

And Santorum is fucking stupid enough to bring up wives so we can all laugh at the road whore he married.  That's awesome.  And she's a genuine slut, too.  This is good shit.  Santorum is slinging the funfetti like a champ right now.  Rock on, Santorum.

Why Do All Those Idiots Hate That One Particular Idiot Who Is Otherwise Exactly Like Them?

Yeah, yeah, I know. It's human nature.  It's a catfight ginned up by all the plain girls who will never be the prom queen no matter how often they blow the quarterback.  It always happens that they single out one of their otherwise identical peers and make them the target of all the nastiness and frustration and abuse.  I know.  Petty, shallow, tedious, yes, I get it.  But jesus, that idiot deBoer is no worse than most of the other wannabe piss boys and fluffers and sycophants.  Didn't he post on John Cole's blog for a while?  And yet the welfare academia fellers are so sure they are better and smarter and much more handsome than some random, average doof who would fit right with 'em--and I think what makes it kinda creepy is they know just that, and they're being extra douchey because they know it so well.  Can't all you non-selective college and otherwise unnecessary people just get along?

Megyn Kelly Is America's Most Disgusting Shrieking Harpy Of Inanity

She's oh so offended by Planned Parenthood.  Oh, she's offended.  So offended.  Too bad she's also a fucking moron.  I guess Kelly hoped that shit-throwing chimp Dana Loesch on her show would make Kelly seem smarter in comparison.  She was wrong.

We Have High Hopes For Jade Helm

Jade Helm 15 will be the start of making America a better place.  I'm still pissed that some of the good guys blabbed to the teabaggers about this plan, because we know that those fucking morons could never figure this stuff out on their own. 

It's all good, though, because now that is begun, they can't stop it.  We're taking their guns.  We're outlawing their superstitious beliefs in false gods.  We're locking them up in Wal-Mart reeducation camps.  We're gonna take their kids and teach 'em science and literature and tolerance.  We're gonna make 'em marry the gays.  We're ridding America of their guns and ignorance and phoney gods.  We're using our super-smart robots to find the teabaggers and round 'em up with our soldiers and black helicopters.  The ninjas are there too, taking guns and burning bibles.  Finally!

This is the America we always wanted, without teabaggers and guntards and inbred cracker fuckwits, without the south, without Republicans. 

One nation under Obama, President for Life!

GO JADE HELM!!

The Iran Deal Has All The Right Enemies

John Bolton hates it.  Rudy Giuliani.  John McCain.  Bibi Netanyahu.  Dick Cheney.  Donald Trump.  If all these worthless cocksuckers hate the deal, then it has to be pretty fucking good.

Regardless, engagement with Iran and the cessation of sanctions are wicked important to the world, and Obama has done well with this shit.

Even better, maybe Iran will get nuclear weapons right away and make the world, and especially the middle east, a safer place immediately.  Probably not, since the whole reason for this treaty is to prevent Iran's nuke program from working out any time soon, but a girl can dream.

PSA For The Baggers And Asswhipes In The Cheap Seats: Sanctions Are Acts Of War

If you have economic sanctions and embargoes on a country, you are at war with that country.  We have been waging war on Iran for two generations because they cannot effectively fight back.  Sanctions and such are much more a blatant aggression than a few independent civilian assholes flying some planes into some buildings.

You Never Know What's Gonna Upset The Twits

Huh.  Well, that was weird, even for the upper class twits of the world.  Lotsa weirdness out there on the intertube webs, but when the weird is petty and unnecessary, that sucks, even there.

Scott Walker: Another Greasy Republican Shitstain Who Will Never Be President

Scott Walker, who looks like the creepy guy jerking off while watching fatties like Mike Huckabee fuck pigs in the basement of the KofC hall, is about to learn that the USA is not quite as stupid as Wisconsin.  Walker is a painfully dumb motherfucker, and gleeful Koch-sucker, but the worry is that Walker is too fucking dim-witted to be sufficiently entertaining during the campaign.  Maybe Huckabee and Trump will get a pig-fucking party going, and Walker can jack off live on the interwebs while begging fellow teabaggers for more money.  That could be oodles of fun.  If you're Todd Starnes.

PSA: Mike Huckabee Fucks Pigs

He is a pig fucker.  He's an insane, hateful, fundamentalist asswhipe, and he fucks pigs.  Or at least he looks just like every other pig fucker on the planet.  They could all be brothers in pig fucking.  And if Mike Huckabee has never sated his lust for violent pig sodomy, it is only because he is a gods-damned coward because Mike Huckabee loves the bacon more than anything else in creation. 

Kate Steinle's Parents Are The Worst People Who Ever Lived

Repellant shitbirds, going on with that alleged wife-beater and creepy sexual-harassing pervert Bill O'Reilly.  I guess those vile people would have been happy if O'Reilly had slapped their daughter around or forced her to jam keister-falafels all the way up his drooping asshole.  I almost wish hell was a real place so Kate Steinle could be mortified looking up from the luau and seeing her parents soiling themselves with that nasty fuckface on his show.  Horrible.

Some People Should Just Not

Stop now. Go home. Have some tea. Or maybe try big plastic BMX pedals cuz you're old and brittle.  Idk, but clipless is not that hard, but if you're breaking bones, that's the gods telling you to find another activity.  Or big, cheap, plastic, easy-exit BMX pedals.

Where The Fuck Is Herman Cain?

It's just not a real Republican, teabagging, Koch-sucking, dumb fuck party without Herman Cain.  Every other rancid fuckstick out there is running for the nomination, so why not someone as loathsome as last-year's-model Uncle Tom Herman Cain?  Come on, we'll get Bill O'Reilly to bring some women for you to sexually harass. 

Was El Chapo Banging Tillie Mitchell In Prison

Is Tillie some sort of escaped prisoner succubus?  Did she dig his tunnel, too?  Did he dig her tunnel?  We may never know the answers to these questions, but...

If You Were Looking For Proof Todd Starnes Is Rooming With Lindsey Graham In That Closet

Here ya go.  Fox "News" favorite Todd Starnes is worried a bit too much about what the homersexuals and their nefarious agenda will teach the children.  I get the feelin' that Starnes would be much calmer if he could just be himself and stop believing jesus hates him for his dirty, dirty thoughts about sweaty, naked, fragrant men gyrating for Starnes' pleasure.

Men's Pocky

An American Truth: Marilyn Mosby Is A Billion Times Better Lawyer Than Megyn Kelly Ever Was

Marilyn Mosby, fantastic American. Megyn Kelly, racist tee vee ass clown.  There's your America: a wonderfully successful attorney, Marilyn Mosby, being shrieked at by risible tee vee racist asshole Megyn Kelly.  Exceptional Americans like Mosby will always make all-American failures like Megyn Kelly cry--triple if those exceptional Americans happened to the blah.

A.J. Burnett, All-Star

That fucking head-case is an all-star in his last season.  He's another two-dollar head sort of feller; NY ate him for breakfast and shit him out way before lunch.

Surgical Steve Kornacki Fisking

That's something.  I think Kornacki is in a tough spot; I've got him as a vicious careerist dipshit with enough going on upstairs to know he's never gonna be as smart or as good as certain other people, so he's gonna be that studious attack poodle of the establishment to the best of his ability.  Trenchant analysis and inspired commentary are two things you'll never get from Kornacki.  Ass-kissing, smiling stenography, piss-bucket carrying, you'll get plenty of that.

Greece Needs A Leader

Doesn't look like Alexis Tsipras is that guy.  Too bad because Greece needs a leader who will tell the Krauts and the Frogs to go fuck themselves and restructure the agreement to favor the Greek people instead of the Eurotrash banksters.  Who's that leader gonna be?

The Yankees Are Great Americans - & Eck's On!

Ah, that's lovely.  The NESN post-game bitching machine is spooled up and ready to make the jump to FTL.  The Yankees did this for America because they love us more than that fake jesus guy.

Brett Gardner, All-Star

Who's next? Rodriguez?  It's an all-star irony that Alex Rodriguez is a legit all-star snub this year.  Of course, A-Rod is probably no worse than a lot of those assholes.

Baroquen

Digby's Wrong About This

America would have been so much better off without the Confederacy; Lincoln fucked up bad fighting to keep those cracker motherfuckers in the Union.  The USA would have thrived without those rump states, and, no, Delaware and Maryland are not part of the Confederacy.  The good guys suffered and died by the thousands to stop those fuckers from leaving the country; Lincoln was surely history's greatest monster.  Without those inbred redneck cocksuckers, America is smarter, richer, better looking, smells waayyy better, and is greater by every conceivable measure.  What would have happened to that poor, primitive country the CSA?  I don't know, but I have a feeling it would have been one of the most entertaining periods of world history.  I do know that the USA could have exploited the Confederacy's weaknesses to great advantage for centuries, treating them with the contempt they deserved and making them suffer worse than any brutalized colonial territory, should that have seemed like good good fun.  Or perhaps the USA would have done something more noble and facilitated the slaughter of every white Confederate citizens by the slave population but probably not.  Regardless, image America without Georgia, Alabama, Florida, Mississippi, Virginia, South Carolina, North Carolina, Texas, Louisiana, Arkansas, and Tennessee pulling us down like rocks around the neck of a drowning man.  That's an America I would be proud of.  That would be a truly exceptional America.  That would be the dream of freedom and justice made real.  Digby's wrong as hell; this one nation of ours is being turned into a shithole by the fucking worthless fuckstains in the South and has been since the beginning. 

Creepy Reactionary Racist Slimeballs Of The Day

Ignorant, inane fanaticism, racism, misogyny, these poor dumb fucks have it all.  Screaming violent racism is what is truly exceptional about America.

Well, Miracles Happen, And Only Megyn Kelly Could Make Lance Armstrong Look Good

Lance Armstrong is the uberest of uber-douches, but Megyn Kelly having a dipshit hissy fit over him on her screeching racist shit show almost kinda makes him seem like the good guy.  "Cheater" and "Liar" sound very funny coming out of the mouth of a raving screech harpy like Kelly.  I guess that's the unified theory we all need: Megyn Kelly is a bigger shitstain than anyone on the planet, even Lance Armstrong, and thus Megyn Kelly will make any fucking dirtbag and/or lowlife sleezeball seem sympathetic in comparison.

South Carolina Surprise

The walking fuckstains in South Carolina managed to surprise, and in a good way.  I was sure that they would find a way to fuck it up, and that the racist crackers would rally themselves around their traitorous symbol.  What South Carolina did was not world-changing or any shit like that, but it was the right thing to do, and South Carolina hasn't managed to do that for 60 years where this vile flag is concerned.

David Vitter, That Diaper Pervert, Is Still A US Senator

And he's running for governor.  He's a top-tier Republican, a national GOP leader, a Fox "News" favorite, a rock-ribbed conservative, an unrepentant teabagger, a brainless reactionary, a sexual deviant, a whore monger, a repellant christian hypocrite, and criminal.  All that shit makes David Vitter one of the most Republican Republicans in all the land.  He's their man.  And he gets off by shitting in diapers while hookers spank him.  Lovely.

Shelleyan Orphanblack

After Tonight, Lawrence O'Donnell Will Not Need The Viagra For The Rest Of The Month

O'Donnell had a wicked huge boner for Trump tonight, and that thing ain't going away for weeks.  He was violating Trump in every available orifice and probably even drilling a few new ones of his own on his show tonight.  It was infectious joy; making Trump look even more ludicrous than usual is O'Donnell's only useful function.

Olbermann Should Replace Hannity

That would be a very entertaining, if short, sojourn into reality for Fox "News" during the presidential campaign.  Olbermann would be the perfect antidote for the likes of Bill O'Reilly and Megyn Kelly.  Even Fox viewers deserve a bit o fun.

Trump Is A Raving Loon, Certifiable

Donald Trump might be the only more insanely deluded fuckknob than Bill O'Reilly anywhere in the galaxy.  I'm pretty sure Trump couldn't reliably tell you the current year or his own street address.  He's so far up his own ass that he hasn't experienced reality in decades.  As for funfetti, that's fab.  And as for destroying the Republican presidential prospects like a ravaging and bloody rectal cancer, that's way fucking better.

Dear Gods, Megyn Kelly Is A Wretched Piece Of Shit

You can really understand how she didn't make it into a good law school and then why she washed out as a lawyer.  She's an idiot.  But christ almighty, Megyn Kelly is nothing more than a nasty little racist dimwit, snarling facist shitstain, and cheap tee vee ass-kisser.  THAT'S why she's a star of Fox "News".  Stupid and ugly is what Fox is all about.

Political Song for the NYSE to Sing

Bad Day For The Stock Exchange?

Will we ever get the full story on this shit?  I don't think so.  I'm sure the flatfoots are on it, but there's no fucking way the bankster types are ever gonna let the truth slip out if they can help it.  The reality of being vulnerable to people who hate you is not something the NYSE can live with and still inspire the necessary credibility for their bidness.  They have lots of enemies.  Rightly so. 

South Carolina's True Colors

Let's all have fun watching the SC House fuck up the traitor flag removal with amendment after amendment until, as usual, the racist assholes win and the flag stays.  There's no good reason to have faith this will work out well; South Carolina is primitive, racist shithole, filled with nasty traitor-worshiping cracker motherfuckers. 

Scientology Fisking Is Always Way Too Much Fun

Fuck, this is absolutely bonkers.  This Prepon idiot is fucking completely nuts.  Scientology is so idiotic that it almost makes other religions like Mormonism and Christianity sound plausible; that should be fucking impossible because Mormonism and Christianity are beyond inane.  Still, Prepon is very pretty, and that is more than enough to make up for how crazy she is for most people,especially in entertainment.  Yay America.

Don't Tell The Idiot Republicans, But Sanctuary Cities Are About The Most American Thing Ever

Imagine Americans standing up for justice and fairness as free citizens against a misguided and unjust federal government?  That shit sounds positively similar to the horseshit teabaggers spout, except this is real!  No shit!  Well, don't tell those ignorant fuckstick Republicans that that is exactly what sanctuary cities are all about.  The local free Americans doing what is right when the federal government refuses.  That's about as American as you can get.  Stupid bastards.

Digusting Teabagging Shitstain Of The Day

This worthless cocksucker.  They got it all on the teabagger hit parade: racism; homophobia; misogyny; vulgar ignorance and stupidity.  In other words, exactly the sort of people who vote Republican and shoot up black churches and support the Koch-suckers and are proud teabagging fucksticks. 

Amanda Marcotte: All The Way Back To Being A Hacktacular Dipshit

She fits right in at TPM.  In her Cosby piece, Marcotte uses this laughably biased article by the loathsome Maureen Orth--wife of the vile sycophant Tim Russert, mother of fatuous weasel Luke Russert, and family friend of Mia Farrow--as an example of passing time diminishing perception of guilt.  I would never defend world-class weirdo Woodey Allen, but for Marcotte to rely on such an example surely tells us Marcotte is back to her very low personal standard of interweb tubes writing.  Marcotte, Orth, and TPM all deserve each other.

Bernie Sanders Supports The Female Orgasm! Bill O'Reilly Tells America The Truth!!

Bill O'Reilly calls female orgasms a vicious, left-wing lie! O'Reilly has never seen or even heard of a female orgasm!!

O'Reilly knows stuff about jamming falafels and loofahs into his own asshole while jerking off on the phone with subordinates that Sanders does not.  That's where orgasms come from; O'Reilly is sure of that.  (Fwiw, Senator David Vitter knows orgasms come from shitting in diapers while a hooker spanks you.)

Republicans know that females don't even have orgasms; jesus told 'em so.  Sanders must be a commie or a pinko or a faggot if he believes in female orgasms.  Another left-wing loon.  Clearly.

Don't Take The Kids To Subway!

Jared might eat them!  Or something much worse.  (Are kids low-fat if you leave off the cheese and mayo?)  It's always the case that these creepy weirdo stories about creepy weirdos used by some big stupid corporations to sell shit in faux-homey, retard Horatio Alger ways are way creepier than you suspect underneath--no matter how creepy they seem on their face, and formerly Christie-esque fat fuck Jard Fogle was always pretty fucking creepy.  Subway's sandwiches won't get better, but America will appreciate not having that disgusting pervert on their tee vees anymore during sports tee vee programs.  (Probably more money for Michael Phelps he can use for weed, as well.)  That's something.

And Now That Fat Fuck Cavuto Is Encouraging His Fucktard Audience To Listen To A Playboy Model About Stocks

Jesus christ.  I'm not sure whether Fox "News" has criminal-levels of contempt for its poor, sad, hopeless audience or whether Fox is just a giant risible and incompetent shitstain on the threadbare undies of the American underclasses. 

Fox "News" Is An Hilarious Racist Clown Show

Oh, gods, Fox "News" loves dead white women and Messicans with guns killing them.  No mention of the guns that killed the victim.  No mention of gun control at all--gun control being the only proven method of reducing gun deaths.  Also no mention of the fact that immigrants are less likely to commit violent crimes against innocent white women than native-born Americans.  No time for that when they are working themselves into a lather over the swarthy, dangerous immigrants who are gonna come and kill all our white women.

If America didn't have a burning desire for racist clown show entertainment, Fox "News" would not exist.

American Body

Bill Cosby Is A Great Guy

How long till Cosby has a show on Fox "News"?  As long as he wants to keep up his full-on sanctimonious Uncle Tom bullshit, Fox will excuse pretty much anything--look at the pervert and wife-beater Bill O'Reilly with ass stuffed full of falafels while he yanks his crank on the phone with skeeved-out underlings.  Cosby is an ocean going fuckstick rapist; let's all remember when he was so beloved by the establishment.  Little Bill.  Sick fucker.

Tour De France Crash Cart

Fun day at the Tour.  Those guys went down hard and then the race went all nuts and stopped to collect itself in a most unusual way.  The TdF organization wanted some excitement early, and so far they might be getting a bit too much.

Greece Is The Word And The Word Is 'No!'

Good job, Greece.  Fuck the Krauts.  Fuck the Frogs.  Despite the bullshit the right-wingers and bankster cocksuckers have been spewing, Greece is now a wealthy country.  Without crushing debt service being paid solely to the foreign banks, Greece has that money to energize its domestic economy.  And, even better, the economic decisions can be made by the people in Greece for the benefit of their own actual nation.  Imagine that!

The danger for the Krauts and the Frogs and their banks is that the rest of the Eurozone--and the rest of the fucking world--will finally see that austerity destroys everyone and every thing except the banks and will reject austerity for all time.  That would represent a massive redistribution of wealth BACK to the people who create the wealth and would be a huge hit to the bankster mafia.

Rock on!

Texas Alligators Are The Finest Americans Who Ever Lived

THERE'S ONE GOOD THING IN TEXAS! GATORS!!  Fuck, yeah, those Texas gators are the best gods-damned Americans ever.  For all those times good, decent, intelligent, sane Americans said that Texas could go fuck themselves, those Americans were not giving proper credit to the gators of Texas who do the gods' work killing the fucktard teabaggers who infest Texas.  Go, Texas alligators, go!

Jesus, 'Independence Day' Could Have Been 99% Less Dumb With 0% Extra Effort

Independence Day is the shittiest of uber-shitty flicks, but jesus, they coulda made it way less fucking stupid so gods-damned easily.  Indeed, the movie was an incompetent rip-off of about a billion other works and was always gonna be cliche-ridden filth, but the few fun bits would have been so much neater if the dumb was dialed back.  It musta been obvious in the script stage, and it's too bad nobody with a thimbleful of talent couldn't have given that fucking thing an inspired Rolfing. 

FIFA Ladies' Historical Society Pearl Harbor Reenactment

Didn't quite work out for Japan.  Second place is the first loser.

Hey, It's!

Yankees And Red Sox Do Their Best For Freedom And America!

With extra baseball for the fans and outcomes that show the love America deserves. 

Does Bernie Sanders Have To Pay People To Cheer For Him The Way Donald Trump Does?

I don't think Sanders could afford 10,000 people.  Everyone on Earth knows Trump could not afford to rent a crowd that size.  So, I guess Trump pays for the biggest crowds he can afford, small ones, while Sanders doesn't have to pay for it so he can get whopping huge fucking crowds unlike anyone else so far.  Trump = gotta pay for it cuz he's a skeevy creep.  Sanders gets all he wants for free cuz he's hot.  Heh, indeedy.

Pertinent Daniel Patrick Moynihan Fisking

Hella fun stuff; Erik Loomis is on point with this signal boost.  Moynihan was an insufferable asshole; he was probably twice as smart and half as racist as William F. Buckley, but that means he was a vile racist asswhipe and an utter and complete ignoramus.  Simpering fools like Moynihan and Buckley were so proud of their racist inanity, and they were far too influential with cracker motherfuckers who should had more sense than to believe that bullshit. 

Bill O'Reilly Sodomizes Himself Right There On TV

O'Reilly jammed that falafel up his own asshole on his own show while Bernie Goldberg watched.  It was disgusting yet informative, especially if you were one of the two people left in the civilized world who didn't realize that Bill O'Reilly is a fucking certifiable deluded moron.

Nauseating Conservative Fuckheads Of The Day

Vile cocksuckers.  They've got all the exceptional American conservative characteristics in one disgusting place: racist, misogynist, homophobic, violent, ignorant, hateful.  Merry fourth of july motherfrakkers.

Deutschland 83 Is The Best Show MTV Never Made

As a spy show, it is def a comedy, but Deutschland 83 is pretty frakking watchable as the best MTV series never.  The music is hammer to the forehead obvious, but they have fun with it and manage to look like they're not trying too hard somehow.  The show has to be doing something right cuz I had a dream in German last night--and that hasn't happened in a while--in which the annoying Krauts claimed my German was unintelligible while their English was so bad I was constantly on the verge of smacking a bitchy Kraut.

Hugo Stiglitz On Greece

Hugo Josesph Stiglitz has been rocking and rolling on this Greece shitshow, doing his best to get some sense into the conversation.  Not that he is succeeding, but at least the truth will be on the record.  Greece should tell the Krauts to fuck off and do the best for themselves and their nation instead of the best for the fucking banks in Germany and France.  That's what sovereign nations are supposed to do.  Let's see how the Krauts like that. 

Chris Christie Is By Far The Grossest Republican Who Will Never Be President

Any short list of disgusting fat fucking Republicans who will never be president needs to have Chris Christie right there on top.  LePage is a titanic fucking dirtbag, so let's hope Christie and the Maine governor decide to get gay married and move to the southern hemisphere. 

Megyn Kelly: Always And Forever A True Friend To Any And Every Piece Of Shit On Earth

Racists, confederate dipshits, lawless cops, arsonists, religious fundamentalists assholes, slimeballs, dickwads, bigots, Bill O'Reilly, all of those fucking scuzzballs will have a friend in Megyn Kelly and a place on her tee vee show.

Update: You can add to that terrible line-up rapists, potential rapists, rape apologist, general rapey shitheads.  Kelly is a fucking atrocity.  

The Way The Limey Women Lost To Japan Was Pretty Fucking Awesome

Heh, indeedy.  That was fun to watch.  Anytime England gets shit on in any fashion is a good day for humanity.

Big Ed Schultz Is An Anti-Vax Dipshit

He had some vile cunt Christina Hildebrand on to talk bullshit about "vaccine injured" children and bad ole big pharma as Big Ed kept helping her shovel that bullshit into bigger and bigger piles.  The poor actual doctor on with those two idiots never stood a chance.

The real reason why California has to force parents to vaccinate their kids is because too many parents are fucking idiots like Christina Hildebrand, Big Ed Schultz, Jim Carrey, and the whole panoply of scientologist fucktards and are too fucking ignorant to make the right choices.  If these worthless dullard anti-vaxxers were not so fucking far up their own stupid asses, freedom could ring, but since Hildebrand and her fuckwad cohort want to kill children, it's up to Jerry Fucking Brown to stop them.  That's racing.

Jerry Brown Is Right On Vaccinations

Yep.  Let's have one for science, one for the good guys.  The vaccinations don't work if too many people opt out, so requirements for school attendance are good sense.  California was forced to act after that Disneyland measles outbreak; personal belief exemptions are bullshit.  Intelligence wins for once.

World Cup 2015, Imagine Grass

Beating the Krauts is fine, just fine.  I can only wonder what it would be like this year if FIFA actually gave a shit about the women's game.

Cuba Good, Iran Good For Obama And America

This is some legit good shit for Obama.  At least he's had his people doing the hard, sloggy work on the diplomatic front all along, without needing to constantly get credit for it, and that is what's making these advancements possible.  This is the change we can believe in, and so so much better than anything the rejects and morons in the Bush administration would have been willing or able to accomplish.