The Jade Helm Roundups Are Gonna Start Any Minute Now

Texas will be pacified first, with all the gun kooks placed in Wal-Mart brand internment camps while the army deals with the rest of the south.  It's all getting going right about now.  Any time.  Soon.  Very soon.  They're coming for you, Texas teabagging motherfuckers.  They're taking your guns and burning your bibles.  They're ninjas from black helicopters.  They're right behind you.