That senile old fuckstain Ronald Reagan never did it, and pig-fucking shitbag Newt Gingrich couldn't do it, but I think that Subway Jared might win this year because it turns out he is simply the perfect 2015 Republican. He used the money he got for being an unctuous tee vee clown to abuse children, and even the Koch brothers have never been so brazen. (Hell, I'm the Republican Man of the Year, but I'm not a child rapist or Koch brother; I'm more of a classical miserable evil bastard.) President Trump needs to take the initiative to pardon this sick bastard BEFORE the election so that Jared can be Trump's Veep. That would be so exceptionally exceptional for America!
And don't worry, I can probably still win this year's Republican Man of the Year award, and continue my record-setting consecutive victories, by calling Jared a homo after he goes to prison. Republicans love that shit. And hate homos. They love child rapists, but hate homos. Hate 'em.
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