Sunday, May 14, 2017

The Most Risible Boarding School Ranking In The History Of Written Language

Unconscionably stupid, hilariously wrong, and just fucking dumb.  You can tell that the ass-clowns who compiled the list knew nothing about boarding schools because they start with the only two schools any civilians have ever heard of, and after that it is a completely embarrassing shit-show.

Any list which does not have Groton and St. Paul's tied for first is fucking useless; they are two of the very best high schools in the world, traditionally the finest boarding schools in the United States, and absolutely unbeatable today, tomorrow, and yesterday.  Everyone with half a brain who is being honest and has any experience in the tiny boarding school pocket universe will acknowledge that fact.

Andover and Exeter should be tied for third.  They're good.  They're big.  It's fine.  But they are no way the best.

Fifth is a tie between Choate, Deerfield, and Hotchkiss.  Those seven schools are the only legitimate number one choice for the very best candidates.  Any of those seven are better than any other boarding school in the world for the proper boarding school student.

Too many schools on that list don't belong at all: Church Farm; Shattuck-St. Mary's; Woodberry Forest; Western Reserve Academy; Verde Valley School; Orbe; Rabun Gap-Nacoochee; Foxcroft; Webb; Wayland Academy.  Those schools are garbage, regional schools with lower percentage boarders for the most part.  If you were gonna put shit like them on, where are Baylor and Bolles?  Concord Academy is not on the list and a great school, too, way better than than these fucking shit schools, but it's not a true boarding school.

Milton doesn't belong on the list either; it's a great school but not a true boarding school either.

No St. George's.  No Mercersburg.  No St. Mark's.  No Canterbury.  Those schools belong on this list, unlike so many schools those idiots actually picked.  Even Culver Academies should probably be on the list.

Putney, Episcopal, Asheville, Thacher, Taft, Trinity-Pauling, Blair, Miss Hall's, Berkshire, Holderness, Portsmouth Abbey are all waayyy too high on the list.

Ethel Walker, Pomfret, Lawrenceville, Emma Willard, Kent, Northfield Mount Hermon, Middlesex, Loomis Chaffee, Groton--the best school in the world!!--Hotchkiss, Peddie, Choate, Deefield, St. Paul's, another #1 high school in the world, are all obviously ranked far too low.

This list manages to suck ass way harder than most things are able to suck ass, even in the age of Trump.  Fucking exceptional!

The Big-6 plus Groton are the top tier: Andover, Choate, Deerfield, Exeter, Groton, Hotchkiss, and St. Paul's.

After that it's not as big a deal, but Lawrenceville, Loomis Chaffee, Miss Porter's, Northfield Mount Hermon, St. Andrew's, St. George's, and Taft lead the second tier.  Emma Willard, Kent, Mercersburg, Middlesex, Peddie, and St. Mark's round out a nice top-20.  Blair, Cate, Episcopal, Pomfret, Suffield, and Thacher deserve mention.  Asheville, Avon Old Farms, Berkshire, Brooks, Canterbury, George, Salisbury, Westminster, Westtown, and Westover are good, too; if you're not cut out for the top tier schools, fit and location are much more important than the difference in ranking and prestige between second and third tier schools.  They're all pretty much going to be so much better for the right kids than any local public high school.

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