Virag's Movie Reviews: Jack The Giant Slayer (2013)

At first, I felt badly for Al Swearengen, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and Caesar Flickerman because they were in this flick, but then I remembered that they collected big checks, and I was the one who neither collected a check from this thing nor got two hours back, so fuck them.  This movie sucked.  (Duh.)  There was not enough of a story here for a typical 11-minute Sponge Bob cartoon, and the effects looked cheap and flat and boring.  The two sorry fuckers who played the leads had less chemistry than a random lunar rock collection.  No, Jack was not as obscenely horrid as Star Trek Into Darkness (but nothing could ever be), but this film should be the closing argument for the case that Bryan Singer is every bit as shitty a filmmaker as J.J. Abrams, Zack Snyder, and Judd Apatow.