Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Virag's Movie Reviews: Star Trek Into Darkness (2013)

This thing was so much worse than even I could have believed possible.  This is not just a bad movie; it is a bad Star Trek movie, and ST has crapped out some pretty awful movies.  STID was easily the worst ST movie by a billion miles.  It was viciously stupid, with such inane plot devices as ending death, obviating the need for starships, planets which are 30 seconds of travel time from one another, and simple everyday cell phone calls between star systems with no delay what so ever.  Amazing.  It is like the writers had never even seen any movie or tee vee show before, let alone a Star Trek movie or tee vee show.  Colonel Lake's kid looked positively embarrassed to be associated with this flick, while Sgt. Getraer's kid apparently forgot what movie he was in.  You will never see a worse written or more incompetently directed film in your life if you live to be 10,000 years old.  JJ Abrams is a cancer in the colon of American culture and will likely kill us all with his talentless idiocy like this film.

I have an idea: let's remake Star Trek using only the children of CHiPs actors.  You know what that means?  Bruce Jenner's hilariously creepy spawn could be in it!  Bob Kardashian's low-chromosome offspring could be Klingons!  Fuck yeah!

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