Virag's Movie Reviews: The Dark Knight Rises (2012)

This mess was not exactly a good idea: a Batman movie without Batman.  The third film in a silly, superhero trilogy is a difficult thing, obviously (see: Spiderman 3), and watching this flick made you believe that Nolan wanted nothing to do with it; the story made absolutely no sense, and the plot was ludicrous.  Nolan was clearly just going through the motions and counting on noise and distraction to camouflage his lack of effort.  Poor Bruce Wayne was pretty much destroyed after the world's shortest super-hero career and longest vacation.  He's crippled, then he's not, then he is, then he's not, all in a period measured in days; if he could heal like that in a pit essentially without any medical care whatsoever and somehow come back stronger, then needing to spend many years as a gimp is just idiotic.  He was only active as Batman for a matter of months, so Bruce musta' been a real pussy to be so worn out in this movie.  By the time you reach the end, you find that the villain, who blathers incoherently like Sean Hannity's fever dreams of Hugo Chavez or Bobby Seale, isn't really the villain at all--and is the exact same Bane as in the Clooney movie--and is somehow unceremoniously dispatched when the film has gone far too long.  Speaking of the villain and a knife, why isn't the fucking batsuit armored enough to stop a knife?  Jesus, this flick was hella dumb.  Let's not talk about the inanity of Bane somehow capturing all of Bruce Wayne's weapons; let's not talk about how a few goons manage to pacify a city of millions; let's not talk about what the fuck Cillian Murphy was doing being wasted in all these stupid movies; let's not talk about how ill-considered the whole Ra's al Ghul idea was for this long story.  More than anything, The Dark Knight Rises reminds you how awful the first movie was as well, and makes The Dark Knight look smaller and less interesting by association.